The Career of Katherine Bush

by Elinor Glyn

  CHAPTER XXXII

  When the Duke arrived by motor, tea had just been brought out on theterrace at the eastern side of the house. His glance travelled rapidlyover the group. Miss Bush was not present.

  His impatience had been growing and growing ever since the Thursdaynight when his resolution had been taken, and now he almost felt like aboy in his great disappointment at noting Katherine's absence.

  How was he going to talk to the Colvins and Tom Hawthorne and oldGwendoline! However, he did manage to be almost his usual self, thoughLady Garribardine was quite aware that his nerves were strung to a hightension.

  She got through tea as quickly as possible, and then walked him off tosee a new set of herbaceous borders.

  The very second that they were alone, Mordryn began to talk openly toher. He had determined to have no further cross purposes of any kind.

  "Do you guess, Seraphim, what has brought me here to-day?" he asked.

  "I have some shrewd idea--you have decided to appreciate reality anddiscard appearance, as my Katherine Bush would say."

  "That is it. Have I your sympathy, dear friend?"

  "My warmest sympathy, Mordryn; your happiness means a very great deal tome. I have had some horrible moments in those past years, of remorse formy part in your sorrows--but if you secure this girl, I can feel thatyou will be amply compensated."

  "I am deeply in love, Seraphim, and you, I know, will not laugh at me,or think it absurd."

  She gave him a frank smile full of affection.

  "Indeed, no--and what is more important, the girl will not laugh either.She is full of passion, Mordryn--have you ever watched her littlenostrils quiver? You will have no colourless time with her! She isnot of the type of poor Laeo Delemar, Gerard's friend, or JuliaScarrisbrooke! The fierce red blood rushes through her veins!--But sheis too entirely self-controlled to let even me see what her realfeelings are, though I shrewdly suspect she is in love with you--You,the man, Mordryn--and not, strange to say, the Dukedom at all!"

  His Grace thrilled with delight--as why not, indeed! Of all beautifuland maligned things, he knew real passion was the rarest!

  "If it had been the Dukedom, she could have tantalized me intocommitting any madness--weeks ago--but she has done nothing of the sort.She has simply _understood_, that is the wonderful part."

  "She is an amazing creature, a wonderful character, oldfriend--perfectly honest and intensely proud. Not with the pride whichsticks its chin in the air, but that which carries the head high; thereis all the difference in the world between the two. Upstarts nearlyalways have their chins in the air, but are unacquainted with the otherattitude. She will make the most perfect Duchess your house has everknown--And think of your children!"

  The Duke drew in his breath sharply, a new joy permeated him at herwords--"Just think of your children! Why, my dream of the six sturdyboys may yet come true!"

  "Seraphim--really!"

  Her ladyship chuckled happily. "Now we must use common sense; there mustnot be a flaw in the whole affair. If she agrees to marry you, I willbegin to arrange the situation at once. I will bring her out more andpresent her to people--and we will not announce the engagement for a fewweeks. No one will dare to question who she is, or where she came fromif I choose to do that. Some of them may even suggest that she is theresult of some past indiscretion of one of the family that I haveadopted. They may think what they like! She is so absolutely honest, shewould tell anyone the truth herself without a care--but I think I shalladvise her to be silent, and let people make up what they please. No onecan dispute her perfect refinement or suitability to take any positionin the world."

  "Seraphim, you are an angel."

  "No, I am not--I am merely a capable craftsman. I like to do everythingI undertake well. Your Duchess shall start unhandicapped."

  "How deep is my gratitude, dear friend!"

  "Tut, tut!"

  But her dark eyes beamed mistily. "When I see you safely off--with theknot tied, on your way to Valfreyne for the honeymoon--I shall feelcontent."

  "Where is she?"

  "I told her to go and rest under the chestnuts this afternoon. Shelooked as pale as a ghost."

  "May I find her there, then, now?"

  "Yes--be off! And bless you!"

  They wrung hands, and the Duke strode away looking, as Her Ladyshipadmitted, with a fond half-sigh, still the hero of any woman's dream.His years sat so lightly upon him.

  But he searched under the chestnuts and beyond, and Katherine wasnowhere to be seen. A rug was folded beneath one great trunk--she hadevidently been there, and had now wandered on and perhaps was not faroff.

  He continued his search for some time without success, and when hereached the edge of the near woods, with their beautiful paths, some ofwhich ran down to a bit of ornamental water just big enough to be calleda lake, he stopped, puzzled as to which one to follow. His heart wasbeating as it had not beat for years. He decided to go straight to thewater's edge to a Chinese tea-house which was there, and when he came atlength in sight of this, he perceived the flutter of a grey linen skirtdisappearing round the corner of it--On the verandah which overhung thewater, there were great white water lilies growing in masses justbeneath, while two stately swans swam about in the distance; the sun wassinking, it was past six o'clock; and the lights were very lovely andall was serene and still.

  His footfalls did not sound on the soft turf, and Katherine did not knowof his approach until he actually stood before her on the broad verandahstep.

  She was leaning against the balustrade gazing out over the lake, and sheturned and caught sight of him.

  He came forward with outstretched hands, his face aglow.

  "So I have found you at last!" he cried, gladly. "What made you hideaway here all alone?"

  Katherine controlled herself sternly. She shook hands calmly, saying itwas cool by the water and a pleasant place to be.

  "Solitude is good sometimes."

  She had felt too restless to stay beneath the trees--even her will couldnot keep her disturbed thoughts from speculation as to what the daymight bring. And now the Duke was here beside her, and the situationmust be faced.

  He came close and leaned upon the quaint wooden rails trying to lookdown into her averted face, while he whispered:

  "I had rather enjoy a _solitude a deux_."

  He saw that she was pale and that her manner was restrained. Did shepossibly misunderstand the purpose of his coming?

  "Look," and she pointed over to the swans--"they perhaps agree withyou--they swim lazily about together, dignified and composed, far fromturmoil and agitating currents. One envies the birds and beasts andfishes--sometimes," and she sighed.

  "You must not sigh--look at me, Katherine. I want to see your eyes."

  But she disobeyed him and turned the broad lids down. He leaned closerstill, and this caused a wave of emotion to sweep over her, producingthe same feeling which she had once thought only Lord Algy in all theworld could evoke in her--so that the Duke saw those little nostrilsquiver, which his friend Seraphim had spoken to him about, and the sightgave him great joy.

  "Look at me, Katherine!" and now his voice was full of command.

  Then she slowly raised her gray-green eyes and he saw that they weretroubled, in spite of the passion that lay in their depths.

  "Why do you come here and speak to me like this?" and in her voicethere was reproach. "We said farewell at Valfreyne--that was the end--Iunderstood--Why do you come again to trouble me now?"

  "Because I could not keep away--because I love you, darling child."

  She drew back, shivering with the pain of the struggle which wasdeveloping in her soul.

  "Hush, you must not say that to me, I ask you not to, please."

  But since coldness and repulsion were not what he read in her glance,her words did not discourage him.

  "I was very foolish at Valfreyne, Katherine, ever to have said farewell,but now I have come here to Blissington to tell you that I love yo
upassionately, my darling, and your dear sympathy and understanding sawinto my mind, and grasped the prejudices therein. But now the blindnesshas fallen from my eyes--I adore you, my Beloved One--Katherine, I wantyou to be my wife."

  His voice had never been more beautiful. His splendid presence had neverappeared more impressive, nor the fascination of the man more supreme.And he was there, a suppliant before her asking her to be his wife!

  For a few seconds her brain reeled. The summit of her ambition wasreached--and not ambition alone, but what now seemed to matter more, therealisation of true love. Both were there for her to take and to enjoy.The fateful moment had come. She was face to face with the great problemof her life. How could she relinquish all this glory, just to keep faithwith her ideal of right?

  She looked up into his proud face and saw it transfigured with worship,and she gave a little cry--No, she could never deceive him, he was fartoo fine for that. Whatever came, between them there should be onlytruth. But even so, a flood of passionate emotion burst all bonds, thewhole deep currents of her nature were stirred, and must find ventbefore the final renunciation.

  "Ah!" she cried, and let herself be clasped in his embrace, then, "Ilove you, I love you!" she went on wildly.--"Kiss me--hold me, let mefeel what it is like to be there next your heart--what it wouldmean--what it _could_ mean, if it might only be.--Oh! you do not knowwhat it costs really to say good-bye--Do you remember once when I toldyou that I knew one side of love and asked you if there was notsomething beyond? Well, I know now that there is--you have taught me tofeel it--It is the soul's victory--I love you with everything in me,with my body and my spirit and my life!"

  But she could articulate no further, for the Duke, intoxicated withemotion, strained her to his heart, bruising her lips with kisses whichseemed to transport them both to paradise.

  Here was no timid lover! But one with a nature as fiercely passionate asher own!

  "Ah, God, how divine!" and he sighed when at last after long, blissfulseconds his lips left hers. "Katherine, how dare you talk such folly tome of bidding me good-bye! You shall never leave me again, you areabsolutely mine."

  "Hush!" and she put her hand over his mouth tenderly, while she drewherself out of his arms. "As far as love goes I am indeed all yours, themightiness of this passion has swept away all other thoughts, but nowyou will have to listen to me--and you must not speak until theend.--See, let us sit here for the story is long."

  Just to humour her he allowed her to draw him to the seat, and with eyesdevouring her with fond impatience, he waited for her to begin.

  "Promise that you will not interrupt me until I have finished, no matterwhat you may feel or think."

  He gave his word quite gaily and took and held her hand.

  Katherine controlled her every nerve now and told the story in a deep,quiet voice--with no dramatic gestures, drawing a graphic picture of herhome and of the office at Liv and Dev's and the effect upon her of thevoices of the gentlemen who came to borrow money. And then she told ofthe coming of Lord Algy and of their acquaintance, and then she pausedfor a second and glanced at Mordryn's face. It had grown a littlestrained, but he grasped more tightly her hand.

  "Now you must listen very carefully and try to understand. I suppose Imust have been in love with him in a passionate kind of way, he was sovery handsome and gay and full of charm--Well, I decided to go away withhim for three days--I decided deliberately, not so much from love asbecause I wanted to understand life, and to know the nature of men, andthe point of view of an aristocrat."

  The Duke's face became ashen white and his hand turned icy cold, but hedid not speak. So with a little break in her voice, Katherine went on:

  "--Well, we went to Paris on the Saturday and came back on the Mondaynight; by that time I knew all the passionate side of love; he arousedall those instincts in me which I once told you about--but he nevertouched my soul--that slept until you came.--I never meant to stay withhim or remain his mistress; it was for experience, and that was all--andwe parted at Charing Cross Station, and he went to Wales to his familyto shoot, and I went home. I wrote to him and told him that I would notsee him again. Then I made up my mind that I would leave Livingstone &Devereux's, and begin my next rise in the world. Oh! you do not know howignorant I was then! But I never lost sight of the goal I meant to win,to win by knowing how to fill the position desired. I had vast dreamseven in those early days. I was fortunate to obtain the situation ofLady Garribardine's secretary, and on leaving the house after beingengaged, I met Lord Algy by chance in the park. He was very much upsetand unhappy at my determination never to see him again--and he asked meto marry him. I refused, of course, because I knew even then that heonly attracted one side of me, and also I was not educated enough atthat time to have been able to carry off the position with success. Iexplained everything to him, and made him promise to try and be a finesoldier--he was being sent to Egypt for his extravagance, and so weparted, and I have never spoken to him since. My goal now was definitelyfixed; I meant to educate myself to be able to take the highest positionto be obtained in England some day. I used to long for Algy sometimes,but only every now and then, when some scent or sound brought him backto me; that is why I said such love is unbalanced and animal--the memoryof it is always aroused by something of the senses. Then, after I wentto Lady Garribardine, Mr. Strobridge came upon the scene, and his greatcultivation inspired me, and presently we became friends. I deliberatelyencouraged his friendship so as to polish my own brain. I knew he wasin love with me, so this may have been wrong, but since he was weakenough to allow himself to feel in that way for me knowing he wasmarried, he must pay the price in pain, not I. He has always been aloyal friend after the beginning, when he lost his head one night andmade a great scene. My determination never wavered; it was in every wayto improve myself, always to be perfectly true and finally to obtain theheight of my ambition. Things went on in this way for a year and a half,Lady Garribardine always helping me and encouraging my education untilwe became deep and intimate friends. But the goal never seemed to comein view until I went to the House of Lords that day and saw you andheard you speak. In a lightning flash the object of all my strivingseemed revealed to me, and I began to lay my plans, but with someunusual excitement, because something in you had aroused an emotion inmy heart, the meaning of which I could not then determine. That night Iwent to the theatre with my sister and there saw in the stalls LordAlgy, returned from Egypt, I suppose, on leave. The sight of him movedme, I felt cold and sick, but I realised once for all that my feelingfor him had been only physical, and was passing away.

  "I had arranged with Mr. Strobridge to have the dinner, and to let memeet you, not as the secretary, because I knew that your unconsciousprejudice would be insurmountable then. And I thought that if you likedme that night, afterwards the prejudice might not be so deep when youdid know my real position.--You will remember what followed, but thesecond part of the story begins with the afternoon you came into theschoolroom. Until then I had never had a backward thought or regret orworry about Lord Algy. I was only glad to have had the experience, thatwas all. But after I had told you of my life and parentage, you bentdown and kissed my hand. And from that moment doubts began to troubleme. You had started the awakening of my soul. And as love grew and grew,so the blackness of the shadow increased. I knew that if I deceived youI should only draw unhappiness and never respect myself. Where love isthere can be no deceit--and so at last even before I went to Valfreyne Iput all thoughts of you from me. Although each day you seemed to growmore dear--until I knew that you meant everything to me and were my wildand passionate desire--I saw that my position in life held you back, andI was almost glad that it should be so--because I knew that if youshould really love me, and conquer your prejudice against my class, itwould come to this, that I must tell you the truth and that it wouldpart us forever. And I have tried to prevent you from telling me of yourlove, I have tried to restrain my own for you, but now I am leftdefenceless--I love you, but I realise
that what I did in the past theworld could never forgive, and so I must pay the price of my own action,and say an eternal farewell."

  Her voice died away in a sob, and she did not then look at the Duke'sface; his hand had grown nerveless in its clasp and she drew hers awayfrom him, and rose slowly to her feet. The awful moment was over, thestory was done--she had been true to herself and had lost her love--andnow she must have courage to behave with dignity and go back to thehouse.

  But she must just look at him once more, her dearly loved one! He satthere in an attitude of utter dejection, his face buried in hishands.--For long aching moments Katherine watched him, but she did notspeak and life and hope and purpose died out of her, drowned inoverwhelming grief.

  Then after this horrible silence the blood seemed to creep back to theDuke's heart, and reaction set in. He began gradually to think. Hislevel judgment, his faculty for analyzing things, reasserted themselves,and enabled him to view the whole subject in right perspective, and are-awakening to happiness slowly filled him.

  He looked up to Katherine at last as she stood there leaning against apillar of the balustrade, and he read no humiliation or shame orcontrition in her great eyes, but only a deep sorrow and tenderness andlove.

  And suddenly he realised the splendour of her courage, the gloriousforce of character which had enabled her to jeopardize--nay, indeed,relinquish, love and high estate and ambition, rather than be false toherself.

  _For she need not have told him anything of her story._ That fact wasthe great proof of her truth. He had asked no questions about her past.She had made no dramatic virtue of necessity, she had done this thingthat she might not soil her own soul with deceit.

  Of what matter was a paltry venial sin! If sin it were, the shame ofwhich lay wholly in a too rigid convention--of what matter to him werethree days in the past, long before they had met! That she wasaltogether his now in body and soul he had no faintest doubt. Wasthere any man living such a fool or puritan that he would renouncelife's joy for such a foolish thing! The very qualities of courage andjustice which her action in telling him had shown, would wipe out anysin and give him ample guaranties for future security and peace. Sucha woman was worth all the world! And ridiculous puny conventions wereof no account. Did he dream of looking upon Seraphim as degradedbecause she had been his love long ago, and not his wife? Of coursenot! Then why should he feel scorn for Katherine who had not evenbetrayed a husband, but had been free? Scorn was for such women asJulia Scarrisbrooke--creatures who simulated passion for one man afteranother, merely as a game--people who held love cheaply and who knewnot even the glimmerings of obligation to their own souls.

  Away with all shams of the world! None of them should influence him! Hehad found a spirit strong and free and honest. Reality had won forever,and appearance had vanished away.

  So he rose and came to her again and once more took her into his arms,and bending kissed her white forehead as if in blessing.

  "Oh! my Beloved--And you deemed that this would part us, this long-pastugly thing! Foolish one!--You do not know how much I love you! Farbeyond any of the earthly things. Darling, I honour your brave courage.I worship your truth. You shall come to me and be my adored wife, andthe mistress of my home. Katherine, heart of me, whisper that allsorrows are over, and let us enter heaven together and forget all else."

  But Katherine, overwrought with emotion, lay there against his breast,limp and white. She was beyond speech, only her spirit cried out inthankfulness to God for having given her the strength to tell the truth.

  Joys kills not--and soon under her lover's fond caresses, warm liferushed back to her. And thus in the evening glory of sunset they foundcontent.

  For the one sublime thing in this sad, mad world is LOVE.