A Safe Place

by Frost, Scott

  Emma kept her face in my neck, as I had told her. I walked off the bus with a new sense of despair and ran as fast as I could. Eventually my legs gave out and I had to rest. We found a Saturn Vue that looked safe. The windows were not broken and the doors were wide open.

  We sat there for a long time and I nearly fell asleep. I was exhausted. As me eyes slowly closed I heard the infected. They had found us and were walking toward the Saturn, but still about twenty yards south of us. I didn’t bother waking Emma. I grabbed her and ran. She woke immediately and started to scream. I tried to calm her down, but she kept screaming. I looked toward the infected as I ran and they got smaller and smaller. I couldn’t tell you how I kept going, maybe just pure determination to keep Emma safe. I ran past the Manteno exit and waited until we were north of the town before I started searching for someplace safe to hide. We stumbled into a new subdivision and found a house that looked safe and had supplies. We stayed there for a couple of months until we ran out of food and water. The plan was to get to the grocery store and find supplies, but we didn’t make it there. So we took shelter and you and Mary found us.”

  “Well, I’m thankful that the good Lord saw fit to keep the both of you safe. I also believe that he led us to each other. We’re here to help each other. And I know you don’t believe in any of this but I do.”

  I didn’t reply. We sat there in a comfortable silence, listening to Emma softly snore. I closed my eyes and tried to remember the night before I lost Natasha. We had been staying in a two bedroom apartment on the third floor. It had seemed a safe place, but in the end it wasn’t. We had been there for about two weeks before the infected got into the apartment building. It didn’t take them long to find us. We listened to them as they walked up the stairs. They started pounding on the apartment door. We had no way to escape so we figured we would try and wait them out. The door was firmly blocked with everything we could find. That night, after the infected found us, and after Emma fell asleep, Natasha and I made love. We needed each other. We needed to feel something other than pain and hopelessness. We closed the door to the bedroom where Emma was sleeping and made love on the couch. We listened to the pounding while we made love. It wasn’t sweet or romantic. It was pure adrenaline and animal lust toward each other. The pounding only fueled us into more of a state of erotica. It was the first time we hadn‘t made love. It was just pure sex. We saw it in each others eyes. We both needed to feel the release of stress and anxiety. Afterward she put her head on my lap and we sat there, debating on what to do next. She fell asleep before me. I listened to the pounding and tried to convince myself that everything would be okay.

  When I woke up the next morning Natasha was gone. I stretched my legs and walked out of the bedroom. I found her holing Emma, they were both sleeping. I wanted to join them, but I was worried that I would wake them. They looked beautiful and that image of Natasha will stay with me forever. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water. We only three left so I only took a small drink. And then it hit me. The pounding was gone. By the time Natasha and Emma woke up I had packed everything we could carry into our bags. I was ready to go.

  I told Natasha the plan, and she agreed that it was time to move on. We were almost out of supplies. I carefully unblocked the door and listened for movement. I didn’t hear anything. I unlocked the door and looked down the hallway. It looked safe. We left the apartment and started our new journey, hoping to find a vehicle and supplies. We had walked a few blocks when I found a Toyota Camry. I opened the fuel tank and smelled. I didn’t know how much gas it had, but it had some, and that was good enough. The doors were unlocked so Natasha and I quickly looked for the keys, but we couldn’t find them.

  “Do you think you can hot wire it?” Natasha asked.

  “I have no idea how to hot-wire a car. I’ll try, but I have no idea what I’m doing. I’ve seen it done in movies, but that’s it.”

  I pulled and cut wires and removed the coating, but nothing worked. I didn’t even get a spark. And I made way too much noise. Natasha and Emma were sitting on the passenger side watching me and trying to help. We didn’t see them coming. We didn’t even smell them. They reached the car before we smelled them. Before we had time to react, they surrounded us. We all jumped out of the car on the driver side. Natasha fired first and dropped the first infected. I picked up Emma. And with her in one arm and my rifle in the other, I fired, but I didn’t hit anyone. Natasha kept firing, but there were too many.

  I was standing about ten feet from Natasha when the infected walked in between us. I kept firing and took out one or two, but they kept coming. In between the infected Natasha looked at me. I couldn’t hear what she was saying but I could see her lips moving. I knew what she was saying.

  “I love you.”

  She turned away from me with tears in her eyes and starting screaming. Most of the infected turned toward her and she ran into the sea of infected. She was out of sight before I could respond. I felt an infected grab my arm and even though wanted to run after her, I couldn’t. There were too many of them. If I had Emma and I would’ve never made it. And so I ran the opposite direction. I needed to keep Emma safe, and that is what I’ve done.

  Chapter Fourteen

  We stayed at the lake for several weeks. We didn’t want to leave, but knew we had to; eventually. We stayed as long as we could, but started running low on supplies. During our stay, Katie recovered. She had a fever for the first several days, but it broke and she returned to her normal quiet self, but always smiling. And there was something else about her. Something that I couldn’t explain at the time. I started to look at her differently. I figured it was just a normal reaction to being stuck together and we were most likely going to die together.

  Emma and Katie were inseparable. They read and talked. They played tag. Katie braided Emma’s hair and they talked about boys. It was fun to watch. Katie had become part of the family. A very important part of the family. And in the same regard, Clyde and Mary had taken on the role of grandparents. Katie and I were their kids and Emma was their grand daughter So in that deductive logic, Katie would’ve been my wife. My new wife. We lived like a typical family. Chores had to be completed. Everyone took turns, but Clyde and I took care of most of them.

  We listened day after day for the pounding to start but it never did. We seldom went outside. And when we did our it took our eyes several minutes to adjust to the bright sunlight. The fresh air was wonderful and the few times we went outside we sat on the grass and listened to the birds. The virus had no effect on them. And I was thankful for that. In fact, I’m still thankful.

  The days blended into each other and the waiting was intolerable. I don’t remember what we were waiting for other than the courage and desire to leave. And so, we lived as a family. Clyde found a pack of poker cards behind a shelf and we would often play cards late into the night. Katie and Emma read most days and nights and Mary divided her time between all of us, spreading her time equally amongst all her family.

  We ate sparingly, trying to make our supplies last. Emma and Katie were allowed the most. I ate very little. I wasn’t hungry anyways. I wasn’t in a good mood. I had a constant headache. It didn’t leave me for nearly two weeks. When I woke it was there and as I fell asleep it was there. We had run out of aspirin. Katie had taken every pill we had. I don’t blame her; I would’ve done the same thing. She didn’t look me in the eyes for several days. Like I said, we were a family and all families have problems.

  It was hard to keep in good spirits. We all knew that our supplies would run out and that we would have to leave. And the problem was no one wanted to leave. Emma and Katie slept together on a blanket. Clyde and Mary slept on another blanket and I slept alone. Sleeping alone night after night didn’t help my mood. I missed the warmth of Natasha’s body. One night, after everyone was asleep, I walked out of the kitchen and into the open area. I stood there for a long time remembering how life was before the virus; it was perfect. My memories
raced between Natasha and Emma and my family and friends. I had lost so many people, too many to count. I thanked God that he didn’t take Emma from me, but I cursed him for taking everyone else.

  “You okay?” Katie asked. Her voice was sweet and nervous.

  I hadn’t heard her walk out of the kitchen. I opened my eyes and looked her way, but it was hard to make out her face in the dark. My eyes adjusted and I finally saw her standing there. Her hair pulled behind her ears and her big blue eyes. I had never noticed how beautiful she was until that night.

  “Yes, I’m okay. I just couldn’t sleep. You okay?”

  “Yeah, I couldn’t sleep either. I’m sorry I took all the aspirin. I know you’ve had a headache. Sorry.”

  She sounded sincere and I appreciated that, not that it helped my headache.

  “Don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal. You needed the aspirin and I will be okay. Why can’t you sleep? Is something bothering you?”

  She walked closer and accidentally walked into me and quickly backed away and apologized.

  “Sorry it’s so dark in here. Can’t we light a candle or something?”

  “Sorry we can’t. We only have two candles left and we need to save them. Why don’t we go over to the wall and sit down. We can talk there. Sound good?”

  “Sounds good to me, but to warn you I’m a bit of a klutz so I might trip on something.”

  “Take my hand.”

  Our hands joined. The sensation of her hand felt wonderful. Once we found a place to sit our hands separated. And I found myself wishing that we were still holding hands. I wished that we could walk the night away, hand in hand. And as we sat against the wall and looked into the empty darkness, I felt her hand reach for me.

  “Sorry I’m such a baby, but would you hold my hand this place gives me the creeps at night.”

  “Sure. I would love too.”

  Our hands re-connected. It was as though God had decided to answer one of my wishes. Grant it the smallest prayer I had, but I guess it still counts. We sat there for a long time in silence, gently holding each others hand. I let my fingers softly tighten and relax, and enjoyed the feeling of her fingers doing the same. She slowly moved closer to me and laid her head against my shoulder.

  In my mind I told myself that what I was doing was wrong. After all I was still married and I still had hope that Natasha was alive, though it was a faint hope. And even though I kept yelling at myself in my mind, I held her hand until sleep took me away. I awoke with Katie’s head on my lap, her feet spread out. I had fallen asleep with my back against the wall and my hand wrapped around her waist- dangerously close to her breasts. I listened for movement in the kitchen but didn’t hear anything. I could see small rays of light from the windows, so I knew it was morning. Katie’s shirt had shifted during the night giving me perfect view of her midsection. Her stomach was flat. She had several scars. She had a cute little belly button and a small birth mark close to her hip bone. I moved my arm and let my hand touch her bare stomach. I watched her eyes, but she didn’t wake. The only sound was her soft snoring. Her skin was smooth, even against the scars. And as I sat there watching her sleep and letting my hand slowly touch her stomach, I closed my eyes and pictured it was Natasha. And then the guilt hit me and it hit hard. I quickly took my hand off of her and cursed myself.

  “Katie,” I need to get up. “Are you awake?”

  I gently brushed her hair out of her face and said her name louder. Her eyes slowly opened and her legs tensed, stretching. She looked at me and offered me a smile. I smiled back.

  “I’m sorry. I bet you didn’t get much sleep like that.”

  “I’m okay. I’m just glad you got some sleep. But I do have to use the bathroom.”

  She sat up and stretched again.

  “What time do you think it is?” She asked as she looked at her broken watch.

  “I’m not sure. The sun is up so I think it’s at least seven, but I don’t know. Why do you have someplace to go?”

  She gave me a sarcastic grin and rolled her eyes.

  “Yeah! I have a hot date tonight, but I still need to buy a new outfit, so I was thinking about going to the mall.”

  We both laughed. Emma ran out of the kitchen and jumped into my arms.

  “Good morning sweetie. How did you sleep?”

  “Good.” she replied as she looked at Katie.

  “Why didn’t you sleep with me last night?”

  Her seriousness almost made me laugh and I could see Katie trying her best to keep a straight face.

  “I’m sorry Emma. I couldn’t sleep so I came out here last night and talked to your dad and I don’t even remember falling asleep. We’re still best buds, right?”

  Emma’s smile quickly returned and she wiggled free of my embrace and went over to Katie and gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Katie’s eyes stayed on me when Emma hugged her. The three of us walked into the kitchen, hand in hand, with Emma in between us; a happy little family. Katie sat at the table and opened a bottle of water. Emma sat next to her, and they took turns drinking form the bottle, as they playfully bumped into each other. I sat next to Clyde, opposite of Emma and Katie. Mary was opening a can of fruit cocktail for Emma. I sat in silence, re-living last night in mind. My mind made the night into more than it really was, but I liked it never the less. Nothing had happened. And since nothing happened, why did I feel guilty? Even though I tried to convince myself that I hadn’t done anything wrong, I knew I had. I quickly changed my thought from Katie’s smooth stomach to Clyde.

  “Hey everything okay?”

  Clyde was sitting next to me, but had to ask me twice before I heard him. Honestly, I heard him the first time, but didn’t want to answer him. I wanted to sit in silence. I was so sick of our meaningless conversations. I felt bad for thinking that, but I thought it all the same. I wanted to say, no, I’m not okay. We’re almost out of supplies and we need to figure out what we‘re going to do. I miss my wife. I’m worried sick that I won’t be able to keep Emma safe. Oh and yeah, the world has turned into hell, with walking dead. So what do you think! But instead, my reply was safe, and simple.

  “Yes, I’m okay. Just have a lot on my mind.”

  “That makes two of us. For starters we need to come up with a plan. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’re running out of supplies.”

  I looked at him with cold eyes. Of course I had noticed. I noticed every day and every time I took a drink of water.

  “Yes, of course I’ve noticed. I’m not blind!”

  He looked at me in blank amusement, which made me feel guilty for raising my voice to him. Katie and Emma stopped laughing and looked at me and then Clyde. Mary paid us no attention. Clyde put a hand on my shoulder.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to insinuate that you don’t know the situation we are in. I’m just an old man talking. Don’t pay me any mind. I’ve noticed that you haven’t been eating much. You definitely know about our supply shortage. I just don’t know what to do. I mean look at what happened the last time we tried to find supplies. We lost Melanie and almost lost you and Katie.”

  Melanie.

  To be honest I hadn’t thought much about her since she died. It doesn’t help remembering her. I only knew her for a short time. She was a nice girl and I wish she was still alive, but the truth is, she isn’t. And that is the way of this new world. It’s a place of death.

  “Don’t worry about it. I’m sorry about getting defensive.”

  Emma and Katie left the table and took a seat against a wall and took turns reading from Harry Potter. I watched them and found myself almost falling asleep. Mary joined us at the table and offered me a can of baked beans. I politely said no thanks. She gave me a grandmotherly look, implying that I needed to eat something.

  “No thanks. I’m not that hungry, but since it’s just us sitting here I think we need to come up with a plan. By the look of things our supplies won’t last another week. We’re out of aspirin. And we need
new clothes. I think we need to think about moving south. Let’s stick with the original plan. We can take Route 50 south into Bradley. We can look for supplies down there. And my wife. Once we find what we need we can drive south on Route 50 or Interstate 57. We should be able to find a house that has a working generator and a well that isn’t dry. But I need to look for Natasha before we leave this area.”

  Both Clyde and Mary started to reply at the same time. Mary won.

  “We will help you find Natasha. But I think we should find some supplies and gas before we do anything else. I know how much you must miss her. I can’t even begin to know what I would do without this old man.” She leaned against Clyde’s side and turned her head to face him.

  “I love you dear.”

  “I love you too.”

  Mary started to cry and Clyde pulled her closer. They embraced each other, as tears fell down their cheeks. I lowered my eyes, giving them their privacy. I didn’t want them to feel uncomfortable with me watching. After a while, they let go of each other, and we continued talking about our plan. But to be honest, we didn’t have much of a plan. None of us knew what dangers were ahead of us. Our plan was simple. Find gas. Find supplies. Find Natasha and drive south. It didn’t sound too difficult, but we knew better. After all, our trip to the grocery store was supposed to be safe. And it was anything but safe. But it was easier to think that everything would be okay. We wanted to believe in that so much that I think we actually convinced ourselves it was true, not all the time, but just enough to keep us going.