Chasing the Moon: A Second Chance Standalone Romance

by S. M. Soto

  Dad barks out a gruff chuckle. “Oh, I did. I think everyone in Dunsmuir heard you guys out front.”

  “Oh, God,” I groan, dropping my head in my hands. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

  My dad’s silent for a beat until he blows out a sigh. “Why didn’t you ever say anything to me, honey? All those times you asked about Endymion, I just thought it was because you still had a crush on him. I never even…I never put the pieces together. And I’m sorry.”

  My brows disappear into my hairline. “You’re sorry? Dad…none of this is your fault.”

  His mouth twists into a frown. “Maybe a part of it is. I haven’t been a great father or a great husband. I should’ve been around more. I should’ve fought harder for your mother instead of fighting with her. I should’ve done a lot of things differently, but most of all, I’m so damn sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me most.”

  My throat closes at his words. We’ve never discussed the rough patch in our relationship. We’ve always avoided the topic, but now that he’s mentioned it, it brings up emotions from the past I thought I’d gotten over. A prick ricochets through my chest, and tears burn the backs of my eyes.

  “Dad,” I choke out against the tightness in my throat, falling into his arms. I clutch at my father, crying for the scared eighteen-year-old girl who found out she was pregnant. All those months that girl was ignored by her father. The one man in her life who was supposed to be there through everything. And I’m crying because now the man upstairs is going to take him from me. Just when I barely got him back. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too, honey,” he breathes into my hair. “We’ll get through this. Luna is going to be fine, and as for Endymion…he’ll come around and forgive you.”

  I laugh without humor. “I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

  “Don’t sell yourself short, Selene. He’ll forgive you in his own time. You’re the mother of his child. He’ll never be able to hate you.”

  “Thank you, Daddy,” I whisper into the crook of his neck, never wanting to let go.

  I have a daughter.

  I have a five—no, six—year-old daughter that I never knew about.

  On top of all that, I’m still trying to process the fact that I slept with Selene while I was blackout drunk and don’t even remember it happening.

  How is that even possible?

  I am still trying to unfold the insanity of it all. Before Selene got into town, I hadn’t thought much of her. I didn’t have much reason to. But the times I did think about her, it was always a glimpse of her soft skin and silver moonlight. That was all I could associate with her and my memory. It wasn’t until she showed up back Dunsmuir that I found myself needing to be near her. Something about her called to me. Something I couldn’t get out of my head.

  Since seeing her for the first time in years, I’ve had these frequent flashes, quick images that play behind my lids like a movie reel, but I chalked it up to a dream or a newfound fantasy. Never in a million years did I think it was real. Never did I think I was secretly reliving those memories. That the entire time my head was trying to tell me to wake up. Trying to tell me who she really was.

  I still don’t know how to process how I feel about Selene, after everything that has happened. I’m angry with her, so fucking angry, but a small part of me understands her logic. It was the logic of a teenager, of a brokenhearted girl who didn’t know any better. I’m still utterly captivated by her beauty. By her heart and soul. By everything that she is, but after this…I don’t know if I can trust her. I don’t know who that woman is anymore.

  I can’t help but replay these past few weeks. The way she seemed drawn to me—there was no denying the attraction between us—but for some reason, she always turned me down, and at the time, I thought it was because she’d been hurt before. And I guess, in some way, she had. But not intentionally. I never intentionally set out to hurt her. I thought I’d be able to wear her down, and she’d eventually agree to that date with me. Now, I just feel like an idiot. Did she laugh behind my back when I asked her out on those dates? Did she think I was a fool? Because I sure as hell feel like one.

  And then there’s my daughter. The fact that I’m even repeating that sentence and it’s factual is…insane. I have a daughter—the most beautiful little girl and she already has my heart beating solely for her. Even though I’d met Luna before, it was different earlier today at Gavin’s place. I spent time with her as my child. She is mine. Mine to love, mine to protect, mine to care for. I tried not to think about all the parties I had already missed. All her firsts I’d never be able to get back. There is nothing I can do about that now.

  I’ve made a promise to myself that I’ll be there for every first from here on out. There isn’t a chance in hell I am missing out on anything else in my daughter’s life.

  I missed watching her take her first steps and say her first words. I didn’t know if she cried a lot when she was baby or if she was always so calm like my niece was. Something tells me, though, that calm isn’t in Luna’s vocabulary. She has spunk and sass in spades, and I find her to be the funniest little thing on the planet. She’s mad gorgeous. I see so many parts of myself in her, but I also see so much of Selene, too, when I look at her now.

  “How are you holding up?” Bishop asks, setting a beer down in front of me. My mouth waters, but after the recent knowledge that I created a child while intoxicated, I don’t think the best thing for me to be doing tonight is drinking.

  I finally told the guys everything after I left Selene’s place earlier. Though, I’m sure most of them got the gist of what was going on when I yelled at her the day prior. It was hard to miss. I didn’t mean to yell or lose my temper with her. It was wrong, especially taking the risk of Luna seeing, but something inside me snapped. I had zero control over my emotions at that moment.

  “Honestly, I still don’t know how to feel.”

  Bishop sighs, plopping down next to me. “You really don’t remember?”

  My mouth twists into a grimace. “No. Not really. When I saw Selene, there was a spark of a memory, but I chalked it up to a vivid dream. Because I couldn’t remember that happening. I can’t believe that…”

  “This would be just your luck. You have sex with one of the hottest girls in town, and you don’t even remember it. And on top of that, you get her pregnant.”

  I laugh darkly. “Right? I kept wondering why I felt so drawn to her. She’s beautiful, that’s obvious, but it was something else. She felt so familiar to me. She was easy to be around.”

  “Does this change things for you?”

  I pause, thinking. “I don’t know. All I know is, I want to get to know my daughter.”

  My daughter is my only concern right now. Once I figure things out with her, then I’ll deal with Selene.

  “The lawyers. Were you serious about that?”

  “Shouldn’t I be? I’d be stupid not to set something in motion, wouldn’t I?”

  Bishop shrugs, taking a swig from his beer bottle. “She seems to be agreeable, but I see what you’re saying. Do what you gotta do, man. Make the best of a shitty situation.”

  “I don’t want to disrupt Luna’s life. Obviously, Selene and her family are all she knows, but I don’t want to miss any more time with her.”

  “Then don’t.”

  “Easier said than done.” I sigh. “I’m heading over tomorrow morning to spend the day with Luna. I swear, time with her flies by, and I can’t get enough of it. Enough of her laughter, and everything that makes her the little person she is.”

  “Soak it in, my friend. I know you’ve missed some years, but that’s not her whole life. There are still so many firsts you’ll get to experience,” Bishop reassures, clapping me on the back.

  “Thanks, man.”

  “Can I just say how jealous I am that you get claiming rights on Selene now? If she didn’t fall for your pitiful flower bullshit, I would’ve asked her on a real date.”r />
  I shoot him a glare, my stomach muscles tightening at the idea of anyone else near her, despite everything she’s done. “She’s off-limits.”

  Bishop raises a brow, the corner of his mouth quirking with amusement. He knows exactly what he’s doing, and fuck him for doing it.

  “I guess it would be kinda weird if your daughter started calling me Daddy, too, right?”

  “I’d kill you.”

  He starts choking on his beer through his laughter and raises his hands in surrender. “I’m kidding. Totally kidding. I promise, things will work themselves out, End. Give it time. Get to know your daughter and see where things go.”

  “Yeah, we’ll see.”

  The next morning, I ring the doorbell at Selene’s place, trying to ignore the nervous thrum of energy coursing through my body at the thought of seeing Luna again. Yesterday was a slow introduction for us. I didn’t learn much about her, but I did learn a whole hell of a lot about her toys and what she liked to play with. The thing is, I want to know everything about my daughter as a person. Her likes and dislikes and everything else in between.

  I can’t help but overthink, something I’ve never done. Will she love me as much as I love her? What if she doesn’t like me as a father? I have all these worries at the forefront of my mind that I have to struggle to tamp down.

  My grip around the bouquet in my hand tightens just as the front door opens. Selene stands there, looking fresh-faced and beautiful. Dressed in a loose shirt that hangs off one shoulder and a pair of leggings, she’s never looked more gorgeous, and I hate that that’s the first thing I notice. My anger should be the only emotion I feel when I look at this woman, not desire.

  Her bright honey eyes widen when she glances down at the bouquet in my hands. She presses her hand to her mouth to hide the quivering of her chin. The only real thing I got out of my daughter yesterday was the fact that she mentioned sunflowers were her favorite flower. It’s obvious that me standing here with a bouquet of sunflowers for Luna makes Selene emotional.

  As if my thoughts summon her, giggling echoes down the hallway until Luna pokes her little head out from behind her mother’s legs. Her little face breaks out into a smile that hits me square in the chest. Stepping outside, she looks as beautiful and perfect as she did the day before.

  Today she is wearing a romper with crescent moons on it and little white Vans on her feet that are, in fact, no longer white. A crescent hair tie keeps her hair secured at the top of her head.

  Luna reminds me so much of her mom dressed like this.

  She glances at the bouquet clutched in my hand, and her eyes widen. “Are those mine?” she whispers, looking unsure.

  “They are.” I hand the flowers to her, and Luna takes them, hugging them to her chest so tightly, I’m surprised half of them aren’t crushed to a pulp. Her eyes are round with awe as she stares down at them. “Wow,” she breathes. “I’ve never seen real sunflowers before. Mommy, look at them!” She shoves them up, practically hitting Selene in the face with them. Selene laughs, a soft, indulgent smile on her face as she stares down at Luna.

  “They’re beautiful, baby. Why don’t you both sit inside while I finish making breakfast? Go on.” She pats Luna’s little bottom, getting her moving. Luna runs off with the flowers, her sandaled feet slapping against the hardwood floors as she goes.

  Selene shuts the door behind me, and she pauses, looking like she wants to say something, but before she can, I take off toward Luna. I came here to spend time with my daughter, not listen to any more of her apologies.

  When I step into Gavin’s living room, a space I’ve sat in countless times before watching the game with a beer in hand, it suddenly feels different. It’s odd that I’m here now with my daughter. Yesterday, Selene mentioned her mother and Gavin would be gone most of the day since he had a doctor’s appointment. It would give me the time alone with my daughter I need. I don’t like feeling as if I’m being judged and watched by everyone while I’m trying to get to know Luna.

  She sits there on the couch, legs swinging, staring up at me expectantly as I take the seat next to her. Her happiness seems to have subsided, and now she seems a little nervous. Tightness blocks my airway as I try to find words to put her at ease, but they don’t come. What do I say? How do I put her at ease when I’m feeling just as out of my element? I want to ask her so many questions, but I don’t even know where to start.

  She suddenly reaches for something on the table and pulls it onto her lap. It’s a notebook with glitter unicorns on it. “My mommy helped me draw some of my favorite things. Maybe you can do the same?” Luna hands the book to me, those big doe eyes staring up at me with so much innocence it absolutely rips my heart to shreds. Swallowing thickly, I take the notebook from her and open the page she has dog-eared. Emotion slams into me as I stare at her handwriting and her drawings. It is an absolute chaotic mess, but fuck me, I love it. I want to know every second of her life. Every single detail that makes her up as a whole.

  I shoot a glance at her, only to find her smiling at me. All because I accepted the notebook. Her smile penetrates my chest, banishing the nervousness I felt mere seconds ago.

  “Why don’t you walk me through all of this before I start on my list, yeah?”

  Luna nods vigorously, scooting closer to me. Her small leg presses against mine, and the light touch triggers an array of emotions inside me. “This here is a bowl of macaroni. It’s my favorite food. My mommy makes it for me all the time, but sometimes, she tries to hide vegetables inside, thinking I won’t notice.” Luna pauses and leans into me, cupping her mouth in a whisper. “Don’t tell Mommy, but I do notice. I pretend to eat it, but spit it out when she’s not looking.”

  A laugh bursts from my chest at her honesty. “So, I take it vegetables are no-go for you?”

  She shakes her head. “Green stuff doesn’t taste good.”

  I move on to the next drawing in her notebook. “And what about this?”

  “Oh, that’s a raccoon, but it’s pink. Because pink is my favorite color, and raccoons are my favorite animal.”

  I quirk a brow at her, rubbing at the back of my neck. “That’s…different.”

  “Papa bought me a pink raccoon stuffy for my birthday, even though I told him I wanted a real one.”

  My mouth twists with amusement. “You asked your papa to find you a real pink raccoon?” She nods, looking dead serious. It squeezes another laugh out of me.

  This kid is fucking hilarious.

  Luna tells me everything from her favorite book (Pig the Pug) to all the things she loves to do (play Barbies and pretend doctor are just some of her favorites). I hang on her every word, entranced by the information she shares and just how smart she is. She says things and jokes around like no other kid I know. She’s incredible. The more I get to know my daughter, the more that warmth in my chest spreads.

  We finally get through all her drawings of her likes and dislikes.

  “And this here is us.” She points at the last page. It’s a drawing of two stick figures holding hands—a tall person and a little person, their necks longer than their bodies. There are clouds in an array of colors and a sun in the corner, wearing a smile. At the bottom of her drawing is her name scribbled in a mess of letters that has me running the pad of my finger over them.

  “You made this for me?” I ask, my voice gruffer than I intend.

  She grins, nodding her head. “It’s you and me.”

  I continue staring down at the drawing, unable to find the right words for what I’m feeling. I’ve never felt so overcome with emotion.

  “I love it.” Those are the only words I manage to get out through the tightness blocking my airway.

  Her eyes glimmer with happiness. “You do?”

  I nod, biting back the sudden barrage of emotions. “It’s the best gift I’ve ever been given.”

  The smile that spreads across her face embeds itself into my soul. She’s managed to stitch her name across my heart per
manently, and I’ve never felt more at peace than I have sitting next to this little ball of beautiful, chaotic energy.

  A throat clears near the doorway of the living room, drawing my attention away from Luna. Selene stands there with tears glimmering in her eyes. When our gazes clash, heat rises to her cheeks, and she shifts, avoiding my gaze.

  “Breakfast is ready. I made enough for everyone. If you’re hungry.”

  Luna hops to her feet, taking my hand in hers. “C’mon! Mommy makes the best breakfast!”

  I indulge her in a smile and let her drag me into the kitchen. Luna takes the seat next to me at the table just as Selene slides our plates in front of us. Luna wasn’t kidding when she said Selene makes a good breakfast. She went all out. Eggs, bacon, potatoes, and homemade waffles.

  Throughout breakfast, our daughter chats our ears off, talking about everything and anything. I soak it all in, never wanting her to stop. A few times, I catch Selene watching me, and whenever she realizes she’s caught, she quickly looks down and continues pushing the food around on her plate, not eating.

  At moments like these, it’s hard to ignore how stunning Selene is. How human she is. I’m still incredibly angry with her, but every time I see the look of guilt or torture on her face, I want to take it away.

  Today, her eyes look a little more honey than they do their normal hazel blend of colors. When the sunlight seeping in through the kitchen windows catches her eyes, I can clearly see the hints of honey mixed with a blend of other colors. Her eyes are a melt of autumn tones and winter frost. She’s a goddess on earth, a blooming flower amongst the leaves.

  After breakfast, I spend more time with Luna. She shows me her favorite toys, her favorite channels on YouTube, and proceeds to tell me every story under the sun. When it starts getting late, I regretfully tell her I have to get to work.

  “Aw, man!” Her disappointment resembles my own. I wish I could stay all day, but I do still have a company to run, and I need to have a conversation with her mother in private. Luna looks up at me, her big bright eyes filled with hope. “Are you coming back tomorrow?”