Dark Illusion

by Feehan, Christine

  They spent a week there, alone with each other and the shadow cats. She loved it. Every minute of the day with Isai seemed a miracle. She laughed a lot when she never had. She often didn’t recognize herself, teasing Isai and being completely relaxed with him. And the cats . . . She loved spending time with them and watching them pounce on Isai. They were big and strong, their health much improved in that one week. They would ambush Isai whenever he came through a doorway.

  Julija loved watching her lifemate with the cats. He never seemed to tire of their antics. No matter how many times they knocked him over, he would laugh and wrestle with them. The two youngest, Phantom and Sable, had been won over that last battle, when Isai had been so careful not to send them out to fight. He had left the decision up to them completely, in fact, had tried to protect the cats. That had been enough to convince the two that he was nothing like the men who had created them.

  Julija wanted to stay cocooned in her little world. She knew Isai wanted her to meet the others living close to them, but that meant once again stepping out of her comfort zone and trusting others. He had been patient with her, but she could tell that was coming to an end.

  Each evening she reached out to Elisabeta in hope of encouraging her to surface. Part of her was doing so for selfish reasons. She thought if Elisabeta needed her while she was being introduced to everyone, it would make it much easier for Julija to be introduced. Cowardly, she knew, but there it was.

  “You are not a coward,” Isai whispered, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her onto his lap as he often did. He seemed to prefer her sitting on him whenever there were chairs close by.

  “I am,” she refuted, being honest. “A total coward. I’m supposed to be Elisabeta’s friend, but I’m thinking of using her to make it easier for me to meet all of your friends. That is cowardly.”

  “I suppose you could look at it that way.” He nuzzled the top of her head with his chin. Immediately her hair got caught in the bristles on his jaw. “Another way might be the two of you help each other out.” He pressed little kisses over the top of her head. “I do prefer that you depend on me, but if you need Elisabeta to help you overcome your fears of meeting my friends, then I want that for you. Whatever makes it easier.”

  “I’m sorry, Isai. I do want to meet them. It’s just that, over the years, I learned never to make friends. It didn’t end well. And learning to trust others will be difficult. I’ll do it, but it won’t be easy,” she warned. She didn’t want him thinking she could so easily fit in. She could pretend, but that wasn’t what she wanted. She didn’t think he would want that, either.

  “I will not allow anything to happen to you, Julija, nor do I want you unhappy.”

  She turned her face up to his throat. She loved the way he smelled. Like home. Like her man. He made her feel safe even though she knew the world around her wasn’t.

  “I know, Isai. I want to be friends with them and I will. I just really have enjoyed this week with you without having anyone try to kill us.” She tried to make a joke of it, but instead, knew she was stalling. “Let me just talk to Elisabeta and see if I can coax her to come to the surface. She’ll want to meet everyone, too.” That was just ridiculous. She knew it. He knew it.

  Isai didn’t call her on it. He hugged her closer. “If that makes you feel better, Julija, by all means do so. I would love to be introduced. She is a good friend to you.”

  Julija knew Elisabeta was a very good friend, but she wasn’t going to abandon her resting place anytime soon. This was another delaying tactic. She circled Isai’s neck with her arms and laid her head against his chest, her ear over his heart, so she could listen to the steady beat while she reached out to Elisabeta.

  As always it took a few minutes for Elisabeta to fully awaken. There was a part of her that worried it was taking just a little longer each time. What if she refused to surface? Had anyone ever done such a thing? For a moment there was panic.

  Isai kissed her ear. “She has a lifemate, Julija. He would never allow such a thing.”

  “Then why hasn’t he insisted she rise?”

  “I do not know, but he will do what is best for her.”

  She closed her eyes and pressed her forehead against his shoulder. How many times was he going to say that to her?

  “As many as it takes,” Isai said with confidence and a little amusement.

  She took a deep breath and reached out again to her friend. Aside from Isai, Elisabeta was her only friend.

  I have so much to tell you. My lifemate has made me incredibly happy. He is here with me now, eager to meet you. Remember when I was so afraid, and you reassured me that he would find a way to make me happy? You were right. Deliberately she used the term lifemate in order to remind Elisabeta that she had a partner and he would do the same for her.

  Are you happy, Julija? Really happy?

  Elisabeta’s voice was a sweet relief, removing the last of Barnabas, pushing him from Julija’s mind. There was just something about listening to Elisabeta, hearing that soft voice, her tone, that brought peace and comfort. Hers was a rare gift.

  I cannot wait to see you in person again. It feels like a lifetime. Do you feel strong enough to come to the surface soon?

  There was a small hesitation. That hesitation had been there for the last week. Julija had the feeling Elisabeta had made up her mind to stay in the comfort of the ground.

  My dear friend, you can’t stay there forever. Come to the surface and be my friend.

  Again, there was the slightest hesitation. I must wait.

  Julija frowned and turned her head to look at her lifemate. She had wanted to introduce him to Elisabeta, but this was new. Each rising Julija asked Elisabeta to come to the surface and she’d always refused. This was the first indication that she was waiting for a reason. Wait for what? I don’t understand.

  I must wait, Elisabeta repeated. Soon, I think. I wish to see you, Julija.

  I have Isai with me, she repeated, wanting Elisabeta to realize she meant he was right there listening. I want you to meet him. He’s a wonderful man. My man. Everything I could have ever wished or hoped for.

  Isai wrapped his arm around Julija and settled her more comfortably in his lap. It is good to finally meet you, Elisabeta. Thank you for being such a good friend to my Julija.

  There was a long silence. May I speak? Elisabeta’s voice shook. I don’t know what to do in these circumstances. He hasn’t told me.

  Julija felt Isai stiffen. His eyes went from warm to cold in seconds.

  Elisabeta, you may speak, Isai confirmed. Who tells you? Who needs to give his permission for you to speak?

  Julija put her hand very gently on his arm to restrain him. The last thing she wanted was for Elisabeta to shut down. She was deep beneath the earth, safe, where nothing could happen to her. She was fed and then allowed to go back to the healing soil. Julija wanted to coax her to the surface, not scare her into staying underground. She was very aware Isai’s first thought was that Sergey, the Carpathian who’d kidnapped her then turned vampire, was spying through her. Julija was certain many of the Carpathians feared that very thing.

  Elisabeta. Honey? It’s all right. You haven’t done anything wrong, Julija insisted.

  I don’t understand the rules, Elisabeta whispered. No one will tell me the rules.

  Julija took a deep breath and turned a little helplessly to Isai. He kissed her fingertips in reassurance.

  Have no worries, Elisabeta. Your lifemate will tell you the rules, Isai assured.

  There was silence again. May I speak plainly?

  Yes, of course, Julija said immediately.

  I will leave and allow you your privacy, Isai said. I enjoyed our brief encounter and look forward to meeting you in person, Elisabeta.

  Thank you, sir.

  Julija closed her eyes again and let Isai cuddle her closer to him. He always seemed to know when she was upset, and she appreciated his immediate response. He knew her reasons for identifying
so much with Elisabeta. In retrospect, her time with Barnabas didn’t seem as if it could possibly reflect the time Elisabeta had spent with Sergey, because Elisabeta had been held captive for so long. Sergey hadn’t enjoyed torturing his captive. He wanted her to obey him and as long as she did, he was somewhat pleasant to her. Still, Julija would never think that she’d had anywhere near the difficult time Elisabeta had endured.

  She didn’t like that Elisabeta felt subservient to all of them. I am your friend, right?

  My only friend.

  You talk openly to me.

  You gave me your permission when we first met, and you said you were going to find a way to unlock the cage he kept me in.

  Isai is my lifemate. He will be your friend and neither of us wants you ever to feel as if you need permission for anything around us. She was fierce about it because she felt fierce.

  Thank you for sticking up for me. As always, Elisabeta sounded gentle and sweet.

  That is what friends do. I have something really important to tell you. Only Isai knows and for me, it’s a little scary. I am carrying a baby. What do you think about that?

  There was a stunned silence. Julija took the opportunity to nibble up the side of Isai’s neck to his ear while her heart beat rapidly. He always tasted so good and hopefully could distract her from the panic she always felt when she acknowledged her pregnancy.

  That is amazing news. I’m so happy for you.

  Elisabeta was. Julija not only could hear it in her voice. Her friend spread waves of warmth and love easily, without trying.

  I think I’m becoming happy as well.

  Right away Elisabeta wanted to know why she was becoming happy instead of being happy. Julija told her about the mage and Barnabas in particular and how he so easily got away. I know he will find a way to return. If not for me, then for a daughter of mine. He is patient. And he will not forget.

  There was a small silence. I have the same fear of Sergey, so I will not dismiss your fears as invalid. Do not allow him to mar your happiness. Live your life as fully and as happily as possible, Julija. You do not know when it might be taken from you.

  It was good advice, especially coming from someone whose life had been yanked away from them. I will do that.

  I am tired, Julija.

  Julija didn’t like that. Elisabeta was making herself tired by staying in the ground. She wanted to go to Elisabeta’s lifemate and shake him. He was too big. Too intimidating. When she tried talking to Isai he shrugged and said no one interfered with lifemates.

  Good night, Elisabeta, I will talk with you soon.

  She broke the contact and was silent, just absorbing Isai’s strength. They sat in silence and then she looked up at him. “What do you think?”

  “I do not know. I did not feel any taint in her. Or a feeling of evil. Just the opposite. She radiates peace. I love that you worry so much about your friend, Julija, but she is Ferro’s responsibility. He will deal with whatever it is or whoever it is that you think may be talking to her. In the meantime, I want to introduce you to my friends. We have been here a week and you have not met a single person.”

  She hadn’t wanted to meet anyone, but she didn’t want to admit that. In any case, he was merged with her most of the time and probably already knew. She was being a coward. She could hear laughter and the sound of children calling to one another as they played. Normal sounds. She didn’t know normal. She’d been guarded her entire life.

  Coming into Tariq Asenguard’s compound meant she would have to learn to live differently. She would have to accept people into her life and let them in. She didn’t know how to do that.

  Isai leaned down and gently nipped her chin. “You are more frightened of meeting my friends than you were of facing the dark mage.”

  “I don’t know that I would say that.”

  “In any case, sívamet, Tariq has been more than patient. The prince needs to hear an account of the destruction of the book. That will involve an actual accessing of our memories to give him a true account.”

  Julija heard the warning in his voice. She frowned at him. “What does that mean?”

  “One of the men, most likely Tariq’s second-in-command, Gary Daratrazanoff, will conduct the inquiry. He will access our memories and send those to the prince.”

  “We can’t just write down what happened like normal people?”

  “There was nothing normal about our battle with that book,” Isai pointed out, amusement coloring his voice.

  She shook her head. “What other memories can he see? I don’t want him to have access to anything to do with Barnabas. I won’t do this, Isai.” She tried to move away from him, but he was fast, tightening his arms like shackles. She held herself stiffly, refusing to give in.

  “I will tell him he is only to access your memories of these last few weeks, since the moment you started your journey to warn the prince of the conspiracy your family was involved in.” When she didn’t relax into him he leaned forward and bit down gently on her earlobe. “I would not allow anything to hurt you. Those memories are not anyone’s but yours.”

  She was silent a moment, turning over and over what he’d said, trying to come to terms with the fact that she now lived in a society where the members all worked with one another in order for their species to survive. She was part of that now. She lifted her face to look up at the man she loved. She was part of him.

  “Fine, but do we have to do it now?”

  “Tariq has put off Mikhail, our prince, to give us a chance to be together and heal should we need it. He has asked that we attend a meeting tonight with everyone there.”

  She made a face. “Lovely.” Her hand slid down his chest. Lower. Hoping to distract him.

  He laughed softly and shifted her slightly to give her better access. “I can see you are determined to get your way.”

  Her hand stroked. Caressed. She turned her face up for his kiss. “Absolutely.” There was triumph in her laughter.

  He didn’t tell her until much, much later that the meeting hadn’t been scheduled until very late in the night.

  APPENDIX 1

  Carpathian Healing Chants

  To rightly understand Carpathian healing chants, background is required in several areas:

  1. The Carpathian view on healing

  2. The Lesser Healing Chant of the Carpathians

  3. The Great Healing Chant of the Carpathians

  4. Carpathian musical aesthetics

  5. Lullaby

  6. Song to Heal the Earth

  7. Carpathian chanting technique

  1. THE CARPATHIAN VIEW ON HEALING

  The Carpathians are a nomadic people whose geographic origins can be traced at least as far as the Southern Ural Mountains (near the steppes of modern-day Kazakhstan), on the border between Europe and Asia. (For this reason, modern-day linguists call their language “proto-Uralic,” without knowing that this is the language of the Carpathians.) Unlike most nomadic peoples, the Carpathians did not wander due to the need to find new grazing lands as the seasons and climate shifted, or to search for better trade. Instead, the Carpathians’ movements were driven by a great purpose: to find a land that would have the right earth, a soil with the kind of richness that would greatly enhance their rejuvenative powers.

  Over the centuries, they migrated westward (some six thousand years ago), until they at last found their perfect homeland—their susu—in the Carpathian Mountains, whose long arc cradled the lush plains of the kingdom of Hungary. (The kingdom of Hungary flourished for over a millennium—making Hungarian the dominant language of the Carpathian Basin—until the kingdom’s lands were split among several countries after World War I: Austria, Czechoslovakia, Romania, Yugoslavia and modern Hungary.)

  Other peoples from the Southern Urals (who shared the Carpathian language, but were not Carpathians) migrated in different directions. Some ended up in Finland, which explains why the modern Hungarian and Finnish languages are among the contemporary descenda
nts of the ancient Carpathian language. Even though they are tied forever to their chosen Carpathian homeland, the Carpathians continue to wander as they search the world for the answers that will enable them to bear and raise their offspring without difficulty.

  Because of their geographic origins, the Carpathian views on healing share much with the larger Eurasian shamanistic tradition. Probably the closest modern representative of that tradition is based in Tuva (and is referred to as “Tuvinian Shamanism”)—see the map on the previous page.

  The Eurasian shamanistic tradition—from the Carpathians to the Siberian shamans—held that illness originated in the human soul, and only later manifested as various physical conditions. Therefore, shamanistic healing, while not neglecting the body, focused on the soul and its healing. The most profound illnesses were understood to be caused by “soul departure,” where all or some part of the sick person’s soul has wandered away from the body (into the nether realms), or has been captured or possessed by an evil spirit, or both.

  The Carpathians belong to this greater Eurasian shamanistic tradition and share its viewpoints. While the Carpathians themselves did not succumb to illness, Carpathian healers understood that the most profound wounds were also accompanied by a similar “soul departure.”

  Upon reaching the diagnosis of “soul departure,” the healer-shaman is then required to make a spiritual journey into the netherworlds to recover the soul. The shaman may have to overcome tremendous challenges along the way, particularly fighting the demon or vampire who has possessed his friend’s soul.

  “Soul departure” doesn’t require a person to be unconscious (although that certainly can be the case as well). It was understood that a person could still appear to be conscious, even talk and interact with others, and yet be missing a part of their soul. The experienced healer or shaman would instantly see the problem nonetheless, in subtle signs that others might miss: the person’s attention wandering every now and then, a lessening in their enthusiasm about life, chronic depression, a diminishment in the brightness of their “aura” and the like.