Sway

by M. F. Lorson

  Fully aware that I would end up doing all of the work with Will contributing next to nothing, I threw myself into the project, cutting out two jerseys and two poorly drawn lacrosse sticks. I formed the sticks into an X that slightly obscured Will’s number while leaving Christopher’s fully legible. It was meant to aggravate Will, only he didn’t notice because he was too busy yammering on about the rager he threw at his parent’s over Christmas vacation. I smiled and nodded whenever the timing seemed right. Years of experience taught me that it was best to acknowledge Will politely but never encourage him with more than an ‘uh huh’ or a less than enthusiastic ‘sounds cool.’ Too bad years of experience had never taught him that the conversation was one-sided.

  Bored to tears, I looked over at Lydia and Christopher. My eyes weren’t the only ones wandering away from their paper. Maybe Christopher was thinking about that kiss too because that little flush from earlier deepened as soon as his eyes met mine.

  Finally keying in on my lack of attention, Will spoke sharply, “You can stop staring at him, you know. You’ll just embarrass yourself.” My face turned bright red.

  “I wasn’t star—”

  “Looks like it from where I’m sitting. I know you two have a whole used-to-be-lovers thing going on, but desperate looks bad on you, Anne.”

  I glared at him. Just because he was right didn’t mean it was cool for him to say it out loud. Why was it that some people evolved over time and others stayed exactly the same?

  “Look, I’m just trying to help you out. You know he and Lydia are together, right?”

  The words hit me like a fifty-pound sack of flour. No, I didn’t know they were together. He had to be wrong. “They’re just friends,” I stammered, trying to convince myself as much as him.

  “Afraid not. And I thought you didn’t care anyway?”

  “I never said I didn’t care!” I barked, my voice carrying much farther than I intended.

  “Is there a problem?” asked Mr. Croft glancing up from his computer screen.

  “Everything is fine,” I lied.

  Mr. Croft looked concerned, but by grace and grace alone, his classroom phone rang, preventing him from asking any follow-ups.

  “If you don’t care, then it doesn’t hurt to clarify, right?” said Will. I wanted to clap my hand over his mouth and prevent him from saying something stupid, but the words were half of the way out of his mouth before my brain delivered the message to my hand.

  “Hey Chris, you going out with Lydia?”

  Lydia giggled at the question. The sound was jarring. Lydia just wasn't the type to giggle about a boy. But then again, when you like someone, really like them, it’s amazing how your body reacts in ways your mind couldn’t have predicted.

  “I’ll take that as a yes,” said Will, looking at me pointedly. I was mortified. Did we not just kiss in front of that girl last night? Ashley said he liked her, not that they were an item. I looked at Christopher. Waiting for him to refute it or at least look ashamed. But he didn’t answer at all. Instead, he turned his attention back to the assignment, ignoring the question entirely.

  I was overcome with the desire to punch Will in the face. Was it his fault that Lydia and Christopher were going out and everyone knew it but me? No. But would it feel good to take it out on him anyway? Heck yes! If Rachel knew about this, I was totally going to take all of her best underwear and stick them in the kitchen icebox. This level of secret keeping was unacceptable.

  I wasn’t stupid. I got that the kiss was just a game, but it didn’t feel like a game, and I had a hard time believing Christopher felt any differently.

  I couldn’t help but notice that his eyes roamed in my direction throughout the rest of the period. Either those looks were meant to be apologetic, or he wanted to verify with his own eyes that I was hurting just the intended amount. He wasn’t going to get that satisfaction, not from me, not today.

  When did they start dating anyway? I wondered. Before last night? After last night? Were they up all night chatting? I could just see Lydia using that kiss as motivation to take action. If it were me watching her kiss Christopher, I would have felt defeated, but not Lydia. Lydia lived for a challenge.

  I was probably supposed to feel sad, to be ‘all woe is me, he doesn’t love me, he loves another,’ but I was tired of feeling that way. Since the moment I saw him in the common room, I had been telling myself I deserved to be punished, but all of that was starting to ring hollow. Rachel was right; I was hot. And Ashley was right; I had wooed him before. But most of all, I was right because I believed that we were supposed to be together. It was time to suck it up and prove that to Christopher.

  I must have been making a very intense face because Will sort of inched away from me as I squeezed glitter glue onto his number eight like my hands were wrapped around his neck and not a bottle of Elmer’s. By the time the bell rang to let us know the class was over, I had one-hundred percent convinced myself that the trip to the lake house was going to flip everything on its head. Christopher could crush on Lydia for now. Our time was coming.

  I flung my bag over my shoulder and made a beeline for the door.

  “Hey!” called Will behind me, “Aren’t you going to help clean up?”

  “Nope,” I answered, not bothering to stay and listen to his complaints.

  As I pushed my way through the mass of black and silver uniforms, I thought about the stricken look on Will’s face as I left him staring after me. Maybe Christopher had a point about bold girls being attractive. That whole being assertive thing felt good.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Make the lake house happen!” I demanded confronting Ashley and Rachel in the common room. Their homework was sprawled on one of the large study tables near the fireplace. Both girls looked up, alarmed by my outburst, not that they had any right to be. Surely, Ashley knew who her brother was dating.

  “Um, okay?” said Rachel, looking around the room to make sure no one we didn’t want listening was in earshot. I probably should have done the same, but I was still too fired up to think rationally. I tossed my bag down on an empty chair and leaned toward the two, my eyes squinting into a death glare usually reserved for when Mary got into my makeup without asking.

  “When were you two going to tell me Christopher and Lydia were going out?” I asked.

  Rachel looked genuinely shocked, but guilt washed over Ashley’s face too fast for her to attempt to hide it. I honed in on her. “Did you know before last night? Because before we kissed would have been a really good time to tell me!”

  Ashley threw her hands up, scooting her chair back a few inches to put more space between us.

  “No, I swear it’s new. I only heard first period and only because Lydia was gushing about it. Christopher told me nothing. Absolutely nothing. I promise,” she pleaded. Her voice was just warbly enough to convince me she was telling the truth.

  "Fine," I groaned, slumping into the chair across from them. Who knew anger was exhausting? Sensing the coast was clear, Ashley eased her way back to the table.

  “That’s a good thing though, right?” coaxed Ashley. “Christopher isn’t talking about it. That means he’s not all in.”

  “I’d like him to be all out,” I pouted, folding my arms over my chest.

  Rachel scrunched her lips to the side of her mouth in a thinking expression. “This definitely wasn’t part of the plan.”

  “You’re telling me,” I whined.

  “But that doesn’t mean we can’t use it.” Rachel rested her elbows on the table in deep thought.

  “Use it how?” I asked, hoping she had some stellar idea I didn’t think of while storming over here. Her pensive look quickly changed to sinister.

  “We are inviting Lydia to the lake house.”

  “Ew,” I groaned. “That is the opposite of helpful. I am supposed to be wooing Christopher. How am I supposed to do that with his girlfriend there?”

  Ashley picked up a pencil from the table and began twiddlin
g it between her thumb and forefinger.

  “Actually, I think she has a point.”

  “How? How can that be a good idea?” I asked bewildered.

  “Hear me out. I can’t see my brother with a girl like Lydia long term. The more time he spends with her, the easier it will be for him to see that too. And with you there as a contrast…”

  “He’s gonna get the picture a lot quicker,” finished Rachel.

  I hated admitting it, but what they said was starting to make sense.

  “Plus,” added Rachel, “Maybe we can solve your Will problem at the same time. Two jerks, one stone.”

  “That is not how the saying goes,” I said, bursting into laughter.

  Rachel shrugged, “You know what I mean. While we are showing Christopher just how unlikeable Lydia is, we might be able to make a little love connection happen between her and Will.”

  It wasn’t the worst idea. I had pretty much been thinking the same thing myself, earlier. Lydia and Will never hung out with the same people. He preferred the rich jocks, and she preferred the outcasts, but that didn’t mean they didn’t have anything in common. Both of them came from families that contributed a lot of money to Shelfbrooke. They had to have had similar upbringings, even if Lydia didn’t like talking about hers. Maybe time away from school would force them to get to know each other. What if we could break up Lydia and Christopher without breaking Lydia’s heart in the process? The plan was almost too good to be true.

  “I’ll talk to Christopher tonight,” said Ashley. “He’s going to wonder why I am so jazzed on inviting Lydia considering I haven’t said the nicest things about her in the past, but I’ll do my best to conceal our real motive.”

  “And I’ll talk to Will and Charles,” said Rachel.

  I raised my eyebrows, “Charles, huh? That is an addition we haven't discussed.”

  Rachel blushed. “As much fun as being on a trip with three potential couples and just myself for company sounds, I wouldn’t mind someone else to commiserate with.”

  “Commiserate. Is that what the kids are calling it these days?” I asked. Rachel wadded up a piece of scratch paper and aimed it at my head.

  “Alright, alright, I’m just teasing,” I said, successfully disarming her paper bomb.

  The three of us hashed out a few more details before Rachel and Ashley had to get back to their homework. Having rage-finished my assignments during last period, I opted to change into my running clothes and get some exercise in while I had the alone time. Remembering last night’s trip to the garden, I took the side path to the back of the property. There was a perimeter trail there that skirted the boundaries of the school. I’d never made the whole trail. Shelfbrooke owned ten thousand acres, and that was just a little too daunting for someone who ran as casually as I did. But, there were out and backs that the cross-country team had marked off by distance earlier this fall. Now that it was winter, the trails were empty, just the way I liked them.

  I had been running for about a quarter mile when I heard the crunch of another’s footsteps crashing through the snow behind me. I briefly imagined some sort of predatory animal, a wolf on the prowl or worse, a bear. But I knew better. The scariest thing in these woods was the owls swooping down from the branches overhead. The worst they did was hoot, but when it was dark, and you were alone, the sight of them gliding above you could be menacing.

  I turned slightly to look over my shoulder and see who shared the path. I had been breathing steadily, jogging at an easy pace, but my breath came a little faster when I realized it was Christopher. I knew his gate having studied it so carefully that first day. How could I forget sprinting toward the docks, a new and exciting boy with long legs and a quick pace pushing me to run faster? On this night, however, I was the one in the lead. I slowed down so that he could catch up with me. For a brief and insecure moment, I worried he would blow right by. Instead, he eased up, matching his stride to mine.

  For a moment we didn’t speak. There was just the crunch of shoes in old snow and the puff of cold air making clouds in front of us. When I couldn’t take the silence anymore, I spoke up.

  “Lydia is nice,” I said, all the while thinking to myself that nice wasn't really the best word to describe her, but it seemed like the most amicable thing to say in the moment.

  Christopher gave a tight smile. “I like her courage.”

  I nodded, fighting back the urge to tell him he didn’t need to keep reminding me how different I was from girls he liked now. He had been loud and clear in the dining hall. I slowed to a walk, and so did he.

  “Is that why you asked her out?” I pushed. “Because you liked her courage?”

  “Not that it is any of your business,” said Christopher, “but she asked me out.”

  “Before or after we kissed?” I asked, surprised by my own bravery.

  “After,” said Christopher quickly, too quickly. I couldn't help but think that things with Lydia and Christopher escalated pretty fast, like make Anne jealous fast, or rebound fast.

  Christopher stopped walking, lightly grasping my arm to pull me to a stop. My skin warmed at his touch, reminding me just how much I missed being allowed to touch him. Standing face to face like that, his hand on my arm, felt just like the night before. All that was missing was the count down. And then he opened his mouth and ruined it.

  “It was just a game, Anne. You know that, right?” I hated the way he asked me. As if I had been desperate for his kiss. As if I thought it meant more than it did. I hated that he asked because, of course, I did think all of those things. That kiss was hope for me, not a game.

  “I know,” I lied. And then because I was nervous and tired of feeling rejected, I threw in a couple of hurtful statements of my own.

  “You’re not the only one who has moved on, you know. That was three years ago,” I said, beginning to walk again. “I’ve dated tons of guys since then.”

  “Tons,” repeated Christopher, falling into step beside me.

  “Some, anyway,” I corrected. “Will for starters.” Right away, the tick in his jaw started going. I knew what I just said was cruel, but he had been cruel since he got there. I couldn't help it if I liked that my dating someone else irritated him, even if it meant using Will’s name to my advantage. “You can stop feeling sorry for me,” I continued, forcing myself to put on a smile as I delivered the most unbelievable line in my arsenal, “I’m totally happy for you. I’m sure you’ll have a blast with Lydia.”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I watched for Christopher’s reaction. His face didn’t light up at the mention of his lady love, and I couldn't help but remember that it hadn't in leadership class earlier either.

  Ashley was right on this one. He was not all in for Lydia. His reaction to my dating Will said otherwise. That kiss said otherwise. If this was a game, Lydia had the ball, but I had the lead.

  “I’d rather if we didn’t talk about Lydia,” said Christopher, forcing a smile. “If we are going to try to be friends, I think we should stay out of one another's dating business.” My chest constricted a little at the use of the word friends. I didn’t want to be friends with Christopher. I wanted to be with Christopher. But it also felt warm and pleasant, like potential: first stop friendship, second stop more kissing.

  “Deal,” I answered. “I would like to be friends. A lot actually.” And for the first time since Christopher arrived at Shelfbrooke, it felt like we were having a real conversation.

  “It will be hard,” he laughed. “I’ve only ever known you as the girl from the ferry. She and I weren’t just friends.” I felt a blush rising, remembering how much not-just-friending we’d done.

  “I think you’ll like this girl too,” I said with confidence.

  Christopher smiled wide and inviting. The kind of smile I had been watching him give everyone but me for the last two weeks. I took a mental picture so I wouldn't ever forget what it felt like when we took that first step back to each other.

  Chapter Thirteen


  “The deed is done,” said Ashley as we made our way through the dining hall to the Cassius Society’s regular table. From the looks of things, they were already in the midst of a passionate exchange of ideas.

  “You’re going to have to elaborate,” I said.

  Ashley rolled her eyes. “All attendees for project Return Anne and Christopher to the Love Boat are confirmed.”

  “I don’t know whether to be happy or nervous about this,” I said honestly.

  “Probably nervous,” laughed Ashley. “Will was way, way, way too excited to be invited. Which makes me suspicious that all of his braggings about Christmas break ragers is entirely made up.”

  “And Christopher?” I asked, trying not to sound too desperate.

  “He was a little harder to convince. I honestly think he does not want to be alone with Lydia for a weekend.”

  Deep down, I knew her assumption was right, but I didn’t dare say that out loud. It would make me sound cocky, and I already felt guilty about Lydia being so into Christopher when he clearly didn’t feel the same.

  “I mean, when you’re dating someone, aren’t you supposed to look forward to their texts?”

  “I guess.” I shrugged. Truthfully, I hadn’t ever been all that into anyone I was dating, and Christopher and I never had to text because we saw each other all the time.

  “Last night I was helping Christopher with his biology assignment, and he straight up silenced his phone on Lydia.” A smile crept onto my face. I couldn’t help it. Picturing him annoyed by the beautiful, courageous Lydia seemed like the appropriate karma for all of his ‘I like her because she is so bold’ comments.

  “Glad you could join us,” said Lydia glancing up at the clock. Was it just my imagination, or was she acting colder toward me now that she and Christopher were official? I felt like reminding her that she got the guy, so I got to be the annoyed one and not the other way around, but I kept my mouth shut and let Ashley make dumb excuses for us about choosing between hamburger hot dish and vegan beans and rice.