What Now?

by Shari Low

  ‘Los Angeles,’ she said, with casual nonchalance. ‘I’ve never been, so I’m proper excited.’

  ‘Oh. My. Lord,’ I gasped, as it all fell into place.

  ‘I think the pound just dropped,’ Carol observed with acute perception and rubbish articulation.

  I could barely get the words out. ‘You’re in on this too, Val?’

  Her face beamed with pride. ‘I am. And let me tell you, Carly love, there’s no getting out of this, because it’s for your own good. All this moping isn’t helpful for the cerebral cortex. Or something like that. I read it in the paper. Anyway, the gist of it is, you need to get out there and start living. And so do I. I’ve been in a hellish rut since my Josie died,’ she said, her voice dipping a little as she mentioned her best friend, who’d passed away last year. ‘Her and I took a trip together every year, and she’d be spitting feathers at me for wasting the days I’ve got left, so you’re coming with me instead. You and me. We’re going to Los Angeles to stay with that bloke from the films…’

  ‘Sam,’ Jess interjected.

  Oh God. Sam was in on this too? I’d kill him for letting them ambush me like this.

  Val was still on a roll. ‘Although, my Don made me pack my housecoat, because he said I wasn’t to be wandering around in my nightie in case that Sam one found me irresistible.’

  The world had actually gone mad.

  ‘And we’re going to come over too,’ Carol said, beaming. ‘Aren’t we, Toni?’

  I spun to see Toni shrugging, as though this idea wasn’t exciting her. Her long toffee brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she was swamped by the sweatshirt she was wearing with her denim shorts and white trainers. It struck me that I couldn’t remember when I’d last seen Toni laugh and made a note to get her alone and check in on her. My nieces were the closest thing I had to daughters and I adored them.

  ‘Right, that’s it,’ I said, unable to stop the explosions in my head caused by the utter confusion of what was going on here. ‘Tell me exactly what’s happening.’

  ‘You might need wine for this. I brought my own in case you didn’t have any.’ With that, Val produced a bottle of Lambrini from the depths of her tote bag.

  Kate immediately jumped up, and retrieved a few wine glasses from my cupboard, before grabbing a bottle of Prosecco from my fridge. Today was blowing my mind, but I had to admit, that bubbly feeling of being in a room with all my pals was beginning to lift my mood from devastation to something a bit more bearable. But I still wasn’t going to LA. Definitely not.

  Was I?

  ‘Here’s the plan,’ Carol finally said. ‘You, me, Toni and Val are flying to LA tonight and we’re going to stay with Sam. He’s got some film commitments going on, so I’m not exactly sure if he’ll be there, but he said we can stay in his home whether he’s there or not.’

  ‘It has a jacuzzi,’ Val said knowingly. ‘And I’ve brought my pink swimming cap for the pool.’

  I was fairly sure that everyone was biting their tongues so they wouldn’t point out that Val’s swimming cap would need to be the size of a space hopper to go over that hair.

  Kate took up the travel-service baton. ‘Carol and Toni are coming home after two weeks, and Jess and I are flying out to replace them. We thought we could maybe do some travelling or tour around a little bit. Oh, and Val wants to go surfing in Malibu. Apparently it’s a whole Baywatch thing.’

  ‘I do,’ Val agreed, lifting her Lambrini. ‘I’ve packed my red cossie and I’ve been practising running in slow motion for the last month.’

  Oh, she was good. They weren’t kidding when they said they’d brought in the big guns.

  ‘And that’s as far as we’ve got, but the flights are all arranged and we’ve all booked the time off, so you’ve got no choice but to go along with it,’ Jess concluded. The world of politics had been crazy to let this one go. There wasn’t a task force that she couldn’t sort out or a crisis she couldn’t solve. And she’d do it in great shoes. I realised this thought was somewhat distracting me from what was important at that moment.

  ‘For my sake, if nothing else,’ Val added, piling on the emotional persuasion.

  Exhaling, I sat back in my chair and scanned the room, every other set of eyes staring right back at me. I felt pressured. Shocked. Stunned. Most of all, though, I realised I felt absolutely grateful that these people loved me enough to come together to dig me out of the hole I’d slid into. How lucky was I? I may not have parents looking out for me, or a partner I was going to grow old with, but I had a gang of pals who cared enough to see that I was struggling and to come up with a plan to help. They’d paid for this ticket, they were giving up their time and they were doling out some tough love and pushing me out of my comfort zone. Whether I liked it or not.

  I just wished Sarah was here with us and part of the plan. She’d love this. She’d already be in my room, throwing my stuff into a suitcase and fantasising about meeting George Clooney in the supermarket.

  Blinking back tears, my gaze fell on the travel confirmation on the table in front of me as I contemplated what it actually meant. If I went along with this, then this time tomorrow I’d be in a swanky pad in Los Angeles, easing my cellulite into a kidney-shaped swimming pool in the sunshine, next to a woman whose bright pink bathing cap would make her look like the closest thing to a nuclear warhead that Glasgow had ever produced.

  I needed some perspective, someone to balance out all this badgering.

  ‘What do you think of all this then, Toni?’

  My niece shrugged again. She matched her mother’s five foot ten height, but she had her dad’s lighter brown hair, and the green eyes that ran in our side of the family. ‘It’s like, a hostage situation. Apparently, I don’t have a choice,’ she said, summing it up perfectly. She’d always been the quietest, most bookish of the kids, but now she just seemed, well, deflated.

  On the surface, she had everything going for her: great parents, a lovely home, decent grades and the potential to be anything she set her mind to. She’d just finished her first year at college, studying fashion, but I’d never been convinced it was a great fit for her. It was almost like she’d taken the obvious option and had gone into the family business.

  It crossed my mind that one positive of going along with this ambush was that I’d get to spend time with Toni and perhaps even cheer her up a bit.

  ‘Yep, we’re terrible parents,’ Carol said tightly. ‘Imagine forcing your child to go on an all-expenses paid trip to LA.’ It was supposed to be a joke, but the tightness in her voice and the exasperated glance she threw Callum combined to make it fall flat.

  Toni just rolled her eyes and slunk off into the lounge, the door thudding as she closed it behind her.

  ‘I know,’ Carol said, to no one in particular. ‘I’m messing this up. She hates me.’

  ‘She’s a teenage girl,’ Jess said, trying to take the edge off the situation. ‘At that age, it’s part of the job description to hate your mother.’

  My relief at the focus being taken off me was short-lived, as a room of inquisitive, raised eyebrows (with the exception of Carol, whose Botox regime had prohibited her from raising her eyebrows since 2002) swivelled back in my direction.

  ‘What do you think, then?’ Kate asked, and I couldn’t miss the hope and concern in her tone.

  This was ridiculous. I was a grown woman. I controlled my own destiny. Yet… I knew when I was beat.

  ‘I think I’d better go and dig out my swimming cap.’

  8

  Later That Evening – 28th July, 2019

  Let’s Get The Party Started – Pink

  ‘Carol, I swear to God, I’m going to take that phone off you and slip it in the drinks trolley the next time the cabin crew pass,’ I warned my pal, as she took the thousandth photograph since we’d left my house just a few hours before.

  We’d arrived at the airport for our LA flight just as the boys took off for their flight to Miami. This was so very differ
ent from how I’d expected today to play out.

  ‘Welcome to my life,’ Toni sighed.

  I decided not to point out that while she wasn’t quite as prolific as her mother, she had done her fair share of selfie snapping too.

  ‘Urgh, I know it’s irritating,’ Carol admitted. ‘But it’s just part of the job. You’ve got to admit, it has its perks though, so it’s swings and seesaws.’

  My brain automatically corrected it to ‘roundabouts’, but I said nothing because Val chirped in first.

  ‘Aye, it does, pet. You snap away and keep those perks coming,’ she said, adjusting the eye mask that she’d procured from the complimentary toiletry set we’d been given when we boarded. She was also wearing the complimentary pyjamas, the socks, the slippers, the lip balm, the moisturiser and she’d brushed her teeth at the first available opportunity with the complimentary toothbrush. If the head of British Airways walked past right now, they’d think she was a brand ambassador.

  I couldn’t argue with my sister-in-law’s point though. Travelling with Carol was a very different proposition to my usual experience of transporting myself from one country to another. There was no sprinting through the boarding-gate scrum to board first so there would still be room for my cabin bag in the overhead locker. No getting stuck next to a bloke called Jez who snored while he slept and hogged the armrests. No agonising over whether to choose chicken or beef and then inevitably picking the wrong one. No wondering if Marge from Blackpool on the other side was ever going to stop chatting so I could open my Jilly Cooper retro bonkbuster or make spontaneous purchases I couldn’t afford from the duty-free magazine.

  Nope, none of the above, because travelling with a well-known former catwalk star and social media influencer with over three million followers on Instagram was like travelling with a minor royal.

  It started when we arrived at the check-in desk and bypassed the normal queue to deposit our bags at the Priority Boarding desk, where we were informed that we’d been upgraded to first class and they hoped we’d have an enjoyable flight.

  ‘It was a bit of a risk booking business class, but I contacted their PR people to say we were coming and I knew they’d shift us up to First if the flight was quiet,’ she’d whispered, while taking a selfie at the check-in desk and then singing the praises of the airline to her cult on Insta, Twitter, Snapchat and Facebook. I’d never had the slightest interest in social media. I’d set up Facebook and Twitter accounts when they were first launched (mostly out of curiosity to see what had happened to everyone I’d ever known), but it had been so long since I’d used them that I’d forgotten the passwords. I did have an Instagram account and Snapchat, but the only two people I followed were Mac and Benny and that was strictly for supervision purposes and their own protection. Also known as spying. Not that there was much to look at. The boys rarely posted, usually too busy in the gym, pool or on court to bother with them. Or perhaps they were just sick of the lectures I gave them on a weekly basis about not putting their lives out there and not speaking to anyone they didn’t know.

  ‘Would you like us to arrange a chauffeur service at LAX to take you to your final destination?’ the check-in agent had asked, sending Val into a coughing fit of astonishment.

  ‘No, we’re already organised, but thank you,’ Carol had said sweetly, acting like this was the kind of thing we did every day. Actually, this was pretty much her life.

  I’d only flown in first class once in my life. It was on a flight from Hong Kong to the USA in the nineties, and I only got the seat because I’d slept in for an overbooked flight and when I rushed to check in at the last minute, economy was full. It would have been wonderful, if it wasn’t for the sad reality that I had a hangover from hell and spent the whole flight simultaneously sleeping and sweating pure gin.

  Today’s experience had definitely been more indulgent. After check in, we went to the VIP lounge, where we were treated to free beverages and snacks that were so posh I couldn’t pronounce them. More pics and online praises duly followed. The sight and sound of Val’s pink toenails dangling off a massage table while she oohed and ahhed with every stroke in the first class spa area is one that will stay with me forever.

  Afterwards, back in the bar, with more complimentary cocktails (Diet Cokes for Toni), Val had exhaled like a truly contented and relaxed passenger. ‘How much would this cost then, if Miss Fancy Pants there hadn’t flashed her pearlies and got us upgraded?’

  Carol had sipped back the last of her Kir royale. ‘About six thousand each… One way.’

  ‘Pounds?’ Val had spluttered.

  ‘No, Irn-Bru bottles,’ I’d teased.

  Her pink-rimmed mouth was wide with shock. ‘Suffering Jesus, that’s more than our Skoda cost. What’s wrong with people, wasting that kind of money?’

  The barman had approached and Val didn’t miss a beat.

  ‘Another one of those fancy cocktails please, Samar,’ she’d said, getting his name from the badge he wore on his white jacket. ‘Thanks very much. Oh, yer that handsome. Tell your mother she did a smashing job with you.’

  ‘I’ll pass that on,’ Samar had replied, bashfully. I wasn’t sure he’d come across many Vals in the first-class lounge, but he was handling it well. The same couldn’t be said for Toni, whose mortification was turning her the colour of Val’s Red Russian (vodka, fruit, ice, cherry liqueur, Samar had informed us).

  My cheeks were beginning to hurt with the pain of trying to keep my face straight when an airline rep came by to escort us to the plane. First on, we had been welcomed with a glass of Vintage Tattinger, before Drew, the very lovely cabin manager, had chatted through the in-flight menu.

  ‘Any chance they’ve got Lambrini and a few packets of free Frazzles?’ Val had whispered to me, giggling, when Drew had taken our food and drink orders. ‘Only I’m worried all that caviar stuff will get stuck in ma teeth.’

  And now we were sitting, or rather, lying, in a row of four fold-down seats in the first-class section of a jumbo jet bound for La La Land. Our thirst had been quenched by more pre-dinner champagne, we’d feasted on a meal that would have taken me the whole day to prepare and now the cabin lights were dimmed and we had the choice of watching a movie, listening to music, reading, or sampling the giddy delights from the bar. Carol had already taken pics doing all of the above, and informed us that she’d post them at intervals over the next few hours. Meanwhile, she was answering comments, tagging people and doing all sorts of other things that were way outwith the realms of knowledge I’d gleaned from occasionally dipping into Facebook or Twitter to be nosy or to check the menu of my local takeaway.

  I still couldn’t believe my day had turned out this way. Although, not everyone was so thrilled.

  When I’d called the boys from home to let them know what I was doing, they were still at Heathrow and killing time in JD Sports before their flight to Miami. They were picking up their RV there for their tour up the east coast of the country.

  ‘Tonight? No way! That’s epic, Mum,’ Mac exclaimed, and I could hear the hint of jealousy in his voice. He still remembered our first trip to LA to see Sam when he was six, and we’d been back a few times since then. Mac loved everything about it.

  He’d handed the phone to his brother and Benny was equally as excited for me. ‘Maybe you could come see us on the way back?’

  ‘I’m not sure, honey. I’ll see where you are and hopefully we can work something out,’ I’d said, keeping it light and non-specific. By that time, I’d be missing them so much I’d be climbing the walls, but I didn’t want to commit to anything in case it didn’t suit Mark.

  Talking of whom… ‘Hang on, Dad wants to talk to you,’ Benny had said. ‘Bye, Mum, love you. And tell Uncle Sam we said hi.’

  ‘Will do. Love you too, son. Miss you so much already.’

  I still had a lump in my throat when Mark came on the line. ‘Hey. Did I overhear all that right? You’re going to LA tonight? When was that decided?’ I’d recognise
d the tone. Confusion with a slice of irritation. He’d obviously thought this had been planned all along and I just hadn’t told him.

  ‘It’s a long story. The girls ambushed me with it just after you left.’

  ‘So it’s just you? Going to LA? To Sam’s place?’ he’d challenged.

  What was with the attitude? If I didn’t know better, I’d think it was jealousy again, but it was so out of character that I was sure I must be picking it up wrong.

  ‘Not quite. Carol and Toni are coming too, and Aunt Val has come down from Glasgow to come with us. It’s turned into a Sister Sledge song.’

  ‘Oh. Right.’ Definitely some relief in there. This was just getting stranger. ‘Well, look, keep in touch. I heard Benny saying something about meeting up. Let me know if that works for you. We’d like that.’

  Then he was gone, leaving me with so many mixed emotions, I just shoved the whole lot to one side and carried on searching for four kaftans I’d worn in Fuenguirola when I was pregnant with Benny. I was pretty sure they were the only beach clothes that would fit me now.

  Hours later, 35,000 feet above the earth, I still wasn’t ready to revisit that conversation, so I left it in a box marked ‘Ex-Husband Stuff’ and pushed it to the back of my mind.

  Instead, I pulled out my mobile and connected to WhatsApp, using the plane’s Wi-Fi. I definitely had mixed feelings about the availability of Wi-Fi on flights. On the one hand, it was convenient, but on the other hand, I used to love the delicious indulgence of knowing that from beginning to end, a flight was somewhere that I could completely switch off from the rest of the world and fantasise that I was bound for LA, to a waiting movie star, for a luxurious break in his palatial home. Which, erm, was exactly what I was doing right now.

  I texted Sam.

  We are on the way. I can’t believe you conspired against me Judas.