The Messy Life of Blue

by Shawna Railey

  “I did not!” I said, shocked but with a giant grin.

  “Oh yes, you did,” he told me, laughing. “And another time, I found the two of you in the bathroom, flushing toilet paper. It was still attached to the roll, which was still attached to the wall, so every time you’d flush, the toilet paper roll would spin like crazy. You and Jackson just laughed and laughed. You guys thought it was the funniest thing ever.”

  “I never knew that!” I told him incredulously. I put the last of the silverware into the drawer just as my dad rinsed out the sink. “Will you tell me more?”

  I curled up next to him on the couch and spent the rest of the time listening to my dad tell more stories while we watched Delaney play. When the Salazars arrived home, they weren’t upset at all.

  “These things happen, especially when little Delaney is around.” They laughed good-naturedly, and I faked a smile.

  The truth was that I just wanted to get out of there and go home. I sighed with relief as my dad drove us the short distance. He must’ve felt sorry for me, because he even let me pick the music on the way. We’d just pulled into the driveway when he said, “I’m really proud of you today. You stayed calm and handled the situation exactly the way you should have.”

  I beamed. “Thanks, Dad.” Then I followed him into the house and made a beeline for my bed. Even five minutes of peace and quiet would feel like heaven.

  9

  I opened the cupboard in the garage and took the leash from its hook. As soon as Kota heard the familiar rattle of his chain, he bounded across the room and slammed me into the cupboard door. His wagging tail made his butt wiggle like my great-aunt Martha’s when she danced at my cousin Mary Sue’s wedding. Except Kota had more rhythm.

  After a few tries, I finally managed to clip the leash to his collar, but before he could yank me out the front door, my dad stopped me.

  “Blue, why don’t you take Arnie with you?”

  “Huh?”

  “I said, why don’t you take Arn—”

  “No, Dad, I heard you the first time. My brain just refused to process your request.”

  Arnie jumped up and down. “Arf! Take me! Take meeee! Arnie’s a doggie. Arf!” My dad gave me a do-you-see-how-excited-your-brother-is? look. I sighed.

  “Fine. Hurry up and put your shoes on.”

  “Doggies don’t wear shoes,” Arnie said. “Arf!”

  “They do when it’s still winter. You don’t want your paws to freeze, do you?” I crouched down and grabbed ahold of Arnie’s legs. He barely sat still long enough for me to slide his shoes onto his chubby feet.

  I opened the door and Kota zoomed past me, fast as a rocket ship. I stumbled off the front porch and slid across the grass. That’s when I saw her.

  Her is my mean next-door neighbor. Her name is Jane, and she’s a witch. I say this because I’m pretty sure she cast a spell on my dad. Whenever he tries to talk to her, he kind of stutters and his face turns red. He starts running his hands through his hair and he laughs a lot. Then she’ll turn her beady little eyes toward me and ask me all sorts of really suspicious questions like, “How was your day today?” or “Do you like chocolate chip cookies?” As if I would eat her poisoned baked goods.

  On this particular afternoon, she was outside sweeping the sidewalk in front of her house. Her haunted house, no doubt. I ignored her as I turned in the opposite direction and headed down the street. Kota peed on every bush we passed. It makes for a long walk when your dog stops every five seconds to take a whiz on a lavender bush. And a pine tree. And a flower bed. And a hibiscus plant.

  I was tugging Kota away from a thorny rose bush, for reasons that should be obvious, when I realized Arnie was being particularly quiet. I turned around and found him facing a tree with his pants down around his ankles.

  “Arnie! What are you doing?” I yelled. “Are you crazy? You can’t just pee outside!”

  “Arnie is a doggie. Arnie wants to go potty like Kota.”

  It was like Delaney all over again! I shook my head, looking around to make sure no one saw us. I must’ve been cursed.

  “You are not a dog! Come on. I’m taking you home.”

  “Arf” was his only response.

  We made our way back the way we came. This time, I quickly pulled both of my “dogs” past the shrubs and greenery as I stomped down the sidewalk. When I rounded the corner, I saw my witchy neighbor, Jane, still sweeping away. Only, the closer I got, the more I realized what she was really doing. She’d swept all of the crumpled leaves and dirt and pieces of grass toward the front of my house. It was littered about the sidewalk in front of the path leading to my front door. Before I could say anything like, “Hey, lady, are you collecting herbs to stuff inside your voodoo doll?” she’d already gone back into her house and closed the door.

  I went inside my house, but it was now empty. There was a note from Dad telling me he’d gone to the store and that he’d taken Jackson with him, so I had to babysit Arnie until he got back. Seth had left early in the morning to go to the beach with his surfer friends, so he’d be gone for a little while longer, at least. After settling Arnie in front of the TV, I hung up the leash in the garage and grabbed the broom.

  I let the door slam as I stomped down the path to the sidewalk. I collected every little grain of dirt I could find and swept it back to the front of Jane’s house. It didn’t take very long, and I was quite proud of myself as I strolled back inside. How dare she mess up the front of our house!

  I grabbed a glass of water and was mid-sip when I heard a faint scratching sound coming from outside. Curious, I walked over to the window and promptly choked on my water. Jane the Witch was sweeping the pile back over to our side of the walkway! I stood with my mouth ajar as I watched her swish and flick her broom back and forth. I would’ve marched outside right then if not for the fact that I was afraid she might turn me into a toad. Or even worse—what if she turned me into one of my brothers?

  While I waited for her to finish, I began to pace. My hands were shaking because of the obvious betrayal. It was up to me, and me alone, to protect my family. To protect our castle. To protect our rights as citizens in this glorious country, the United States of America!

  But, looking back, maybe I took it too far.

  Once she had finished and gone back inside, I reached for the broom and crept outside. I was relieved to find Jane’s door still shut. I was afraid that she might be spying on me from one of her windows, but I was too mad to stop. As fast as I could, I pushed all of the debris right up to her porch. I also accidentally picked up her newspaper and threw it into the birdbath. Then I ran like the wind.

  My heart was pounding once I was back inside the safety of my house. Arnie barely glanced away from the TV as I flew past him. I waited by the window and watched. Seconds turned to minutes, and my heart pounded in my chest as I thought of what she might do. I began to pace—it was better than just sitting there—and I couldn’t help but wonder what was taking so long. I don’t know how much time passed before good ole Janey-poo came outside once again.

  This time, she had no broom in her hand. She pulled the sopping-wet newspaper out of the birdbath and hopped off the porch. She carefully stepped around the pile of dirt and leaves before turning toward my house.

  I rushed to the side of the window and pulled the curtain shut as fast as I could. A moment later, I heard the doorbell. Arnie jumped up and Kota began to bark wildly, but I held them both back.

  “Don’t answer it,” I whispered loudly. “It’s the witch from next door.”

  “Miss Jane? But Arnie likes Miss Jane. She’s nice.”

  “No, Arnie. She only pretends to be nice.” The doorbell rang again. “She’s really a witch who eats little children.” What can I say? I was desperate. Plus, technically, I didn’t have any proof that she didn’t eat kids.

  She banged on the door. “Blue, I know you’re in there. Answer the door. I saw what you did to my newspaper.”

  Arnie looked puzzled
, and I shrugged. He tried to squirm to the door, but I held on tight.

  “Do not answer that door!”

  Then he bit me. I lost my grip long enough for him to run for it. He grabbed ahold of the handle, but by the time he got the door open, she was gone. The drippy, mushy newspaper, however, remained.

  “Ew,” Arnie said before scooting back to the TV. I picked up the soppy mess and slammed the door shut. I dumped what was left of the newspaper into the trash with only one thought racing through my head.

  This means war.

  I couldn’t go into battle alone, though. I needed an army. I glanced over at Arnie, who was busy watching space aliens with his finger up his nose. I don’t even think he was picking it. He was just using his nostril as a finger holder. I turned away, gagging. I needed to hold out for the heavy artillery. Luckily, I heard the garage open. My secret weapon had just arrived.

  Jackson came through the door carrying half a dozen grocery bags slung all the way up both arms. “Are you going to just stand there looking ugly, or are you going to help?” he asked.

  I was debating whether to punch him or tell him what had happened when my dad entered.

  “Go grab the rest of the bags,” he told us.

  I followed my brother out and stopped him at the trunk of the car.

  “I need your help, Jackson.”

  “I need your help, Jackson,” my brother mimicked in a baby voice.

  “I’m serious.”

  “I’m serious,” he repeated.

  I resisted the urge to deliver that punch I still owed him and said instead, “Fine. If you don’t want to go to war with me . . .”

  “What do you mean ‘war’?” he asked, his interest peaked.

  “Yeah, how are you going to war?” Seth asked, strolling through the open garage with his surfboard under one arm. His hair was still damp and curled around his face.

  Even better. Another soldier.

  I explained what went on between Jane and me to my eager listeners.

  “Wait a minute. She just swept all the trash into our yard?” Seth asked.

  “That’s what I’m trying to tell you! She is a horrible witch who sweeps dirt and eats little children.”

  “She doesn’t eat children,” Seth answered.

  “But we can’t let her get away with this!” Jackson added.

  “So let’s come up with a battle plan,” I agreed. We huddled close to work out the details.

  “Good night, Dad.” I smiled sleepily. Or at least, I tried to make a sleepy face. It was hard to do with this much excitement blasting off inside my head. With my luck, I probably looked like I was trying not to fart.

  “Sweet dreams,” he added before switching off the light.

  I lay in bed, watching under the crack in my door for the lights to fade. When the house was completely dark and silent, I waited another ten minutes as planned. Then I climbed out of bed and pulled my shoes on. The boys were already waiting for me by the back door.

  “Did you get them?” I asked Seth.

  “I grabbed every single newspaper I could find in this town.” His grin was pure evil.

  I’m not going to lie—I felt a pang of doubt. It wasn’t too late to rethink our strategy. I was about to say something when Seth opened the sliding glass door to our backyard.

  “They’re hidden under the deck. Come on.”

  I kept my mouth shut and followed. Now was not the time to chicken out. Even Jackson was ready, and he’s a whole year younger than me.

  The night was cool, and a slight breeze shifted in the air. There was hardly any moon out, but lights from the surrounding houses gave us just enough light to see. I jumped when a dog barked in the distance.

  Seth reached under the deck and pulled out a stack of newspapers as high as my knee. I let out a breath. That wasn’t so bad. It would definitely make a mess, but it wouldn’t be outrageous. I almost started to smile, but it quickly died before it had fully formed.

  Seth reached back under the deck and brought out three more stacks. The gravity of what we were doing hit me. Could this be considered real vandalism? I think I threw up in my mouth a little.

  “Let’s do this.”

  I tried to shake off the feeling of dread. I watched as Jackson swallowed and nodded. I wondered if he thought that maybe this was a mistake, too? It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now that we were out here, in the night, trashing our neighbor’s yard? Maybe not my brightest plan.

  But it was too late to back out now. We each grabbed a handful of newspapers and lined up along the fence separating our yard from Jane’s. One by one we took a sheet of newspaper and balled it up. Then we promptly tossed it into Jane’s yard.

  When my small stack was empty, I grabbed as many newspapers as I could carry and balled up entire sections of paper. Again and again and again . . . About halfway through, I began to relax. This was actually fun! Jackson laughed when I threw a paper ball at his face, and I dodged Seth’s attack when he tried to stuff a wad down my back. We giggled under the moon as we destroyed our neighbor’s backyard. By the time we finished, it looked like a newspaper factory blew up in her perfectly manicured, witchy lawn.

  We ran back to the house, our hands black from all the ink. We carefully washed them in the kitchen sink, watching the dark water swirl down the drain. I gave my brothers a huge smile and a thumbs-up, then padded down the hall to my room. It took me a while to fall asleep after the adrenaline rush of our little adventure, but eventually I gave way to the sweet bliss of slumber.

  I woke up to Arnie sitting on top of my chest, grinning from ear to ear. His face was covered in chocolate.

  “Wake up, Blue! We have chocolate chip cookies for breakfast.”

  “Huh?” That didn’t seem possible. “Dad gave you cookies?”

  “Not Daddy. Miss Jane!” I sat up so quickly that Arnie tumbled to the floor.

  Oh, no.

  I took a deep breath and reminded myself that whatever punishment came next, it was the price I had to pay to protect our home. Our kingdom. Our—

  I’ll just stop there.

  I rubbed the sleep from my eyes as I made my funeral march toward the voices coming from the kitchen. Arnie ran ahead, singing, “Blue’s awake! Blue’s awake!” Nothing like a grand entrance.

  “There you are.” My dad smiled at me. “Jane brought over some fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies. Isn’t that nice?” Jane was leaning against the kitchen counter, sipping a cup of coffee. Jackson and Seth were seated at the table, each with a plate of cookies and a glass of milk. Seth looked up when I entered, gave me a just-go-with-it look and shrugged. Jackson’s eyes were round as saucers and kept darting from Dad to Jane in terror.

  I took a plate of cookies from my dad and flopped onto a chair at the table. I was halfway through my milk when Jane said, “I want to thank you, Blue, for your help yesterday.” I choked on my sip and milk sprayed through my nose. I pounded my chest.

  “Ewwww!” Arnie said, pointing at my face. “Blue snotted milk!”

  I wiped my face with a napkin and glared across the table at Arnie. Jackson smiled at my misfortune, clearly no longer scared, but Seth still looked as nervous as I felt.

  “What did Blue help you with?” my dad asked, looking from her to me.

  “Oh, a little bit of this. A little bit of that. Isn’t that right, Blue?” I barely nodded. “As a matter of fact, I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you.”

  “I’m sure you’ll think of something,” my dad said, popping one of her delicious poison cookies into his mouth.

  “Yes,” Jane said, looking directly at me, “I’m sure I will.”

  10

  Once the weather finally started to warm up, Arnie was back in swim lessons. I watched as he splashed happily with the other runny-nosed kids in the pool, kicking his legs as hard as he could while holding on to the edge of the wall. I watched Kiera, the instructor for the class, work her way down the line of students, correcting their legs so t
hey stayed straight and stiff. When she got to Arnie, he barely needed any help at all. He was like our mom: a natural-born swimmer.

  My teeth were chattering now that I was out of the pool and sitting on a wooden lounge chair. I tried to stretch my towel around my arms, but it wouldn’t reach. I couldn’t find any beach towels before we left the house, so I was stuck using an extra-small bath towel. It barely fit around my waist.

  As fascinating as it was to watch my littlest brother put his nose in the water and blow bubbles, he wasn’t the reason I’d all of a sudden started coming to his swimming lessons. At first, it was because of my mom. Knowing she was practically a mermaid made me want to be a better swimmer like her, and I knew that with practice, I could make it happen.

  But then I met Kiera, Arnie’s swim teacher. She was in high school and was even older than Seth—and way, way cooler. She wore her hair piled on top of her head in a bun that somehow looked messy and perfect all at the same time. She had at least ten bracelets tied around one arm, each one made of different-colored threads weaved together in intricate designs. And, even in the water, she wore purplish lipstick.

  If I were old enough to wear makeup, I would wear purplish lipstick just like her.

  I pulled my legs up and tried to tuck them under the tiny towel for extra warmth. I glanced down at the other end of the pool, where a diving class stood along the edge. One by one, the teacher called their names and they took turns plunging effortlessly into the deep water. If I knew how to dive, and if I were allowed to wear purplish lipstick, I would quite possibly be the coolest girl in my school.

  But my lips were plain old lip color. And I was way too scared to dive.