The Messy Life of Blue

by Shawna Railey

  “Definitely not.”

  “What if they were in Arnie’s room but now they aren’t?” he asked.

  “What do you mean?”

  Arnie looked at the ground. “Arnie had a pet snake, but he went away.” Even Jackson looked nervous when he heard that.

  “Arnie! If you find an animal, you have to take care of it properly!” I let go of his hands as I felt my body go cold as ice. “Where did the snake go?”

  “I dunno. He ran away from Arnie’s room.” Arnie held out his arms and pretended to be an airplane as he flew toward the house. “Now he’s freeee!”

  Oh, no.

  14

  It was a beautiful sunny day, we only had a month left of school, and it was the weekend. Life was grand. Kevin and I lay on our backs in my front yard, stretched out over the green grass and scattered dandelions.

  “Did you ever finish your mom’s favorite book?” Kevin asked.

  That perked me right up. “You mean Charlotte’s Web?” I nodded, excited to share more. “It was so good, Kevin! The ending was so sad when—”

  Just then, a water balloon exploded near my shoulder, and the burst of water hit me on the side of my face and in my ear. I jumped up, but not before Kevin got blasted on his knee. His water splash made it look like he peed all over himself.

  Kevin flew up and we scanned our surroundings, but I couldn’t find anyone around us. I turned just in time to get pelted on my back. Where were they?

  “Hey,” I yelled, spinning in place. There was still no one to be found. Where were they coming from? Less than a minute later, I had my answer.

  One after another, water balloons exploded all around us. By the tenth balloon, I finally realized where they were coming from. Somebody wasn’t hiding around the corner and throwing them at us—they were dropping them on us. I looked up. Seth and his friends were on top of the roof.

  Seth laughed at the same time I turned my face right into a bright blue water balloon. The smacking sound it made caused everyone to freeze on the spot.

  “Blue? Are you okay?” Seth called down.

  I would have told him no if I could speak. The pain from my nose was pulsing across my entire face. I cupped my hands over my nose, and when I pulled them away, there was blood everywhere.

  “Sef, you awe in sho much twouble!” I tried to say. Kevin backed away from me. He isn’t so brave when it comes to blood.

  Seth and his two buddies quickly climbed down from the roof. The blood from my nose was dripping onto the grass, staining the perfectly manicured green.

  “You get away fwom me, Sef. I tink you bwoke my nose.”

  “Let me see it, Blue.” Seth reached for my hands, but I smacked him away. “Don’t be a baby. Let me see it.” I pushed him as hard as I could, leaving two bloody handprints across the front of his shirt.

  I heard the front door slam and then my father asked, “What’s going on out here? Blue, what happened?”

  “Your son, Sef, hit me in da face wif a water bawoon.”

  “He what?”

  I pointed at Seth and tried again. “Sef hit me wif a water bawoon!”

  “It was an accident, I didn’t mean to hit her face. We were just dropping them and she—”

  “Dropping them? Dropping them from where?” He looked up. “Were you on top of the roof again? How many times have I told you—”

  “Dad!” Jackson came flying out of the house. “Arnie broke my Batman!” He was holding two broken pieces of superhero in his hands. “I told him not to touch it and now it’s broken!”

  Arnie’s cries were getting louder as he made his way out the front door. Seth’s friends gave him a look and started walking as fast as they could away from our house.

  Arnie wobbled onto the lawn, still screaming and crying. He had a very suspicious welt on his left cheek.

  “Jackson hit Arnie!” he said through tears. “Jackson’s bad.”

  Kevin was the next to flee. I didn’t blame him. I would have gone with him if I wouldn’t leave a blood trail for my family to eventually find.

  “Enough!” my father roared to the Warren children. “Blue, is your nose broken?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t fink so.”

  He checked my nose real good, then said, “Go get cleaned up and meet us in the car. Seth, strap Arnie into his car seat. Jackson, get into the car now and buckle up.”

  Two words: Road. Trip.

  “No.” Seth backed away. “No, Dad. Please don’t do it. I’ll do anything. Anything you ask. But please don’t make me do this.”

  “You should have thought of that before you climbed up on the roof and attacked your sister. You know the rules. All electronics stay home. Put them in the house and get in the car.”

  I went upstairs to wash my face and change my clothes. By the time I went back outside, my family was buckled into the car and waiting in the driveway.

  “Get in,” my dad ordered. I got in.

  My dad drives a minivan. I climbed all the way into the back, behind Jackson and Arnie, so I had an entire row to myself. Dad backed out of the driveway.

  “Why does Seth get shotgun?” I asked in what I thought was a very polite voice but what in reality might have been a tad bit whiny.

  “Because he was outside when it was time to get in the van and you were not.”

  “But . . . but . . . I wasn’t out here because he tried to kill me!”

  Seth turned around. “I was not trying to kill you and you know it. I was just—”

  “Silence!”

  We silenced.

  “Are we there yet?” Jackson asked.

  “No.”

  My dad leaned forward and turned on the radio. Light classical music drifted through the speakers and filled the car with the peaceful sound of an orchestra. After a few minutes, I closed my eyes and let the music carry me away. I dreamt of my upcoming trip to the set of Family Tree and wondered for the millionth time what it would be like to meet London Malloy. I was trying to decide if we would be instant best friends or if it would happen more casually over time when—

  “ARNIE TOUCHED ME!” Jackson screamed.

  “No Arnie didn’t,” Arnie said, wide-eyed.

  “Yes you did, you little Batman torturer. You touched my pinky nail right here.” Jackson held up his pinky finger.

  “Arnie did not touch!” Arnie screamed. “NO!”

  “Actually, Dad, to be fair, I did see Arnie touch Jackson,” Seth said. Arnie started his scream-cry. Not my favorite sound.

  “No! Arnie did not touch!” he insisted though tears.

  “Arnie did touch,” I said. He tried to turn around and hit me, but because he was strapped into his car seat, he couldn’t reach. But he did hit someone.

  “Arnie hit me! Arnie hit me!” Jackson yelled. “The Batman torturer touched me and he hit me. You need to punish him. He’s out of control!”

  That’s when my dad pulled over on the side of the road.

  “Everyone out.”

  We slowly unbuckled and climbed out, everyone except Arnie. He swung his legs back and forth as he watched from his car seat through the open door.

  “We are a family. We are going to sit in the car, and we are going to drive up to the mountains. We are going to sing songs and have fun and love one another the entire way, you got it?” We nodded. “Blue, you sit in the very back with Jackson. Seth, you sit next to Arnie. There will be no more fighting. The next person who picks a fight will be strapped to the top of the car, and it looks like it’s going to rain. Understand?” We nodded.

  As we filed back into the car, Jackson elbowed me in the ribs on purpose. I accidentally stomped on his foot. He tried to scream, but Seth clamped his hand over Jackson’s mouth. The look Seth gave him was enough to keep him silent.

  After a few minutes back on the road, it began to sprinkle. I stared out the window, my forehead resting on the cool glass. I watched the raindrops hit the window and slide down like one giant tear. I traced it with my f
inger and thought that I would LITERALLY DIE OF BOREDOM.

  “Are we there yet?” Jackson asked again.

  “No,” my dad answered, a little more forcefully this time.

  Road trips were another one of dad’s creative punishments, although, if you asked me, my dad was punishing himself way more than he was punishing us.

  “Where are we going?” Seth asked.

  “I don’t know. I thought we could go for a hike up in the mountains, but with this rain, I’m not so sure.”

  “Let’s play a game,” I said. Anything to keep me alive.

  “What do you want to play?” my dad asked.

  “How about A to Z?”

  “Okay. What category?”

  “Animals,” Jackson said.

  “Alligator,” I shouted out.

  “Bird,” Jackson said.

  “Cat,” Seth said.

  “Dog,” my dad said.

  “Bunny rabbits!” Arnie said.

  “Arnie cheated,” Jackson cried. “Arnie’s a cheat and he can’t play, so he’s out.”

  “Arnie’s not out!” Arnie said right before he started the scream-cry again.

  “Jackson!” Seth and I said at the same time. Ugh.

  “What’d I say?” Jackson asked over the Arnie-roars. I punched him in the leg, but it didn’t count, because my dad couldn’t see it.

  “Let’s try another game,” my dad suggested. “What else can we play?”

  I looked back out the window. I’d had enough of games. My head was starting to hurt, thanks to a certain tiny somebody. No one else answered him, either.

  After a few minutes, Jackson asked, “Are we there yet?”

  “No.”

  “I need my cell phone. Can I use yours?” Seth asked my dad.

  “No.”

  “Can you change the radio station?” I asked. “I need something with a heartbeat.”

  “No.”

  “Are we there yet?” Jackson asked.

  My dad pulled over again. This time it was into a small parking lot next to the base of a mountain.

  “Okay, everyone out. Time to go for a walk.”

  “In the woods?” I asked. “In the rain?”

  “It’s only a light rain and there’s a hiking trail. Come on, it’ll be fun.”

  “I don’t think we share the same idea of fun.”

  I climbed out of the van and lined up with my brothers. Tiny warm droplets landed on my still-swollen nose.

  “Now what?” Seth asked, hand on his hip.

  “Now we walk,” my dad said. He swung Arnie onto his shoulders and started for the base of the trail. I sighed and shuffled my feet as I trekked across the parking lot after him.

  We followed the path as it wound through a jungle of brush and trees. I found myself getting lost in the beauty of it all. A black-and-white bird landed on a rock as I passed and called out to me through a song. Crickets chirped and leaves rustled and our feet crunched on the rocky gravel. We talked and laughed, and for the first time that day, I enjoyed my family.

  “How’s your nose feeling?” Seth asked me.

  I wiggled it like a bunny and it didn’t hurt too bad. “It’s okay,” I said, “no thanks to you.”

  “I’m sorry, Blue. You know I would never do something like that on purpose.” He sounded genuinely sorry, and he even put his arm around my shoulder for half a minute. He was so sweet, I didn’t even tell him he had awful BO.

  Or was that why he did it in the first place?

  My dad came up from behind and put his hand firmly on Seth’s shoulder. “And you’re not going to do it ever again. I mean it, Seth. I don’t want you on the roof anymore.”

  “Sorry, Dad,” he mumbled. Jackson flew by us, arms outstretched and roaring like an airplane.

  “Vroooom! Outta my way! I’m an airplane!” he shouted.

  Arnie was doing his turkey-hop-walk ahead of us when he tripped and fell. He began to howl, “Arnie hurt toeeee!” I pulled him to his feet.

  “Which toe, A-man?” I asked.

  “The one that had roast beef!” He continued to cry.

  Jackson turned in a wide circle and “flew” over to Arnie. I watched with a smile as he crouched down so Arnie could climb onto his back. Then they took off toward the trees, Jackson vrooming until Arnie stopped crying and began giggling hysterically.

  When a gentle breeze began to pick up, I felt my hair lift off my shoulders. “A storm’s coming,” Seth said.

  “I think you’re right,” I told him, looking up at the sky.

  “We should probably start heading back,” my dad said.

  We turned around and hiked back the way we came. I couldn’t help but wonder if some of my dad’s creative punishments actually worked. I would never in a million years admit that to him, but it was something to consider.

  Just as we got back to the parking lot, the rain started to dump on us.

  “Last one to the van is a rotten egg,” my dad called. Just like that, we all took off. Even Arnie, who had demanded to walk back all by himself, raced to the van as fast as his little legs would go. I jogged slow so he wouldn’t get stuck being last. It’s not his fault he can’t keep up.

  As I got closer to the car, my heart slowed with dread. I heard Seth asking, “What do you mean you lost the keys?”

  My dad was patting down his pants. “I mean I don’t have them, Seth. They might’ve fallen out of my pocket while we were hiking.”

  “Or they’re sitting on your seat,” Jackson said, his face pressed against the window. Sure enough, there were the keys. Lightning lit up the sky, and two seconds later thunder boomed all around us. We were soaked from head to toe in an instant.

  My dad pointed to a bench with a small covering. We ran over and huddled together. It was warm rain on a warm day, and my clothes clung to my body, making me sticky and uncomfortable. I watched as my dad called Jane and asked if she would bring us our spare set of keys. As he was describing where she could find them, I wondered how often my dad spoke to Jane. I mean, since when did he even have her number?

  “Jane should be here soon.”

  I sat down on the bench and Arnie climbed into my lap. Jackson plopped down to the right of me and Seth to the left. We had to squish together to fit on the narrow bench, and even then we barely managed to stay on.

  I was wet, sticky, tired, and stuck in a thunderstorm, my head hurt, and now I was sandwiched between my smelly brother and my other, smellier brother. When Jane pulled up a while later, all full of smiles and waving out the window, I was too grouchy to wave back. My nose was starting to throb again and I just wanted to go home.

  And then I got a genius idea.

  “Hey, Dad, do you think I could ride home with Jane? I mean, if it’s okay with her?”

  “Arnie wants to ride with Jane!” he yelled.

  “No, I wanna go with Jane,” Jackson whined.

  “It was my idea,” I tried to say, but no one could hear me above their bickering.

  “Arnie wants to go!”

  “No, I’m going with her!”

  I gave up and headed toward the van. Those two could fight it out; I’d had enough arguing with my brothers for the day.

  “I’ve never been so popular before!” Jane held her hand up, and a warm smile spread across her face. “But I believe Blue was the first to ask, so she gets to choose.” My head jerked up when she said my name. “Blue?”

  “Yes, please!” I didn’t even hesitate. No Arnie and no Jackson? Sign me up!

  My dad and Jane exchanged a look I didn’t quite understand. They seemed to know what the other was thinking without any words.

  I thought about that a lot on our way home.

  15

  “Hold it right there, young lady.”

  I froze midstep, my leg still dangling in the air. I immediately started to panic, but then I stopped myself. I even chuckled. There was no way my dad knew what day it was.

  “I know what day it is.” He suddenly stood
before me with his hand out. “Let’s see it.”

  I sighed as I unzipped my backpack, then shoved the crumpled envelope into his hand. I held my breath as I waited. He tore open the envelope and pulled out my dreaded end of the year report card. Five and a half seconds later, he looked up.

  “You have a D in science? But I thought you loved science?”

  “It’s not my fault,” I tried to explain. “It’s my teacher. She totally hates me.”

  My dad put his hand on my shoulder and guided me toward the kitchen. I continued to tell him all about the injustice of my grade until he opened up the fridge. I stopped, my words floating away like a fart in the wind.

  It was time for a milk talk.

  I resigned myself to the discussion that was to follow and slumped into a chair. I buried my head in my hands and waited for him to start. After a minute of silence, I looked up. A glass of plain milk sat before me. I took a small sip. Chocolate milk, or even strawberry milk, would’ve been nice, but the look on my dad’s face warned me to keep that comment to myself.

  By the time our glasses were empty, we had a plan to get my grade up. It started with a meeting involving both my teacher and my father. It ended with a little bit of tutoring and a lot of bit of homework over the summer.

  Seth came through the kitchen door at the end, followed by Jackson. They’d heard just enough of the conversation to be pests, as usual.

  “Wait a minute? Blue got a D?” Seth asked. Jackson wasn’t quite as nice.

  “I’m smarter than Blue! I’m smarter than Blue!” He flapped his arms like chicken wings while swinging his hips. That was a dance move that would never, ever catch on. “I’m smarter than Blue!”

  “You’re not smart enough to know that if you say that one more time, I will take away your video games for a week,” my dad said.

  I really do love that man.

  “Besides,” I said, “anyone can get all As in fourth grade. Fifth grade is way harder. I think we can all agree that I’m the smartest person here. Except for Dad,” I added quickly. He waved as he left the room.

  “We both know that’s not true,” Seth said with confidence. “You both don’t stand a chance compared to me.”

  “No fair!” Jackson said. “I’m smarter than both of you, but I haven’t been in fifth grade yet. You’re both cheating ’cause you know I’ll win.”