“Yeah, I understand.”
“I mean, she was like… eat a damn cheeseburger kind of skinny… and her boobs were just perfect. I hated her. And I was always… I don’t know… thicker.”
“Real,” I said.
“Right. Real. Anyway, she was horrible. And she was known for it. For stealing boyfriends. Just to sleep with them. To prove her point. And her father was a judge. So we were all told to stay away from her. Rich people.”
My mother winked at me.
I laughed.
“So one day I lost my cool,” my mother said. “My boyfriend… Lenny… we had gotten into an argument about something. And I actually worried about arguing with him. Fearing he would just go sleep with that bitch. Marissa. That was her name. I remember the day so clearly. I found a rock. A big rock. Sound familiar?”
My cheeks warmed up.
I wasn’t going to respond to that.
But…
Yes, mother, it does sound familiar. Except I got drunk, got a bag of rocks, and I trashed your new SUV. You and father never talked about it because you knew why I did it. In fact, I don’t even know what happened to the SUV or what you told anyone. And I don’t think I really care either.
“I threw that rock through the window and it felt good,” my mother said. “It felt really good.”
“So what happened?”
She laughed. “Well, it sort of backfired on me a little. I became a legend. But that night Marissa used what I did against me and against Lenny. They got drunk and slept together at Rick Stedelwater’s party.”
“Oh… ouch.”
“Not really,” my mother said. “Because while he was sleeping with her, I slashed all of Lenny’s tires.”
I nodded. “That’s impressive. But can we talk about how you dated a guy named Lenny? Like… what is that? Leslie and Lenny? That’s horrible.”
“I know,” my mother said. “That’s why I knew all along it would never work. So I took what I could get and enjoyed myself.”
She pushed away from the counter and sipped her coffee.
I sipped my coffee.
It wasn’t as good as when someone else made it. But I wasn’t going to complain. It wasn’t like my mother had much experience. Everything bought, cooked, and cleaned was done by someone getting a paycheck from my father.
This was the life she knew.
Which was why she ran back to it.
Hanging in the kitchen with Cherry was fun for a little while. Kind of like going camping or something. It was fun to do it for a night or two, but after that it got old. And annoying.
“I have something I want to show you,” my mother said. “Something I found the other day.”
She reached into her pocket and took out a folded picture.
She slid it across the counter and I laughed when I saw it.
It was me.
A very little me.
But I had the same hair.
My hair was forever bright blonde and long and knotty.
“You were five in that picture,” my mother said.
I was standing on a surfboard on the beach, right at the shoreline.
“You begged us to get you something that was dangerous,” my mother said. “A bicycle wasn’t enough for you. You wanted to do something extreme. We figured surfing would do the trick. You’d get hit with a wave or two, get some water up your nose, and you’d quit.”
“I guess that backfired too.”
“Yes it did,” my mother said. “But that’s okay. Look at who you are now, Novalee. You’re beautiful. Talented. Athletic. I never say it enough… or maybe at all… but I’m proud of you. For all you’ve done.”
“With surfing?” I asked, lifting my eyebrow.
“Yes,” my mother said. She put her coffee cup down and hurried around the counter. She then stood next to me. “Look. I know this life is hectic. And everything in life seems to be based on what you do that leads to money. You know? Like good grades in school gets you into a good college and that gets you a good paying job. But this stuff… the surfing… I mean, it’s not like you did it for money. But you treated it just as serious. I don’t know. I’m just proud of you, Novalee. And I wonder if everything I’ve done… or things I haven’t said… if that pushed you into what’s happening now.”
My mother became glossy eyed.
I looked down at the picture again.
Little Novalee on the beach. Her little fingers forever fighting with her hair.
And I always hated my hair being pulled back. Or put in a ponytail. Or styled.
“Novalee?” my mother asked.
“I’m not sure what to say to that,” I said. “This isn’t your fault. What I have with Elijah is just so…” I looked at her. “He didn’t even know he had a daughter. You know? He had no clue. And I believe him when he says that. And in a way, it hurts me so much yet makes me happy that he’s doing what he’s doing with is daughter. Because it proves he’s not a bad guy. But…”
“Your heart is the one getting crushed,” my mother said.
I nodded. “Yeah. And I can’t tell him to choose. And I can’t tell him to not go figure out his family. Maybe Rory isn’t the forever love we all dream of, but what if he can make it work? What if they can be together? And they can raise Cecily as a real family? There’s no way I can be in the way of that.”
“Jesus Christ, Novalee,” my mother said. “That’s what’s going through your head right now? No wonder you’re breaking car windows.”
My mother hugged me.
I fought back tears. I wasn’t going to cry in front of her.
She started to smother me a little, so I gently touched her arms, wanting to push her away from me.
I appreciated the coffee, the conversation, and the moment we were having.
The second my fingers squeezed even just a little at her left arm, my mother gasped and jumped back. She not only broke the hug from me, but she reached for her left arm.
Her face turned a shade of white that matched the coffee cup.
My eyes went wide.
I stood up and reached for her.
She swung her right hand at me.
So quick to defend herself, which already told me more than I needed to really know.
“No,” I said to her. “No…”
“Novalee. Stop.”
“Show me. Show me right now or I’ll call Officer Brian. How do you know him? Huh? Does he know?”
My mother swallowed hard. “It’s not what you think.”
“What does that mean?”
“Brian helped once,” she said. “When I did something stupid. I had a little too much to drink and tried to drive home.”
“What?”
“It’s not a big deal. Brian is a good guy. He knew I didn’t mean anything by it. He let me leave my SUV for someone else to get and he drove me home. No questions asked. Nothing happened. I always appreciated that. He’s a good guy. I could have gotten into a lot of trouble for what I accidentally did.”
Accidentally?
“That’s not what I meant,” I said.
“Huh?”
I grabbed my mother’s wrist. “Show me or I call for help.”
“There’s nothing to see,” she said. “You wouldn’t believe me anyway.”
“Then show me. Tell me. Right now.”
All the good vibes of a mother-daughter moment were gone.
We were back to the same old crap.
My mother slowly fought with the sleeve of her shirt.
I released my hold on her wrist.
Just above her elbow was where I saw the deep and dark purple bruise.
I quickly turned my head and looked at the picture of myself.
I blinked fast.
There were no tears though.
Which sort of surprised me. Maybe.
“I was walking down the stairs really quick,” my mother said.
“Oh yeah?” I asked. “And you just happened to fall?”
&nb
sp; “No,” I said. “I didn’t fall. And, yes, it was your father’s fault.”
“What was my fault?”
My father stepped into the kitchen.
* * *
“You did this to her arm?” I asked, my heart slamming inside my chest.
This was where I needed Elijah. To stand next to me and take this shit on.
“Yes, I did,” my father said. He then slipped his hand into my mother’s. “Did you tell her the story?”
“Not yet,” my mother said with a smile.
I knew that smile.
Fake.
“What happened?” I asked.
“I bought your mother a gown. But it was too long. I should have known better. She was so eager to show it to me, she rushed down the stairs. As she turned to come into the kitchen… wait, why am I telling this?”
My father nodded to my mother.
“Right,” she said. She cleared her throat. “I was on the last step and I did trip. I hit my arm off the railing so hard.”
“It was my fault,” my father said. “I was excited to see her in the gown. I told her to come show me. I was reading a stupid article. And I’m going to get new railings installed too. Those metal ones are dated. And dangerous.”
“You hit your arm,” I said to my mother.
“Yes,” she said with a smile. She reached for my face. “I promise.”
There was one problem though.
If my mother’s story was true, it would have been her right arm that she hit.
I had grabbed her left arm.
If she had gone down the stairs and to the left, that would have been to another part of the house. Far away from the kitchen.
My mother’s hand touched my face and I backed away.
“Oh, look at this picture,” my father said. “I remember this.” He picked up the picture of me off the counter. “I remember this like it was yesterday. Amazing. Wow, does time fly…”
“Yeah, it does,” I said. “I have to go now.”
“Go?” my mother asked. “Stay. You have to stay.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Am I going to have to tell your father what happened?”
“What happened?” my father asked.
I looked at my father. “I broke a car window with a baseball bat and got arrested. But that’s nothing compared to what you have done.”
“What are you talking about?” my father asked with a grin that made my stomach churn.
I felt sick and dizzy.
I pushed away from the counter and hurried to get out of the kitchen.
My mother chased after me.
“Novalee! Don’t leave!”
I stopped and turned.
My mother was almost on top of me.
I looked into her eyes and couldn’t figure anything out.
Who she was. Why she did this.
I thought about what Cherry had said.
To be patient with her. To let her know she was loved. To know she was never alone.
That meant I had to stay speechless.
And I had to leave.
I had to leave before there was another ‘accident’ with the stairs.
Chapter 9
Elijah
Last minute thing. We’ll talk later. I’m not done with you yet.
Rory left that note on Cecily’s changing table.
Rory also made her bed (which she never did before) and her bag and all of her stuff was gone. The only thing she left behind was the baby.
The baby who woke from a late nap extra grumpy.
I wasn’t sure if it was because of the late nap or because she could sense her mother was gone.
I cradled Cecily in my arms as I fed her after getting her a fresh diaper.
It amazed me how much of a pro I felt like. Like I had been doing it my entire life.
It also scared me.
I was used to it.
I wanted it.
I couldn’t imagine a day without Cecily in my life.
No matter how fucked up everything got.
My thoughts raced though.
How I had been talking to Rory just that morning. She left with Cecily to go see the beach. I left to meet up with Nero and then wanted to find Nova. That’s when Aira called to tell me Nova had been arrested.
Arrested.
What a word.
Arrested for doing something that I showed her how to do. I had gotten her started on the whole trashing a car thing. To help her alleviate some of that anger toward her parents. But now the anger… was because of me. And she couldn’t do anything to actually hurt me. Even though I was already hurting.
Rory had still been in the area when I left to go check on Nova. I lied to Rory. I called her and told her Nero needed me. I told myself as long as I met up with Nero, it wasn’t that bad of a lie. But it really was. I lied to the mother of my daughter to go help the woman I actually loved. It was all twisted, even for me.
And when I got back to the house, Rory was gone. Rosemary had the baby monitor while Cecily slept. She woke a few minutes after I got back and without saying a word to me, Rosemary handed me the baby monitor, smirked, and walked away.
This was my life.
Holding Cecily in my arms, standing outside, looking at the ocean, wishing there was a way to cut and paste time so that it was me and Nova together with a baby. And we were far away from the secret filled clutches of HCH and our pasts and everything that seemed to stack up so beautifully high that wanted to topple down on top of us.
There had to be a way to make sense of it all.
To make something work.
There was no choice.
Rory and I… we were never…
My phone buzzed in my back pocket. That was a good thing. The thoughts that were about to come forward weren’t good for anyone.
“Let’s see who that is,” I said to Cecily as I dug my phone out of my back pocket.
It was Nova.
Sorry 2 bother u. Need u asap
I licked my lips.
I really could have went for a cigarette right then.
But being alone with Cecily meant no smoking at all. Hell, if anything, I needed to stop doing that anyway. Not just for Cecily’s sake but for my own. That kind of stuff was going to eventually catch up to me.
Before I decided to quit smoking, I had a bigger decision to make.
I looked back at the house and knew I wasn’t going to leave Cecily there. My father wanted nothing to do with her. And Rosemary only seemed to care about the baby when Rory was around. Maybe that was Rosemary’s way of really hurting me. Knowing I loved someone else so she played nice with Rory to build up the tension between me and Rory. A genius, yet evil bitch move.
I wasn’t even going to ask either.
I looked at Cecily instead.
“What do you think, little girl?” I whispered to Cecily. “Want to help me with something?”
Cecily obviously didn’t answer. And couldn’t answer.
The only thing she could do was slap my shoulder and make a wet, gurgling noise.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” I said to her.
I had to reply to Nova’s text with one hand.
B there soon
* * *
She was pacing at the end of the long driveway that led to her parent’s house.
It wasn’t even worth asking what was on her mind.
Fucking Nova was carrying the world on her back and most of it I put there.
I stopped the SUV I borrowed and put the window down.
Nova dove at the open window and grabbed for my face. When her lips brushed against mine, I threw my right hand out the window and slipped my fingers into her hair.
No way I was going to lose this moment with her.
No fucking way at all.
We kissed for no more than a few seconds before Cecily let out a cooing yell that stopped Nova in mid kiss. My lips closed to her bottom lip and I lowered my head.
“Fuck
,” I whispered.
“You have…”
“Just her,” I said. I looked at Nova. “I have no idea where Rory went.”
“What?”
“She left a note. Took off while Cecily was sleeping.”
“What do you mean… took off? As in…”
“She said she’d be back,” I said. “That’s what the note said. I don’t know. I don’t think I care either. It would probably be better this way for everyone.”
“What are you going to do with a baby, Elijah?”
Nova quickly covered her mouth and shut her eyes.
“I’m going to raise the baby, Nova,” I said.
She lowered her hands. “That came out wrong.”
“No, it didn’t. It’s what you meant to say. That’s okay.”
“Elijah…”
“You said you needed me,” I said. “I’m keeping my word to you. I assume something happened with your parents. And there’s no way in hell I’m leaving you stranded here. So get in the passenger seat and let’s get out of here. I’ll take you anywhere you want to go. Just as long as I know you’re safe.”
Nova looked back and then looked at me again. She licked her bottom lip and nodded.
“Okay,” she said.
I watched her run around the front of the SUV.
Darting in and out of the headlights. Her messy, blonde hair dancing behind her. I could still taste her lips on my lips. Everything about her was just so fucking…
I followed her movements until she got to the passenger door.
She stepped again and was at the back passenger door.
Where Cecily was strapped into her car seat.
It was almost impossible to see Cecily through the tinted window.
Nova finally got into the passenger seat. She quickly turned and looked back at the car seat. But Cecily was so tiny compared to her seat. You could only see her little, pink shoes playfully kicking up and down.
When Nova and I locked eyes again, I felt the rush of everything.
The love. The pain. The fear. The doubt. The sense of forever.
The taste of the ocean on her skin.
The breathless whispers into my ear as I…
“Go,” she whispered.
I drove her away from her parent’s house.
HIDDEN CREEK CRY: a hidden creek high noval Page 10