Blue Coyote Motel

by Dianne Harman

  When he made the decision to leave El Monte for good, he called his old friends in Denver, mentioning that he had left the church for personal reasons and that he was thinking of moving to Denver. If they knew what had happened to him, they never mentioned it. They immediately asked him to come to Denver and help them with a charitable project. They explained to him that a large donor in their church had a family member who had been greatly helped by the treatment he had received at a counseling center. The donor wanted to set up a non-profit outpatient counseling clinic, but he didn't want it to be church-oriented. Since his friends were both Catholic priests, they could hardly open up a clinic and not have it be a part of the church, but Sean could. Very soon, he was on his way to Denver.

  He couldn't believe his luck. Almost immediately upon his arrival in Denver, Sean found himself employed as the lead psychologist and director of the non-profit clinic his friends had told him about. Although it was not yet open to the public, it was nearing completion. Sean immediately became immersed in the numerous details involved in getting it ready to open its doors.

  Just as the donor wished, it was to be non-religious in nature. There would be three other psychologists, one who would deal with young people, one who would deal with the large local homeless population, and one who would deal with individuals and families facing the challenges of Alzheimer's. Sean was to oversee the three psychologists and also be available for private consultations. It was similar to the counseling he had done as a priest, but the money was a lot better.

  He bought a condominium with a view of the Rocky Mountains. It felt strange to have so many "things" after leading such a spartan lifestyle for so long. He needed furniture, kitchen items, and linens. For the first time in his life, he had to make decorating decisions regarding colors and motifs. He found he really liked to cook and spent many nights unwinding from the day in front of his stove, carefully following the directions of a food expert he had seen on TV.

  But the strangest thing of all, the thing he still had trouble even admitting to himself, was that he was attracted to one of the female psychologists he had hired. Jeanne was her name and she had spent her whole life in Denver. She'd attended local schools and ultimately obtained a Master's Degree in Psychology at Denver University. She put herself through school teaching skiing during the winter months and working as a fly-fishing guide during the summer. She was in her early 40s, had never been married, was athletic, fit, and had the smoldering sex appeal of the classic American outdoor woman.

  Sean first met Jeanne when he interviewed her. During the initial interview Sean mentioned that he had enjoyed skiing the few times he had been. He thought little of it until a few months later when Jeanne asked if he'd like to come skiing with her after New Year's. Jeanne said that was the best time to ski, right after the local schools had started back up after the holidays and the crowds on the slopes had disappeared. Sean told her he'd like to try it, but to remember that he was a beginner and she was an expert.

  The day Sean spent with Jeanne on the slopes was one of the most enjoyable days he could ever remember. Jeanne's parents had been alcoholics and she refused to drink. Although Sean had no desire now for alcohol, it just made his developing friendship with Jeanne that much easier. Under her guidance, he discovered he was a passable skier. It was an enchanting day, a day that Sean would never forget. Several more days together followed, each just as enjoyable as the first.

  As if to counterpoint how wonderful his new life was, occasionally Sean would wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat as he slowly came out of a nightmare from his past. Young boys and vodka – the remembrances terrified him. Whenever the nightmares occurred, he swore to himself that no matter what, he would never go back to that way of life. He would rather die.

  Long ago Sean had come to terms with the fact that he was a homosexual. Now he was beginning to question it. Could it be that since he had been forbidden by the Church to marry or have sexual relations with women, he had simply found another outlet, one not suitable in mainstream society, but one that was often quietly condoned by the Church? Was that what had caused this compelling interest in young boys?

  A couple of months after they had first gone skiing, Sean admitted to himself that he'd fallen in love with Jeanne and he knew he had to tell her about his past. To go any further in their relationship without telling her would not only be unfair to her, it went completely against the honesty that was integral to the counseling programs they sponsored each week. To take ownership of whatever your problems and shortcomings were was a very important element in healing and moving on. With that thought in mind, Sean invited Jeanne to have dinner with him at his home.

  After a wonderful meal of braised short ribs, homemade bread, spinach salad, and a dessert of lemon meringue pie, Sean said, "Jeanne, there's something I need to tell you. Actually there are several things I need to tell you. The first one is that I love you. You've come to mean everything to me. I never thought something like this would happen to me, but it has. However, this may be the only time you'll ever hear me say that because the other things I need to tell you may destroy any feelings you might have for me." He wrung his hands as he spoke to her, clearly nervous and agitated.

  "Sean, wait," Jeanne said. "If you're going to tell me how you were defrocked for seducing young boys and about your alcoholism, I know all about it. I had you checked out completely before I ever agreed to work at the clinic for you. I will also tell you that the man who did those things is not the man I've come to know and love. We all would like to change things in our past. You're not alone, but I love a man who cares about people, who gets up each day wondering how he can make the world a better place, a man who loves the beauty of nature and takes great pleasure in cooking. Sean, I love you for who you are now, not what you've been."

  "You knew all about my past and you still agreed to work for me?" Sean asked incredulously.

  "Yes," Jeanne said, "and I've been waiting for you to tell me you love me for quite a while. Come, you can begin to show me as well." Jeanne stood up, took his hand, and led him to the bedroom.

  Sean's mind was spinning. She knew and now she wanted him to make love to her. He had never been with a woman. What if he made a fool of himself? Even if his past hadn't ruined the relationship, the next hour very well might.

  Jeanne was no stranger to the carnal world and deftly guided Sean in the beginning. Sean's male instincts gradually kicked in and as the heat of the moment grew, with a willing and warm woman under him, he climaxed with guttural, animal sounds. Afterwards, Jeanne gently guided his hand, helping her to climax as well. Both were perspiring heavily as they lay in the warm aftermath of their lovemaking.

  "Jeanne, I know it's sudden and unexpected, but I want to marry you. I'm not getting any younger; I know what I want and what I want is you. Please say you'll be my wife."

  "Yes, yes, yes," Jeanne screamed. To his utter surprise, she jumped on top of him and rhythmically stroked him to a stage of excitement he had never experienced before, feeling the uncontrollable heat for the second time that night. When they made love again, Sean knew to hold back, letting Jeanne climax before he did. He thought he could become quite good as this. As they lay locked in each other's arms, Jeanne whispered to him, "When can we get married?"

  "As soon as possible. Why wait? Let's go to that little church we passed on our ski trip. Let's do it right away." Sean pulled her close and vowed he would do everything he could to deserve her faith and love. "Jeanne, spend the night and move in with me tomorrow. I want to be with you every moment. At our age, there's no reason to wait.”

  Jeanne and Sean never spent a night apart from that moment on. His days were filled helping people, something he passionately loved. He loved Jeanne just as passionately and proved it to her every night, sometimes several times a night. It was the best of times for Sean.

  CHAPTER 17

  Maria spent most of the four hour ride back to Irvine making lists. Fortunate
ly, their condominium was small, so their furniture would easily fit into a U-Haul truck. The old man at the motel had very little furniture in the house behind the motel and from what Maria had seen, there was nothing there she would want. She needed to pack the kitchen items, bedding, and their clothes. She made a note to drop off her work clothes at the church, thinking it rather fitting that the "rich lady" clothes she still had would be going back to the church. Jeans and tees would be her new wardrobe staple.

  Moore Labs had a dress code, which required that all of the scientists who worked there wear ties. They didn't have to wear suits because of their extensive work in the labs, but Sidney Moore wanted them to look professional, so even under their lab coats they wore ties. Maria made a note to donate most of Jeffrey's ties to the church as well.

  Late in the day they were back in Irvine. Jeffrey called the real estate broker who had originally sold them the condominium and made an appointment to meet with him the following day to put their unit on the market. Next, he called a U-Haul center and made arrangements to rent a truck in two days with a proviso that he would drop it off in Blythe after they unpacked at the motel. In the meantime, Maria drove around the neighborhood getting cardboard boxes from several stores and began to pack up the household goods.

  That night, the enormity of what they were about to do kept Maria from sleeping. The old aging fears returned, looming larger than ever. What if Jeffrey couldn't get the extracts he needed to make the hormone? Would the desert air cause her to age? What about exposure to the sun and wind? Would the physical work that she would be doing cause her to age? The days of being inside a building protected from the elements would be gone. Would her skin become leathery and lined because she would be living in a place where the furnace ran full time in the winter and the air-conditioner ran constantly in the summer? Maria and Jeffrey rarely used their furnace or air-conditioner in Irvine. She worried what such a sudden change would have on her physical appearance. Finally, she fell asleep, letting her future rest in God's hands, just as her mother and the church had taught her to do so long ago.

  They were up early on Sunday, preparing for what they knew was going to be a very busy day. Jeffrey was to meet with the realtor and then go see his parents, telling them what he and Maria had decided to do. Meanwhile, Maria cleaned out the refrigerator and the pantry. She decided to take a few refrigerator items in a cooler with them, knowing she and Jeffrey wouldn't have time to stock up in Blythe the day they arrived at the motel. The rest of the food she packed up to take to her parents. When Maria had called and told them of their plans, they were not happy. They were very close to one another and Maria and Jeffrey spent a couple of nights each week at their home. This was going to be very hard on Elena and Fabian.

  Next on her "to-do" list was the church. When she knocked on the "Outreach" door at the church, it was quickly opened by Judy Greer. "Maria, I haven't seen you for years. You don't look a day older than the last time I saw you! What's your secret? I've often thought about you, wondering how you were doing. Since your wedding, I've lost track of you. I guess we must be going to different church services. From the looks of you, your life must be going well."

  "My life is going very well, thank you." Maria said. "Actually, my life is changing. That's why I'm here. Jeffrey and I bought a motel just off the 10 Freeway, out in the desert on the road between LA and Phoenix. He's got a bit of scientific burnout and we decided to do something entirely new. I'm really excited. I've got some boxes of clothes I'd like to donate to the church. Maybe they will help some young woman the way the ‘rich lady's’ clothes helped me. I don't think I'll need them in the desert."

  "I wish you well, Maria. You're one of the few young women who ever made it out of the barrio. I'm happy we could help. The "rich lady" who donated the clothes the day you got your job was another one who made it out of the barrio. That's one reason she always donated so much. I always thought that maybe she bought clothes without ever wearing them just so she could give them to us. She wanted to help someone and it looks like she did. Her husband was transferred to San Francisco a few years ago and I haven't seen her since. Guess there's kind of a lineage in these clothes. We'll see who gets them next."

  Judy gave Maria a big hug and said, "I'll help you get the boxes from the car and when you get ready to open the motel, let me know the name and some information about it. If I hear of anyone who is going that way, I'll tell them to stop in and say hello. I really wish you all the best of luck. It sounds exciting!"

  Maria drove back to the condo, arriving just in time to let in the professional cleaning crew that the realtor had been able to arrange on short notice. Actually, Maria was very glad he had. She was running out of time and if she had to do a deep clean on the condo, plus the packing, she'd be up all night. That was no way to start a new life!

  Monday morning they looked around the condo for the last time, feeling a bit sad to be leaving it. Maria remembered how excited she had been when they bought it. It represented everything good about getting out of the barrio. There were no rats or gangs in Irvine. She remembered how happy and proud her mother had been of her. She and Jeffrey had carefully picked out each piece of furniture, each piece of linen, the kitchen items, and everything else that made a house a home. It had been their home for several years, a happy home. Now they were leaving for a new and uncertain life.

  She looked back one last time with tears in her eyes. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jeffrey wipe something out of his eye. While the new was exciting, the old had been very, very comfortable.

  CHAPTER 18

  The drive from Irvine to the motel was uneventful. Jeffrey drove the U-Haul truck, while Maria followed in their van. Just as he had said he would, the old man was waiting for them, ready to leave, with his car packed.

  "Here's them papers you wanted drawn up. Had my lawyer friend do it. This sheet of paper has the address and telephone number where I'll be if you need me. My lawyer friend will take care of the rest of the sale. You'll have to pay the balance of the sale price to him through an escrow account he's set up. I'm gettin' outta here. Hope this place makes you happier than it did me," the old man said.

  He got into his rusted old Lincoln, lit a cigarette, and waved good-bye out of the broken window on the driver's side. He was sure that whatever waited for him in Montana was better than what had happened to him here. He left in a cloud of dust, glad to be rid of the place where his wife had died.

  Maria and Jeffrey unpacked for the next couple of hours, moving the little furniture that was left in their new house outside. After they unloaded the U-Haul, they packed up the old man's furniture to take to the Goodwill in Blythe the next day on their way to return the U-Haul.

  Exhausted, they ate what Maria had brought in the cooler and got into the bed they'd made. They could hear the desert wind howling outside their window. The stars in the sky provided the only light and they shone brilliantly. It was cold and desolate in the desert winter. Even though the howling wind was a foreign, eerie sound, it was strangely comforting. Nothing mattered but that they were alone in the desert and they were together. They snuggled, eager for the warmth of the other, and soon both fell into a deep sleep.

  At 2:15 a.m., Maria was awakened by the sound of the roaring wind which had intensified. Oh well, she thought, as long as I'm awake I might as well go to the bathroom. She didn't want to wake Jeffrey so when her eyes had adjusted to the darkness, she made her way into the bathroom. The full moon shone through the small window, bathing the bathroom in a soft light. Walking the few steps to the toilet, she passed by the medicine cabinet mirror and stopped. It was cracked in the center in a jagged line and as she looked in the mirror, it was as if she was looking at two people.

  By some strange play of the moonlight, the face she saw on the right side of the crack was exactly as she looked now, but gasping involuntarily, she stared at the left side of the crack and saw herself as she would look twenty years from now. She stood stone still
, rooted to the spot. Several minutes went by while she simply stared, looking first to the right side of the crack, then to the left. She realized what she was seeing was her future if Jeffrey failed to get the extracts he needed for the hormone. She continued to stare into the broken mirror, becoming more and more terrified. In a few minutes, the light changed and both sides of the cracked glass merged, reflecting her as she was now, young and beautiful. She breathed a sigh of relief.

  As she got back in bed, she could feel her heart racing and in that moment she knew she would do whatever was necessary to make sure that Jeffrey kept her looking young. She didn't want to look old. She refused to accept aging and swore it would never happen. A cold tingle of fear ran down her back. The mere thought of getting old terrified her. No, I'm not going to let that happen, she thought as she finally drifted off to sleep.

  CHAPTER 19

  This was not fun. This was not how it was supposed to be. Weddings were supposed to be joyous occasions. Just before Jorge and Luisa Ortega boarded the flight from Rio to Los Angeles, they discovered that all of the Southern California airports were shut down due to an air controller's strike. They were finally able to get a flight to Phoenix with a two hour layover in Miami where they cleared Immigration and Customs. From Phoenix, they were to drive a rental car to Laguna Beach, located on the coast, south of Los Angeles.

  Luisa's sister, Selena, was getting married in Laguna Beach in three days. Jorge and Luisa had planned on leaving with the rest of the family a week ago, but, as usual, Jorge had gotten tied up with his business in the Amazon. Luisa could have predicted something would happen. It always did. With Jorge, business came first. Jorge and his father, Tomas, owned a huge gold mining operation located in one of the most remote areas of the Amazon. It was a wild and lawless area. With gold prices on the world market approaching $1,800 per ounce, their efforts were well compensated. The Ortega mining operations were estimated to hold thirty percent of the known gold reserves in the world.