‘Yeah.’ Alice found herself thinking she wished she’d asked for more. Danger money for losing her mind, because that’s how she was beginning to feel.
‘Seriously, though, go to HR if you’re having a major issue. They might have some advice or strategies for how to cope.’
That stung. How to cope? It’s not me! Alice wanted to shout. But what was the point? She couldn’t really put her feelings into words that wouldn’t sound petty, and she ran the risk of being told she was sounding hysterical. It didn’t help that David was so far away when probably all she needed was a hug and his strong arms around her. Then she’d feel much better. Their phone calls often left her feeling down, even though she always looked forward to hearing his voice. Speaking of being out of sync, she thought.
‘Why don’t you go and get a massage or your nails or hair done as a treat over the weekend? You deserve it.’
‘You know, I think I might. Thanks.’ Hm, I probably should tell you Bill is sleeping in our room now …
‘How’s the house?’
‘Good, same as when you left. Bill’s missing you.’
‘I doubt that,’ David said with a laugh.
‘Well, I am,’ Alice said, and was surprised to find tears springing into her eyes. ‘Speaking of which, I’ve just come in. I’m starving and need to feed Bill. I can’t stand the way he’s looking at me,’ she said, trying to sound light and keep the choke out of her voice.
‘Okay, I’ll let you go.’
‘Enjoy your golf tomorrow.’
‘I will. Thanks. And you enjoy your weekend. Relax and rest up. Next week is a new one. It’ll get easier.’
Alice smiled at David’s final little pep talk as she put the phone down. He always concluded a conversation by reiterating the main points he’d made – just like a university essay, really. Or one of his meetings, most likely. That was upper-middle management for you. Alice wished Carmel would be clearer like that and stop communicating in riddles and making Alice guess and second-guess herself while trying to figure out what her boss wanted. And while she was at it, Carmel should stop with the snide, sarcastic comments. At least she spent much of her time out of the office. Alice might be a nervous wreck by now if Carmel were nearby all day, peering over her shoulder, listening in to her phone calls and then commenting on what Alice had said and correcting how she’d said it for next time.
Though, perhaps then there wouldn’t be so many apparent misunderstandings, and Alice wouldn’t feel like an incompetent fool.
Gah! I don’t know!
‘Come on, Bill, let’s go and get some takeaway.’ Alice knew she was probably about to self-medicate with food, but she didn’t care. At least she wasn’t ordering in. More fresh air would be good, and having a mission instead of walking aimlessly around the park with Bill might help her clear her head and form some coherent conclusions about everything. A sudden craving for rich, juicy garlic bread took over her thoughts.
Chapter Eight
Saturday morning Alice opened her eyes with a start. She sat up and looked around, trying to figure out what had woken her. She rubbed her eyes. Oh god, that’s right, it was a dream. But what had she been dreaming about? Alice rarely remembered her dreams, rarely dreamt at all, actually. Now her eyes had adjusted to the dark, she could make out Bill on his bed beside hers sitting to attention. She must have been tossing and turning. Alice leant over to check the time. Six-thirty – her usual time to wake. She felt a little groggy – like she needed another hour’s worth of sleep. But she’d never go back to sleep, she never did. Lying here would be relaxing but a complete waste of time.
‘Do you fancy a walk, Bill?’ she said, throwing back the covers.
The dog wagged his little tail and turned around and around in his bed, apparently very excited. Alice smiled as she got dressed, her tiredness evaporating thanks to Bill’s glee at the prospect of being taken out.
In the kitchen, she put her travel mug under their hideously expensive but very cool looking automatic coffee machine. It was an example of David’s skewed economics. He thought that if they bought this machine they wouldn’t need to buy coffee out again, which would save them money in the long run. Alice wasn’t sure how many cups the machine would have to make in order to pay for itself, but estimated it had some way to go. Oh well, it did make great coffee.
As she took her phone from the charger, she noticed there were about twenty-five emails from Carmel. She rolled her eyes as she scrolled through the first few. They were essentially ‘notes-to-self’ more than messages to her. As a very tidy, organised individual, Alice hated an overloaded email inbox, and items that hadn’t been dealt with tended to make her feel a little anxious. One thing she was quickly realising was she was now accessible to Carmel 24/7 via her smartphone. She felt a whole new wave of respect for Todd’s sparse communication, and was also beginning to understand why David spent so much time with his eyes practically glued to his phone. Dare she delete her Gold, Taylor and Murphy email account? They weren’t paying for her phone. She could have what she wanted on her own device, couldn’t she? Her heart rate spiked slightly. No, the IT department had set it up, so that kind of made it don’t-touch company property, didn’t it? Even though it was her phone? Probably. Anyway, it was useful to have everything right at hand all the time. She’d just have to learn to not give a toss about the volume and steadily work her way through all the emails and messages. Otherwise she might go completely mad.
She tucked the phone and keys into the pocket of her running leggings and left the house with mug in one hand and Bill’s lead in the other. She’d never been one for headphones when she was walking – she didn’t like not knowing what was going on around her. And now she had Bill to take care of, she wanted to give him her full attention.
It was a cool, brisk morning but even when Alice got back to the house with a panting Bill, she still didn’t feel wide-awake and invigorated. She was usually energetic, especially after some fresh air and exercise, but thanks to Carmel and Gold, Taylor and Murphy Real Estate plaguing her thoughts she just felt drained. She really needed to do something to take her mind off it all. But what? she wondered as she headed into the shower. She’d do the weekly shopping at the local fresh food market as she and David always did. But then what? Often when she was alone or wanted to let off some steam she went to the pool and swam laps. Today she didn’t have the energy. She could go clothes shopping and get some retail therapy or other therapy, as David had suggested. Her favourite shopping buddies were Liz, Sarah and Claire – wives of some of David’s colleagues who had warmly and generously welcomed Alice into their tightknit group when she’d first arrived in Melbourne. She always had a great time out with them, except for the slightly insecure, deflating feeling of having to be careful with her money while they loved buying designer clothes and barely even checked the prices before handing over their credit cards.
The thought of going shopping with them and treating herself with David’s blessing should have filled her with happiness. But as Alice rinsed the conditioner from her hair an image of what the day would look like formed in her mind. They’d each chatter about what they’d been up to since they’d last caught up. And they would ask Alice about her new job, which she’d excitedly announced to all of her friends via text message. It had been so lovely to receive their enthusiastic responses, but now Alice wished she hadn’t been so hasty. Not that she could have held back such news for long when her job hunt had been her main topic of conversation for months. The thought of talking about it with anyone – even Lauren or Ruth who were her dearest and wisest friends, and would probably have some good advice or at least make her feel better – suddenly made Alice feel exhausted. No, what she really wanted and needed was a quiet day by herself to recharge. She’d do the market shopping and then head to Southbank for a wander through the National Gallery, but she wouldn’t visit the impressionist exhibition that had just opened because David would want to go to it with her. Visiting art g
alleries was one of the few things they regularly did together.
Out of the shower, sitting in her robe while trying to decide what to wear, Alice picked up her phone. She couldn’t resist trying to reduce the email inbox a little. Perhaps she could delete some of Carmel’s more trivial communications. But did she dare? Sometimes she’d noticed Carmel didn’t seem to recall sending something or mentioning something, but then other times she would make a big deal about something that, to Alice, seemed a complete no-brainer or not even worth a breath or key-stroke to mention. At least Carmel seemed to get over things quickly. Though how quickly was a little disconcerting.
Alice gasped aloud when the phone began to vibrate in her hand and then started to ring. Her eyes bugged as she saw Carmel Gold’s name on the screen. Her heart raced and she began to quiver all over – as if she’d been caught doing something she oughtn’t. Jen’s words, ‘She will suck you dry’, came to her. For a split second Alice thought about hitting the red spot on the phone and sending the call to voicemail, but stopped herself in time. Then Carmel would know she was ignoring the call. Instead she sat and listened through the six rings – which seemed to take forever – her heart hammering more and more. She really felt watched, as if Carmel could actually see her sitting there not answering the call. She looked around. Her face was burning. She took several deep breaths while she waited to see if Carmel would leave a message. Perhaps it wasn’t important enough to leave a voicemail.
Oh, but apparently it was, Alice realised with a sigh, when a text came informing her she had a message. Should she ignore that? But curiosity got the better of her. She didn’t have to respond … She dialled the number and put it on speaker.
‘I’ll be there in ten minutes,’ Carmel said in the message.
Alice frowned. What? No, she must have dialled the wrong number. Not for the first time Alice cursed Carmel’s brevity and lax use of manners and salutations. Hang on. Did she say ‘Alice’ right at the end just before it cut off? Alice played the message again. And again it was hard to tell. She couldn’t rule it in or out. What to do about it? She didn’t want to phone Carmel and check. It was her day off – one of two, in fact. No, she’d get dressed. And she’d get dressed nicely so as to be feeling bold and confident just in case Carmel did turn up. Then she’d be ready to have a firm, rational conversation and set some boundaries.
As she put on her favourite dressy black jeans and electric blue and black top Alice started to feel calmer. Carmel wouldn’t know where she lived, anyway. No, that message wasn’t for me. Most likely Carmel has a friend called Alison and it was a message meant for her. Oh, but should I phone her back and let her know I got the message instead? Oh god. Damn it, why did all thoughts of Carmel tie her up in knots? Alice had always suffered episodes of mild anxiety – usually brought on by her mother – but nothing like this. She was being ridiculous.
I don’t have to do anything, it’s my life. But so much rests on Carmel liking me, Alice reminded herself. No, she didn’t need to do anything except find something interesting to do with her day. If Carmel had dialled the wrong number, it wasn’t Alice’s fault. She’d turn up at Alison’s and maybe have to wait while her friend got organised – poor Alison, Carmel hated being kept waiting – and then in the car they’d laugh at the confusion and Carmel would say how Alice must have wondered what that message was all about. Or maybe not. Alice hadn’t seen any sign of a genuine sense of humour in Carmel. But she’d seen plenty of examples of sarcasm and little digs. Yes, they’d probably take great joy in Alice being disturbed by a weird message on a Saturday morning.
Listen to me, Bill, I’m going completely nuts. As if Carmel will give it a second thought if it doesn’t directly have an impact on her right at that moment. Alice zipped on her boots and went to the kitchen for more coffee. Suddenly she was hungry and microwaved pizza left over from the night before seemed the perfect breakfast and antidote to all her mental toing-and-froing and anguish. Yep, overthinking!
Alice paused in her chewing of her slightly rubbery but delicious breakfast when her phone pinged with a text message. She tilted the device towards her to check it. It was from Carmel.
Out the front. Car is running! Hurry up!
Telling herself it wasn’t meant for her, she resumed eating.
When the doorbell rang Alice cocked her head. Was her hearing playing tricks on her? But there it was again – twice. Her heart stopped and she froze. No, surely not. She made her way gingerly on tip-toes to the door and looked through the peephole. And saw Carmel with her back to Alice. Oh my god. It is her. But thank god, she’s leaving. Giving up. Yay for no patience!
Uh-oh. Spoke too soon, Alice thought as the horn of the black, two-door Mercedes honked. Jesus, it’s eight o’clock on a Saturday. Stop it! Alice cringed. The last thing she needed were cranky neighbours when she’d only just moved in.
A second – longer – honk made Alice tear open the door and run the few steps down the path to the kerb. The dark window slid down.
‘Carmel,’ she said, but that was all she managed to get out.
‘Come on,’ Carmel said. ‘We’re running late.’
‘I’m not, um … I …’ Alice stammered.
‘Alice, do you want to become an agent or not?’
‘Well, I … I.’
‘Where’s your handbag, your phone? You’ll need to take notes,’ Carmel said. And then it dawned on Alice and she wondered how she could have been so thick. Saturday is one of the biggest days in real estate. Der!
‘Hang on.’ And before Alice knew what she was doing, she’d ducked back inside the house, grabbed her handbag, thrown her phone into it, called goodbye to Bill – she could hear his metal name tag jangling against his food bowl – locked the door and was folding herself into the passenger seat of Carmel’s car.
Alice looked around her in awe at all the leather and opulence while cursing her lack of backbone and inability to say no. What was it about this woman? What had she done to Alice? For goodness sake, she thought, putting on her seatbelt.
‘Right, here’s our work for today,’ Carmel said, handing Alice her black leather folder. The day? Work? Oh well, Alice thought settling back into her plush seat. It will be good to see how it all works from the other side. And maybe Carmel might start to like me more. Perhaps the fact that she was taking her along today was a good sign and the start of a better working relationship.
*
Alice stood for a moment watching Carmel’s car drive away, unable to move. God, what a day. She was exhausted from hurrying to keep up with Carmel. She couldn’t believe the energy of the woman, who had consumed nothing all day, except what appeared to be some kind of green smoothie and a large coffee – the containers of which were stacked in the Merc’s cup holders. Alice’s stomach had given up protesting over an hour ago. It was nearly four-thirty and she usually ate lunch as close to noon as possible. Her feet had stopped protesting, too, having been numb for the past half hour since she’d sat down in the car. But now she was back standing up she wasn’t sure they’d get her to the front door and inside. And these were her most comfortable boots, or so she’d thought. How the hell did Carmel totter about on stilettoes all day – and get around so quickly? Alice had struggled to keep up, even with her long legs. It had been an interesting day, but not exactly educational. All she’d done was stand and hold stuff for Carmel and scurry about after her.
The most disappointing thing about her giving up her day was that she didn’t think she’d made any headway with getting to know Carmel better or endearing herself to her. As per usual, Carmel hadn’t given her any encouragement or wasted her breath with any pleasantries. Alice felt a wave of anger and disappointment that Carmel hadn’t even thanked her for giving up her day. Unpaid. Suddenly Alice’s stomach began groaning loudly. And then she started to feel headachy and a little dizzy. Thank god for the leftover pizza, she thought, dashing inside as fast as her tired feet would take her.
*
&
nbsp; After a brief conversation with David where she didn’t get a chance to express her dismay about all things Carmel Gold because he was too busy giving a hole-by-hole description of his round of golf, Alice turned her phone off. She knew it would take all her willpower not to turn it back on and check it – something she did at least every five minutes – but she was determined that tomorrow there would not be a repeat of today. No siree!
‘We’re going to have a quiet day alone tomorrow, Bill,’ she declared, plopping down on the sofa with the remote. She felt completely drained and needed to recharge – and it wasn’t just physical. Carmel really did seem to somehow suck the life out of her.
Chapter Nine
Alice started the working week with a serious case of Monday-itis. It was lucky she had Bill to get up to, otherwise she might have considered calling in sick despite not having accumulated any sick leave yet. But when she’d taken Bill for a walk she convinced herself to suck it up and get ready. As David had said, a new full-time job took some getting used to – physically, mentally and emotionally. It didn’t help that she’d only had a one-day weekend. The more she thought about working, unpaid, on Saturday the more annoyed she was that it hadn’t been a useful experience. Instead of helping her to figure Carmel out, spending the day with her had only made Alice less sure about the woman. Apart from her lack of pleasantries and occasional terse expressions of frustration, Carmel had smiled and sometimes even seemed pleasant enough and bubbly, but there was something about her that bothered Alice, something she just couldn’t put her finger on.
On Sunday night, sitting with a big bowl of popcorn binge-watching The Good Wife, Alice had remembered how Carmel had snapped at the auctioneer at the auction of a house in Hawthorn – a snap that was only audible to Alice because she was standing so close. If she hadn’t heard the hiss of words, she would have thought they were having a friendly conversation because Carmel had had a smile plastered on her face the whole time. At one point Alice remembered wondering if Carmel’s face was full of Botox because her expression seemed so fixed. Oh well, whatever she did and however she was seemed to work. She was hugely successful, by all accounts, and the Hawthorn property had sold at a price two hundred thousand dollars over the reserve – when bidding had seemed to be well and truly stalled just below the reserve. Carmel was clearly very persuasive as she moved between bidders. Initially some had shaken their heads, seeming to indicate they were at their limit. But after Carmel talked to them they went on to hold their paddles up several more times, finally making the successful bid. Oh how Alice’s heart had sunk as the young couple with a baby in a pram and another child on the woman’s hip had left looking so dejected.
A Life of Her Own Page 7