*
Alice let out a deep breath as she sat down at her desk and began going through her emails before tackling the necessary Monday morning routine of updating the results from the weekend on the database and various websites. She had to get this done as quickly as possible, in between dealing with the calls diverted from Carmel’s phone from people wanting to book in a time to see a property they hadn’t got to on the weekend. All the while she was trying to outrun the new instructions coming in thick and fast from Carmel and not give in to the feeling of being completely overwhelmed. She was only just holding it together, furiously blinking back tears of frustration. She wasn’t even hormonal. God, how would she be then? Trying not to sigh out loud, she glanced up to see a small, friendly looking, middle-aged woman standing beside her cubicle.
‘Knock, knock,’ the woman said, and smiled warmly. ‘Alice? I’m Brenda Andrews, the HR Manager. We spoke that day to tee up your interview with Carmel.’
‘Oh, yes, hello,’ Alice said, getting out of her chair and extending her hand.
‘Can we organise a time to chat?’
No. ‘Sure.’ God, what have I done wrong?
‘I just want to see how you’re settling in,’ she said. Alice thought she must have detected her pessimism.
‘Oh. Okay. When?’
‘How about four pm? We can get a coffee and go to a conference room?’
‘Um, er, I’m not sure. I’ve got heaps to do,’ Alice said, already feeling queasy at the thought of leaving her desk and then getting told off by Carmel for whatever she missed doing.
‘Okay, so I’ll see you at reception at four? We won’t be long. Just half an hour. It’s okay, put your phone through to reception.’
God, Alice thought, groaning to herself, half an hour here is like a whole day everywhere else. She regularly had to remind herself to pee and now filled up several water bottles at the start of the day so she didn’t have to leave her desk so often to walk to the tap in the kitchen. As she was quickly realising, every minute counted here at Gold, Taylor and Murphy Real Estate.
‘Okay. See you then,’ Alice said, with what little enthusiasm she could muster. But I’ll be blaming you when I get in trouble. Although, you’re probably going to tell me off about something anyway.
Chapter Ten
Alice stood in line at the shoe repair place trying hard not to tap her feet and appear as impatient as she felt. In ten minutes she had to be back upstairs meeting with Brenda from HR. She’d thought she’d easily get this errand of Carmel’s done first, but she’d been standing here for more than five minutes. And she didn’t want to give up now. Also, Carmel’s text had said to collect her shoes before four pm. Alice wasn’t sure why when they closed at five-thirty, which was clearly stated on the door. Once she might have thought Carmel’s message was a personal reminder accidentally sent as a text to Alice – it was more like what you’d write on a post-it note for yourself than an instruction to someone else. But she’d become used to the abrupt style. She was more annoyed that Carmel hadn’t sent the text before lunch so she could have done it then and not compromised the real work she had to do, not that she ever took her full lunch-hour. She just didn’t have time. It wouldn’t be so bad if she didn’t have to meet with Brenda.
At last it was her turn to be served. Alice gave Carmel’s name and mobile number and apologised for not having the ticket, and then flamed bright red when she had to confess she had no idea what the shoes looked like.
‘Sorry, they’re for my boss, that’s Carmel. I just got a text message telling me to collect them,’ she said, offering an apologetic cringe and holding up her phone as if in explanation. Oh god, it was five to four. Brenda would be waiting for her soon. It took everything Alice had not to say, ‘Please hurry up, I’m in a rush.’ If the errand wasn’t for Carmel she’d just leave and do it another time.
‘That will be thirty dollars, thank you,’ the woman said, placing a pair of red high-heeled shoes in their open box on the counter.
‘Oh. Right. Oh.’ Jesus, Carmel, Alice thought, dragging out her own bank key card and tapping it.
‘Receipt?’
‘Yes, please,’ Alice said, hoping it was the matter of pressing a button and waiting another second for a printout. She was dismayed when the woman proceeded to write in a small docket book – the sort with carbon paper between the top sheet and a copy underneath. Damn it. But she needed the receipt if she were to get Carmel to reimburse her. Thirty dollars probably wasn’t much in the scheme of things, but it was to Alice. And, anyway, it was the principle. Alice didn’t like loose ends of any sort.
‘Thank you,’ she said, as she took the piece of paper while trying not to look like she was snatching. She tucked the shoebox under her arm and rushed out, almost collecting two people entering.
‘Sorry,’ she called. ‘I’m so sorry.’
In the lift she pressed the button over and over in a frenzy, despite knowing full well it wouldn’t help to get her upstairs any quicker.
‘Brenda, hi,’ she said, breathlessly as she stepped into reception and rushed towards the HR Manager. ‘I’m so, so sorry. I …’
‘Oh, what gorgeous shoes,’ Brenda said, peering into the box that Alice had forgotten to put the lid on.
‘Yes, they are. They’re Carmel’s. I just had to pick them up. Before four. And then there was a line up. And …’
‘Alice,’ Brenda said gently. ‘Breathe. It’s all right.’ She smiled. ‘Really. It doesn’t matter. You’re here now.’
‘Thanks,’ Alice said, taking a few deep breaths. ‘I’m normally very punctual. Never late. I hate being late,’ she babbled.
‘And that’s one of the reasons you’re so good at your job. It’s okay, Alice, what’s a minute or two between friends?’
Or four or five, Alice thought, cringing while sneaking a peek at her watch.
‘Would you like a coffee or water or anything?’
‘Just water would be good, thanks.’ Alice would have given her right pinkie for a silky, milky latte right then, but she was already a little jittery.
‘There should be a water jug in the room. This way,’ Brenda said, opening the door to the same room where Alice had met Paul, Rose and Mary what seemed like months ago, but was in fact less than two weeks. Alice was a little stunned at the thought.
‘So, tell me, how are you finding it here?’
‘Well, everyone I meet seems lovely and friendly. It’s full on and, to be honest, I’m still getting used to juggling everything. I think being my first full-time role after a few years is taking a little getting used to as well.’
‘Alice, you don’t need to tiptoe around on eggshells with me. I’m here to make sure you’re happy and, if there are any areas you’re having difficulty with, I will try to provide you with whatever support you need. I’m fully aware that Carmel can be very demanding and difficult, and even a little intimidating at times,’ she said, with a sympathetic smile. ‘So, please, be honest with me and together we can iron out any teething issues. Because, frankly, and I hope you don’t mind me saying, you seem a bit stressed. If that’s just down to adjusting, fine, if not, let me help. We’re on the same team, Alice.’
Alice felt a weight leave her shoulders. She wanted to leap across the table and throw her arms around this wonderful, understanding woman with the big brown friendly eyes and sympathetic gaze. She took a deep breath as she felt the beginnings of tears forming behind her eyes and blinked furiously a few times while she thought of how to start and what to say.
‘I am a bit overwhelmed, to be honest. I think I’d be fine if it were just the office tasks, but, Brenda, I don’t think I quite realised the extent of personal attention I’d need to give Carmel herself. I know the job title means that. I wouldn’t mind, only if I don’t put the admin stuff first I know I’ll get told off from down the line. And, also, there are other people, other departments relying on me to get work to them – I don’t want to let anyone down and add
to their stress levels. I really need this job. I’m really good at admin – well I thought I was. I’m organised and a self-starter and all I promised in my application and CV and interview, but I feel like I’m doing a really bad job here. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I just can’t seem to get it all together. I don’t like letting anyone down, but I’m afraid I am.’ Her throat was tightening, and Alice was dangerously close to releasing her tears now.
‘Alice, I think perhaps you’re being too hard on yourself. Have you missed any deadlines or are you behind on putting everything onto the database or the websites?’
‘No, but it’s always so frantic and I know I’m not doing my best work. I’m trying to do my best, I really am, but it’s not enough. Perhaps this just isn’t the job for me after all,’ she said with a sigh.
‘It’s still early days, Alice, don’t give up too soon.’
The last thing Alice wanted to do was admit defeat, especially with a role like this, which she’d really thought she could practically do with her eyes closed. It’s a job in admin, for god’s sake, not bloody rocket science!
‘Is it a time issue or do you feel you’re not adequately trained?’
‘No, definitely time. Jen was fantastic. Honestly, I think I’d be fine if it weren’t for the constant orders flooding in from Carmel. Even if perhaps she put together a to-do list at the start of the day or at the end. And maybe even an update at lunchtime, because we all remember stuff along the way. It’s just the barrage. And the abruptness. I guess because I’m so desperate to please and prove myself I let it get to me. I need to be better at prioritising. That’s all. I thought I was good at that, but I’m beginning to wonder if perhaps that’s where I’m failing.’
‘So what you’re saying is Carmel is asking too much of you, personally, aside from the work tasks?’ Brenda said.
‘Yes, but, well I am her personal assistant, so …’
‘Can you give me an example?’
Just one? ‘Well, these shoes. I got a text message at three-forty saying they needed to be collected by four. I’m not sure why because they’re open until five-thirty, and she would know that. I’m not expecting Carmel back in today. But I guess she’ll pick them up from her desk after hours or something. I initially wondered if the message was sent to me by mistake – that’s something that’s taking me a bit to get used to …’
‘Sorry, what is?’
‘Her manner. A lot of her messages read like notes-to-self or what you’d put in a memo on your phone or a post-it. I know she’s very busy and we’re all different in our manner,’ Alice added, suddenly feeling she had overstepped the mark. She could practically hear ‘Dibber dobber’ being chanted at her, like what used to go on in the schoolyard all those years ago.
‘Can you show me, please?’ Brenda said, nodding towards Alice’s phone.
Alice brought up the line of text messages.
‘Oh. I see what you mean,’ Brenda said, blinking, which Alice took as slight surprise.
‘It’s the same via email, too,’ Alice said, and leant over and brought up the email, which just so happened to show that over a dozen messages from Carmel had come in during the last half hour.
‘I have to ignore some of them because I just don’t have the time, but it’s hard to know which ones are important to her. We don’t seem to be on the same page with that.’
‘Hang on,’ Brenda said, scrolling back.
‘Honestly, Brenda, I’m struggling to keep up.’
‘I’m not surprised.’
‘Do you have any advice? Other than quitting. Unless you’re going to recommend firing me. I feel like I need my own assistant just to do all those bits and pieces,’ Alice said with a laugh, pointing at her phone.
‘Well, you must be doing okay because Carmel hasn’t made a complaint or said anything to me.’
‘Sadly, I think it’s only a matter of time,’ Alice said.
‘Thank you for being honest with me, Alice. I think the best course of action would be for the three of us – you, Carmel and me – to sit down and nut out a productive way forward, together.’
Alice felt a jolt of fear run through her. God, she’ll know I’ve complained.
‘Just a friendly chat. Carmel wants to get the best out of you just as much as you want to do your best work for her. And for the company as a whole. It’s a much better outcome if we can achieve harmony. I’ll tee up a time. Meanwhile, Alice, I suggest focussing on the admin side of things first and foremost – if we let that slide it has repercussions down the line, as you’ve pointed out, and upper management would need to get involved. And then it can get messy. Also, you’re doing well. You have to believe that. If you weren’t I’m sure I’d have heard from Carmel – or someone else – by now.’ Brenda stood up and Alice followed suit.
‘Thank you for confiding in me and trusting me with this, Alice. Hang in there. You’re not alone,’ she said, looking up into Alice’s eyes.
‘You’ve no idea how much that means. Thank you. I really appreciate it.’ Appreciate you.
‘I’ll be in touch soon.’
As Brenda was walking away, Alice realised she hadn’t mentioned working on Saturday. Damn. What if Carmel did the same thing this week? She almost called Brenda back, but figured she’d probably given her enough to deal with.
She felt much better when she returned to her desk, placing the shoes along with the receipt on top of Carmel’s desk on her way.
Back in her chair she took a moment to send David a quick text: Met with HR. Feeling much better. A good idea of yours. Thank you. Xx
It wasn’t really his idea, considering Brenda had come of her own accord, but David would appreciate feeling a part of things and being right. She didn’t expect an answer straight away – he’d most likely be in a meeting of his own over in London, depending on the time, or dinner or lunch or some other schmoozey, boozy affair.
Alice put her phone aside, turned to her computer screen, took a deep breath and started going through the new emails to sort Carmel’s personal instructions from the professional requests. She felt a little uneasy about taking Brenda’s advice and ignoring some of Carmel’s directives, but also knew more strongly now that she couldn’t go on the way she had been. Something had to give and the way she was heading it would be her mental state.
Chapter Eleven
Alice was apprehensive about the meeting, but relieved to be getting it over with and having her concerns and frustrations all out in the open, and hopefully finding a solution. The job was interesting, the industry intrigued her, and she really liked most of the people she’d met at Gold, Taylor and Murphy. And of course she loved the salary – so leaving was not an option at this point. Please let Carmel be calm and understanding, she silently prayed to no one in particular as she entered the conference room. That was her greatest fear about this meeting – not that Carmel would rant and rave and scream at her. She couldn’t picture Carmel doing that. She was always so measured and in control. But her way of calmly scolding while smiling at you was terrifying and unsettling. The smile and softly spoken words, ‘Alice, can I just have a quick word please,’ made Alice feel as if she was being lured into the web of a venomous spider. She’d come up close so no one else could hear, tell Alice off – in the nicest possible way – and then dismiss her with a wave. Free again, Alice was left feeling discombobulated, wondering if what she’d thought had happened had happened – had the spider bitten or just played with her? The clincher was how quickly Carmel seemed to get over things. All was well the next moment, as if there had been no reprimand, and the incident was never mentioned again. Alice supposed that was better than open hostility but, still, it was disconcerting.
‘Hi,’ she said to Brenda who was seated at the head of the table.
At three minutes past their appointed time – six minutes after Alice’s arrival, when she and Brenda had passed the time discussing the weather and what they’d had for lunch – Carmel breezed in, f
ollowed by Paul, Mary and Rose. Alice’s mouth fell open, her heart began to race and her armpits became damp. Uh-oh. Carmel seated herself opposite Alice and the others to her right, with Paul taking the foot of the table or second head, depending how you looked at things. Carmel appeared calm, although Carmel Gold always appeared calm. She folded her hands and placed them slowly on the table in front of her, giving Alice a glacial stare as she did – or had Alice imagined that. She then looked expectantly at Brenda. Alice turned to look at Brenda too, who seemed to have paled in the past ten seconds. She swallowed and moistened her lips and began to speak.
‘Carmel, this was to be an informal meeting between the three of us. There was no need to bring anyone else in.’
‘I’m entitled to have whomever I wish beside me, as is Alice. Perhaps you’ll be so good as to get started, Brenda. I have a lot on and really don’t have time for trivial meetings about whining subordinates. No offence, Alice,’ she added, flashing a wide, sugary smile.
Alice felt sick to the stomach. Oh god, what have I done? No, I’m not doing anything wrong in raising something that’s causing me issues. And it might be trivial to you, Carmel, but it isn’t to me. Alice wished she had the courage to say this aloud, but Carmel was frightening. Part of her wanted to get up and run from the room, the building, and never come back. But she didn’t think her quivering legs would hold her up if she attempted to stand right now, let alone move. Stay strong, Alice told herself and forced herself to calmly take a sip from the glass of water she’d poured when she came in, while staring down Carmel with the most challenging, steely look she could muster. She probably just appeared to all like a terrified rabbit caught in car headlights.
A Life of Her Own Page 8