‘It’s a pity you turned down the Outercover job then, isn’t it?’
Alice blinked back tears. Where was David’s love and support? She wasn’t being melodramatic or overly sensitive. Working for Carmel was horrible.
‘Just leave, then, if it’s so bad,’ David said.
‘I can’t without a reference and three weeks wouldn’t look good on my CV, would it?’
‘So, stay and work it out. But you can’t keep complaining about it.’
‘For fuck’s sake, David, discussing it with my partner – who’s supposed to be supportive and who I’ve had maybe one ten-minute conversation with in the past two weeks, which was nine minutes about him, as usual – is hardly someone who, quote, keeps complaining about it,’ she cried.
‘Alice. God, where did that come from? Calm down, now you’re sounding hysterical. And you hardly ever swear!’ He looked genuinely stunned. Alice was glad she’d shocked the composure from his face.
‘Come on, Bill, we’re going for a walk.’
‘But what about sticky date pudding for dessert?’
‘It’s in the oven, get it yourself!’
Alice’s cheeks were flaming and she was glad to step out into the chilly evening air. David was right about one thing: she rarely swore out loud – well, not the ‘f’ word, anyway. But she’d also never felt so frustrated, lost and unsupported. Maybe if she’d told Carmel to shove her restaurant bookings, shoe repairs, et cetera, up her arse and let her do some real work all would be well. Perhaps the problem was Carmel thought her too weak. She wasn’t weak; she was kind and caring by nature and gentle. And there’s nothing wrong with that!
By the time Alice reached the road going around the park, she was starting to feel a lot calmer. ‘Thank goodness for you, Bill,’ she said, giving the dog a pat while they waited for a decent break in the traffic. ‘You’re a good, good boy.’
And what difference did her having been out of the workforce make, anyway? She went back over the conversation while she and Bill traipsed their way around the park on the concrete path under the lights. ‘I can do the technical aspects of the job. I’ve mastered all the new computer programs and database and office processes. The problem I’m having is with people. People don’t change and I’ve been interacting with humans all my life. Fuck you and your patronising comments, David! You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about!’ Alice said aloud.
She took a deep breath. It was her experience and hers alone. Of course he didn’t know. He was only commenting on what she was saying, which she could see probably did sound like a whinge. Feelings were very individual things. And from her four years with David she knew he didn’t have a whole lot in the emotional vault. He tended to be very black and white. So why the hell was she so surprised?
Alice felt a little sheepish as she made her way inside the house. She unclipped Bill and deliberated over going to bed instead of facing David.
‘Amazing sticky date pudding,’ he called and she sighed and went through to the kitchen. ‘Best one ever,’ he said, looking up at her and smiling weakly.
‘Thanks,’ she said. And that would be that. The argument was over. This was always the way it worked with them. ‘Sorry, I’m just really frustrated,’ she said, going over and wrapping her arms around his neck. She was still annoyed, but needed to swallow it down. Staying angry wouldn’t help. David just didn’t understand.
‘If it’s really that bad, leave,’ he said. But while Alice welcomed his comment, which might have seemed supportive to anyone looking in from outside, she knew that from David it was barbed. It was a challenge. He knew Alice possessed a stubborn streak and didn’t give up easily, especially when challenged. His tone held the unspoken words, If it’s too much for you to handle. Alice hated to disappoint anyone, and David would be very disappointed in her if she gave up so easily.
‘Maybe it’ll get better,’ she said, tucking into the bowl of pudding, cream and ice-cream he’d dished up for her. ‘She already seems to have stopped with the stream of trivial messages.’
‘Well, there you go. Maybe it was the jolt she needed.’
‘Apparently it’s not just me,’ Alice said. ‘Pip from work said I’m the latest in a long line of PAs who’ve left.’
‘Another reason why you don’t want to just leave – you’ll be another number, a statistic.’ David said these words in the sort of tone that suggested he’d not told her to leave, but encouraged her to stay. Alice stopped herself from pointing out his hypocrisy.
‘Apparently the staff is sworn to secrecy about the other PAs leaving – under threat of dismissal. Isn’t that a bit extreme?’
‘No. Loose lips sink ships, Alice. They’re protecting their brand. Loyalty within is really important.’
‘I guess. It’s nice to know Jared and Pip are looking out for me,’ Alice said, not sure what else to say.
‘The sooner you realise most people who pretend to be your friend, aren’t, and that most people can’t be trusted, Alice, the better off you’ll be.’
‘God, David, when did you become so cold and cynical?’
He shrugged. ‘It’s the truth, backed up by experience. People are usually only nice because they want something in return.’
Alice felt a painful surge of disappointment. How sad to be so negative. She was a little shocked. She stared at David, wondering who this man was who she was planning on marrying and spending the rest of her life with – if he ever proposed. Is nothing real or genuine anymore? She had the uneasy feeling that her whole life was imploding. Thankfully David had got up and was too busy rinsing his plate to see her stunned, sad expression as she continued to stare at him.
‘I reckon we should go and look at some open houses or auctions for fun tomorrow, since you’re now in real estate. What do you say?’ David said, turning around from the sink.
‘Okay. Thanks. Sounds like fun.’
Poor David, he probably thought this was just the sort of support she was wanting from him. He didn’t have a clue. Alice forced herself not to shake her head at his ignorance. Thank goodness she had lunch on Sunday with her uni mates to look forward to.
Chapter Thirteen
Alice was the first to arrive and take a seat in their usual spot in the corner of the pub with a glass of white wine. Within a minute or two Lauren arrived and waved her leather-bound journal in greeting as she made her way over with a glass of wine, picking her way around the other tables and chairs. Alice smiled and waved back.
‘Hey, how’s things?’ Lauren asked as they had a quick hug before she sat down.
‘Good. And you?’ Alice suddenly realised how much she’d missed Lauren and felt a pang of disappointment in herself. She’d been neglecting their friendship since she’d started working at Gold, Taylor and Murphy. ‘It’s really good to see you. I’m so sorry I’ve been such a crap friend lately.’
‘You haven’t. Never. We’ve been texting regularly. I get that you need time and space to find your feet and adjust to life in the real estate business. You know you can always call if you need a decent chat. And I know if I need you, you’ll be there for me. Seriously, don’t think anything of it,’ Lauren said.
‘Thanks. You’re too kind.’
‘How’s it going, anyway – Ms Budding-real-estate-tycoon?’
‘Oh ha-ha. I’m not taking on the world just yet. In fact, I’m barely keeping my head above water at this point,’ Alice said, attempting to sound light.
‘I gather from your texts that it’s a really big learning curve.’
‘Well, it is that! I’ll get there.’
‘Yes, I know you will.’
‘How’s the writing going?’ Alice said.
Lauren was determined to forge a career as a novelist, and writing was pretty much the sole focus of her existence, other than being a good friend to a lot of people.
‘It’s not. Well, I’m still not writing the Great Australian Novel, anyway,’ Lauren said.
‘Oh, dear
. I’m sorry to hear that. It’ll come,’ Alice said.
‘Yeah, maybe when I’ve finished my masters. One can only hope, and there’s no point worrying about it. Meanwhile, it’s short stories for me,’ she said, raising her glass. ‘Cheers.’
‘Cheers,’ Alice said, raising her own glass.
‘Hello, ladies.’ Brett appeared with a beer in his hand.
Alice and Lauren both leapt up and gave him a quick hug.
‘So, what have I missed?’ he said after taking a long sip from his glass.
‘Nothing at all. I’ve just this minute arrived,’ Lauren said.
‘And I’ve only been here long enough to get a drink,’ Alice said.
‘So, Alice, how’s it going out in the big wide world?’ Brett asked.
‘Great,’ Alice said with all the enthusiasm she could muster. ‘It’s nice to have some decent money come in.’
‘And I saw on Facebook you and David got yourselves a child substitute,’ Brett said.
‘We did. A rescue dog – Bill. He’s a Jack Russell, two years old and absolutely the dearest thing. He’s settled in really well.’
‘Well, come on, I know you’re dying to show us a thousand photos,’ he said.
‘Careful what you ask for,’ Alice said with a laugh. She beamed as she got her phone out, brought up the photos, and held the device out for them to see.
‘He’s so gorgeous. I can’t wait to have a cuddle,’ Lauren said, leaning in to look at the screen.
‘A handsome fellow, indeed,’ Brett said.
‘Do you know what his story is? How he ended up at the shelter?’ Lauren asked.
‘No. They didn’t tell us anything. I don’t want to know, anyway. Just knowing someone might have given him up makes me really sad.’
‘I hate hearing how old people going into nursing homes have to give up their pets. Imagine being utterly broken about losing your independence and the home you love and then having the extra heartbreak of needing to give up your pet. It’s just awful,’ Lauren said.
‘There are actually some places that allow pets to go with you now,’ Brett said. ‘The Animal Welfare League has a great website where you can search for pet friendly nursing homes. A friend’s gran is in one.’
‘Oh, thank god for that,’ Lauren said with a visible sigh. ‘It makes the thought of getting old less terrible.’
‘Lauren, you’re not even thirty!’ Alice said.
‘I know, but I’m always thinking.’
‘Maybe that’s what you can write about,’ Alice said, ‘a woman who causes trouble for her family because she won’t give up her pet to go into a nursing home.’
‘Ah, still looking for that elusive seed eh, Lauren?’ Brett said.
‘Yup. I think I need to travel,’ she said wistfully. ‘Maybe I won’t find the story I’m looking for in Melbourne. Mum and Dad are having the best time on their cruise.’
‘Floating retirement homes, my gran used to call them,’ Brett said.
‘Yeah, you’re probably right. I know I’m trying too hard, but I can’t seem to help it. I want to write something great.’
‘You’ll figure it out,’ Alice said. ‘But I still don’t get what’s wrong with writing short stories.’
‘I love doing them, and they’ve all got good grades so far, but there isn’t the market for them that there is for a novel. I could never make a living by writing them. And if I’m being really honest, I’m probably snobby about novels being the be all and end all.’
‘There’s nothing wrong with knowing what you want to do and sticking to your guns,’ Alice said.
‘Yes. And inspiration will strike when you least expect it,’ Brett said. ‘Isn’t that what they always say?’
‘Who?’
‘Oh, I don’t know, all the old literary masters. What would I know? I’m an engineer. We deal in certainty and make things happen.’
‘Speaking of masters. How’s yours going?’ Lauren asked.
‘It’s bloody hard,’ Brett said. ‘Can we not talk about it – I need a day of not thinking about it or work. That’s hard at the moment, too. Thank goodness I’m only there three days a week. Let’s order food. Do you think anyone else is coming?’
‘No, I suppose it’s just us,’ Alice said. She found herself feeling a little relieved that Helen was a no-show. Or perhaps she was just running late – she hadn’t sent a message to say one way or the other. The older woman was pleasant enough, but she tended to rub Alice up the wrong way sometimes because she was so forthright. She reminded Alice a little too much of her mother. Helen had done Marketing and English Literature and Alice thought she was now doing Women’s Studies, but couldn’t remember for sure. Alice also didn’t like that Helen had declared a few times that she didn’t care what size student loan debt she ended up with because she wasn’t planning on earning enough to pay it back – she was going to stay studying until she retired. Alice didn’t think that was quite fair or the right thing to do.
‘Yes, I’m starving,’ Lauren said, picking up the menu despite most likely knowing it by heart. ‘Did you check the specials? I completely forgot.’
‘I did, as it happens,’ Brett said. ‘Pie of the day is beef and mushroom, soup is pumpkin, pasta is spag bol, and roast of the day is chicken.’
‘Thanks for that. Glad someone was taking notice,’ Alice said. ‘My brain’s a bit fuzzy at the moment.’
They took turns going up and ordering so they didn’t lose their spot.
‘So why is your brain fuzzy?’ Brett said when they were all seated again after ordering. ‘Is the new job a bit too full on?’
‘Something like that,’ Alice said.
‘Alice, is something else wrong?’ Brett said after she didn’t go on to say anything more. ‘If you don’t mind me mentioning it, you’re not your usual jovial self,’ he said. ‘Aren’t you enjoying the job?’
‘No. I’m not, actually. It’s hard. Well, no, it’s not that it’s hard. My boss is hard.’
‘As in not nice hard or piles on too much work hard?’ Brett asked.
‘Bit of both, maybe. I’m not sure. I can’t put my finger on it. Perhaps it’s just too early to tell.’
‘I reckon you’d know within a day or so if someone’s not nice,’ Lauren said.
‘Yes, but it takes time to know if you can or want to work with someone who isn’t nice,’ Brett said.
‘So, what’s going on?’ Lauren said.
‘I think it’ll be fine now, I met with HR to try to sort it out.’
‘Wow. Three weeks in, is it? I hope HR didn’t tell your boss you were complaining,’ Brett said.
‘Why?’ Alice asked.
‘How would you feel if a subordinate complained about you – because, let’s face it, a meeting with HR is never going to be about good news,’ he said.
‘God, you sound like David,’ Alice said, her cheeks colouring.
‘Ignore him, it’s the pragmatic engineer in him,’ Lauren said.
‘Thanks a lot,’ Brett said.
‘It’s really getting to you, isn’t it?’ Lauren said, scrutinising Alice more closely.
‘Yes. I think I’m a complete failure. And I feel like I’m losing my mind,’ Alice said, her throat constricting. It was a huge relief to finally talk openly about it to someone other than Bill. She’d known from the start that she would have to be careful when discussing it with David. She had to sanitise her experiences to a certain extent, so she didn’t come across as a moaner. Now she wished she’d called Lauren to talk about it earlier.
‘Why? What do you mean?’ Lauren asked.
‘I’m second-guessing myself about stuff I’ve been able to do for years. I’m losing my initiative – because I’m supposedly not allowed to have any. Though, in the interview, that’s apparently what she wanted in a PA. So I’m stuffed if I know. I was also going mad with her bombarding me with all these silly personal things to do, like booking restaurants and running errands all over the place. I
know I’m a personal assistant, but it was getting beyond ridiculous. That’s why I went to HR. Well, the HR lady came to me first to see how I was settling in and it all just sort of came out. I couldn’t help it. There’re all these things I have to do for the company and if I don’t I’ll get yelled at from other departments. You’d think as one of the heads – with her name on the door – she would get that. She might now. She seems to have stopped with the excessive messages. We’ll see tomorrow – the meeting was on Friday.’
‘Is she mean to you, is that it?’ Lauren asked.
‘I honestly don’t know.’
‘How can you not know if she’s being mean to you or not?’ Brett said.
‘I did say I felt like I was losing my mind. It’s a feeling, like she’s being nice but there’s something not nice behind it. It’s really subtle. Oh, I don’t know, it’s like she’s putting on an act. And she loves a snide comment and a sneer. I hate that. It’s so rude. And she’s abrupt, and I know it’s a bit petty, but she never says “please” or “thank you”. Or “sorry”. She was so affronted she stormed out of the meeting. No, not stormed, Carmel only ever acts with composure and decorum, but I would have expected her to say sorry or at least appear a little remorseful. Someone doesn’t go to HR without having good reason, no matter what you say, Brett,’ Alice said.
‘Hey, don’t attack me. Why don’t you leave if you’re not happy? And clearly you’re not, because you’re all over the place. Sorry, just calling it as it is,’ he said, raising his hands, palms out.
‘He’s right about that, Alice,’ Lauren said gently. ‘You’re practically a nervous wreck. Your hands are even shaking. And since when do you have so much trouble deciding on what to eat?’
Alice hid her hands in her lap out of sight.
‘I didn’t sleep well last night. Actually I haven’t slept well for a while now. I keep having bad dreams about it all.’
‘That’s not good. So why aren’t you leaving?’ Lauren asked.
‘I’m not a quitter. I, we, need the money – having just bought the house. The usual boring reasons,’ Alice said with a wan smile. ‘I’m beginning to wish I’d taken the other job I was offered – with the man who put his fist through the photocopier. There just aren’t many jobs around. Well, either that or no one wants me. And the job I have is great money.’
A Life of Her Own Page 10