Where to Belong

by W.J. Smith

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Facing The Music

  The sun shone brightly as if it were a good day. Madison frowned at the irony of the gorgeous weather. It mocked her. The clear morning gave no heed to the horrific night she had just endured. Nothing about this day would be pleasant.

  She glanced to the passenger seat for the one-hundredth time since leaving the clinic. Skyler hadn't moved a muscle. The look on his face said it all with his brows knitted and his eyes shut tight. He was miserable. He had the seat back reclined a little in attempts to keep the shoulder strap from rubbing against his bandages. His breaths seemed forced, telling her he was still hurting. The releasing doctor from the clinic said he was medicated enough for the ride home. She should have expected that much from such an establishment.

  "Do you want another pill?" She was already reaching for the bottle.

  "No." His tone sounded meek. That made her even more concerned for him.

  "We're almost there," she said quietly, partially to encourage herself.

  "Jessica's going to kill me."

  Madison looked over at him and was slow to answer. "No she won't. She's just a little worried right now." She tried to concentrate on the road. She didn't want to think of how right Jessica would be to worry or be furious with them, just as worried and furious as she knows Skyler will be when she doesn't come home. The young woman was unexpectedly calm when Madison called her from the clinic. There were only a few questions from her, which Madison answered honestly. She shouldered the blame and promised Jessica that Skyler was involved only because she had asked for his help. Much to her relief, his girlfriend still agreed to let him rest at her place.

  "Let me go with you."

  She met his eyes when she glanced at him. She hadn't realized he was watching her. "I won't be long."

  "And with my help, it'll be even faster."

  As much as she needed him around, she needed even more to know he was safe. That meant she had to go on her own. Keeping him near to her would only result in dragging him down along with herself in case of something going wrong. She had just lost Morgan, she was not willing to risk Skyler any longer.

  "I won't be long," she shook her head. "You won't even notice I'm gone."

  "You don't need to go alone."

  She swallowed the lump in her throat at his choice words. If he only knew ...

  "Look," he took her hand, making her cringe at the the thought of him irritating his stitches, "I'm not a complete invalid. Don't worry about me. I don't want you going to that house alone. I bet we could even put it off for a few days, when we're both feeling a little better."

  She shook her head again and was grateful her eyes were too tired to tear up. "I've got it," she squeezed his hand and moved it closer to him in hopes of easing his discomfort. "Besides, Jessica is expecting you."

  He didn't answer. Instead, he let out a sigh, like he would when he wanted to argue his point. She thought to reassure him, but something distracted her. The phone in her pocket, Morgan's phone, was vibrating. She had silenced it back at the clinic so it wouldn't bother Skyler. She told him she had thrown it away. Her plan was to get rid of it after she was able to erase their lives from Morgan's house. Something told her to hold onto it. Perhaps the handlers would call before trying to hunt her down.

  "I'm sorry, Madison."

  She nodded as she pulled onto Jessica's street. "Me too."

  Coming back to the present, Madison looked to Skyler and struggled to find a way to answer him. What could she say?

  He offered nothing more. He didn't have to. It was that simple. Madison knew it from the very beginning and never accepted it for herself. She left him all those years ago without giving him a chance to convince her otherwise, as if he didn't even matter. He did matter. And she had missed him just as much as she missed Morgan. She had wronged him. She broke up the team, the only family either of them had ever known. "I'll do it again," she said, feeling her heart break with each word. "If that is what you want or need."

  "It won't work this time." His answer sounded cold to her. She couldn't tell if he was meaning to come off as threatening, but her stomach tightened in response. "You screwed up. It was only a matter of time before it caught up with you anyhow."

  She studied him and searched for a way to understand what he meant. He was too calm for her comfort. Her head was pounding, her heart was racing, and he sat there as if they were discussing lunch plans. She was torn between breaking for the door and crying on his shoulder, and she wasn't a crier.

  "Meredith Turner," he finally spoke up, half turning to her. "Where did you get that name?"

  Madison thought back through her crazed dash about the country. "I picked it up in Sacramento. I didn't use it until I came here, though. Why?"

  "Did you look into it at all? How did you find your source?"

  She put her head in her hands and was slow to recall the details. "I don't remember where I met him, or how. He said the name had been available for awhile and promised it wouldn't be noticed. I believed him. Who was she?"

  "Not was, is. She is a seventeen-year-old girl in a coma from a self inflicted overdose in a Denver facility. Her parents are the catch. He is a senator and the mother is a lawyer."

  "Oh joy!" Madison muttered into her hands. It was a stupid and naive mistake on her part. Her desperation had gotten the best of her.

  "That's not your only problem right now," he offered in a kinder tone. "There are a few more things you should be aware of. One," he gestured at the wound she held to, "I couldn't get it out. I couldn't find the bullet, so it is still in you. It won't bother you as long as there isn't more damage than I managed to patch up. It is a titanium bullet and undetectable unless x-rayed. And for obvious reasons, you won't be able to go to your local clinic to have it removed.

  "Two, Meredith Turner, aka you, was declared a hero for her actions that night at Lake View. That is what got the attention of the real Meredith's family. The police ran forensics from the scene and learned of your real identity. You've been made, Madison.

  "The only upside to this is that you have also been declared missing and presumed dead. This is a recent development, and I think Meredith's family has something to do with its timing."

  "How is that an upside?" Madison asked in a daze, struggling to grasp all he had said.

  "No one will be looking for you." His tone was matter-of-fact as if he was surprised she wasn't following.

  Her entire life came down to those few words. She was again consigned to oblivion. Everything she had worked so hard to build was gone just like that. It wasn't a comfort, not even close. Was she never to have a normal life? For a moment, the wound in her gut disappeared for the pain that radiated within her chest. It was a pain she had learned to live with over the years and it had slowly began to fade. Now, it was back with a vengeance. There was nothing she could do to calm it. Each thought only added to it. She reached up and held to the ring that dangled from her necklace. It was the one thing she had been able to take with her, and resembled the life that never happened.

  "You're going to be all right, Madison. I'll figure something out and you'll be back out in the world in no time. You'll be able to go find another Bradley and settle down, have a normal life." Skyler had turned back to his donut and was picking it apart, seemingly oblivious to her turmoil.

  "I can't do this," she breathed as she closed her eyes to hold back pressing tears. "Who was I kidding?"

  "You did it once, you can do it again. Just be a little more careful about the name you take up. Do more research this time."

  "I can never have the normal life, Skyler. The closest I've ever come was with Morgan. All my desire died with him. I've walked around all these years only pretending to have a life. It hasn't been anything I thought it would be. It's empty. Hollow. We all get our due in the end. I guess it's my time to pay up." She continued to finger the small
ring, feeling the curve of the band and the edges of the diamond. Its entire form was burnt into her memory. She knew every angle and turn of it.

  Skyler puffed out a sigh. Madison couldn't tell if it was out of frustration or pity. She didn't look at him as she chose to drown in her own depression.

  Neither of the two spoke for a time. She stared down at the countertop and he made a pile of crumbs out of the defenseless donut. Madison wasn't uncomfortable with the silence. She had nearly forgotten that she wasn't the only one in the room much less that Skyler was sitting right next to her. Her mind was stuck on the fact that she was completely forgotten and alone. It was devastating.

  "You're capable of much more than that," he began unasked. "More than you've let yourself have in this life. More than what you would have gotten with Morgan. You're holding yourself back just like Morgan held you back when you were with him."

  "You're wrong," she grumbled under her breath.

  Skyler shook his head and glanced over at her. She avoided meeting his eyes. "Morgan was a business man. He did everything for business and nothing more. All you ever looked to gain was a place to belong. You were the best at what you did and he knew that. He waved a stable family in front of you and you jumped on it. If you asked for money he would have given you that instead."

  She looked to him with a glare, "You're wrong. How could you say something like that? Morgan loved you like a brother. He took you in and treated you like family. He took care of both of us. We didn't deserve him."

  "I wish I were wrong. It's the truth. If someone came along that did your job just the slightest bit better than you, he would have turned you out in a heartbeat."

  Madison couldn't form a reply. She was ashamed to know how he thought of Morgan. He couldn't have been more wrong. She wanted to knock him right off the stool. Instead, she shook her head at him and turned to her nearly finished coffee, refusing to discuss it any further with him.

  "I thought that surely you'd see it by now. I wanted to tell you then, but you were so happy, and I thought he would actually go through with it. I can't believe you've hung onto a lie for so long." He just wouldn't quit.

  "What are you trying to say, Skyler?" She finally turned on him. "Are you saying I'm stupid? Are you saying that I've set myself up for this? So what if I am stupid? So what if I asked for this?" She got to her feet and shoved the stool under the counter. The temper driven movement set off her wound as if she had been shot again. She didn't flinch, her adrenaline and fury drove her onward. "You know what? I'd do it all over again. And do you know what else? I didn't ask for your help then just like I didn't ask for your help now. Why have you taken it upon yourself to make sure I know how screwed up I am? Am I some sort of sick project of yours?" She didn't give him any chance to make a reply and ignored his shocked expression as she threw the verbal beating at him. "At least I tried. I took a chance and reached for more than what everyone told me I could have. Yes, I fell flat on my face each time, but I still tried. I don't need you to remind me that I've gone absolutely nowhere in my life. I can see that just fine on my own!"

  Seeing red, she stormed off to the bedroom leaving him speechless from the lashing. Slamming the door sent another bolt of searing pain though her abdomen, and this time she yielded to it. Doubling over, she limped around the side of the bed and eased onto the mattress. She somehow kept the angry and heartbroken tears at bay as she lay on her stomach and stared out the window. The cityscape always had a way of taking the edge off.

  She'd hit another wall. Not only was her most recent way of life demolished, but now she honestly had no idea how or where to start over. She admitted hopelessness. The last time she had a healthy savings to get through the rough spots. This time was different. She maybe had a couple hundred dollars to her name, and she didn't think she would even be able to get to it. She was alone and terrified.