by Rula Sinara
“That’s a song and nothing else.”
“If you say so,” Darla added, stealing Nora’s cup of cocoa and taking a sip, then giving it back.
“I do. Now, where does everyone go once the floats pass by?” Zuri asked.
“Some folks follow them then hang out on the beach where the parade ends. Others scramble to finish Christmas shopping or call it a day,” Faye said, taking her niece, Nim, from Clara to give her identical twin sister a break.
“Hey, Caden,” Zuri said. “Do you want to follow or stay here?”
“Let’s follow,” he said. “If you want to,” he added to Sara.
“Absolutely. One should always follow the candy trail,” Sara said. The two jumped off the bench and joined the tail end of the parade.
“I better catch up. I’ll see you all later,” Zuri said.
She didn’t really want to stand out, so she walked closer to the edge of the pack. She still couldn’t believe that Damon was the town Santa. Was that why he couldn’t hang out yesterday? He must have been prepping for this.
The crowd thinned more and more the closer they got to the beach. They passed the yellow cottage with the blue door and the white one farther down and across from it, both with holiday wreaths on their front doors. Eve had told her that the yellow one used to be her place and the white one was Sheriff Ryker’s. They passed Damon’s beach house next and it stood plain and gray as ever. Zero curb appeal or holiday spirit, except on the inside. Something about that made her feel special. Like she was privy to a part of him that no one else was allowed to see.
She lingered with the kids and forced herself through all the small talk with residents as the floats were dismantled and the majority of folks headed down the beach toward the boardwalk, just as she’d been told. Caden and Sara had checked with her before running ahead with the group. They wanted to get back to the bed-and-breakfast.
Zuri looked around for Damon but couldn’t find him. He had to be busy taking off his Santa suit and he was probably hanging out with his crew or friends. He’d mentioned that the sheriff—Carlos—and Gray and Jordan were his close friends. She didn’t want to interfere with his plans.
Nerves suddenly rattled her stomach and high school flashbacks hit her. Damon hanging out with his cool friends and only spending time with her when it served a purpose. As teens it had been the tutoring he needed and now it was making sure he was a part of his son’s life.
She rubbed her arms and swallowed hard. You’re not the same insecure girl anymore. Stop thinking like her. Maybe so. But things were even more complicated now than they’d been in high school. She was still book smart, but she was also people smart now.
She gave up on waiting. The last thing she wanted was for Damon to think she was hanging around like a groupie. She started down the beach, unable to shake from her mind that wink he’d sent. There were plenty of cheesy or unwelcome winks out in the world but this one was different. Oh, so different. It was soft and warm and conveyed in no uncertain terms that out of the entire parade crowd, he had his eyes on her.
She thought she knew what stomach butterflies felt like before. If those had been butterflies, what she felt today was like an entire monarch migration.
“Zuri. Leaving without letting me know if I should quit this gig and head to the North Pole?”
She spun around at the sound of his voice and nearly lost her equilibrium. A smile she couldn’t stop spread across her face. She lowered her chin and narrowed her eyes at him.
“That’s a hard call. Both jobs require red uniforms and I must say it’s a good color on you.” Oh, gosh. She was flirting. Was that considered flirting? Maybe not. Or maybe it was. You know what? You’re a grown woman. Flirt if you want to. It’s harmless. It doesn’t mean anything beyond the moment.
Damon cleared the last step from the ORBP headquarters and walked over with Duck at his heels. There was a bit of a swagger in his step and a look in his eyes that was making the sand shift out from under her feet even more. Duck came up to her without jumping. The girl was a quick learner. Zuri gave her a good pet. She avoided any drool because she was a fast learner, too.
“Walk with me. I’m headed home. I’ll drop off Duck and see you back to the bed-and-breakfast,” he said. She fell into step with him and blamed the occasional brushing of arms on the sand and breeze throwing her balance off. Damon picked up a piece of driftwood and tossed it for Duck to fetch. For a minute, they walked in easy silence. She’d never been able to do that with anyone else...to just be with someone without expectation. No pressure to find the right thing to say or do. Someone you could enjoy silence with. It was meditative and calming, but a tiny part of her still wondered if she was imagining it. She believed in science and facts, and the data still indicated that they were too different and his life was here and hers was in Boston. The only thing tying them together was Caden. Would Damon be spending time with her if it weren’t for that connection? They would still be a part of each other’s history and would never have crossed paths again if it weren’t for her nephew.
“I can see why you picked this town and job. It’s gorgeous. Relatively private. A part of me hates living in the city and dealing with crowds and people all the time. I used to love the ‘field’ part of my research. Disappearing in nature. I suppose it wouldn’t surprise you. I was never the super social extroverted type. I never understood why anyone would want to live in the limelight—and no I don’t mean that as a dig into you being the popular kid at school. I’m referring more to celebrities and politicians and the like. You’re pretty lucky to live out here with peace and quiet.”
“That I am.”
“Have you told your parents yet?” she finally asked.
“No. I should at some point but I don’t want to put that kind of pressure on him.”
“I haven’t either.”
Thirty seconds of silence passed.
“Wouldn’t you love to be a fly on the wall?” he asked. They both laughed. She knew exactly what he meant. Just to see the looks on their mothers’ faces when they found out they shared a grandson would be priceless.
“I never thought I’d ever see the humor in that,” Zuri said. “To tell you the truth, the idea of telling them is downright frightening, but maybe it’ll be all right.”
“Who knows? He could end up being the magic ingredient for peace between them. Not that he needs that pressure on him either.”
“Or he could end up being the spark that reignites the wildfire.”
Duck came around her and nuzzled her hand as they walked. She looked down at the drool trail on the back of her hand, but it didn’t really bother her this time. She was getting used to dogs and Duck was truly a sweet bear.
“Here.” Damon noticed and whipped out a small cloth from his pocket and gave it to her. She dried her hand and passed it back. Damon stuffed it in his pocket. “For the record, I do keep in touch with my family. I don’t visit more than once or twice a year, but I call every week or two, including birthdays and special occasions. So what I can’t figure out is why my parents didn’t tell me that they’d gone to your sister’s funeral. That she’d passed away. They had plenty of opportunity to say something over the phone. I guess they never mention stuff like that to me because it always leads back to my brother and an argument breaks out.”
“I don’t know. Maybe they didn’t think it mattered. You don’t live there anymore. They didn’t know any of us hung around at school. They had no idea you were Vera’s prom date, since she had insisted on meeting you at school. She told me that you two had agreed not to tell my parents. She told my parents that she and a few other girls were promoting female independence by going as a group without dates. They fell for it.”
“You mean being gullible is genetic?” he teased.
“Stop that,” she said, elbowing him gently in the arm.
“Maybe the
y thought I wouldn’t give a darn about the death of a classmate. What’s that say about me?”
She reached over and rubbed his arm reassuringly.
“Don’t read into it.” Funny that he was the one who always told her not to overthink things.
“Oh, boy, Zuri. What if my mom suspected? Obviously Caden was at his mother’s funeral. My parents would have seen him. They had to have noticed his resemblance to me or Lucas. My mother wouldn’t have missed it. I mean, I knew the minute I saw him. How could they not have?”
“I really don’t know. It was a funeral and that would have been the last thing on their minds. Unless...maybe that’s why your mom volunteered so much information about where you now lived and what you had been doing with your life. She was talking to my parents to pay her condolences, but she knew I was standing close enough to hear the conversation. Perhaps she suspected, but wasn’t sure, but wanted to sort of let me know just in case. She was the one who mentioned that you had been a navy SEAL and were now living on the beach in North Carolina. In fact, come to think of it, my mom told me she saw Mary in a grocery store recently and that Mary seemed to ignore her. If she suspected something, it would explain why she tried extra hard to avoid my mother. Maybe the lawyer in her was playing it cool until she could find out more.”
“Sounds like something my mom, and dad for that matter, would do. They were never straightforward when it came to communicating. I think that’s why they fought so much. Neither could ever say what they really meant, which only led to frustration.”
“You’re not like that, though, are you? The Damon I always knew was always straightforward. Honest. Even bluntly so sometimes. Obviously, way too blunt on one particular occasion.” She kind of regretted bringing up “the incident” right now. It was like the proverbial elephant or a dark cloud that lingered between them. She wished it would just burst open and disappear.
He didn’t respond right away. He tossed another stick for Duck and put his hands in his pockets.
“I wasn’t as straightforward as you think, Zuri. I regret that.”
Her hair blew across her face and she brushed it away, as they turned to cross over the sand dune to his place.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that I never told you back then how much you really meant to me. And I haven’t been entirely honest with you now either.”
* * *
DAMON HELD HIS breath after the words left his mouth. Her lips parted and she avoided looking at him. He messed up. He shouldn’t have said anything. Wading is for babies. You’re all in or all out. Take the dive.
He looked around, not wanting any onlookers, and took her hand. She didn’t resist when he led her to a secluded spot under his deck. The dunes and beach grasses to either side of his house and between them and the beach shielded them from prying eyes.
“Zuri, I was an idiot back then and I hung with kids who put popularity and being cool ahead of kindness and sincerity. It was hard not to care what everyone thought of me, peer pressure and all. You know how it was. Athletes hung out with athletes and cheerleaders. The theater kids stuck together. The—”
“Nerds? Geeks?”
“I was going to say the bookworms. Anyway, everyone had their groups and cliques. I shouldn’t have listened to them or cared what they thought. The truth was, I really did like you. I started liking you even more the more we spent time together. For real. But I knew it wouldn’t work because my friends weren’t the kids you enjoyed being around. I don’t think I’d ever seen you at a school sports event like Homecoming, let alone at parties. Plus, I didn’t dare let you know how I felt because I knew your parents wouldn’t approve and you were such a rule follower. I didn’t want to put you in that position. I thought we had a connection. Something special. I messed that up. But there’s more. That day, when you asked me out? I was upset and scared and confused. Angry, even. My mom had told me that she wanted to leave my dad. Their marriage was ending, graduation was around the corner and I had no clue what I was going to do with my life or where home base would be if our family fell apart. I was lost. But I take full responsibility for what happened, between us and with your sister.”
Zuri pressed a finger to his lips.
“I know. I get it. I love my sister, but Vera was a rebel before motherhood slapped her with a good dose of reality. I was the realist and she was the risk taker.”
Damon shook his head.
“It’s not on her. I take responsibility.”
“You’re a good guy, Damon.” Zuri put her hand on his arm. “She liked you a lot. She had been begging me to set the two of you up because she knew I was helping you with homework. She’d bragged to her friends that you were going to be her date. And she was absolutely livid and bitter when you told her it wasn’t going anywhere and that what happened between you had been a mistake. The fact is you were both eighteen and not the first high school seniors on earth to do something without thinking. You left town not long after that. She swore she never wanted to see you again. I’m so sorry for all that happened, Damon.”
“I’m not fishing for an apology. My point is that I didn’t deserve you,” he said. “I still don’t.”
She frowned and licked her lips.
“You don’t? Am I not understanding what’s happening here?” she asked.
Damon rubbed his head.
“I don’t know.” He was saying too much. Or perhaps not enough. He felt something between them, but what if he was reading her signals wrong? What if he was setting himself up for getting rejected by her? Karma.
“I need to know one more thing. Do you hate me?” he asked.
“I did. I swore I’d never speak to you again. I felt like dying when you took Vera to prom and then what happened afterward... It took me years to recover from that. I never thought I could forgive you, but then every time I look at or hug Caden, I realize that he’s a precious gift I wouldn’t return for the world. It just wasn’t our time.”
Our time? Was she saying that now was? That she still felt something for him? He studied her face and brushed his finger under her chin. He wished he’d handled things differently back in school.
What if he’d never left Boston? What if they’d stayed in touch? All those times he lay on the cold ground or in bunkers in places so far from home on SEAL missions where the possibility of no return was very real, at least he’d have known that he had someone who wanted him to survive. Someone who was waiting. But instead, he had been just like his parents. Bad at communication. Ironically, keeping things to himself was probably why he’d done well in special ops. He knew how to keep secrets.
Secrets. Just like Zuri had kept. Granted, it wasn’t hers to tell and he understood loyalty, but the fact remained that she had known about Caden all these years. It was complicated. God help him, they were just like his parents. And that relationship had gone downhill fast.
“There’s something else I need to tell you,” Damon said. Tell her the truth. Tell her.
Being part of a military team had required almost intuitive communication between members. When it came to each other, they had to be clear for the sake of their safety and success of the mission. The men and women on his team had been like brothers and sisters. They were a special kind of family with an unbreakable level of trust. Was he capable of having that now? Building a family with Zuri and Caden? Was trust all that was needed? Could he earn it?
“Tell me what?” she asked. Her hair blew across her face. He reached out and brushed it aside for her. It was silky and smelled of...he had no clue but it made him want to close his eyes and dream.
“I never want to lie to you again. I want us to be honest. Trust each other,” he said, taking a step closer. She leaned back against one of the wooden stilts that held the deck and house above ground. “I don’t want to be a coward when it comes to you. Not anymore.” Careful, man. She said she hat
es the limelight and doesn’t understand celebrities. She’ll run.
Her eyes darkened and lips parted ever so slightly.
“What do you mean? What are you saying, Damon? We’re adults now. Not schoolkids with crushes. Don’t confuse me. I used to be confused around you and I don’t want to be that again.”
“Then let me be very clear.” He brought his face close enough for the tips of their noses to touch. “Very, very clear.”
With that, he brushed his lips against hers and kissed her gently before pulling back ever so slightly, waiting to see if she wanted more, hoping that she felt the same way. She leaned into him and he lost all reservations. He held her face and kissed her like he’d always wanted and had always dreamed of doing. He wrapped his arms around her and promised himself he’d never let her go.
He had meant to tell her everything. And he would. He’d show her his office and tell her the truth, but first he needed her to know how he felt about her. That she mattered more than any woman ever had in his life. The touch of her lips melted through him like a promise. Hope for a future. One touch and he knew he’d never be able to leave her again. But he couldn’t help the nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach that warned she’d be the one to leave him this time.
* * *
ZURI COULD FEEL the cool plastic of the high school chair she was sitting on and she could taste the strawberry-flavored candy and chocolate bar Damon had snuck into the school library for her. She felt emboldened. More sure of herself than she’d ever been. Confidence coursed through her veins. She could feel the buzz and the way her heart seemed to swell when she thought of how Damon Woods, captain of the cross country team, looked at her. She smelled the cheap aroma of cafeteria food wafting through the school hallways. The chaotic chatter of student voices filled her ears, although their faces were all blurred.
Damon’s was the only face she could see. There was a sparkle in his eyes and he gave her that to-die-for lopsided grin of his and those dimples. Then his expression suddenly switched from charming to appalled. And there was snickering and laughter and the faces of his buddies suddenly appeared clear as daylight. One of them fist-bumped Damon and another high-fived him. He’d gotten her to ask him out. The geeky girl. He’d gotten her to think she had a chance.