Christmas on the Coast

by Lee Tobin McClain

  She was still looking out at the water and didn’t see him coming, so he cleared his throat. “Hey. Amber.”

  She looked up at him. No smile. “Hey.”

  “Mind if I sit down?”

  She hesitated, then lifted a shoulder. “Go ahead.”

  She wasn’t exactly her warm, welcoming self.

  But he’d expected that. He’d known he’d have to dive in and grovel. “I’m sorry for being such a judgmental jerk. I said some mean things when we last talked.”

  “You did.” She shrugged again. “Understandable. You’d found out something awful, and I’d kept that information secret.”

  “For reasons I’m starting to understand.”

  “That’s good.” She sounded distant as she looked back out at the bay, dark but sprinkled with reflected sparkles from the lights strung along the dock.

  The silence between them wasn’t exactly uncomfortable, but it wasn’t comfortable, either. “How have you been doing?” he asked finally.

  She met his eyes then. “I’m fine.” Her mouth twisted into a wry smile. “You know me. I’m always fine.”

  “Or you put on a show of that.”

  “Better than moping.”

  “It is.” He swallowed. Get to the point. “Listen, I’ve missed having you around.” Geez, make it sound like she’s an old jacket. “I’ve missed talking to you, and laughing with you, and...” He trailed off because he wanted to say holding you, but he didn’t want her to think it was all physical for him. It was that, but it was so much more.

  She looked wary. “It’s best, though, right? Because we aren’t going to be a couple, even if you get over being mad at me about what Wendy did.”

  “I’m over it,” he said promptly. “I never should have been mad. It wasn’t your fault what she did.”

  She lifted her hands, palms up. “I feel like I could have handled it all better,” she said, “but I don’t know how. Should I have shut her up when she started to talk? Or blurted it out when I first came in contact with you? Or told you when we started to...” She hesitated. “To get closer?”

  “No. There was never a good time, and it wasn’t your issue to begin with. It was mine and Wendy’s.”

  “And Davey’s,” she said quietly. “How are you dealing with finding out you’re not his father?”

  “I am his father,” he corrected. “I keep getting shocked by the fact that we’re not biologically related, a few times every day, but it doesn’t change the truth—he’s my son.”

  “Good.” She nodded as if satisfied. “Well. Was there anything else? Because I promised I’d help serve the dessert.” She stood.

  He couldn’t let her get away. “Yes, there’s something else. Sit down.”

  She lifted an eyebrow and then sat, looking at him warily.

  “Amber,” he said, calling back into his mind the phrases he’d planned out. “I’ve come to care about you so much in the past couple of months. I was a jerk when I learned this news, and I’m sorry, but I’m over it now. And it doesn’t change that caring. I still feel it.”

  She dipped her chin, studying him through lowered eyelashes, not speaking.

  His heart sank a little. She wasn’t exactly jumping into his arms.

  He couldn’t bear to lose her. “You’re an incredible person, and I’ve seen that more and more as I’ve gotten to know you,” he said. “What you’ve been through...and yet you still put a smile on your face and help other people as best you can.”

  She waved a hand and looked away.

  He cleared his throat. “I admire you, but it’s not just that. I’m crazy attracted to you, Amber. You’re...” He swallowed. Was he really going to say it? “You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever known. You’re beautiful, and exciting, and a little bit wild, and I...I really, really want to be with you.”

  “Now you’re making me blush.” A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.

  He smiled, too, but only a little. He didn’t feel confident of her response to what he was about to ask, not at all. “You’ve been wonderful to Davey, and he loves you for it. You’re already a great mother to Hannah, and...” He looked over his shoulder, making sure she was there as planned. “And she’s on board with this.”

  “On board with what?” Amber’s eyes widened and she looked at her daughter.

  Hannah gave them a big smile and a thumbs-up. She had her phone facing their way, videoing them. Not what Paul would have preferred, but no doubt Amber would like that.

  Paul pushed on. “I haven’t told Davey yet, because I didn’t want to get him excited until I knew how you felt. But I know him, and nothing would make him happier than to have you as his mom.”

  She pressed a hand to her lips then, her eyes getting shiny.

  “You’re a mystery, and a puzzle, and I don’t feel like I’ll ever figure you out,” he said. “But I would love to, I’d be completely honored to be allowed to try.”

  “Paul...” A shadow crossed her face and she pressed her lips together.

  She was going to say no.

  He had to go on, though. He had to see this through, to at least ask. “It’s gotten to the point where I can’t imagine a future without you. I want to be with you all the time. Which is why I wanted to ask you...” He pulled the ring box out of his pocket and then sank down onto one knee. “Will you marry me?”

  * * *

  AMBER SUCKED IN HER BREATH. Had she heard Paul right?

  She looked around and it seemed like a lot of people she loved were there, nearby, standing around, but they were out of focus. All she could see clearly was Paul, kneeling before her, holding open a box that seemed to have some kind of a ring inside.

  He was watching her, his eyes resolute, like he wasn’t going to give up and go away. She reached out and touched the sleeve of his shirt. Soft flannel.

  So it was real, then. This was really happening.

  But there was a barrier, a big one. “What about my health?” she asked him, keeping her voice low. “I’m good now, but there are no guarantees. What about Davey?”

  Paul drew in a breath, let it out and nodded. “I know. But the thing is, he already loves you. And I do, too. And love’s more important than fear, whether we have months or years or decades to love each other.”

  His words made her heart stop and then expand in her chest. She felt tears prickling in her eyes, and she couldn’t speak. She just looked at his dear, strong face and thought about what it would be like to wake up next to him, every morning for the rest of her life.

  He lifted an eyebrow. “Do you at least like the ring?” he asked.

  The ring! She hadn’t even looked at it, not really, and she leaned closer to see it through her tears. And she gasped. The band was twisted, like the rings she most liked to wear, with a heart at one end, and embedded all the way with diamonds. It looked handcrafted. She’d never seen an engagement ring like that, which meant he must have searched high and low for it, or paid a ton, or both. “I love it,” she said, her words little more than a croak because her throat was so tight. She looked into his eyes. Paul was so steady, so humble, so good. What he was offering, what stood in front of them, filled her with joy. “What’s important is, I love you.” She tugged at his hand, wanting him to get off his knees and come closer.

  Dimly, she heard the collective sigh as he rose and sat beside her and pulled her into his arms. “Thank you,” he said. “At least you care. Can I keep trying? Can you spend more time with me and Davey and see if you might want to make it permanent?”

  Yes, he was humble. She shook her head against his shoulder and felt him tense. “I don’t need to spend more time,” she said, lifting her face to his. “I already know that I would be thrilled and honored and completely happy to be your wife, and Davey’s mom.”

  The happiness she saw on his face, just before he
pulled her close, was surely mirrored on her own. And then he lifted her face and kissed her with all the tenderness in the world, a kind of tenderness she’d never experienced before, beautiful, rich and complex, interlaced with passion.

  “Daddy, you’re kissing Miss Amber!” Davey rushed over and threw himself against them. “Me, too! Me, too!”

  Amber laughed through her tears as she wrapped an arm around this dear child and pulled him close. He cuddled against her, not questioning, full of a child’s trust, a trust she knew she’d work to be worthy of for the rest of her life.

  And then Paul lifted Davey onto his lap. “What do you think,” he said, “about Miss Amber being your mommy?”

  Amber cringed a little. What if Davey said he didn’t want that, now, in front of all these people? Because she was starting to realize that there were a lot of people here, and not just because it was a party. All her friends and family were watching and listening.

  “’Kay,” Davey said. He yawned hugely and lifted his arms to her, and as she pulled him to her chest, felt the sweet weight of him against her, as she heard the collective “awwwww,” she started to cry in earnest. She looked helplessly up at Paul, and he stroked her hair and smiled. “Told you he’d be on board,” he said quietly.

  “Mom.” Hannah hurried across the open space to where they were sitting. She knelt in front of Amber. “You’re messing up your mascara. Here.” Carefully, tenderly, she blotted Amber’s face with a tissue.

  Amber transferred Davey back to Paul and put her hands on Hannah’s shoulders. “You’re good with this?”

  Hannah nodded, her own eyes shiny. “You deserve to be happy. You’ve focused on me all these years. It’s time for you to get love, not just give it.”

  Amber hugged her daughter tight. “Thank you for being your wonderful self,” she choked out. Looking over Hannah’s shoulder, Amber saw Erica smiling widely.

  Hannah reached out an arm to Davey and Paul, and then they were all hugging in an awkward circle, laughing, as their friends clapped and cheered.

  There were congratulations to be shared, and hugs. Bisky and Mary opened bottles of champagne and sparkling grape juice, and everyone toasted them.

  Amber was surrounded by her friends and she loved it, laughed and cried and celebrated, hammed it up. But she kept looking over at Paul. He was definitely a part of the community, shaking hands and laughing and talking, but his eyes didn’t stray far from her ever. Mostly, he just stood watching her and smiling. Hannah was holding Davey on her lap, and Amber heard the words big sister and little brother, and that made her tear up again. It was something she’d never been able to give Hannah, a sibling, and she was thrilled that Hannah was embracing it so joyously.

  Finally, the party started breaking up. Some needed to get the kids home to bed, and others were headed to midnight mass. Bisky and Mary and Kirk cleaned up, but waved away the offer of help from Amber and Paul. “You two relax,” Kirk said. “That’s an exhausting experience.”

  “You should know,” Mary said dryly. “How many times have you proposed to a woman?”

  “Hey, now, that’s classified information.”

  They moved away, clearing dishes and trash, amicably bickering.

  Paul pulled Amber into his arms. And as she looked up at his handsome face, as she traced his strong jaw with one finger, gratitude and joy filled her heart.

  EPILOGUE

  SPRING CAME EARLY that year. Or maybe it was just that every day felt like spring to Amber. At any rate, Paul and Davey had been happy to go out for a walk on this balmy day. Davey was excited to go anywhere so long as he could ride his new bike, a gift from his grandparents. It was sturdy and bright blue, covered with stickers and mud just like the bikes his friends had.

  It was a much more appropriate gift than the little car, which they’d ended up donating to a kids’ charity after Davey had tired of it. Ferguson and Georgiana made a point now of checking in with Paul, and sometimes even with Amber, before they bestowed a gift.

  By mutual consent, the three of them headed down toward the docks. It was beautiful there, and Davey had a friend among the fishing families that he played with often. And Paul always stole a kiss at the little bench where they’d shared their first kiss, so it was romantic for them.

  Everything was romantic for them, it seemed. Right now, they were holding hands, watching as Davey pedaled his little bike madly a stone’s throw ahead of them.

  “Not too far,” Paul called.

  “I know,” Davey called back. He slowed down ever so slightly, then sped up again.

  Amber squeezed Paul’s hand. “He’s fine. Let him have a little freedom.”

  Paul wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to his side. “I should be glad for the privacy. Sometimes it seems like we don’t get enough chance to be together.”

  “Be grateful for what we have. I am.” Amber slid an arm around his waist and squeezed. It was true: she was grateful, every day, for the gift of Paul and Davey.

  The beauty was that now, she felt like she deserved the happiness. That her mistakes of the past were just that, mistakes, not character flaws.

  That she could have a new chance and a new life.

  She breathed in the air of the shore, slightly pungent with salt and fish, overlaid with spring flowers. Those were out in abundance, the apple trees vying with pear and cherry for the beauty prize.

  On the water, a lone boat chugged in toward shore. “Hey, that’s Bisky,” Paul said.

  Amber waved big, arms windshield wiping over her head until Bisky waved back. “Wonder why she’s coming in early?”

  “Mary said she’s been different lately. Doing a lot of reading. Quieter.”

  “I hope she’s okay.” Amber resolved to invite Bisky to dinner within the week.

  “You’ve been doing a lot of reading, too,” Paul observed as they passed Bisky’s dock and headed toward the end of the peninsula. “I saw that you had a memoir of a woman who’d traveled to Nepal. Are you jealous?”

  He sounded concerned, and she disentangled herself from him to give him a playful punch in the arm. “Stop it, you. I’m reading that because she went a lot of the places we went. And where Hannah’s going to go this summer.”

  “You’re sure? You know, we can travel again this summer. Ferguson and Georgiana want to take Davey to their summer cabin for a week.”

  Amber shrugged. “Maybe. Let’s see how they do having him for a weekend.” It had been a real leap of faith for both her and Paul to allow Davey to go for an overnight with his grandparents, but after they’d talked with the older couple’s therapist, they’d agreed to give it a go.

  “I just don’t want you to feel restricted,” he said.

  She reached up and kissed his cheek. “I don’t. My world got larger when you and Davey came into it.”

  It was the simple truth. Once she’d agreed to marry Paul, they hadn’t wanted to wait, so they’d had a hurry-up Valentine’s Day wedding. And then they’d had a spectacular, though short, honeymoon in the Far East. She was pretty sure Paul had gotten the travel bug; he’d loved the trip, and she’d loved being on it with him.

  They kissed on the docks, slow and lingering, and then headed back. They waved to Harmony, the new occupant of the Healing Heroes cottage. Soon they were passing Amber’s old place and then the new Victory Cottage, where Mary was planting flowers along the porch, and Kirk was painting trim.

  “She’s put you to work, has she?” Amber called, and the two of them waved. They both looked happy. Mary continued to insist that she wouldn’t date Kirk, didn’t want to date anyone. But it definitely seemed like they were spending more time together.

  Imogene was well and truly out of Mary’s life now, which was good. She’d done a little jail time for her vandalism and possession of drugs, and then Mary had paid for a stint of treatment for her
. While in rehab, she’d met someone and they were living together on the West Coast, hopefully dry, both working.

  When she, Paul and Davey reached their home, Amber smiled, feeling the warmth she always felt when she saw it. It wasn’t fancy; it was a pretty little beach cottage, with a yard for Davey and Sarge to play in, and a glassed-in sunroom for Amber to do her writing projects.

  Paul hadn’t gone back to being a cop. He was working as a firearms instructor for now, but was retraining to become a high school teacher. He’d gotten over his distaste for being in a school. With his patience and his calm demeanor, he’d be great with teenagers.

  Davey threw down his bike in the yard and came back to them, lifting his arms. “I’m hungry.”

  Amber bent down and picked him up. Having a five-year-old was better than any weight lifting program.

  Was better than anything. “We’ll let Sarge out and get some lunch,” she said. “And then I think we all need naps.” She winked at Paul, and nearly laughed when his face colored. He’d always be more reserved than she was, and that was fine. Underneath that reserve was a fiery passion that both surprised her and filled her with joy.

  She’d always wanted to live an adventurous life. But underneath that, she’d always been searching for love and a home.

  She had that, now, with Paul and Davey. Home and adventure and, most of all, love.

  * * *

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  AS ALWAYS, FINISHING a novel reminds me of the debt of gratitude I owe to so many people. My publishing dream team, Karen Solem, Shana Asaro and Susan Swinwood, have been incredibly supportive with ideas, suggestions and encouragement. The art, sales and marketing teams at Harlequin are staffed with talented people who work hard, often behind the scenes, to get books into the right readers’ hands, and I’m the beneficiary of their expertise. Writing these books for HQN has been a dream come true.

  I owe a special debt to my writer friends. My Wednesday morning writers’ group pushed me to make each chapter better, while my pals Sandy, Dana and Rachel listened to my complaints and encouraged me to get back to work. Nicole Peeler was a blessing, organizing online write-ins that created a supportive virtual community. And I’m especially grateful to Karen Williams, who read the manuscript and guided me toward a stronger portrayal of both cancer survivors and young children.