The Cheeky Monkey

by Tim Ferguson

  The PFJ–communist metaphor is saying directly that, rather than being romantic rebels, the Judean zealots were their own worst enemies: badly organised and completely ineffectual against the might of Rome.

  It’s important to recognise that this multi-faceted metaphor works better than a metaphor with only one similarity to its subject. Equating Jerusalem’s rebels with a flock of squawking seagulls might be vaguely amusing, but likening them to a university communist society allows Monty Python to jab several sore points at once.

  3. Exaggerate trivialities to high importance:

  In Father Ted, Ted and eight other priests get lost in the lingerie section of Ireland’s biggest department store. They’re terrified they’ll be seen looking at ladies’ underwear. Their escape from the lingerie floor is played as a military escape from a jungle fortress. The priests react to every passing shopper as if to a patrolling enemy. The show’s producers push the metaphor even further, adding exotic birdcalls to the soundtrack (‘A Christmassy Ted’ by Graham Linehan and Arthur Mathews).

  The elevation of the situation to that of a life-or-death struggle works well. Priests and panties are already a funny combination but when they’re given the importance of a military exercise, they become very silly indeed.

  The larger truth being illuminated is that the Catholic Church takes sex far too seriously.

  METAPHOR AND CHARACTER

  The Father Ted ‘jungle’ scene shows how metaphor can be used to impose archetypal character traits upon established characters, even though those traits have little or no connection to the characters or the situation. For example, when one of the priests twists an ankle, he urges his comrades to go on without him and save themselves. Like brave Marines, they insist they won’t leave a man behind and help him limp along with them.

  Often, the dialogue used in such scenes is derived from the clichés associated with the subject. ‘Leave me, I’ll only slow you down’ is exactly the type of dialogue you’d expect from a war film. A comic metaphor is there to be plundered for its broadly-recognised associations, seeing them in a new light.

  The approach to crafting comic metaphors is similar to that of comic juxtapositions: they both involve connecting two things that don’t normally go together.

  IDENTIFYING A COMIC METAPHOR

  Below is a six-step process for identifying a metaphor that can be imposed onto a scene. As an example, let’s reverse the People’s Front of Judea/ communist-cell metaphor and impose the Roman metaphor upon a meeting of a contemporary communistcell.

  1. Begin by interrogating the scene for its essential qualities:

  What are the components of the scene? The scene is a modern meeting of communists in which the leader is overthrown. The leader is overbearing, petty and convinced he’s surrounded by idiots. He particularly loathes Bruno, the humble note-taker. The other cell members hide their common purpose.

  What is at the heart of this scene? The cell-meeting is a coup d’etat.

  What is the message of the scene? In politics, trust no-one.

  2. Identify a situation that metaphorically typifies, reduces or exaggerates the scene and illuminates its message.

  Typify: A chessboard metaphor, with the characters acting as chess pieces, would typify the scene’s fixed hierarchy and events, ending with the leader, in the role of a king piece, suffering checkmate. The message is highlighted when the cell leader is betrayed by the other pieces refusing to sacrifice themselves or break the rules.

  Reduce: A kindergarten election for the role of being at the front of the line in a game of follow-the-leader. After being praised for his tidiness and good behaviour, the cell leader is undone (and the scene’s message is highlighted) by the childish squabbling and shameless cheating of his easily distracted colleagues.

  Exaggerate: Ancient Rome exaggerates the mundane communist society election to a struggle for the rule of an empire. The message is highlighted by the Romans’ lofty ideals being undermined by their political infighting and intrigue.

  In this example, ancient Rome is selected as the metaphor to exaggerate the proceedings, satirising the society members’ grand perception of themselves.

  3. As for any comic juxtaposition, list the broadly-known people, values, events, terms, sayings and songs associated with the metaphorical subject.

  ROME:

  PEOPLE

  Julius Caesar

  Brutus

  Claudius Maximus (Russell Crowe in Gladiator)

  Spartacus

  Asterix (the comic-strip character)

  VALUES

  Greed

  Gluttony

  Political machinations

  Bacchanalia

  Military power

  EVENTS

  Assassination of Caesar

  Nero fiddling while Rome burned

  The sacking of Rome

  Pontius Pilate washing his hands

  Eating peeled grapes

  TERMS

  Centurion

  Legion

  Thumbs up or down

  Visigoths

  Emperor

  QUOTES

  ‘All roads lead to Rome.’

  ‘I came. I saw. I conquered.’

  ‘Et tu, Brute?’

  ‘When in Rome, do as the Romans do.’

  SONGS

  ‘On an Evening in Roma’ (Dean Martin)

  ‘Three Coins in a Fountain’ (Frank Sinatra)

  4. Make a similar list of qualities for the communists.

  5. Compare the characters and events in your cell-meeting scene with the associations you’ve made and identify connections.

  The leader can be compared with Caesar, Nero fiddling, coming, seeing and conquering. The other characters can be associated with political machinations, thumbs up and down …

  You may see a way to base the scene upon an event associated with the metaphor. As the meeting involves an overthrow of the leader, the assassination of Julius Caesar seems a good place to start. The metaphor elevates an ordinary cell-meeting squabble to epic drama.

  The meeting becomes an ‘assassination’ of the leader. Instead of literally stabbing him in the back, as the senators did to Caesar, the other cell members use the leader’s back as a surface upon which to secretly sign a petition removing him from office.

  The last is the poor note-taker, Bruno. Honest and faithful to the Party, he tearfully shows the leader the petition, then signs it himself.

  The Leader, aghast, cries ‘Et tu, Bruno?’

  Okay, it’s not Shakespeare, but the layering of one scenario over another is best kept simple. The obvious associations with a metaphor are the best tools for joke-building. Using too many obscure references can be deemed undergraduate or pretentious.

  6. When you’ve settled on the structure of the scene, look for opportunities to exploit the metaphor within dialogue.

  Possible lines might include:

  ‘Et tu, Bruno?’

  ‘Thumbs down, I’m afraid.’

  ‘Peeled grape, anyone?’

  LEADER: Where is my champion?

  BRUNO: He came. He saw. He left.

  Like any comic juxtaposition, imposing a metaphor that’s diametrically opposed to a character or scene can work well. The fact that a group of priests is highly unlikely to engage in combat manoeuvres makes the Father Ted ‘jungle’ scene above even more comic.

  Be clear about which scenario (explicit or metaphorical) you are mocking. The writers of Father Ted were not denying the gravity of a true wartime situation—that would needlessly offend the show’s broad audience. Their rather affectionate deprecation is aimed at the Catholic Church.

  The best place to start when building comic metaphors is to choose scenarios that are accessible, well-known events or situations. Otherwise you’re comparing your scene or characters to something with which the audience has no ready association.

  Sitcom Poignancy

  Hollywood producer Thom Mount has a sign in his office that def
ines his criteria for a good script to all who enter:

  Make Me Laugh

  Make Me Cry

  Make Me Cum

  Make Me Think

  Mount demands these criteria of any script that lands on his desk, be it comedy or drama. With all four fulfilled, he says, a film has every chance of satisfying its audience. This is because the criteria imply a big emotional journey.

  Although TV comedy is not generally explicit, sexuality is a prime motivator of the drama. Even the older ladies of The Golden Girls provide a sexual zing. Blanche is an attractive and sex-obsessed man-eater, and Sophia has a deliciously dirty mind. In fact, the average well-written dom-com regularly delivers on all fronts.

  Sitcom’s more emotionally-detached sub-genres, however, farce and satire, while they deliver laughs, sexual tingles and food for thought, don’t typically make us cry. In fact, the writers of Seinfeld had a ‘No hugging, no learning’ rule that served them well. The last thing they wanted was for the audience to shed a tear for George Castanza.

  An exception to this rule is found in the final scene of the last episode of the satire Blackadder Goes Forth. In one of the most heartrending moments in sitcom, Blackadder and his chums go ‘over the top’ of a trench in World War I to certain death. The ghastly pointlessness of that war, until then a driving force behind the series’ comedy, is laid bare. But this is the exception that proves the rule: poignancy is kept in check until the series’ final scene. Having exposed the show’s tragic undercurrent, there could be no return to hilarity.

  However, an emotional journey must take place, so in lieu of tears writers of farce and satire generally aim for bleaker emotions. Disgust, dislike, pity, shame, frustration or anger are all emotional extremes equivalent to making Thom Mount cry.

  Domestic-comedy, however, is up close and personal, so matters of the heart are its arena. It promises the full spectrum of family life, so moments of sadness, sympathy and reflection are vital. In dom-com, ‘Make Me Cry’ means exactly that.

  This is where the most accessible (and underestimated) comedy sub-genre hits its biggest hurdle. As any writer of romantic comedy will tell you, the comedy’s the easy bit—the romance can do your head in. A typical commercial dom-com has thirty minutes, periodically shattered by ad breaks, to generate an empathetic emotional response in its audience—as well as the laughs that the viewers have tuned in for! To achieve this, poignancy can be a most effective weapon in the comedy writer’s arsenal. It must however be handled with care.

  Sitcom poignancy relates directly to the episode’s ‘lesson’ and is most often found in the final act, when the episode’s theme and issues are established and the viewers have had a good laugh. The characters reach a point where only honesty will help them out of their fix. Having seen the lighter side of the issue at hand, the characters must resolve the issue by making a choice, usually between self-interest and the greater good. Poignancy is generated when characters choose the good over self-interest, and in this way poignancy usually brings about the resolution of the issue. To be effective, the issue should be one to which the audience can relate easily.

  Many comedy writers fear poignancy like the plague, and for good reason. There’s a real danger the episode will veer into the saccharine, the cheesy or the downright depressing.

  The most reliable way to avoid these perils is to rely on your characters to take their own unique view of the issue at hand. This way, instead of a worthy lecture that could just as easily be delivered in a pamphlet, the episode’s issue can be dealt with through the prism of the character’s view. So, a lecture from Mum about being brave in the face of a loved one’s death can instead become a more nuanced and fresh approach to the tragedy. Fear of mortality, anger at God or even relief at the fact that a death can cure many problems are credible perspectives that are far from cheesy. A character with their own prejudices and preoccupations is more likely to take an original perspective on the loss of a loved one. Even if a character does deliver a direct lesson (e.g. ‘Death is a natural part of life’), there is always room for another to contradict them (e.g. ‘Maybe, but it still sucks’). In this way, platitudes give way to more a more rounded appraisal.

  In The Golden Girls, Sophia discovers her new beau, Alvin, has Alzheimer’s disease. After making light of memory-loss and old age, Sophia must face the harsh reality of a future dealing with a partner suffering from a debilitating condition. She decides that, as much as she is fond of Alvin, she is too old and set in her ways to take on such a burden and allows his family to relocate him to a special home in faraway New York. This outcome is far from saccharine, and Sophia’s actions are morally questionable—a romantic heroine would surely go with him. The issue is discussed by Sophia and Dorothy in a rational and informative way, but the resolution of the story is Sophia’s own rather than a Hallmark moment. The final scene, in which Sophia visits the place where she first met Alvin and shows her stoic acceptance of his departure, is guaranteed to bring a tear to the eye (‘Old Friends’ by Terry Grossman).

  As comedy must, ‘Old Friends’ faces the darkness and presents some painful truths: sometimes we must accept our own limitations, and all good things must come to an end.

  Poignant scenes in sitcom are best kept short, and there should be no more than one per episode. This is comedy, after all.

  Painting Pictures

  The ancient Greeks would portray a battle onstage by having characters describe it. The pictures painted a thousand soldiers.

  Comedy can work in the same way. In this scene from Blackadder Goes Forth, the trench soldier Baldrick paints a less-than-pretty picture.

  BLACKADDER: (We have) new ladders?

  GEORGE: Yeah, came yesterday. I issued them to the men, and they were absolutely thrilled. Isn’t that right, men?

  BALDRICK: Yes, sir, first solid fuel we’ve had since we burned the cat.

  —(‘Captain Cook’ by Richard Curtis and Ben Elton)

  Whether it is a character who is often spoken of but never seen—such as Maris in Frasier, Old Mister Grace in Are You Being Served or Stan in Will & Grace—a line of dialogue or an entire story, a description can be a very effective tool for moving a story forward and defining a character or setting. ‘… since we burned the cat’ shows Baldrick’s desperate plight and his unsentimental stupidity in one shot.

  In The Golden Girls, the elderly Sophia Petrillo tells the story of her experience running in a local marathon:

  SOPHIA: So, finally, the race was under way. I start off slow, like a panther, but when the time is right, I pounce! The crowd is on its feet, ‘Sophia! Sophia!’. My heart is pounding in my ears—but then again, it’s always pounding in my ears. I could see the finish line … and then it happened, what every runner dreads. I hit the wall.

  DOROTHY: You ran out of steam?

  SOPHIA: No, I actually hit a wall.

  —(‘And Then There Was One’ by Russell Marcus)

  The picture painted in the viewer’s mind can be outlandish beyond any budget. Sophia’s marathon, for example, would require a lot of extras, a stunt-double and a location shoot—all for a thirty-second scene. And, after all that trouble, the audience probably wouldn’t enjoy the scene any more than her description of it.

  Described images can also be more extreme than the audience would like to see portrayed. Importantly, sexual content far outside audience taste or broadcasting guidelines can be related by characters. George Castanza in Seinfeld tells the story of how his mother caught him masturbating and fell over in shock. It’d be difficult to depict this scene in a way that is either appealing or legal in a 7 p.m. timeslot. But the story of the event can be told, albeit in a way that goes over kids’ heads.

  Audiences can be more repelled by cruelty to animals than to humans. (When did you last see a serial-animal-killer movie?) Test audiences for the action film Independence Day (Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich) witnessed aliens destroying Washington and New York but complained that, amidst the slaugh
ter, a dog was killed. The film was re-cut to show the dog, a lovable Labrador named ‘Boomer’, surviving the alien firestorm without a scratch.

  That said, animals have been treated cruelly in comedies. In the film There’s Something About Mary (by Ed Decter, John J. Strauss, Peter Farrelly and Bob Farrelly), Healy feeds a handful of Valium tablets to ‘Puffy’, a nasty little dog he needs to sedate. Puffy overdoses. In trying to revive the dog with power leads, Healy accidentally sets fire to him (not unlike Baldrick’s tale of cat burning).

  Sophia’s accident, Baldrick’s cat-burning and Healy’s harsh treatment of Puffy are funny (and forgiven by the audience) for one reason: the audience is prevented from identifying with them. Sophia tells the story about herself, so she’s clearly okay and we feel fine about laughing. The audience doesn’t sentimentalise Puffy—he’s a vicious brute who predictably survives his ordeal (whereupon he goes for Healy’s jugular). And we never see Baldrick’s cat, so we aren’t given a chance to empathise. However, Boomer, a loyal family dog, is given sympathetic treatment and so cannot be harmed without his injuries becoming central to the drama.

  In terms of painting pictures in viewers’ minds, while some might not like to see Baldrick putting a match to a live cat to keep himself warm, they’re happy having the tabby-torching left to their imaginations, where they can conjure images more graphic than anything the BBC Props Department could devise.

  Kill the Baby Before It Kills You

  Writers will always say they appreciate criticism. The good ones mean it. They know it’s a process. The rest say it out of politeness and a desire not to look precious.

  The curse of comedy is the act of cutting. It’s called ‘killing the baby’ for a reason, though sometimes infanticide can look like the easier option. For some, the suggestion to cut a single line from a first draft can result in tears and recrimination, dark mutterings and fiery accusations of jealousy, stupidity or humourlessness. Editing can be a debilitating experience, particularly for new writers.