The Water

by Nancy Jackson

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t know,” said Mike.

  They exchanged conversation to update Mike and Rick on the situation with Bracket. He was a good supervisory agent and a good man. Often those were rarely found together.

  They found the body of the recent victim as the others, lying face down with her head in the water. The cut and color of the hair was the same as Carissa’s and Carrie prepared herself to see her face as well when they rolled her over.

  But it wasn’t. Carrie didn’t recognize this face. “Did we find any id or a purse?” Carrie asked.

  “Yes,” said Rick. “There was no id, only five twenty-dollar bills, three condoms, and a lip gloss.”

  “We’ve submitted the fingerprints too, no hit,” said Mike.

  Futility overwhelmed Carrie. Maybe it was the fatigue of sitting up all night or seeing yet one more unknown girl laying before her dead.

  Uncharacteristically, she began to silently cry. She couldn’t stop the tears from escaping onto her cheeks. She turned abruptly and swiped harshly at the tears as if they were an enemy that had violated her. She walked back to the car with heavy footfalls on the soft green manicured grass of the Bricktown Landing Park.

  The car was hot inside, but Carrie didn’t care. It was all too much. This case was getting the best of her. Never had she not been able to keep her emotions in check when working a case until now.

  She laid her head back against the SUV’s headrest and closed her eyes. Visions of Pride, Jenny, Lisa, Cami, Mandy, and the lost Sam floated past. Even Carissa. Why Carissa? She wasn’t a prostitute, but there was something…

  Carrie had dozed off and was startled awake when Randy opened his car door. She jerked and tried to regain awareness of where she was and what she was doing. In only the few minutes spent in the hot car, her cheeks had burned hot and her hair was limp with sweat.

  Once in the car Randy took time to study her. “You look like shit.” But his words were soft and kind, not accusatory as they had often been in the past.

  He started the car and cranked up the AC. Carrie laughed. Then Randy laughed. “You know that will only blow out hot air until the engine cools…" said Carrie.

  “I know,” said Randy. The old familiar dialog, only in reverse, brought them back to their own center, that place where they knew each other and were comfortable in their daily routines.

  The AC finally cooled the car as they sat. Randy was in no hurry to go anywhere and he knew Carrie wasn’t either. He could ask her what was wrong, but he knew. This case had been hard on both of them.

  “I have something to tell you,” said Randy.

  Carrie shut her eyes again, her head still resting on the headrest. “I can’t bear to hear it right now,” said Carrie. She knew he was leaving. She’d put it all together. The secret visits with Bracket and keeping her in the dark until the right moment. And then there was his little slip of the tongue yesterday at lunch.

  Randy said nothing for a few moments. He watched as more tears rolled from the corner of Carrie’s closed eyes.

  “I have to tell you now.”

  Carrie’s head shook gently back and forth. “Don’t tell me you’re leaving. I can’t deal with that right now.” She sat forward and wiped her face.

  “Leaving? I’m not leaving.”

  Carrie’s head jerked around and stared at Randy. Her mind raced to understand what she had just heard in context with what she had thought she had realized.

  “Here’s the thing, Bracket is retiring. Or anyway he was before the heart attack, which I assume will accelerate things considerably. That is why I need to tell you now.”

  “Go ahead,” said Carrie.

  “I’ll be taking his position. I’m going to be the new SAC.”

  Readjusting her emotions, Carrie was both relieved and sad at the same time. Randy wouldn’t be leaving, but he would no longer be her partner. She couldn’t find the words to express her jumbled thoughts, so she said nothing.

  As they sat, the only sound they heard was the AC fan cranked up to high.

  Randy had taken Carrie back to the hospital to get her car. He requested she go home, take a shower, and get some rest. He would check in on Bracket and then go back to the office.

  He would have preferred that the changing of the guard could have taken place amidst quieter circumstances. It would have been nice if they had this case solved and out of the way where Bracket could have handed over the reigns healthy, and with an active retirement to look forward to.

  “How’s Bracket?” Randy asked Diane when he saw her in the hallway.

  Her face looked tired, but there was no concern there. “He came through great, the doctor said. He woke up briefly, and I spoke to him, then he went back to sleep. I’m trying to let him rest. I was just going to go get me a cup of coffee would you like some?”

  Randy agreed and walked with Diane to the hospital cafeteria. “Have you eaten today, Diane?” asked Randy.

  “No, but I’m not sure I can.”

  “Let me buy you breakfast.” Randy smiled at Diane and ushered her over to the food line where they were serving breakfast. “I’ll have breakfast with you. I’m hungry.” He would eat whether or not he was just so Diane would feel more comfortable about eating.

  “Well, okay.”

  Once they had their plates and trays, Randy found an out of the way booth close to a window with a view of an atrium. There was lush vegetation and a waterfall which issued a soothing flow of sound. The entire effect was as calming as it was meant to be.

  “John has talked to me about you taking over for him when he retires,” said Diane.

  Randy nodded as he cut his sausage into bite-size pieces. “I assumed the two of you have been talking and planning long before I knew anything about it.” He looked up at Diane and smiled.

  “Yes, we have. We’ve looked forward to it. We made a lot of plans.” Diane’s voice trailed off.

  “Hey, nothing has changed. They fix him up and will be as good as new. You will be able to keep those plans.”

  Diane tried to smile. She genuinely hoped Randy was right.

  “His retirement date will occur when he is still at home recovering. I haven’t spoken to him yet, but I assume that I will need to step in for him. I was planning on doing that temporarily anyway while he recovered, then it occurred to me that he won’t be approved for duty by then.”

  “Yes, well, that is all department stuff. I’m sure the commission will notify you.”

  “I got a message from the commission chair this morning I was to move forward in a temporary capacity until it was official. I wanted you to know.”

  Diane nodded once again. She was picking at her small bowl of oatmeal with blueberries on top. “Randy you have been such a wonderful agent for the OSBI and I know that John is truly appreciative of all that you’ve done.

  “I also know that he was so proud to have someone of your caliber to hand the reins too. It was making a hard thing just a little easier.”

  Randy reached out and patted Diane’s hand. “Thank you. Now eat that oatmeal so you will have the strength to keep John in line.”

  Bracket was awake and grumpy when Randy and Diane returned from breakfast, but as soon as he saw Diane he softened. “Where were you?” he asked.

  “Randy forced me to go get breakfast. I complied,” said Diane.

  “Good man. Thank you, Randy for watching out for her.”

  They talked for only a few minutes about urgent issues back at the office which Bracket was working on so that Randy could jump right in. Soon, though, Bracket’s eyes were beginning to droop and Randy took that as his cue to leave.

  The ride back to the office for Randy, was filled with anxious thoughts. He had thought he would have more time to prepare. He had thought he would have more time with Bracket to help him transition. He had thought he would have more time to get over his fear of taking over this new responsibility.

  The moment he walked into the room, all the agents
confronted him. They all loved Bracket and were eager to hear news of his surgery. For efficiency’s sake, Randy gathered everyone to attention in the conference room and took the podium.

  “First let me say I just came from the hospital and Bracket came through surgery very well. I spoke with him for a few moments and I have no reason to suspect that he won’t make a full recovery.

  “He will be off duty until he makes a full recovery. That brings us to another topic, his approaching retirement. He was set to retire in two weeks which will be well within his recovery time.

  “I have been notified from the commission I am to assume his full duties in the meantime.”

  The room filled with one-on-one conversations between the agents and personnel.

  “Jeffries, will you be taking Bracket’s place permanently?”

  “It has not been announced officially by the commission, but yes, I believe so. Bracket has been working with me for the last few weeks to keep me abreast of what our agency is working on and how his office runs. This unforeseen event just shortened our timeline. But keep in mind that the commission has not issued a formal status change for me yet. That’s all for now.”

  The room buzzed with activity as they went back to their work. Several agents came to shake Randy’s hand and congratulate him on the pending promotion. He had their full support.

  When Randy walked into Bracket’s office it felt hollow. Pictures of Diane and his family were still in their rightful places. Commendations and pictures shaking hands with dignitaries still lined the walls. It didn’t feel right to Randy.

  He had a job to do though, so he forced himself to be thankful that Bracket would recover. At least he was not walking into this office from what could have been the worst-case scenario. Bracket could have died last night, but he didn’t. For that Randy was thankful. It would be tough to fill this man’s shoes though.

  He sat down in Bracket’s chair. Even the chair felt too large for Randy, but then Bracket was about four inches taller and about thirty pounds heavier than Randy was.

  The files were neat and tidy which was unusual. Had Bracket known unconsciously that he wouldn’t be coming back today?

  Randy pulled out the checklist he and Bracket had been working on. Top on the list for today was hiring the new agent.

  He could pair Carrie with a seasoned agent, and had she been younger, he would have. But she was an outstanding agent, despite her personal demons. She would make a great mentor to a new agent.

  Bracket and Randy had gone over several files. There were dozens of submissions to the OSBI every month. They had narrowed it down to three.

  Randy picked up the phone and called to set up final interviews for them. He wanted to meet them personally, on his own, to get his take.

  He arranged to have them each come in later that afternoon. It was a difficult thing to ask as they would have to rearrange their day on short notice, but doing this would speak volumes about them.

  There were two men and one woman. All had come through the police academy with honors. All had high commendations from their superior officers. None of the three had any warnings or reprimands in their files. It would come down to who Randy thought would be the best fit for their agency.

  He pondered, who would be the best fit with Carrie. His stomach turned into a knot as he thought about the current personal mess she was navigating through. If he paired her up with a male agent would that complicate things? Was he being gender biased if he didn’t?

  He and Carrie had worked well for over eight years together. The fact that he was male had never seemed to be a problem at all. In fact, he had not had a closer friend other than his wife during that time.

  A sudden rush of shame hit Randy. He knew too much about Carrie and her personal life and was allowing it to cloud his judgement. He had to look at her as if he knew nothing at all about her personal life and decide accordingly.

  If that were the case, he could pair her with any agent at any time and they would do well for it. Okay then, he would hire the best agent and that would be that.

  It felt good to get home and get a shower. The teeth of the comb massaged Carrie’s scalp as she pulled it through her hair, and she didn’t rush it.

  She should be out working the case, but in her current exhausted state, that was impossible. Her bed felt good as she laid herself down. Her body submitted to the smooth sheets and the soft mattress as it enveloped her.

  But her mind was another story. She had no energy to organize her thoughts as she usually did, so only fragments came and went. Where was Cami’s sister? Who was that strange man in the park? How would it be with Randy in charge? Who would be her new partner? And then only dreams…

  Four hours later, Carrie woke as the trash truck in her neighborhood roared and clunked about collecting garbage. She rolled over onto her back and stared at the ceiling. She needed to get up and go to the bathroom, but her body refused, choosing rather to hold it, rather than exert the energy to move from the bed.

  As the sleep induced fog subsided, Carrie’s thoughts reengaged. Her life was changing. It was changing permanently in a profound way.

  The day before, she had kept her appointment with Dr. Lee at four p.m. She couldn’t have avoided it; Bracket had insisted.

  She went, with the mindset to cooperate. Not for her emotional and mental benefit, but because she knew the more cooperation she exerted, the quicker she would be released from the requirement to attend.

  Skirting around issues was something that counselors and psychiatrists were used to, so when Carrie started in, it was no use. The best way through this, was through this all the way. And what could it hurt?

  So she did her best. But it hurt. It touched places she had walled off and had refused to go many years ago. She knew it had all started with her parents’ death eight years before so that is where she started.

  Dr. Lee was kind and Carrie endured the hour. But once over, she had to medicate from the trauma of the session, so she had gone to the bar. And she forgot, for a time. But it never failed, once home and lying in her bed, the memories and the pain scorched through her mental fog.

  It seemed she had barely gotten to sleep when she had received the call from Randy about Bracket. Dizziness engulfed her even though she was lying still in her bed. It was all too much.

  She draped her arm over her face and hid her eyes in the crook of her elbow to shut out the daylight. Was hollowness an emotion? If so, then that would be her current and ongoing emotion. But what could fill that void?

  Buzz - buzz - buzz, her phone danced around on her nightstand begging for attention. “Yeah?”

  “How are you?” asked Randy.

  Carrie sat and pulled herself up to rest against her headboard. “I got some sleep.”

  “Bracket is doing well. The doctors were very optimistic about the outcome of the surgery. He should be enjoying retirement very soon.”

  Silence filled the void between the receivers. “Look Carrie, I know it was a lot to dump on you this morning, but I had to tell you and tell you first. I knew as soon as I got back to the office I would be in charge.”

  “I know. That movie, The Perfect Storm, when a cluster of horrible things all came together at once… Well, that is how I feel. I feel like this is a perfect storm and I am trying my best to handle it.”

  “I know,” said Randy.

  “So, can you tell me a little about what is planned for the office? Have you decided who will be my new partner?”

  “I’m navigating through that now. I’ve thought a lot about it since Bracket first told me they would offer me his position. I want to do the right thing, by both you and the agency.

  “I’m doing three interviews this afternoon for a new agent. You are, in my opinion, the best agent we have, so I don’t believe that putting you with another seasoned agent would be the best use of your abilities.

  “So I will hire a new agent and partner them with you. You have a lot to give someone, Carrie.�
� Randy stopped to see how she would receive what he had just said.

  Again, tears rolled down Carrie’s cheeks. What on earth was up with this weak show of emotions she had experienced today? Fatigue, that was all it was, sheer exhaustion. But his words… Randy thought highly enough of her, in the middle of her messy life, to entrust her with a new agent. He was either crazy or delusional.

  “Are you there?” Randy asked.

  “Yeah, I’m here.” Her voice was husky and it surprised her. She cleared her throat and sat up straighter in bed.

  “Speak to me.”

  Once again only silence filtered through.

  “Carrie…"

  “I’m afraid.” Pain and fear hit her like a bomb. She doubled over onto her bed and a flood of emotions poured out. She let go of the phone and sobs wracked her body. She sobbed until she lay in a puddle of snot and tears on her soft quilt. When she could cry no more, she reached for the phone. Randy was still there, silently waiting by her side while she had cried.

  He could hear as she once again picked up the phone. “Are you there? Are you okay?” Randy asked.

  Carrie used her nightshirt sleeve to blow her nose, and it’s tail to wipe her face. “I’m here.”

  “Talk to me,” said Randy.

  “We’ve been together so long that I could just be me and no matter what bullshit I was going through it didn’t matter. We, you and me, were fine. I can’t let a new agent be damaged by my mess and I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to help someone else when I can’t even help myself.”

  “Carrie, do you trust me? Really trust me?”

  Carrie shut her eyes and searched for the strength to answer. “Yes. What else can I say, but yes?”

  “Then really trust me on this. This isn’t just for them. It’s for you too.”

  “I want you to take the entire day off. Sleep and rest. That’s a lot of what’s wrong with you right now. You’re exhausted. I don’t want you back in here until tomorrow morning. And stay home tonight!” Randy was laughing when he delivered his last sentence.