CHAPTER XII.
MOBILISATION.
Generally speaking, Hugh John despised Sammy Carter--first, because hecould lick him with one hand, and, secondly, because Sammy Carter wasa clever boy and could discover ways of getting even without lickinghim. Clever boys are all cheeky and need hammering. Besides, SammyCarter was in love with Prissy, and every one knew what that meant.But then Sammy Carter had a sister, Cissy by name, and she was quite adifferent row of beans.
Furthermore, Sammy Carter read books--a degrading pursuit, unless theyhad to do with soldiering, and especially with the wars of Napoleon,Hugh John's great ancestor. In addition, Sammy knew every date thatwas, and would put you right in a minute if you said that Bannockburnhappened after Waterloo, or any little thing like that. A dispositionso perverse as this could only be cured with a wicket or with HughJohn's foot, and our hero frequently applied both corrections.
But Cissy Carter--ah! now there was a girl if you like. She nevertroubled about such things. She could not run so fast as Prissy, butthen she had a perfect colt's mane of hair, black and glossy, whichflew out behind her when she did. Moreover, she habitually did whatHugh John told her, and burned much incense at his shrine, so thatmodest youth approved of her. It was of her he first thought when heset about organising his army for the assault upon the Black Sheds,where, like Hofer at Mantua, the gallant Donald lay in chains.
But it was written in the chronicles of Oaklands that Cissy Cartercould not be allowed over the river without Sammy, so Sammy would haveto be permitted to join too. Hugh John resolved that he would keep hiseye very sharply upon Prissy and Sammy Carter, for the abandoned pairhad been known to compose poetry in the heat of an engagement, andeven to read their compositions to one another on the sly. For thismisdemeanour Prissy would certainly have been court-martialled, onlythat her superior officer could not catch her at the time. But thewicked did not wholly escape, for Hugh John tugged her hair afterwardstill she cried; whereat Janet Sheepshanks, coming suddenly upon himand cornering him, spanked him till _he_ cried. He cried solely as ameasure of military necessity, because it was the readiest way ofgetting Janet to stop, and also because that day Janet wore a new pairof slippers, with heels upon which Hugh John had not been counting. Sohe cried till he got out of Janet's reach, when he put out his tongueat her and said, "Hum-m! Thought you hurt, didn't you? Well, it justdidn't a bit!"
And Sir Toady Lion, who was feeding his second-best wooden horses withwild sand-oats gathered green, remarked, "When I have childwens I sailbeat them wif a big boot and tackets in the heel."
Which voiced with great precision Janet Sheepshanks' mood at thatmoment.
The army of Windy Standard, then, when fully mustered, consisted ofGeneral-Field-Marshal Napoleon Smith, Commander-in-Chief andregimental Sergeant-Major (also, on occasions of parade, BigBig-Drummer); Adjutant-General Cissy Carter, promoted to her presenthigh position for always agreeing with her superior officer--a saferule in military politics; Commissariat-Sergeant Sir Toady Lion, whodeclined any other post than the care of the provisions, and had to beconciliated; together with Privates Sammy Carter and Prissy Smith.Sammy Carter had formerly been Adjutant, because he had a pony, butgallantly resigned in order to be of the same rank as Prissy, who wasthe sole member of the force wholly without military ambition.
At the imposing review which was held on the plains of WindyStandard, the Commander-in-Chief insisted on carrying the blue bannerhimself, as well as the big-big drum, till Sammy Carter, who had notyet resigned, offered him his pony to ride upon. This he did withguile and malice aforethought, for on the drum being elevated in frontof the mounted officer, Polo promptly ran away, and depositedGeneral-Field-Marshal Smith in the horse pond.
"DEPOSITED GENERAL-FIELD-MARSHAL SMITH IN THE HORSEPOND."]
But this force, though officered with consummate ability, wasmanifestly insufficient for the attack upon the Black Sheds. This waswell shown by Sammy Carter, who also pointed out that the armies ofall ages had never been exclusively composed of those of noble birth.There were, for example, at Bannockburn, the knights, the esquires,the sturdy yeomanry, the spearmen, the bowmen, and the camp-followers.He advised that the stable boys, Mike and Peter, should be approached.
Now the head stable boy, Mike O'Donelly by name, was a scion of thenoblest Bourbon race. His father was an exile, who spoke the languagewith a strong foreign accent, and drove a fish cart--which also had apronounced accent, reputed deadly up to fifty yards with a favourablewind.
"Foine frish hirrings--foive for sixpince!" was the way he said it.This proved to demonstration that he came from a far land, and was thedescendant of kings. When taxed directly with being the heir to acrown, he did not deny it, but said, "Yus, Masther Smith, wanst I hada crown, but I lost it. 'Twas the Red Lion, bad scran to ut, that didthe deed!"
Now this was evidently only a picturesque and regal way of referringto the bloody revolution by which King Michael O'Donowitch had beendethroned and reduced to driving a fish-cart--the old, old story,doubtless, of royal license and popular ingratitude. But there was nosuch romantic mystery about Peter Greg. He was simply junior stableboy, and his father was general utility man--or, as it was moregenerally called, "odd man," about the estate of Windy Standard. Peteroccupied most of his time in keeping one eye on his work and the otheron his father, who, on general utility principles, "welted" him everytime that he caught him. This exercise, and his other occupation ofperpetual fisticuffs with Prince Mike O'Donelly, had so developed hismuscles and trained his mind, that he could lick any other two boys ofhis size in the parish. He said so himself, and he usually had atleast one black eye to show for it. So no one contradicted him, and,indeed, who had a better right to know?
Prince Michael O'Donowitch (the improvement in style was SammyCarter's) put the matter differently. He said, "I can lick Peter Gregtill he can't stand" ("shtand" was how the royal exile pronounced it),"but Peter an' me can knock the stuffin' out of any half-dozenspalpeens in this dirthy counthry."
Both Mike and Peter received commissions in the army at the samemoment. The ceremony took place at the foot of the great hay mow atthe back of the stable yard. In view of his noble ancestry, PrinceMichael O'Donowitch was made a major-general, and Peter a lieutenantof marines. The newly appointed officers instantly clinched, fellheadlong, rolled over and over one another, pommelled each other'sheads, bit, scratched, and kicked till the hay and straw flew in alldirections.
When the dust finally cleared away, Peter was found sitting astride ofPrince Michael, and shouting, "Are you the general-major, or am I?"
Then when they had risen to their feet and dusted themselves, it wasfound that the distinguished officers had exchanged commissions, andthat Peter Greg had become major-general, while Prince MichaelO'Donowitch was lieutenant of marines, with a new and promising blackeye!
"GENERALS OF DIVISION, EQUAL IN RANK."]
But at the first drill, upon General Peter issuing some complicatedorder, such as "Attention! eyes right!" Lieutenant O'Donowitchremarked, "Me eyes is as roight as yours, ye dirthy baste av aScotchy!" Whereupon, as the result of another appeal to arms, theformer judgment was reversed, and Prince Michael regained hiscommission at the price of another black eye. Indeed he would have hadthree, but for the fact that the number of his eyes was somewhatstrictly limited to two.
Now it was felt by all parties that in a well-disciplined army suchtransitions were altogether too sudden, and so a compromise wassuggested--as usual by Sammy Carter. Prince Michael and Peter Gregwere both made generals of division, equal in rank, underField-Marshal Smith. The division commanded by General Peter wascomposed of Cissy and Sir Toady Lion. The command of this firstdivision proved, however, to be purely nominal, for Cissy was much toointimate with the Commander-in-Chief to be ordered about, and as forToady Lion he was so high minded and irresponsible that he quitedeclined to obey anybody whatsoever. Still, the title was the thing,and "the division of General Peter Greg" sounded very well.
T
he other division was much more subordinate. Prissy and Sammy Carterwere the only genuine privates, and they were quite ready to becommanded by General Mike, Prissy upon conscientious non-resistanceprinciples, and Sammy with a somewhat humorous aside to hisfellow-soldier that it wouldn't be very bad, because Mike's father(the royal fish-hawker) lived on Sammy's ancestral domain, and owedmoney to Mr. Davenant Carter.
Thus even the iron discipline of a British army is tempered to thesacred property holder.
The immediate advance of the army of Windy Standard upon the BlackSheds was only hindered by a somewhat serious indisposition whichsuddenly attacked the Commander-in-Chief. The facts were these.
Attached to the castle, but lying between it and the stepping-stoneson the steep side of the hill, was an ancient enclosed orchard. It haddoubtless been the original garden of the fortress, but the trees hadgone back to their primitive "crabbiness" (as Hugh John put it), andin consequence the children were forbidden to eat any of the fruit--anorder which might just as well not have been issued. But on a day itwas reported to Janet Sheepshanks that Prissy and Hugh John were inthe crab orchard. On tip-toe she stole down to catch them. She caughtHugh John. Prissy was up in one of the oldest and leafiest trees, andHugh John, as in honour bound, persistently made signals in anotherdirection to distract attention, as he was being hauled off to condignpunishment.
He had an hour to wait in the study for his father, who was away atthe county town. During this time Hugh John suffered strange qualms,not of apprehension, which presently issued in yet keener and moredefinitely located agony. At last Mr. Picton Smith entered.
"Well, sir, and what is this I hear?" he said severely, throwing downhis riding-whip on the couch as if he meant to pick it up again soon.
Hugh John was silent. He saw that his father knew all there was toknow about his evil doings from Janet Sheepshanks, and he was far toowise to plead guilty.
"Did I not tell you not to go to the orchard?"
Hugh John hung his head, and made a slight grimace at the pattern onthe carpet, as a severer pang than any that had gone before assailedhim.
"Now, look here, sir," said his father, shaking his finger at him in asolemnising manner, "If ever I catch you again in that orchard,I'll--I'll give you as sound a thrashing, sir, as ever you got in yourlife."
Hugh John rubbed his hand across his body just above the second lowestbutton of his jacket.
"Oh, father," he said plaintively, "I wish dreadfully that you hadcaught me before the last time I was in the orchard."
The treatment with pills and rhubarb which followed considerablyretarded the operations of the army of Windy Standard. It was not thefirst time that the stomach of a commander-in-chief has had anappreciable effect on the conduct of a campaign.
The Surprising Adventures of Sir Toady Lion with Those of General Napoleon Smith Page 13