Phantom of the Haunted Church

by Bill Myers

  It’s not that Melissa was afraid of dead people. Dad had cleared that up long ago. During their first couple of cases, he’d quoted the Bible more than once: “Absent from the body, present with the Lord.”

  The meaning was simple: Dead souls do not hang around graveyards. When people die, they go to face God. No stopping by séances for special guest appearances, no dropping by haunted houses to give folks a little scare.

  And Melissa believed this . . . for the most part. It’s just that, well, at least at this particular moment, she didn’t feel a strong desire to stop and check to see if those white tree roots really were white tree roots.

  Besides, there was the other problem. The one that started with the word ZEEG and ended with the word REEED. As they ran, they could no longer hear the creature behind them, but they knew it was still there. It was still pursuing them. Something like that doesn’t just scream in darkened tunnels and scare children and bloodhounds senseless for the fun of it. It had a reason. And the reason the old homeless fellow had given them made perfect sense:

  “He vaits in zee shadows, searching vor hiz next victim.

  Then, of course, there was the added little treat:

  “You vill be deztroyed . . . you vill all be devoured by

  ZEEG REEED.”

  Other than that, there was really no reason to be running for their lives down a pitch-black tunnel under a graveyard. No reason at all.

  Suddenly that pitch-black tunnel took a hard left.

  Well, the tunnel did. Unfortunately, Melissa and Sean didn’t.

  The turn was too sharp, and the floor was too slick. They both slid out of control. But only for a second.

  K-Splat, K-Splat.

  That was the sound of two soft bodies hitting the wall of a very wet and not-so-soft tunnel.

  K-Thud, K-Thud.

  Same bodies, only now they’d fallen to the floor.

  Melissa was the first to speak. “Sean . . .” she groaned. “Sean, will you get off of me!”

  “I’m trying,” he said as he struggled to stand. “But my shirt, it’s all tangled up. It’s caught in this, in this—”

  “In what?” she asked.

  “I don’t know. Some sort of white tree root or something.”

  Melissa gave a swallow. She could have gone a whole day without hearing that. “Are you sure it’s a tree root?” she asked.

  “What else could it be?” he asked as he kept trying to untangle himself. “It’s white and long and—hey, that’s weird.”

  “What’s weird?” Melissa asked, not really wanting to know.

  “This root.”

  “What about it?”

  “What’s a white tree root doing with a ring on one of its . . . hey, Misty?”

  “Yes, Sean.”

  “Tree roots don’t have fingers, do they?”

  “I don’t think so, Sean.”

  “So if this has fingers, then it isn’t a tree root.”

  “Probably not, Sean.”

  “And if it’s not a tree root, then it’s. . .”

  They both had the answer at the same time.

  “A SKELETON!”

  Melissa leaped to her feet. Now she did what she was becoming a pro at. She ran. Like the wind. A moment later, Sean had joined her side. Together, the two ran as fast as they could. Maybe even a little faster. Which wasn’t too bad of an idea.

  Well, except for the cavern.

  Before they knew it, the tunnel opened up onto a magnificent cavern. It was at least forty feet high and probably that deep. Multicolored stalactites glistened from the ceiling. It was breathtaking. The type of place Sean and Melissa could have really enjoyed —if they hadn’t suddenly run out of path. —if that path hadn’t ended on top of a thirty-foo cliff overlooking a raging river. —if they hadn’t suddenly shot off that path, over that cliff, and tumbled head over heels through the air toward that river.

  “AUGHHHHHHHhhhhh . . . ”

  Other than that, they would have absolutely loved the place.

  6

  glug . . . glug . . . glug

  FRIDAY, 09:08 PST

  When we last left our heroes, they were once again doing what they did best.

  “AUGHHHHHHhhhhhh . . . ”

  The good news was that their screaming didn’t last forever. They eventually splashed into the river. The bad news was it’s hard to scream when you’re busy drowning. Still, Melissa did manage to squeeze in a few cries.

  “HELP . . . ”

  glug, glug, glug

  “. . . I CAN’T . . . ”

  glug, glug, glug

  “SWIM!”

  Sean would have joined her, but he was too busy spinning underneath the water. It seems he was caught in some type of current. The poor guy tumbled around so many times he didn’t know which way was up. He knew there was a surface—he just didn’t know where to find it. Not a big problem, except for the breathing part. It seems he hadn’t done that in quite a while. And since breathing air is a lot more fun than breathing water, he took a wild guess where the surface might be and swam toward it.

  Not a bad idea until

  BONK!

  He hit the bottom of the river. Now at least he knew where the surface was not. He tucked his legs under and pushed off. A moment later he shot to the surface, coughing and choking for air . . . until he heard “Sean . . . help me . . . help . . .” He spun around and spotted Melissa. She was downriver twenty yards, desperately clinging to a large boulder.

  “Hang on!” he shouted. “I’m coming. Hang on!5’

  He swam toward her for all he was worth. It made no difference that Melissa’s bedroom was twice as big as his and that if anything ever happened to her he’d probably get it. And it didn’t matter that if she was gone he might actually get into the bathroom sometime before noon.

  None of these things counted to Sean. After all, that was his sister there, and she needed his help (although it was a good thing he didn’t remember the cool stereo of hers he would have also gotten).

  Thanks to the swift current and his great swimming abilities, Sean quickly raced toward her. “Hang on,” he shouted. “I’ll save you! I’ll save you!”

  “Sean . . .”

  “Hang on!”

  “Sean!”

  “Hang on.”

  “Sean, you’re coming too fast! Sean!”

  But Sean was too busy being a hero to pay any attention to details. “Hang on!”

  “Slow down! Sean, you’re going to—”

  K-RASH . . .

  The good news was Sean had gotten to his sister before she drowned.

  The bad news was he smashed into her so hard that she lost her grip on the rock. Now they were both being swept away by the current.

  Unfortunately, Sean wasn’t done being a hero. Not yet.

  “Grab hold of me!” he shouted.

  “What?” Melissa cried, coughing, trying to keep her head above water.

  “Grab hold of me! I’ll save you.”

  She threw him a look. “Haven’t we already tried that?”

  “Just grab hold of me, will you!”

  “Sean, I really don’t think—”

  Suddenly the current dragged her under. “Ah . . .”

  “Misty!” he cried.

  But she was nowhere to be seen.

  “MISTY?”

  A moment later she popped up behind him, gagging and coughing.

  “Misty!”

  “Present,” she gasped.

  “Will you stop being so stubborn and grab hold of me!”

  Melissa had taken in too much water to argue. She reached out to her brother just as she started going under again. But instead of grabbing his arm or shoulder, she grabbed his neck.

  “Mis—” he choked. “Misty, I can’t breathe! Mis-”

  But at the moment she was too busy drowning to listen.

  “Mis—”

  She squeezed his throat harder until she wound up dragging both of them under water. Wonderfu
l—now Sean had to decide which was better, being choked to death or drowned to death. Decisions, decisions.

  But there was one other choice he hadn’t considered.

  Suddenly they were both out of the water. It was as if God himself had snatched them from the jaws of death. As if some supernatural force had dragged them out of the water and into the fresh, wonderful, breathable air.

  Well, that was one explanation. Unfortunately, there was another . . .

  Sean hovered in the air, absolutely amazed . . . until he looked down. Now he understood. They hadn’t left the river. The river had left them. It had dropped off into a beautiful cascading waterfall. A waterfall that splashed into a lovely pool fifty feet below. A lovely pool that they were now plunging headfirst into.

  Sean looked to Melissa and shrugged. “Here we go again!”

  She nodded, then joined him in what they did best.

  “AUGHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhh . . . ”

  Sean was the first to hit the water. He was also the first to be knocked unconscious. But never wanting to be left out, Melissa soon followed.

  Neither was exactly dead, but neither would be doing any more shouting for a while.

  FRIDAY, 09:36PST

  The first thing Sean remembered was someone tenderly caressing his face with a soft, damp cloth. It was so gentle that it reminded him of when Mom used to dab his fevered forehead with a moist washcloth. Keeping his eyes closed, Sean turned his face toward the tender person and sighed in appreciation.

  The tender person whimpered an answer.

  It was an odd response, and for a moment Sean thought of opening his eyes. But the gentle stroking felt so good that he pushed the thought from his mind and let out another relaxing sigh.

  This time the answer came back as a whine . . . followed by a sharp bark.

  Sean’s eyes exploded open.

  There was Slobs, straddled over him. That was no washcloth. It was a tongue! One very long, wet tongue smothering his face with concerned licks . . . and, of course, slobbers.

  “Slobs!” he cried.

  Thrilled over Sean’s sudden recovery, Slobs licked him even harder.

  “Slobs—”

  . . . and drooled on him even more.

  Sean coughed, trying to come up for air. “Slobs, please . . .” At last he was able to push the animal aside.

  “Welcome back,” Melissa said.

  Sean rose up on his elbow to look around. Pain stabbed through his temples. “Ow!”

  “You bumped your head pretty good when we landed,” she said.

  He winced as he touched the sides of his head. “What about you?” he asked. “Are you okay?”

  “You mean besides falling through a church floor . . . and being chased by some monster who wants to eat us . . . and being attacked by a skeleton . . . and falling into a river . . . and nearly drowning . . . and shooting off a waterfall?” She shrugged. “Yeah, other than that, I’m doing just fine.”

  Sean nodded. He got the point.

  But Melissa wasn’t quite done. “So tell me again, why are we doing all of this?”

  Sean looked at her, then shrugged sheepishly. Of course she was right. They had gone through a lot of trouble, and for what? For some treasure that they hadn’t even seen, that they weren’t even sure was there? Right now it seemed more than a little stupid. What had Dad said? “Greed can take over people’s lives.” Well, he got that one right. Not only had greed taken over their lives, but it had almost stopped their lives.

  “Hey, guys, what’s going off?”

  Sean glanced over at Melissa’s watch. There was Jeremiah, complete with his neon red hair and electronic suit with patterns that kept shorting out, from stripes to plaids to polka dots, then to all three at the same time.

  “Nothing much is happening here,” Melissa sighed.

  “Just another one of Sean’s guided tours through Absurd-ville.”

  “Oh,” Jeremiah said, glancing around, “so that’s where we are.”

  “Actually,” Sean corrected, “we’re somewhere underground. But I have no idea where. I think we’re, you know, kinda . . . lost.”

  Melissa shot him a look. “Kinda lost?”

  “Hey,” he argued, “we wouldn’t be in this mess if you hadn’t tried to drown me.”

  “Me?” Melissa protested. “I’m not the one who wanted to go on this crazy—”

  “Kids, kids, kids.” Jeremiah held out his hands. “There’s no use crying over spilled Pepsi. I’ll just check the coordinates and give you your location as quick as a drink.”

  Before Melissa could correct him, Jeremiah began his calculations. There was a series of flickers and flashes on her digital watch, along with plenty of

  Beeps, Bops, Blimps, and B-U-R-P-S.

  “Excuse me,” Sean asked. “Was that a burp?” “Sorry,” Jeremiah shrugged. “Too much Pepsi.” More seconds passed as more calculations were made

  until finally Jeremiah cried out, “I’ve got it!”

  “I hope it’s not contagious,” Melissa mumbled.

  “No, I’ve got it,” Jeremiah repeated. “And, Sean, you were absolutely right.”

  “I was?” Sean asked in astonishment.

  “Yup,” Jeremiah nodded. “It’s just like you said . . . you’re lost.”

  Sean, Melissa, and this time even Slobs let out a groan.

  “But there’s a bright side,” Jeremiah continued. “According to the wind velocity, saline concentration in the atmosphere, and barometric pressure, my guess is that you’re very close to the ocean. In fact, that cave behind you will most likely lead out to the beach.”

  Sean and Melissa turned to look into the darkened cave behind them.

  “Are you sure?” Sean asked.

  “You bet. That’s one chicken you can count before it crosses the road.”

  Sean began to nod. “That would make sense. If there really were pirates and they really did use that church, then this tunnel could have connected them right to—”

  YEEEOOOOOOWWWWWWwwww . . .

  Everyone spun around. The sound came from the top of the waterfall. It was an old familiar cry. One Sean was growing less and less fond of.

  “Wh-wh-who’s that?” Jeremiah stuttered.

  “I’m afraid it’s not a who,” Sean said, squinting, trying to see through the mist. “It’s a what.”

  “You don’t mean. . . ?” Jeremiah asked.

  Melissa nodded. “I’m afraid so.” Already her voice was starting to quiver. “It’s ZEEG REEED . . . and he’s still coming after us!”

  As if proving her point, the air was suddenly filled with

  AAAOOOOOOWWWWllllll . . .

  Melissa stepped closer to Sean, who started digging into his pack. Quickly, he pulled out the X-ray goggles. They were pretty wet and beat up.

  “What are you doing with those?” she demanded.

  “They’ll let me see through the mist and rocks up there. Maybe I can spot whatever it is coming after us.” He began to slip them on.

  “Sean . . .” Melissa looked back over her shoulder at the cave. “Sean, we know how to get out of here. Let’s go·”

  But her brother remained unmoving as he adjusted the focus on the goggles. “Where’s your sense of wonder?” he asked. “Of curiosity?”

  “Where’s your sense of survival?” she demanded. “Come on!”

  But Sean continued adjusting the goggles until a form finally came into view. It was dark and menacing as it raced toward the edge of the falls. Any moment now it would shoot over the top and come swooping down at them.

  “Got it,” he announced. “Now if only . . . uh-oh.”

  “What do you see?” Melissa cried. “What does it look like?”

  Sean continued to stare. “I can’t tell for certain, but—” Suddenly he stopped.

  “But what?” Melissa asked. “What do you see?”

  “It’s. . .” Sean swallowed hard. “It has . . . six legs.”

  “Six legs?!” Melissa sho
uted.

  Sean nodded. “And at least that many arms and . .”

  “And what?” she cried.

  “And three heads!”

  7

  the more, the merrier

  FRIDAY, 10:04 PST

  The ZEEG REEED appeared over the edge of the waterfall and started its downward plunge. True to form, it let out one unearthly screech:

  YEEE00000WWWWWWwwwww . . .

  Followed by the other:

  AAA000000WWWWWWllllll . . .

  But as Melissa watched the creature fall, its six arms, six legs, and three heads started to look familiar. And the closer it came, the more familiar they looked. One of the heads sort of resembled Spalding, the spoiled rich kid. Another could have passed for KC, the tomboy. And the third almost looked like their burly friend Bear.

  At least that’s who they kind of looked like as they splashed into the water. But when they popped back up to the surface, that’s exactly who they looked like. It wasn’t the ZEEG REEED creature, but the kids. Unfortunately, there was little time to celebrate since, at the moment, they were busy drowning!

  “Help us! ” they shouted. “Help . . .”

  Without stopping to think, Sean raced to the water’s edge. He was about to dive in when Melissa grabbed his arm. “You can’t go back in there!” she shouted. “The current is too swift.”

  “Help . . . . somebody, help . . .”

  Sean glanced at the water. She was right, of course. The current was far too strong. Suddenly he had another idea. “Grab my hand,” he ordered.

  “What?”

  “Take my hand. I’ll wade in to try to snag them when they pass.”

  “Sean—”

  “If we don’t help them, they’ll drown!”