Becoming his Monster

by Amelia Hutchins

  My eyes settled on Shadowlands, and I blinked as Lucian’s words replayed in my head. A sad smile played across my lips, and I shoved my hands into the pockets of the jeans I wore. I could ask Vlad to save Kendra, but I already knew her answer. She’d lived, and she wouldn’t accept immortality. Not at the cost of her soul. They were right, and it hurt, it hurt like something was being ripped out of me, as if my own soul had been pushed back into a body it no longer fit, only to be shredded as it left.

  The air beside me rumbled with raw power, and I wiped away the tears as I fought the thickness of my throat as hopelessness and despair choked me until I feared I’d literally fucking die from the pain. What kind of world was this fucking cruel?

  “He didn’t give you the answer you sought?” Lucian said as he stepped from the shadows and strode slowly to where I watched his approaching form.

  “We need a win,” I stated hesitantly, dismissing him as I stared up into the thousands of snowflakes that continually dropped. “I need a win.”

  “We found a gate that is weakening,” he announced, stopping when he stood close enough that his heated breath tingled across the flesh of my ear. I stepped back, allowing his body to heat mine.

  “And can it be closed? Or is it just another useless thing that we’ll fail at?” I asked softly, dropping my hands until they brushed against his. The barest touch of flesh sent a shiver of desire racing through my system.

  “We aren’t sure, but I figured you would want to be with me when we tried to close it,” he uttered as his nose traced the curvature of my ear. I shivered from the subtle contact, the heat of his flesh pressed against mine and I slowly turned, peering up at him from beneath my lashes.

  “It’s creating an unbalance in the world,” I informed, knowing he knew it already but needing to know that I wasn’t the only one who felt the disturbance. “We cannot lose,” I murmured before I lifted on my toes, pushing my mouth against his.

  Lucian was a distraction, a balm for the pain that filled the place where my soul had once sat. I was darkness, but he, he was the light at the end of the tunnel. Without him, there were no stars in this endless darkness. If I was the stars, he was the darkness that let me shine in its endless silken embrace.

  His mouth crushed against mine fiercely as his hand snaked up through my hair, holding me in place as he pillaged and ravished. The taste of aged scotch undid me, throwing all caution to the wind as I started undoing his shirt.

  Throaty laughter filled the air around us as his hands captured mine, stilling them. His midnight gaze watched me as I struggled to reel in the roaring fire that had ignited inside of me. He rested his forehead against mine as he spoke slowly and clearly.

  “The men are waiting for us below,” he informed in a husky timbre that slid over my flesh, heating the inferno within. “Afterwards, if you want to continue this…” he let the offer hang in the air between us. “You’re hurting, but no matter what we do, no matter how much I distract you, it won’t prevent what is coming.”

  “Just shut up,” I growled as I pulled away, wrapping my arms around my stomach as I fought to hide the pain I felt. I’d tried to ask for help from them, and yet no one could save Kendra. But maybe the one who had put her into this position could spare her?

  “Don’t even fucking think it,” he snapped as if he’d read my mind.

  “He might have a way to save her,” I uttered thickly as my teeth worried my bottom lip.

  “He doesn’t care about her, or the child.”

  “And yet he wants his daughter, Lucian. If he can save her, I’d do anything he wanted in exchange for her life, anything.”

  “He’d want you in exchange for her,” he growled thickly, his eyes raking over my face before his hand pushed through his hair. “I will see what can be done to prevent her death, but not even Lucifer can stave off Death once he’s plucked a card from his deck.”

  Chapter 26

  Death and despair loomed all around us, and sulfur reeked as it hung heavy in the air. Putrid and thicker near the gate, stronger with every step we took that led us closer to it. Corpses were littered between us and it, the rip of this world into Hell. It wasn’t a Hell Gate that we stared into, but an actual rip in the fabric of the world that led directly into Hell. The ground was bathed in crimson, blood for the human corpses that looked as if something wild had used their bones to create art that had then been discarded like yesterday’s trash. It felt wrong the closer we got, the stronger a sense of foreboding grew in the group who stared into the abysmal world beyond it. I studied the tear between worlds, the disturbance it created as magic mingled around us. It slithered from the hole, escaping to lure mortals to their doom. It made more sense why they’re corpses were scattered about, as if they’d stepped inside only to be spit back out; soulless corpses, rejected by Hell.

  “Do you hear that?” Synthia asked, tilting her head as we all heard it, the music and feminine voice that sung from within the other world before us.

  The sound of the voice sent a thrill of excitement and fear snaking up through my mind, and I closed my eyes, listening to her sensual promise of seduction if I only stepped through the hole to join her. It was the song of the sirens, a promise of pleasure, and numbness from the pain and chaos that had filled this world.

  “Jesus, it’s a siren,” she uttered thickly as she peered down at the corpses. “They’re men, all of them.”

  “She is luring them to her, promising to end their pain,” Lucian explained, his eyes slowly studying Synthia’s face before it swung to me. It dropped as he took in the mutilated corpses and frowned deeper before he gazed up at the hole before us. “She sings to them, but once they enter the tear, she slaughters them and then sends them back out into their own world. She’s not happy with her sleep being disturbed. Sirens do not come onto land unless they’re forced, which means someone or something dragged her into Hell against her wishes.”

  “But it’s more than that, isn’t it?” Synthia asked as she tossed a femur bone down and rose. “Hell itself is calling them here.”

  “Like it’s a living, breathing place?” I asked. I hated the mystery and bullshit that went with their fucked-up worlds. Faery was a living breathing thing that, more often than not, killed anyone stupid enough to enter it without the Fae inviting them in, and even those sorry bastards could end up dead. “It calls mortals to it, then what, spits them back out?” I continued carefully, not wanting to sound stupid or naïve even if I was.

  “It is, but not what you’re thinking. Hell needs souls to house, like a machine that needs coal added to continue burning. Souls feed the flames, and without them, Hell ceases to exist. Without the flames it would not hold the ones it had claimed, the evil that it contains would essentially be released into this world. They’d be free to roam the world again, with only a need for a vessel to continue their purpose.”

  “And wouldn’t that just be fucking dandy,” I grumbled as I studied him and then let my magic out to slither against Hell’s, testing it and then smiling as it recoiled from mine. It fucking recoiled as if it couldn’t stand the feel or touch of mine; as if I was the wrongness in this scenario and it wanted nothing to do with me. I pushed at it, poked it until something else pushed back from within the rip.

  “Enough,” Spyder warned as his gaze moved between me and the hole, and then he stepped closer. His finger trailed down my cheek, his penetrating gaze looking into the pain I felt at everything unfolding around us. “If you continue to challenge it, it may decide to become something else, something bigger to stand a chance against you, kitty.”

  “How do we close it if we can’t even touch it?” I asked, lifting my heated gaze to hold Spyder’s before swinging them towards Lucian, who watched us closely. His eyes missed nothing, including the connection I shared with them both. It was endless, this need to reach out for it, to touch it to make sure he was still somehow tethered t
o me.

  “We find something holy and convince it to close it. Maybe if enough of them begin to tear into this world, they’d pull their head out of the fucking mud and man the fuck up. We need…a fucking angel,” he said, moving his sapphire gaze from mine to Synthia and Ryder, who hovered just beyond the circle of Lucian’s crew who’d joined us for this excursion. “We need an angel to poke it, and if we have one on tap…”

  “I think they’re already here,” Lucian grumbled as he crossed his arms and stared at something behind me.

  I felt it, the smothering power that rippled through the air around us. It felt pure, right, addicting as it slithered around me, sliding through me until I opened my mouth to speak and it slipped inside. I spit it out, the wrongness of it as it tried to sense what I was. My mind felt something slam against it, and I pushed back, hating the invasion that tried to see past my barriers. It lessened into a caress, a subtle coaxing to lower my walls, to let it into my mind to see what I was. I spun around slowly, searching the area around me for whatever had just tried to get into my mind, my body. My wings uncurled from spinning, sensing the need to protect me from whatever it was trying to blast into my being.

  Blinding white light exploded around us. Streetlights exploded, raining glass and sparks down onto the streets around us. I brought my arms up to cover my eyes as it grew to a painful fluorescent explosion of blinding light around us. The scent of freshly fallen snow emitted, luring me to lower my arm as it slithered against my flesh, burning it at the same time. Once I felt it had dimmed enough, I dropped my arm and blinked against the utterly perfect creatures who stared directly at me. Beautiful, ethereal creatures stood before us, all gazing at me as if I was somehow wrong, and shouldn’t exist.

  I felt it, knew it without them saying it. I was wrong, evil. I felt it to the very fiber of my being as they gazed at me, pushing magic into my system, searching for a way past the walls of my mind to seek out what my intent was, to know what I was. I knew what they were as I pushed back, touching the minds of the beings before me who tilted their head, aware that I struck them hard and fast to know who and what was assaulting me.

  “You don’t belong here,” one snapped, his green eyes reminding me of freshly cut lawns in summer. It stared back, an archangel from heaven that viewed me as something foul, something wrong. As if I’d been forged in the cauldrons of Hell and brought back solely to destroy Gods creation. “You’re wrong.”

  “This world has gone to hell, and you’re more worried about me? No wonder we are losing,” I growled with an edge to each word, making sure he heard the underlying blame I was tossing at him. “Look around, we’re the only ones here trying to close the gaping hole of Hell, and you want to come out and say I’m wrong? I’m not here to hurt this world, no. I’m here to mend it, to repair it and help the humans remain where they belong instead of pushing daisies up from Hell.”

  “And you think they belong anywhere else? They’ve brought this on to themselves with their treachery and killing of each other.” He spat into the grass as if that settled it. His dark-skinned hand pushed his hair back from his face as he stared at me. Power radiated from him, his body a weapon forged by God himself when He’d created these beings.

  “I don’t think they deserve to end up dead,” I shrugged. “I was mortal not too long ago, and I didn’t deserve my fate. They deserve better; not all humans are evil. Not all humans kill or murder others. Besides, I’ve always been one for an underdog.”

  “They’re vile creatures who seek and crave destruction. They enjoy chaos and ruining what was created to be cherished, loved.”

  “They’re flawed, I’ll give you that. But then, that isn’t something new. They were created to be flawed, so you tell me if God would want His children slaughtered by Lucifer. I’m guessing He doesn’t want them all bathing in their own blood at Lucifer’s feet.”

  “Enough, creature,” he growled, and then his eyes widened as he stared at me. “Fury,” he uttered as his gaze slid down my frame and then back up to take in the wings behind me. He walked past me, his wings brushing against mine to send a sizzle of awareness pushing down my spine until I clenched my teeth against the power that burned through me.

  Lucian and Spyder stepped up to protect me, their arms brushing mine as we watched the angel pushing his hand through the hole, watching as it disappeared into the void. The world around us trembled like the aftershock of an earthquake as he pulled it out, and then pushed it in further, pulling out a skeletal figure that he smiled down at before it began to sing, as if it could lull him to her side. My breathing hitched as he shook his head, confidence unshakable as he grabbed her head as she opened her mouth to scream. It was deafening, the noise that escaped her decaying mouth, and then her head was removed, hanging in his hand while the other released its hold on her body.

  More archangels stepped past us, amassing in front of the hole as they spoke low, guarded against those of us who perked up to hear what they said. We all watched them in silence as they pulled and examined the hole, more and more angels seeming to converge on the location as they worked. A female archangel stepped behind the first one, turning cerulean blue eyes in my direction before she dismissed me.

  Their light seemed to grow, and grow until I had to lower my eyes as they continued to work to do whatever it was that they were doing to close the hole in the world.

  “How did you know where it was?” I asked, wondering if Lucian had felt the wrongness as I now did, or if he had another way to sense a disturbance in the world.

  “It’s not of this world. Anything that doesn’t belong here calls to us. We’ve chosen to ignore it until Raphael called us to him,” a female voice answered, and I turned, staring into the beautiful face of an angel. “Furies are only released when the end is upon us. So how are you here, how are you possible, little one?” she questioned as she stared me down, her power pushing against my mind, but her push was a question. She sought an invitation from me, without trying to force her way in, so I let her. I showed her my life, my world, and watched as she flinched at my choices. She exhaled with a gentle nod, staring at me as if I was some mythical beast she wanted to commit to memory.

  “I tried to end this from happening before it had gotten this far. I sacrificed my life to save the world,” I admitted out loud, knowing the other angels were listening. Her eyes softened as she nodded again, her wings expanding from her back into golden things of beauty that were mere outlines against the night sky.

  “You sacrificed your life and the one you’d created to save the world, Magdalena Fitzgerald. A noble sacrifice and yet something unheard of for someone so young,” she whispered softly, her blue eyes taking me in as she frowned deeper.

  “And yet heaven wouldn’t take me,” I scoffed.

  “Heaven can only hold a soul, which you didn’t have. Hell, on the other hand, can only punish a soul. Tricky things; souls make a human…well, human. That was why when the archangels were forged in heaven; He left them out of us. He may have welcomed you, but not once you allowed the darkness inside. Had you come to Him before Nyx had found you, you could have been made, as I was,” she said.

  “I was made as I was promised to be,” I returned softly, not wanting to get on her bad side. “I do not care to be of heaven or Hell, I wasn’t done fighting yet.”

  “And you think we do not fight in this war?” she asked as her mouth lowered into a frown.

  “I think thousands are dead, and millions more will die before this ends. You could have helped us before we got to this point, the moment Lucifer entered this fight, you could have helped us and yet you chose not. Why?”

  “Because we have rules,” she said.

  “Fuck rules,” I growled. “Rules are meant to be broken. You let innocent blood fill the streets, and that’s unacceptable.”

  “Lena, they can’t fight unless rules have been broken. It’s forbidden,” Lucian ex
plained.

  “By who?” I demanded.

  “God,” she chuckled as she watched the anger drain out of me.

  “Wouldn’t God want us to win? Wouldn’t He want to spare the lives of those who died needlessly?”

  “There are always needless deaths on this plane. Hitler is a good example. Do you think He didn’t sense what was happening? Humans are His favorite creation, but they’re a very young race. They learn from their mistakes, and even He cannot prevent the big ones they make. He gave your people life, and He gave you choice. What you do with it is up to you. Not Him. He doesn’t interfere unless it is something else He created that threatens this world. Hence why the archangels are now here, released to help close the holes in this realm that lead into Hell,” she hissed.

  “And what about the other ones?” I countered.

  “Those are not something we can close, or help with. They’re not of His making, and though we can help if you need, we cannot close the gates you opened by walking into Hell, Magdalena. Those were created by a choice. Lucifer knew those would remain open, and while he is of His creation, He will not interfere with him or fight against him. You let him out; you can put him back in.”

  “Tell us how to and we will,” I said.

  “You’ll figure it out,” the male said.

  I turned to look at him as something exploded, the world trembled, and we were thrown backwards, away from the inevitable blast that burst from the hole in the world. I tasted blood in my mouth as something soft, yet hard moved beneath me. Lucian stared down at me, and then back towards the gaping hole in the world. My ears rang with pain as I swallowed blood and struggled to get back up. The world heaved in pain, and as I righted myself, lifting to my feet, I stared at the outlines of wings that covered the ground, where the lesser angels had stood seconds before.