Texas Bride

by Kate Thomas

  “Why, Josh?” she repeated.

  He looked into the depths of those dark green eyes. Like shadows in a forest glade. They offered hope but demanded integrity.

  Still, he meant to spin her some tale about paying her back for saving his life. The past was over. And he didn’t talk about it, anyway. Not ever.

  “Because my child would have been six years old in the fall,” he heard himself say. “And...I never got to hold him. Or her. I never even knew about him until...it was too late.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Do you think I do?” he shouted, then leaped off the bed and went to stand by the motel window. After a few seconds he remembered to push aside the curtain. Beyond the glass was a parking lot, a highway and about a thousand miles of sage and sand. A landscape as barren as his life.

  Dammit, for once he wanted somebody to understand.

  But he needed Michael.

  So he gave Dani facts instead of feelings. “When I was in law school, I...well, my girlfriend accidentally got pregnant.”

  White-hot anger burned his insides, so he made himself shrug. “It turned out that Carrie’s ambitions did not include motherhood. So without consulting me, she had an...” Even now, he couldn’t say the word. “She chose not to carry my baby to term,” he finished harshly, then waited for Dani’s expression of pity. Or revulsion.

  Silence filled the room.

  Josh turned around. Then blinked. What the hell? Dani’s green eyes held—Cool disdain?

  Dammit, a woman who sacrificed everything to keep her baby should be outraged! He’d laid bare his soul for—indifference?

  “I’m sorry, Josh, about...your loss. But—”

  A tiny cry came from the next room.

  Dani turned immediately to leave. But Josh couldn’t wait any longer. He wanted this decided. He needed Michael. And he needed to know now if he could have him.

  Luckily, the crying stopped as he moved to block her exit. “Look, Dani, you need help. I—I want what Carrie denied me. Just for a little while. What do you say? Come to Virginia with me.”

  We-ell...”

  Josh raked his fingers through his hair. Dammit, this was an incredible offer he was making her. She should just take it He racked his brain for another selling point.

  “I have a fully furnished nursery,” he said, trying to sound as truthful as possible when uttering such a bald-faced lie. Well, hell. He was under duress, not oath.

  “A nursery.” A blind man could see the doubt in her eyes.

  “Yep, crib and everything. Because, my, ah, brother visits all the time,” Josh said. “Brings his kids.” And wouldn’t that be news to Matt, who hadn’t left the ranch in two years! “I’ll be at the office all the time....”

  She was chewing on that lower lip.

  Come on, Walker. You need that baby! “Let me do this for Michael—and for the child I never got to hold...” Josh stuck one hand in his pocket and crossed his fingers. Wished for a rabbit’s foot. “Please. Come home with me, Dani.”

  “H-how soon could we leave?” she asked.

  His heart was pounding. Get it right. “Tomorrow.”

  Still gnawing on that lip.

  He rushed on. “In the morning. Early.”

  Her mouth curved slightly. “Okay.”

  Okay? That meant—Suddenly he was across the room, holding her, bending to take her mouth with his. Wanting—

  A furious squalling erupted in the next room. And Dani wrenched away from him. Her lips parted.

  “It was a mistake,” he blurted before she could change “okay” to “no freaking way.” “Won’t happen again. I—I just got excited about, ah, Michael and...everything.” He took a deep breath and made a promise he didn’t want to keep. “I won’t touch you again, Dani. Hell, I won’t even ask any personal questions. You have my word.”

  Without looking at him, Dani nodded, then hurried out of the room.

  He wanted to follow her, to shoulder her aside when she got to Michael’s crib.

  Liar. You want to take her in your arms again. Inhale her scent of flowers and woman. Invade her mouth. Learn her body with your hands, your mouth, your—

  Josh growled. His reactions to Dani’s femininity had to stop. He didn’t want any complications. He wanted Michael.

  And if he didn’t get stupid again, he could have that wonderful baby for the next six weeks.

  Which reminded him... Josh spun around, looking for his boots, his wallet, Ravjani’s keys. He had a few things to accomplish by tomorrow morning. Like, buy a car. Contact Marletta. He’d offer her an extra week’s paid vacation if she turned one of his spare bedrooms into a nursery by the time they arrived.

  As he stuffed his feet into his boots, Josh continued building his action list Get a map. Work out an itinerary that wasn’t too hard on a newborn and a new mom. Purchase a car seat. No, the best car seat made.

  After dashing into Dani’s room and practically throwing lunch at her, Josh headed out to arrange transportation. Stumbled over, then grinned at his jeans lying in the middle of the floor. Oh, yeah. Gotta pack, too.

  Then, at the door, Josh thought of one more thing to do before tomorrow morning.

  He was going to call his sister-in-law in Montana. Tell her he was taking her advice. Tell her it was damned good advice, too.

  For the first time in years he was too busy to pick at his scab—and it was healing. He was healing.

  Josh heard himself whistling as he climbed into Ravjani’s ten-year-old car and jammed the key into the ignition. He’d get a new van, he decided. A plush, luxury-packed model. Something with plenty of room for Dani to rest while he drove her and Michael home. Although he didn’t want her to recuperate too quickly....

  The next morning when Josh showed off his purchase, Dani didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “How, how... Where...” She waved a hand weakly at the vehicle, a station wagon from the early seventies, its full coat of rust interspersed with remnants of white paint.

  Josh shrugged awkwardly, if shoulders that magnificent could actually look awkward. “Vern didn’t have a great selection to choose from. But you wanted to leave today and it runs,” he added defensively, so Dani murmured something approving and started to load Michael’s things into the back.

  “I’ll do it!” Josh cried, snatching them out of her hands.

  Dani went back into the motel room and nursed Michael while Josh packed the car and installed the baby seat he’d bought.

  They were just finishing when Josh announced that everything was ready to go. Before she could stop him, he changed Michael’s diaper, burped him and handed him back with a grin that sent her pulse skyrocketing. Then he escorted her to the car and strode away to the office to pay their bill.

  How long am I going to be a burden to this man? Dani wondered three days later as she settled Michael in the car seat after lunch. There must be something I can do to express my gratitude for his kindness, she thought. But what?

  Dani sighed. Josh Walker did everything superbly.

  As he slid into the driver’s seat and cranked the engine, she recalled the explanation he’d given for his willingness to help her and Michael. His narrow focus and the raw anger she’d heard so clearly in his voice—Dani smiled ruefully. Josh even did denial perfectly.

  Like most people, when reality was too painful, he just didn’t face it.

  At the sound of paper being crumpled and tossed onto the dash, Dani smothered a laugh. Or pick up after himself—at least, on the road. Each morning, their departure was delayed while Josh searched through the rubble of his room for a shirt, his wallet, socks, or the car keys. Every evening, she practically needed a shovel to clean out the debris accumulated during the day’s travel.

  He apparently didn’t know diddly about cars, either.

  She’d fixed the radiator hose, a hundred miles out of No Lake, with a nickel’s worth of duct tape. Fashioned a gas tank cap from a soda can when he forgot to replace it after filling up
just east of Texarkana. And now...

  Dani raised her head from the pillows. “Josh.”

  He didn’t even look around. “You’re supposed to be asleep.”

  She turned in time to see Josh smile over at the infant napping in his car seat. “Like Michael.”

  She ground her teeth. Yes, that’s exactly how he treated her: like another baby to be wrapped in cotton wool and pampered. He insisted she spend half of every afternoon resting on the air mattress he’d put in the back of the wagon. Which was why she was lying here watching blue smoke pouring from the exhaust and billowing up around the rear of the car.

  “How far to the next town?” she asked, trying to keep irritation out of her voice. The car was old and hadn’t been well maintained, but there was no need to torture it to death!

  Josh chuckled, a deep sound as smooth as heavy cream. “What do we need to stop for this time? A rest room?” He picked up the map and held it against the steering wheel. “There should be someplace in about ten minutes. Can you wait that long?”

  Why, the patronizing—“You’d better hope your engine block can,” she snapped. “You’re burning so much oil, I expect the Red Adair folks to show up any minute.”

  Oh, dear. Dani held her breath. Would Josh blow up the way Jimmy used to every time somebody questioned his actions?

  “Red who?” Josh asked. “What are you talking about?”

  Dani listened carefully, but all she heard in his voice was mild interest. “This car has a leak,” she explained. “That dark smoke means it’s gotten worse. If we don’t fix it, the car won’t run. Ever again.”

  . “Should I drive slower? Faster? I don’t know a damned thing about cars,” Josh confessed genially. “My younger brother Dan is the mechanical one.” He watched her reaction to that leading statement in the rearview mirror. Shoot. No curiosity that he could see. He’d been regretting that impulsive promise since he’d made it.

  He kept hoping he’d stumble on something to make her change the rules. In the past three days he’d discovered a few thousand things about Dani Caldwell that he was dying to know.

  “Keep going,” she said. “When we reach the next town, find a store that sells—”

  “Don’t you mean a garage?” he asked, then practically groaned at the way her green eyes danced with mischief. No wonder she’d married right out of high school.

  “We don’t need a garage.” She sounded supremely confident. “I can fix it with a rubber band and some instant nail glue.”

  And she did, crawling under the car right there in the parking lot.

  He would have felt ridiculous just standing around—except that he got to hold Michael and show him his first elm tree while Dani worked. And he was busy revising his opinion of Dani Caldwell.

  Not an angel. Young, but not a kid.

  And not the kind of woman he’d ever known before.

  The idea swept over Josh like a tidal wave over a rowboat as he stood there murmuring nonsense to Michael. He wasn’t going to do anything stupid, but... maybe he could try being friends with the mother of this baby.

  “That ought to do it,” she said, emerging from beneath the chassis and wiping her hands on the towel Josh provided. “Now we just top off the oil and—”

  “Oh, what an adorable baby!” exclaimed a white-haired lady as she passed the vehicle on her way to the store. Pausing to pat Michael’s arm, the woman looked at Josh and smiled. “Looks just like his father,” she said before continuing on her way.

  Michael cooed. Dani finished wiping her hands, then folded the towel carefully.

  “Does he?” Josh asked finally, his heart thudding in his chest. “I know I promised not to ask any personal questions, but...does Michael look like his father?”

  At first she wasn’t going to answer. It’s just your blond hair, I’ll say, and change the subject. But she’d never known a man like Josh: he took care of people without trying to control them, respected a person’s strengths without becoming dependent on them. He deserved a real answer.

  And as she looked into his azure eyes, she thought about the “accidental” pregnancy that still haunted him and the raw anguish he tried to hide when he announced, I’m not married.

  If it took honesty to free Josh from the past, Dani decided, then that’s how she’d repay him for his kindness and generosity. She’d certainly be gifting somebody’s future—this man just had to become a full-time father to his own brood of kids!

  “I think we’re past the polite strangers stage, Josh. And actually, Michael looks a lot like I did as a baby,” she added, squashing an intense longing as it formed.

  “Then he’s going to be one beautiful adult,” Josh murmured, closing the distance between them.

  “Okay, now it’s my turn,” she declared, desperate to halt...well, whatever was happening between them. Michael needed his mother’s full attention.

  Josh stepped back. Tightened his hold on the baby. “Okay, ask,” he said eventually, his eyes wary. The breeze loosened a strand of his honey-gold hair and dropped it over one eyebrow. He left it there.

  Dani took a deep breath and looked down again, wondering if she could scrape up courage from the pavement. She was taking a risk, she supposed, of being stranded in Tennessee. But suddenly she didn’t care.

  She’d bet every dream she’d ever had that he was wrong about Carrie doing what she did out of ambition. No woman made that decision easily.

  But the important point was simple.

  That blame game of his was masking something else—guilt or fear or grief. Until it came to the surface and he dealt with it, the wounds he’d suffered would never heal. And if he couldn’t do it by himself, maybe a kid from Lufkin—who’ d learned her lessons the hard way, too—could help.

  “Well? Go ahead, Dani. Ask,” Josh said tonelessly. Ha. As if hiding feelings made them disappear.

  “All right,” she said, raising her eyes to meet his. “Back there in law school, did you know how babies get started?”

  Chapter Four

  “Of course I knew!” Knew—and even now, in the grip of intense fury, wanted to demonstrate with this petite Texas angel trying to play devil’s advocate.

  “Then what happened wasn’t an accident. You—”

  “Don’t even try to go there, lady,” Josh rasped. “I’m the lawyer, remember? The bottom line is that Carrie should ha—”

  “No.” Dani lifted Michael out of Josh’s arms, settled the baby against her shoulder and began patting him rhythmically. “You should have.”

  Josh knew he looked stupid just standing there, goggleeyed, but—“Are you saying that what she did was okay?”

  “No. Oh, no.” Something fierce in Dani’s eyes cut into his self-righteous indignation like a hot sword through snow. “All I’m saying is that if you’d behaved responsibly at the beginning, she wouldn’t have faced such a terrible decision.”

  Silence filled the parking lot. The town. The whole freaking state.

  Damn her! Don’t pick at the scab, Annie said. Well, Dani Caldwell had just ripped it right off. And he was bleeding, like the loser in a gangland shoot-out.

  She’s missed the point, he told himself, struggling to stop the bleeding.

  “I-if you’ve changed your mind about—” Dani shifted the baby higher as she licked her lips, trying not very successfully to hide terror behind bravado. “About taking us with you to Virginia, I understand. Just let me get Michael’s things...”

  Josh stared at her, shaken to the core. Did she really believe he’d just strand her here? How big a jerk did she think he was?

  “Get in the car,” he ordered through gritted teeth, then slammed around to the driver’s side without waiting to see if she complied. Damn, damn, damn her!

  All the way across Tennessee, Dani’s accusation—and her reaction to his reaction—kept whispering through Josh’s mind.

  Even now, waking suddenly in the post-midnight silence, blinking at the green-neon light oozing past the curta
ins of his no-frills motel room from the twenty-four-hour truck stop sign across the road, Josh felt more ashamed than angry.

  With a sigh, he abandoned sleep and sat up, rubbing his hand wearily over his unshaven jaw. He knew where Dani’s questions were trying to lead him.

  Dammit, even if he pleaded guilty to a kid’s stupid disregard for consequences, two wrongs didn’t make what Carrie did right. Discussing the past wasn’t going to change it—or how he felt about it. Carrie’s unilateral decision had robbed him of a man’s most precious experience.

  And Dani’s giving it back to you.

  Josh punched the rubbery pillow, automatically listening for sounds from the next room. He should have just kept his mouth shut. He’d done it for six long years—what was a few more? Besides, expecting understanding from a woman like Dani....

  Oh, yeah, chimed a sanctimonious little voice in his head that sounded a hell of a lot like his sister-in-law. A young widow with a fatherless newborn wouldn’t know anything about surviving grief, pain and loss, would she?

  Okay, so maybe Dani could give him some pointers about moving on.

  If that’s where he wanted to go.

  Josh hit the pillow again.

  What if there’s nothing there but more emptiness? Or another devastating heart wound?

  Or a wife as brave and loving as Dani who’d be willing to give you a child of your own? He yanked the lump of polyester from beneath his head and flung it across the room.

  A baby gurgle and faint crooning filtered through the motel wall.

  Dammit, a woman like that would want his love, his heart. His soul, if he still had one. He wasn’t sure he could give it. Wasn’t willing to trust another woman with a piece of himself.

  That’s why he needed Dani’s son. That adorable baby with his fuzzy halo of nearly transparent hair could fill the emptiness without any risk.

  Not that he was a whole lot of fun yet. So far, Michael didn’t do much besides eat, burp, and dirty diapers.

  How long before he let them have a full night’s sleep instead of brief lapses into unconsciousness?