Archemi Online Chronicles Boxset

by James Osiris Baldwin

  "They can't fight without arms. They can't fight without heads. They can push you down. Their ribs and spines WILL catch a narrow-bladed weapon and twist it out of your hand." She called out. "Ditch the shield if you're infantry, or take a smaller shield if you're mounted. Your worst enemy is your stamina, so trust your hookwing's jaws and claws. Switch swords for maces, axes, hammers... you're chopping these bastards like firewood, not poking them in the liver. Everyone group up into threes, grab weapons, and start practicing against the thrust, overhead, jab and slice. Look what hand your partner is using for their weapon and find a way around it. They don't bleed. You do. Get to it."

  [Suri has gained +25 Renown (Myszno Defense Force)]

  [Two-weapon fighting is now available to Militia Swordsmen: anti-charge ability added!]

  [Current Renown: -249]

  The buzz of conversation among the men was hopeful, their spirits lifted by the sight of one woman so effectively taking out so many opponents. Suri went to the men she'd flattened and offered them a hand up. All but one refused, flashing her a suspicious, but respectful look. They left, and she sighed contentedly.

  "Hey beautiful." I crossed the yard to join her. "You alright?"

  "Yeah. Sorry about before. I lost my temper." Her jaw clenched, and she looked back to the administrative wing of the Fort with hot, angry eyes. "Soma looks like one of them."

  "'Them' being...?"

  "The Architects. The ones in Al-Asad." She worked her teeth for a moment, then tossed her head. "Today, he sounded like them, too."

  "I'm sorry." I raised a hand, silently offering to touch her. She looked at it, drew a deep breath, and shook her head. I left off.

  "Don’t worry, lover: I’ll be okay. I'm working through it the way I used to back in the pits. Put a weapon in my hand and suddenly everything’s easier to deal with." She jerked her chin at the yard, now teeming with troops wailing on each other with clubs, dull axes, and padded maces. "We're going to be working for days to repair the damage that soaking cunt did to our reputation. I don't think we're gonna make it in time."

  "I wanted to speak with you about that." I beckoned to her and stepped back. "Vash is offering an out, but it’s not easy. I have to go and solo one of the subquests."

  "Which one?" Suri's mouth twisted.

  "The one with the caravans. Supply Train."

  She grunted. "You should be alright if you’ve got Karalti."

  "Except I won’t. I have to do it alone. Vash won’t even let her drop me off." I shook my head. “But if I can pull it off, this quest awards twelve hundred Renown. That's more than enough for us to rally the entire garrison."

  "Really? Twelve hundred sounds like a lot." Suri went to her own quest log, looking through it. "For you."

  I cocked my head, confused. "For me?"

  "It's enough for YOU to rally the entire garrison." She irritably brushed the invisible display to one side. "The bonus only applies to you, not your party."

  "Only to me?" I hurried to check - and when I re-read the quest description, I groaned. "Shit, Suri. I didn't even see that. I thought it was for all of us."

  "It is what it is. And it’s better than nothing." She jerked her shoulders up. "You've been leading us this whole time anyway."

  Something was wrong. "I'm sorry? I seriously didn't-"

  "I know, okay?" She glanced over at me sharply. "When do you leave?"

  "As soon as I speak with Karalti, then Istvan."

  She gave me a curt nod. "I was hoping we could go this afternoon and rally the Orphans. My gut says that getting them to come back here is going to be a case of kicking someone's arse six ways to Sunday.”

  “Yeah.” I frowned, looking to the sky for Karalti. There was no sign of her. “I can’t come. I have to go do this thing.”

  “Right.” Suri sighed. “I’ll handle it. If the undead hit the walls before we have our shit together, we're all fucked. We need the Orphans."

  “Yeah, for sure.”

  Suri looked back at the melee. The combatants were enthusiastically boffering each other, and the arena was full of the sounds of clashing armor. "I'm beginning to wish I'd listened to you and stayed in Taltos."

  "Same. I didn't mean to just kind of take shit over, by the way. I'm sorry."

  "It happens. Rin's too busy with her projects, Karalti's too busy growing up, and I… I dunno. I probably shouldn’t try and lead anything outside of a brawl. People piss me off." With a backward glance at the training soldiers, she leaned in and planted a kiss on my forehead, freezing in place as an unearthly screech pealed out from the direction of the stables.

  "Is that..." I drew back as screams - male, female, animal - cut the air. "Oh no."

  "Aww shit." Suri broke into a rambling trot for the gate to the stable-yard. “CUTTHROAT!”

  We weren't the only ones heading for the ruckus. As the sounds of mayhem began to escalate, a crowd began to form around the gates. We squeezed through just as a man's agonized cry pierced the air.

  "THAT’S MY PRIZE COURSER!" It was one of Bolza's bannermen. My HUD flagged him as 'Lord Zediwitz'. He was as small and jumpy as a terrier, with a long drooping black mustache and big buggy eyes that were currently bulging with rage, because our beloved feathery murder-chicken was dragging a horned corrun's head - with spine still attached - through the broken stable doors in a scene straight out of a horror movie.

  "PURRR! PURRR!" When Cutthroat saw Suri, she pranced toward us with her prize, kicking aside dead horses, dead horse parts, and miscellaneous organs on her way across the bloody flagstones.

  "Cutthroat! You big dumb bitch!" Suri hollered, storming toward her. "What the fuck d'you think you're doin’?!"

  “PURRR!” Slowly - one might say, sensuously - Cutthroat struck a tall, trembling pose in front of Suri, showing her the full length of her body. Her jaws gripped the skull right at the base of the huge scimitar-shaped horn, behind the eyes and in front of the ears so that the horn rested up along one cheek. Then, once Suri was close enough, she began to slowly gyrate her upper body. The quills on the top of her head and neck flexed in a crested wave pattern, rippling under the sunlight.

  “Dude,” I said. “Karalti’s not in heat, but Cutthroat is.”

  Suri scowled at her. "Jesus fuckin' Christ, bird."

  "That's my CORRUN!" Lord Zediwitz screamed, circling as he tried to find a way to get to Cutthroat without being disemboweled. He clutched his sword in one hand, his shield in the other. His cuirass was unbuckled on one side. "Guards! GUARDS! Help me!"

  Oblivious, Cutthroat began to work it like a Bird of Paradise, turning so that the unfortunate equine's head was parallel to Suri. The corrun was still wearing a bug-eyed expression of terror. Its tongue flopped out of the side of its mouth as the dinosaur wagged her muzzle up and down, dramatically lifting up her arms, neck and tail to flash her glossy ultraviolet plumage for Suri's viewing pleasure.

  I began to giggle.

  "Oh my god. Okay, girl. I get it. You’re hot for me." Suri face-palmed. But as she dropped her head, her curly red hair fell in front of her face like a flag in front of a bull.

  Cutthroat shrilled a muffled sound of excitement. The scaly skin that surrounded her eyes tightened abruptly, making it seem like her brilliant gold eyes were three times their usual size. She snaked her muzzle forward, the horse's head extended out, and did one of the weirdest fucking things I'd ever seen an animal do. Her left pupil constricted to a black point, then expanded until it was almost at the edge of her iris. As she did that, the right pupil contracted... and then she began to pulse them back and forth hypnotically, rapidly weaving her head.

  "Yes, sweetie, I know. You're absolutely the most impressive creature that ever lived, and the loveliest." Suri winced and leaned back from the huge floppy head that Cutthroat was shoving in her face.

  Every word that fell from Suri's lips seemed to thrill Cutthroat to her core. Quivering with excitement, she dropped the horse head at her feet, backed up a step, and then
struck a dramatic flamenco pose. Then, slowly, she withdrew her scythe-blade claws, tucking them up into her armpits as she spread her elbows out and up. As she did, the iridescent pinions of her arms stood on end, fanning out around her neck. She inflated her throat and chest with a hiss, and then - holding eye contact the entire time - she bounced her head, neck and shoulders up and down while holding her claw arms steady.

  "Oh my god. It's... she's..." I gazed on in awe. "It's the chicken dance."

  The other hookwings in the yard began to bob and dance along, yarping and snapping their jaws. This was clearly some A-grade dinosaur fan service.

  “Stop this now!” Lord Zediwitz screamed.

  "How? What the fuck do you think I’m gonna be able to do about this, you useless cunt?! I didn’t ask for my dinosaur’s hand in fuckin’ marriage!" Suri edged back, and Cutthroat pursued her, the bobbing and weaving and throbbing pupils growing more intense with every step. The dinosaur put one back foot on the corrun's head, and absently flexed her killing claw right into its eye. It burst like a ripe passionfruit.

  That was the last straw for Lord Zediwitz. He screeched in fury, boiling up on Cutthroat from a 45-degree angle - well within her line of sight. In an instant, the hookwing went from trying to seduce Suri to turning on the man who was rushing in with his shield up and his sword raised. Cutthroat's massive jaws parted, and she stood tall on her back legs, unfurling her hook arms and lifting the huge claws up like a praying mantis ready to strike. Standing like that, she was almost twelve feet tall.

  Every other hookwing in the stable-yard roared and reared up as well, screeching encouragement to the alpha female. At that moment, Lord Zediwitz realized exactly what he was doing. He squealed like a piglet as the hookwing lunged at him. Her jaws smacked off his shield, knocking it from his arm. She bellowed at him as he scrambled back, spraying him with bloody drool. The man tripped over his spurs and fell back on his ass with the crash of metal on stone.

  Tears poured down my cheeks. I went to one knee, choking with laughter.

  [You are incapacitated!]

  [We have detected that you may be experiencing hysteria. Would you like to check in with a member of our support team?]

  Satisfied that her rival was out of the picture, Cutthroat tossed her head, trotted back to Suri and reached down to delicately rip the equine's tongue from its skull. Suri rolled her eyes as the dinosaur resumed posturing, jabbing the tidbit toward her as if to say: "Take it! It's yours! Look how well I can provide for our hatchlings!"

  "Okay, jeez." Suri reached out and snatched the floppy blue thing from her, then scratched her on the side of the neck.

  Cutthroat swelled with emotion at the touch, both pupils contracting to tiny points in her enlarged eyes. I could almost hear her HUD chime. Success!

  "You have gained a Bonded Mount?! What the fuck does that mean?!" Suri P.M'd me as Cutthroat got a pensive look on her face, and then began to bob her head and gurk, like a cat about to throw up a hairball. "I just got a notification telling me she's a- Cutthroat! NO!"

  Suri barely got out of the way as her adoring dinosaur wife snaked her neck forward and lovingly regurgitated a metric ton of assorted giblets onto the cobblestones where her new mate had been standing a moment before. SPLORT.

  I wheezed. "Cutthroat YES!"

  A few people actually applauded. But then there was a crashing and whinnying from deep within the stables. Cutthroat's head whipped around, her eyes smoldering with bloodlust. Before anyone could stop her, she put her head down and bolted for the broken doors. The other hookwings screeched their support, lunging against their rider's reins and trying to pack up with her as she plunged into the gore-soaked building.

  “GET BACK HERE! I’M GONNA PLUCK YOUR ARSE AND TURN YOU INTO A FUCKIN’ FEATHER MATTRESS!" Suri pulled at her hair with both hands, running straight in after her.

  “I can’t… oh god,” I wheezed. “My organs. Help.”

  "You! You shut up!" Lord Zediwitz yelled at me over my laughter. He got to his feet, sword clenched in one hand. "I squired with that corrun since I was sixteen years old! SIXTEEN!"

  "I'm sorry, I just-" A huge, cold shadow blotted out the sun overhead. Everyone looked up as Karalti wheeled around the edge of the stable-yard and then touched down in the center, driving up great clouds of dust. Lord Zediwitz was promptly knocked back down by the wind.

  "Hi hi! You were gone for ages! What happened?" Karalti chirped, lowering her head toward me. Her eyes widened when she saw the line of carnage leading to the stable doors. "Oooh. Is this for me?"

  I wiped tears from my eyes. "Her Holiness has graciously offered to... uhh... clean up the mess. I'm sorry, man. I know it's not the point, but we'll pay for a new horse."

  Zediwitz was staring at Karalti open-mouthed. The full size of a dragon was hard to comprehend until they were almost on top of you. "I... yes... I suppose the damage is done, isn't it? Please, your Holiness, take my steed back to the gods."

  "Yay!" Karalti bounced forward, shaking the yard with every step, and began to eagerly snarf up the meat on the ground.

  Suri returned with Cutthroat on a short rein, the hookwing strutting alongside her with unmistakable air of smugness.

  I grinned at Suri. "Well, on the plus side, it seems the potion’s worked through her system. So I guess you can ride her now?"

  “Thanks, mate.” My girlfriend regarded me sourly.

  "We'll leave you two lovebirds alone." I clapped Karalti on the arm, then jumped up lightly onto her back from the ground. "Assuming my dragon isn't too fat to fly."

  "Am not!" She tossed her head back, jaws champing on a mouthful of bloody meat. When she was done, she licked her muzzle and lifted her wings, pacing a few steps forward. "Do we need to go somewhere? Where?"

  "I need to see Istvan," I replied. "We’ll talk on the way."

  Chapter 33

  Karalti was pensive as we flew to the administrative wing of the fort, where Istvan was sure to be. I'd explained the quest on the short flight, and she had been chewing on it.

  "Are you sure you want to do this?" she asked me. "If you die..."

  "I'll respawn. It'll suck, but I'll be okay. Archemi doesn't punish you too hard for dying. The only thing I'll have to do is make a corpse run, but as long as I have a camp and some item storage-"

  "That's not what I mean." She hesitated for a moment. "I mean... the memory loss thing."

  I chuckled, and got in position for landing. "It's not that big a deal. I’m going to record that message to myself before I leave."

  "That’ll help. But I’m worried… I think the memory loss has gotten worse each time you die," she said. “Do you know if that’s true?”

  I thought back to my first in-game death: the wreck of the Arabella. I absently rubbed my shoulder, the one with the black patch of space, and frowned. "The first time I died, I was fine. I got that weird patch of nothing on my shoulder, but that was it."

  "And the next time?"

  I struggled to recall the next time. "That was... Taltos? I had some weird memory loss and some other issues, but they resolved pretty quickly. There was some weirdness going on there, though. I didn't respawn at my spawn point. I came back at a shrine to Matir underneath the city."

  "Okay. And this time, you forgot EVERYTHING. But you were still acting like you knew where everything was. It was worse than the last time."

  "Kind of? I don't know. I know that when I touched you, everything came back in a big dump of information. Felt a lot like how it felt to learn a language, actually."

  "You really need to not play around with this," Karalti scolded. "I know you come back, but I'm worried that if it happens too often, not all of you WILL come back."

  I sighed. "Look - if I think about this too hard, I'll go crazy. It's probably nothing serious. I had a weird start to the game... it's probably just a symptom of being glitched when I spawned in, okay?"

  Karalti rumbled, turning her attention to landing. She dropped neatly to the s
tones and dipped her wing down as I stood to dismount. It was a small ritual that we seemed to get better at every time we flew.

  "I'm going to worry about you." She craned her head down with a soft groan, sniffing over my head after I pulled my helmet off.

  "I'm going to worry about you too," I replied. "Be careful of Soma. He’s going to keep creeping on you."

  "If he gets too pushy, I’ll just eat him," she said. "Speaking of that, though... I want to start learning how to fight as a human."

  "Good idea. I can give you some pointers, if you want."

  She drew a deep breath. "No. It's okay. I want to learn from someone else."

  "Really? Why?" I asked a bit too quickly. "I mean... okay. Got a tutor in mind?"

  "Yeah." She turned her head to shyly nibble at the edge of one wing. "Vash. And Suri, maybe, but I don't think she has time."

  I swallowed the jealousy that reached up my throat and forced a small nod. "I think Vash will be a good teacher. But if he or anyone else gives you any shit, you tell me straight away. Okay?"

  "Of course." Karalti dipped her muzzle toward me and flickered her tongue out, curling it around my entire head. It still smelled faintly of blood. I sputtered, and she giggled.

  "Ass." I wiped the drool off my face and smeared it on her nose.

  She yelped in protest. "Eww!"

  "Eww you too, you big lizard."

  "Lizard. Huumph." Her horned crest rose and fell with mock irritation. "Just you wait. One day, I'll turn YOU into a dragon. Then YOU'LL be the lizard."

  We were stalling for time. Karalti and I had only been separated for any length of time once before, and it had been one of the worst experiences of my afterlife. I steadied myself, breathed deeply, and clapped her on the neck. "Go on, Tidbit. If you want to bribe Vash to teach you, I'm pretty sure he accepts payment in weed.”

  "And hookers." She bobbed her head. "He said he likes those."

  I snorted. "I’m sure Slutlava has many... uhh... ladies of the night. And gentlemen of the night. He strikes me as the kind of guy who swings both ways, or maybe all the ways."