Ten Things My Cat Hates About You

by Lottie Lucas

  On the whole, everything continues as it always has. Except me.

  Oh, I laugh with Ruby and Eve. I drink wine with Heather. I silently mock Jeremy’s waistcoats, and I mediate Jess and Freddie’s arguments over what colour to paint their nursery. I save any number of small furry rodents from Casper’s deadly clutches. I decorate the house with swathes of gaudy tinsel, as I do every year. I try to make eggnog, as I do every year; and, as happens every year, it turns out to be revolting and ends up down the sink. Outwardly, I’m the same. But, inwardly, something’s missing. The sun doesn’t feel as warm on my skin. The sight of ice-skaters in the city centre doesn’t make my heart sing. It’s like the rosy filter which used to enrobe my view of life has been replaced with a greyish substitute.

  I’m getting good at finding excuses to be alone. Right now, I’m rearranging the portrait miniatures in their case. They really don’t need doing again but, like I said, I’m trying to stay busy. And this is a small museum; there isn’t that much to do. The place has never looked so fantastic, though, I think wryly. I should be heartbroken more often.

  The thought makes me go still.

  “Am I heartbroken?” I ask the fifth Earl of Kemble, who’s sitting in the palm of my hand. “No, I don’t think so; there wasn’t enough time for that.”

  He sneers at me from within his gold frame.

  “Oh, what would you know?” I huff. “You were more in the business of breaking hearts than having your own broken. I doubt you ever really knew what love was.”

  I reach into my cardigan pocket for the microfibre polishing cloth, and my fingernails scrape against the cold metal of a USB stick. My stomach gives its all-too-familiar lurch. I can’t put it off for much longer, I know that.

  I can’t keep this up. I can’t keep cataloguing artefacts and organising loans and acting like nothing’s changed.

  And I certainly can’t keep preparing for an exhibition which should never have been mine in the first place.

  I have to face the truth eventually. I don’t belong here, not any more.

  The thing is, that’s easier said than done. This place has felt like home for the past three years. This job gave me focus after I lost my parents. It’s hard to just let go of all that.

  “Just a bit more time,” I whisper to the Earl of Kemble. “Is that horribly cowardly of me?”

  The expression on his face says it all.

  “Did anyone ever tell you that you’re kind of a jerk?” I shove him back into the case crossly.

  “Are you having a row with that portrait miniature?”

  My head snaps up. Ruby’s hovering nearby, looking amused.

  “He started it,” I say defensively.

  “I’m sure he did.” She nods. “Look, could you come and help me with something?”

  “I’m a bit busy,” I lie, turning back to the open display case.

  I expect her to make some smart retort; after all, it’s obvious to anyone that this is just a displacement activity. But, to my surprise, she just puts her hands together in a prayer-like motion.

  “Please?”

  With a put-upon sigh, I shut the case. “Fine. What do you need?”

  “It’s just upstairs.”

  I sullenly trail through the museum after her. I’m so lost in my own thoughts that I hardly notice where she’s leading me until we stop in front of a familiar door.

  A very familiar door.

  I frown at her. “This is my own office, Ruby.”

  She doesn’t so much as flicker.

  “I know.” She inclines her head towards the closed door. “In you go.”

  “Wait.” I dig my heels in, both metaphorically and literally. Unfortunately, the threadbare carpet doesn’t hold much purchase, so literally’s not going to do me much good. Metaphorically it is, then. “What’s going on? I’m not going in there until you tell me.”

  For once in my life, I am not in the mood for a surprise. Even a nice one.

  Unless it involves cake. Then, maybe I could make an exception.

  “God, you’re hard work these days.” She reaches behind me and pushes open the door before nudging me in the small of the back. Rather more firmly than necessary, in my opinion. “The sooner we get this sorted out, the better.”

  My office is looking even more cramped than usual, but that’s probably something to do with the group of people crowded around my desk.

  “Ah. You got her.” Heather hops to her feet. “Good job. Did she come quietly?”

  “Not particularly, no.” Ruby casts a reproving glance at me.

  “What is going on here?” I demand. “Why are you all in my office?”

  “It’s an ambush,” Ruby says gleefully, clasping her hands together.

  “An intervention, dear,” Eve corrects. Or, rather, her voice does, drifting from somewhere at the back of the room. She must be sitting in my desk chair.

  “An inter—I don’t need an intervention!” I’m aghast. Interventions are for addicts, or people on the verge of self-destruction. I’m just nursing a bruised heart, that’s all. “You really didn’t all need to come. I would rather have had the cake, to be honest.”

  Ruby eyes me strangely. “What cake?”

  “Never mind.” I wave the question away, exasperated. “It doesn’t matter. But what’s he doing here, of all people?”

  Jeremy, who’s lurking in the corner, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else, opens his mouth, but Heather cuts across him.

  “He wanted to be here … didn’t you?” she adds with a laser-like glare in his direction.

  He coughs dejectedly. “Yes, naturally. Employee wellbeing is paramount to the efficient running of an organisation.”

  He sounds like he’s read that off the back of a leaflet.

  “It’s not an intervention, Clara,” Heather says softly. “Not as such. But we all feel … well, that you haven’t been yourself lately. We want to help.”

  This is awful. Somehow, their loving concern is worse than anything. I feel hot shame heating my skin.

  “I’m fine,” I insist, trying to keep my voice level. “I just … actually, you know what, it’s a good thing you’re here after all, Jeremy. There’s something I’ve been meaning to give you.”

  He looks startled to have been called upon, like a pupil who’s been dozing at the back of the class. He mops his brow with a pink spotted handkerchief. It’s oversized, like something a clown would have.

  “Er … yes?”

  I fumble in my pocket for the USB stick, cursing my shaking fingers. But now’s as good a time as any. I’ve let a sense of misplaced gratitude and duty hold me back for long enough.

  It’s time to get on with my life. Properly this time. No more excuses.

  A new chapter. How terrifying. But also … how exciting. A leap into the unknown. I have a feeling I’ll land on my feet, wherever I might end up.

  “Here.” I stride across the room in three steps and hold out the USB stick. “You should have this. It’s everything I’ve prepared so far for the summer exhibition. It should help whoever takes over.”

  He looks at it blankly. The only sound in the room is Ruby’s foot tapping nervously against the floor.

  “I don’t deserve this opportunity,” I continue, amazed at how calm my voice sounds. “It wasn’t given to me fairly. I can’t be a part of it.”

  Heather’s the first one to speak. “What are you talking about? Of course you got it fairly; we all know that. Jeremy?” she prompts.

  He just twists his handkerchief round and round in his hands, looking miserable. I’m almost inclined to feel sorry for him.

  “Afraid not,” I say with forced lightness. “It was all just part of a business deal. Adam arranged it with him.”

  Three women round on Jeremy. He recedes further into the shadowy corner, as though hoping he might be able to disappear altogether.

  “Tell me this isn’t right,” Ruby presses. “It can’t be.”

  “It happens al
l the time,” Jeremy whines. He looks at me beseechingly. “It’s not something to take personally, my dear.”

  “Well, I do take it personally,” I say simply. “And I don’t care if it happens all the time. I won’t be used like that.” I breathe in slowly. Here goes. “Which is why I’ll be resigning, not only from organising the exhibition but from my role altogether.”

  Eve gasps, which is so theatrical I almost want to laugh. The whole thing is so theatrical; I kind of wish I had a resignation letter to fling in Jeremy’s face.

  “Wait!” Jeremy’s face has gone puce. “But I need you! You can’t …”

  “Why not?” I counter flatly. “I’m sure you can replace me easily enough. It’s not like you ever let me do anything really important.” As he stares down at the USB stick in his hand with a hopeless expression, my tone softens a little. “I’ve also made a hard copy of everything on that. It’s in my office.” That was a last act of charity; I know what he’s like with technology.

  I know it would serve him right if I left him in the lurch. But at the same time my sense of fairness prevails. After all, I’ve known what he’s like for years; a part of me always knew I was never going to get the opportunities I’d so hoped for. If I stayed for too long, then it’s on me. How ironic that I threw myself recklessly into relationships yet allowed myself to be so reticent and fearful when it came to my career. If only it could have been the other way around.

  With an inward sigh, I turn back to the others. “Now, if that’s all, can I go? I’ve got to pack up my office.”

  It’s only then that I notice that Heather’s looking pretty puce herself. “You said that Adam was a part of this?” she manages shakily.

  “Yes, why?”

  “Oh, dear,” Eve says weakly. She raises a ring-laden hand to her forehead as though she’s in some old-fashioned farce. “Oh, dear.”

  “What now?” I say hotly. What else could there possibly be? Is a dramatic resignation not enough for one day?

  “Clara, I’ve told him,” Heather blurts out.

  Everything suddenly seems to go very quiet. Even Ruby’s foot-tapping ceases.

  “Told who what?” I say neutrally. But I don’t feel very neutral inside. I feel like a tidal wave has swept through me.

  Because I have a feeling that I know exactly who she means.

  She swallows. “I’ve told Adam that you’re not really back together with Josh. I told him that it was all a lie.”

  “We’ve told him, dear,” Eve amends supportively. She seems to have got over her swoon remarkably quickly. “We thought it was best.”

  “You had no right to do that,” I say in a low voice. I don’t know if it’s anger or shock, or perhaps a mixture of both, but my whole body seems to have gone rigid. “No right at all.”

  “You were never going to do it,” Ruby says mulishly. “So we had to.”

  “It was all such a stupid misunderstanding between you,” Heather says, almost pleadingly. “But we didn’t know about any of this. You didn’t tell me,” she adds, and there’s more than a hint of accusation in her voice. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because it’s my life!” I cry. The walls are so thin, I don’t doubt that the whole corridor can probably hear. With an effort, I calm myself. “And because no one wants to admit that the person they’ve fallen for could deceive them like that. Okay? It just hurt too much. It still does.”

  “But why would he have done that?” Eve frets. “He seems such an upstanding young man. It doesn’t make sense. Unless …”

  There’s an expectant pause.

  Then Ruby’s face lights up. “Of course! It’s the only explanation.”

  Slowly, comprehension dawns in Heather’s eyes. She claps her hands together in satisfaction. “How couldn’t we have seen this? It’s so obvious, really!”

  Utterly lost now, I look at Jeremy, but he just shrugs.

  “I have no idea what you’re all getting at,” I say wearily. Suddenly, I’ve had enough. I don’t even care any more; all I want to do is lie down in a darkened room.

  “He loves you!” Ruby crows, bouncing up and down on the spot.

  “Ruby!” Eve admonishes her. “Remember what we spoke about. One has to lead into these things gently.”

  “He doesn’t love me,” I say automatically. But, even as I say it, an odd warm feeling begins to flood my body, suffusing each and every cell.

  “Of course he does.” Eve sounds uncharacteristically impatient. “Why else would he have done such a thing? Clearly your happiness matters more to him than anything else. That’s love, dear. Plain and simple.”

  If only. I choke back a laugh. Nothing about this has been simple.

  “And he did it after he knew you were with Josh,” Heather reminds me, looking thoroughly pleased with the hypothesis. “He wasn’t expecting you to find out. There was no ulterior motive behind it. He just did it because … Well, because he loved you.”

  “Isn’t that romantic?” Ruby sighs, gazing rapturously out of the window.

  Everyone else sighs too. Except Jeremy, who looks nonplussed. And a little revolted.

  And me. I’m just standing there, staring straight ahead. Because something in those words pricks at me. These are the very people who told me to be more careful, who told me that being a hopeless romantic would only set me up for failure. And now they’re … what? Urging me to go running across town like some lovesick heroine in a budget film? Towards a man who, when I last saw him, told me that his feelings were a mistake? That we should forget he’d said anything at all?

  Haven’t I learned better by now than to throw my foolish heart into the ring only to watch it get trampled all over? I just can’t do it, not again. Not with Adam. That would be more than I could take. If he rejected me … Well, at least this way I’ll never have to face that possibility.

  “Just because he might have feelings for me doesn’t mean I have to do anything about it,” I say stubbornly. “I don’t need a man in my life, you know.”

  “No, you don’t,” Heather says softly, obviously not buying my false bravado for a moment. “But you do need him.”

  Before I can reply, my phone begins to buzz in my pocket. I finally locate it, just catching it before it rings out. The name on the screen makes my heart sink: Fire department.

  “Miss Swift?” Trueman’s grim tone comes barrelling down the line.

  I don’t waste time with any preamble. “What’s Casper done now?”

  “Well, that’s the thing.” I can practically hear Trueman scratching his head quizzically. “It isn’t … Look, you’d better come and see for yourself.”

  Apparently, the day’s drama isn’t over yet. I pocket my phone, already half-turning towards the door. Where Casper’s involved, I don’t need telling twice. God only knows what he’s got himself into this time.

  “I have to go,” I announce to the room at large. “Sorry. Cat issues.”

  “Of course—go.” Heather makes a shooing motion with her hands. “We’re finished here.”

  Jeremy holds up a tremulous hand. “In that case, could I be excused? It’s only … there’s a—”

  Three heads swivel around and pinion him with a glare. He swallows audibly.

  “Not a chance,” Ruby says menacingly. “You still have a lot of explaining to do.”

  Chapter 34

  The scene which greets me outside my house is nothing short of pandemonium.

  A fire engine, blue lights flashing, is blocking half of the road. They’ve had to stop the traffic and a queue of cars is backing up, horns blaring, heads craning out of windows to see what’s going on. Firefighters in high visibility jackets are swarming across my front lawn and a long ladder is propped against the side of the house, reaching all the way up to the roof. The sight of that makes panic gnaw at my stomach but, to my immense relief, I can’t see anyone up there.

  My relief is short-lived, though, as I round the side of the fire engine to see that an amb
ulance is parked up behind it. The back doors are wide open and a dark-haired figure sits on the step, wrapped in a red thermal blanket.

  “Oh, my God!” I rush forwards, my heart in my mouth. “Are you okay?”

  Adam raises an eyebrow, then winces as the paramedic dabs at a cut on his forehead.

  “Keep still,” she tuts.

  He ignores her, his attention fixed intently upon me. His blue eyes are dark, whether with pain or some other emotion, I can’t tell.

  “Are you talking to me or the cat?” he asks in a neutral-sounding voice.

  My mouth all but drops open. How can he even ask me that?

  “You, of course! He’s fine.” I wave a hand towards Casper, who’s sitting on the pavement, washing behind his ears as though nothing unusual has occurred. “What happened to you? Are you hurt?”

  “Just a scratch,” the paramedic says stridently, applying a strip of bandage over the cut with practised movements. “He’ll live. Although perhaps next time he’ll think twice about climbing up onto a roof.” She eyes him dubiously. “Didn’t you say that you’re a professor?”

  Adam presses his mouth into a thin line.

  “Not exactly very bright, was it?” she continues mildly. “All the degrees in the world apparently can’t teach common sense.” She stands back, admiring her handiwork. “There. You’ll probably have one hell of a headache later, but just count yourself lucky that it wasn’t worse. I’ll leave him to your care now,” she adds to me, as an aside. “Good luck. He’s not the easiest of patients. Although I expect you already know that.”

  Heat rises to my face at the insinuation. “Oh, no. It’s nothing like that. We’re just friends.”

  Actually, I wouldn’t even call us that at the moment, but I’m not about to enter into the complicated state of our relationship with her.

  “Whatever.” She smiles, clearly not believing me for a moment. “It’s none of my business. Just make sure he gets plenty of rest. He’s going to be bruised and sore for a few days.”

  “All right,” I begin, when she’s gone. I put my hands on my hips, glaring down at him. “What’s all this about climbing on the roof? Are you crazy?”