Worth It

by Linda Kage

  But that’s not why I cried either.

  I bawled like a baby because I hadn’t been able to cut my hair, because I couldn’t stop honoring a man I’d never see again.

  I bawled because I couldn’t stop loving him like I so desperately wished I could.

  I bawled because I missed him.

  At the end of it all, Aspen announced we were going to ladies’ night at Forbidden to unwind, aka, get me completely plastered. We’d actually started drinking at her house, but I suspected she didn’t want Noel’s younger brothers to see me turn into a sloppy, weepy drunk...or maybe she just wanted to spend time with her man while he worked.

  In either case, I’d already reached a nice blurry-hazed buzz. The loud chaos around me was a nice distraction too. There were plenty of other things to think about besides—

  I yelped out a startled scream when someone came up from behind me and grabbed my shoulders before slapping a quick kiss to my cheek.

  “Hey, Felicity.” Asher saddled onto the barstool next to me. “I heard you finally got rid of Cam. So...I call dibs.”

  “I think not, douchebag.” Ten appeared on the other side of Aspen. “She’s hooking up with Caroline and me.” He winked my way. “Isn’t that right, Three?”

  I wrinkled my nose. “That is so wrong. And stop calling me Three. I will never...in hell...respond to that name.”

  Ten grinned and pointed at me. “Except you just did.” He slashed at the air and added a triumphant, “Boom.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I still can’t believe you asked me to be your number three.”

  “I can.” Asher scooped up a handful of beer nuts from the bowl in front of me and popped them into his mouth. “He’s a douche like that.”

  “Wait, he did what?” Aspen spun to gape at Ten.

  He glanced around for Noel. When he was assured his wife’s brother was busy, he held up a finger in my direction. “For your information, I don’t share my woman with just anyone, thank you very much. You are the only person I have ever asked to be our number three. I mean, I was momentarily tempted to ask Amisha, Caroline’s new friend from the filmography department, because she’s so fucking hot, but I figured she’d probably take the offer to heart, so...I chose you. That should make you feel lucky.”

  “Wow, you know, I do. I am so lucky you hit on me...right in front of your wife.”

  “He’s such a loser,” Asher agreed.

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Ten spit out, scowling. “I did not hit on you. Damn. I very nicely asked if you’d consider being in a threesome with us, because one, you knew I wasn’t being seriously serious. Two, of course I did that shit in front of Caroline. It’d be sleazy, slimy, and, you know, cheaterish if I hadn’t.”

  “Oh, because I’m sure your offer sounded just so classy otherwise,” Aspen dryly intoned.

  Ten ignored her and held up a third finger. “Three, even if hypothetically, you agreed, I never had plans to touch you. I just wanted you to buddy up with me so we could pleasure Caroline together, like a team.”

  I slapped a hand to my forehead and sighed. “Lord, please don’t tell me there’s a four.”

  “And four.” Ten grinned, wiggling his eyebrows. “You knew you were feeling the chemistry with her that night you two met. I mean, I could feel the vibes you ladies were putting off all the way across the bar. Sure, her idea of the perfect threesome,” he paused to roll his eyes, “is two guys and one girl, but fuck that. This is my theoretical daydream, and I say two chicks and one dude. However, she did admit that if she ever did allow another woman in bed with us, it’d be you.”

  “Aww.” I pressed a hand to my heart. “I can’t believe she chose me. Caroline is such a sweetheart.” I glanced at Aspen and smiled from the compliment. “I love her.”

  Ten wiggled his eyebrows. “Yeah, you want to kiss her, don’t you?”

  My smile died flat. “You’re impossible.”

  “I’m just saying. She can do amazing things with her tongue.” He winked. “Think about it.”

  Noel returned, carrying two of the biggest Bahama Mamas I’d ever seen.

  As Aspen snagged hers and began to chug, I hooked my thumb Ten’s way. “Noel, I can’t even begin to imagine why you let this guy marry your sister.”

  He sighed and sent Ten a hard scowl as if to ask what he’d said about Caroline this time. But Ten only grinned.

  Noel turned back to me. “Unfortunately, he snuck her off behind my back, and they eloped.”

  My eyebrows spiked. “Really?”

  Noel motioned to Ten. “Why do you think half his face is so mangled?”

  Ten snorted. “Oh, whatever, fucker. You only wish you could make this much art.” Glancing at me, he said, “I fell into a river.”

  “Ahh.” I sipped on my straw, studying his scars. There really did seem to be an artistic bent to them. And the coloring was... Wait. “Do you have a black eye?”

  He sent me a proud smirk. “You like it? I swear, this is my favorite shiner yet.”

  I shook my head, confused. “Huh?”

  “Ten has a habit of getting black eyes from people,” Aspen explained before she glanced at him. “Who gave you this one?”

  “Hmm. Sorry, that’s confidential.” His gaze strayed to the new guy. “But I’ll tell you...I’m seriously impressed with his right hook.”

  I glanced that way too, but the bartender’s back was to us as he counted out bills from the cash register. He seemed massively wide. And his arms... God, those things were ridiculous. If he’d been the one to throw the punch, then I didn’t doubt Ten; I bet he could pack a mean blow.

  I turned back to my crew when Asher stamped another kiss to my cheek. “I gotta get back to work,” he announced. “But really, I can be next in line if you want. I have good teeth, a pretty smile, and the best damn singing voice you’ll ever hear.”

  I laughed and shoved at his arm, because I knew he was as serious about dating me as Ten was about making me his number three. These guys thought of me as a sister, someone to tease and protect. Not girlfriend material. “Get back to work, Rock Star,” I told him.

  He grinned and saluted me, then took off. Ten disappeared seconds later, leaving Aspen and me at the bar to get back to work on our drinks. We talked and laughed and after another Godzilla-sized Bahama Mama each, we danced. Mason bumped into us at one point, and even he had to give me a hug in sympathy, telling me he’d send his woman Reese around to cheer me up sometime.

  Hours later, I decided I loved this place. I loved the noise and music, and every single one of the hunky brotherly bartenders who went out of their way to cheer me up. I sat slumped on a stool at the bar, leaning a little too heavily against Aspen as I polished off my umpteenth drink and made a decision. Since this was an important enough declaration, I had to lift a proprietary finger into the air as I made it. “Tha’s it. I’m done with men. Forever and ever.”

  “That new bartender keeps checking you out,” Aspen slurred into my ear, not listening to a freaking word I’d just said.

  “Huh?” I glanced over, but he was already in the process of turning away. I scowled at his backside, even though he had a nice one. A very nice one. Hmm. It figured. I think only the sexiest men alive were allowed to bartend at Forbidden. It had to be some kind of decree written somewhere, or something.

  My drinking buddy nudged my elbow. “So? What do you think? I think he’s yummy.”

  I sent her an incredulous glance because I’d never heard her appreciate anyone’s sexiness except Noel’s before, and every freaking bartender who worked at Forbidden was hotter than sin.

  When she wiggled her eyebrows, letting me know she’d had one too many to drink, I snorted out a laugh. Aspen was adorable and hilarious when she drank.

  She leaned into me and whispered loudly, “I think you should ask him if you can ride his disco stick. You know, to help you repound from Cameron.”

  I snorted and slapped a hand over my mouth. “You mean, rebound?”


  “Tha’s what I said.” Her brow crinkled with confusion. “Wasn’t it?”

  “Sure,” I murmured, since re-pound seemed just as apt a term for what she was talking about.

  “So?” She went back to nudging my elbow. “What do you think of him?”

  I reluctantly returned my gaze to the new guy. He was half turned away this time. From the side profile, something about him rang strangely familiar, and it sent a zinger I wasn’t expecting through all my girly parts. I blinked, wondering where the heck that had come from. Then he turned fully away, and the bulkiness and breadth of his shoulders brought back a complete stranger’s profile, which knocked some reality back into me.

  He really was a massive work of perfection, but I felt uncomfortable by the unexpected way just looking at him had made my body react. Guilt bit at my conscience because I’d only ever experienced such an instant physical craving for one other person in my life. So I said, “Meh. Too dark and brooding for my taste.”

  “I don’t know.” Aspen chewed on her straw as she watched him. “I think there’s something hot about it. Like you just want to soothe his tortured soul.”

  I snorted. “And what’s up with the overly tight T-shirt?” Okay, now I was just trying to find details to nitpick since I was done with men forever and ever, and maybe because I really didn’t like the way I kept envisioning myself ripping that tight T-shirt off him and just sinking my claws into his pecs before licking them. “I mean, yes, you’re built, buddy. We get it.”

  As Aspen snorted out a laugh, the new bartender turned his head just enough to the side, as if listening in on something...like our conversation.

  I gulped and flinched back, even though there was no possible way he could’ve heard me in this loud, crowded place all the way at the other end of the counter. Could he?

  I decided to quit bashing him, even though man bashing had felt fun. But he was a stranger—not Cam—and he hadn’t done anything to deserve my scorn.

  “I think I’ll leave his disco stick alone,” I told Aspen.

  “Okay, whatever.” She shrugged, letting me know it didn’t matter to her. “I’m just saying, if he was good enough for Pick to hire, he can’t be half bad.” Then she sucked down the last of her drink.

  Noel appeared in front of us and took Aspen’s drink away. “That’s it, ladies. No more alcohol for either of you. The bar’s about to close, anyway. And just so you know, you’re both riding back to the house with me. We’ll pick up whoever’s car you drove here in the morning.”

  “Mine,” I said, lifting my hand.

  He snorted. “Then it’ll be fine. No one would even think about bothering that hunk of junk.”

  “Hey, that’s my baby you’re offending.” Even though he was right, it was the crappiest car ever. At least it got me where I wanted to go...most of the time.

  “Oh, God.” Aspen moaned and slapped a hand over her mouth. “I think I’m gonna be sick.”

  “Shit.” Noel leapt over the bar and wrapped an arm around her waist. “I knew I should’ve cut you off sooner. Come on, baby. I’ll help you to the bathroom.” As he gently led her away, I sighed after them, jealous of their relationship. With a little moan of depression, I flopped my forehead onto the bar and tried to will my life to a better place.

  When I reminded myself I wasn’t puking my guts out like my best buddy, I felt better. My life could be worse. But then I felt shitty because I shouldn’t be smug that I wasn’t sick and Aspen was. I didn’t realize I was still holding on to my empty glass until someone tried to ease it out of my hand.

  “Oh! Sorry.” I sat up, releasing my grip. But the new bartender had already turned away and was walking off with my empty cup. I stared after him, curious, wondering how Pick had found him and what his story was. Then I wondered if he talked. I hadn’t heard him talk once tonight, had I?

  I swear he had the slightest bit of a limp when he moved a certain way. It tugged at my inner healer until I could picture me running my hands up his strong, thick thighs and kissing them all better again.

  And...what the hell? Why did I keep having these overly sexual thoughts about a complete stranger? I never had—crap! Had someone put something in one of my drinks? Maybe I’d been roofied.

  But, no. That made no sense. Noel had served me all my drinks, and besides, no one had tried to take advantage of me.

  “Hey, Felicity,” Mason called from across the bar. I glanced over and was shocked to see the place was empty, and the guys had already cleaned up.

  When the hell had they done that?

  God, just how out of it was I?

  “Huh?” I called, waving at him and realizing I had been listening to Asher singing in the background of my consciousness. He always sang after hours during cleanup, which really should’ve clued me in to what had been going on around me.

  “I’m taking off,” Mason told me, “but uh, there’s some lady outside, says she knows you.”

  “Well, let her in.” I waved her forward, even though he hadn’t let her in yet and I couldn’t even see who he was talking about. “I’ll talk to some lady.”

  He shrugged. “Okay, then.”

  As he left, the unknown woman entered and hurried my way. She had kind of an angry stride, and at first, I had no idea who the hell she was. But then she marched closer, and I suddenly recognized her, even though I’d only seen her once before.

  “Oh, heeeey! Hi.” I waved and sent her a huge smile. “You’re that ho-bag who slept with my boyfriend. Sorry, I didn’t recognize you at first, what with your clothes on, and you know, Cam’s penis not inside you.”

  I laughed at my joke, but she didn’t seem to find it very funny. Hmm, guess Cam preferred the dryer type.

  Stopping directly in front of my stool, she self-righteously fisted her hands to her hips and glared. “You were trying to have a baby with him?”

  “Huh?” I cocked my head to the side, having no idea what she was talking about. “You should probably lay off the bad mushrooms, lady. You’re not making any sense.”

  “Oh, so you deny it?” She whipped a box out of her purse and shoved it in my face. “Explain why this was in our bathroom trash then, bitch.”

  I took issue with the bitch reference, but whatever she was sticking in my face smelled really raunchy, probably because she’d pulled it out of a wastebasket.

  “Eww.” I shoved it back enough to focus on what it was until I realized it was the box from the first pregnancy test I’d taken days ago.

  “Oh, right. That. No... Good God, no! I was totally not trying to have a baby with him, yuck. But my period was late, so I started to worry, and I took the test, but it’s all good, I’m not. And my period finally came today.” Evil karma-striking witch. “So, yeah...whew, huh?”

  I grinned, but still, she didn’t grin back.

  Tough crowd.

  “Whatever,” she screeched, and screeching was so not a good sound for her. “You wanted to trick him into marriage and—”

  “Marriage?” I laughed. “Yeah, right. With Cameron? Give me a frigging break.”

  “I’m going to scratch your fucking eyes out, whore!”

  “Hey, hey, hey,” Asher appeared at one side of me, lifting his hands to restore order, and I realized Ten was there too, suddenly at my other side. “I think you need to calm down, ma’am.”

  When she sniffed at him, I blinked up his way and shook my head. “I don’t understand why she’s calling me the whore. She’s the one who couldn’t keep her legs together.”

  But that only enraged her more. “I’m going to kill you, bitch.”

  “Not tonight, you’re not.” Ten stepped in, hooked an arm around her waist to keep her from diving at me, which she actually tried to do, and he pulled her a safe distance away.

  I just gaped at her, honestly confused.

  “Seriously?” I threw my hands into the air. “The test was neg-a-tive! Why are you so butt hurt over this? I don’t want your disgusting boyfriend. You’re welcome
to his cheating ass. If I never see him again for as long as I live, it’ll be too soon. Good riddance to both of you!”

  Leaping out of Ten’s arms, she whipped back her arm and slapped me. Hard. I think she whacked me sober. I’m not lying. The moment before her hand went flying, I felt all loopy and happy, still treating this entire conversation like some kind of joke...because it was freaking ridiculous. But now that my cheek was on fire...yeah. Dead sober.

  Scowling at her, I covered my jaw with my hand. “That wasn’t very nice. What is your problem?”

  “Don’t you dare talk about Cameron that way. He’s wonderful and—”

  She gasped in pain as her head jerked backward. When she tripped away from me, I realized it was because someone had grabbed her hair and was using it as a leash to drag her.

  My mouth fell open when I realized my defender was the new bartender. And he looked pissed. Like scary pissed. Like pissed enough to make you piss your pants if he ever looked that pissed at you.

  “Touch her again and I’ll break your fucking hand,” he growled in her ear.

  I gulped. Crap. I think I just pissed myself anyway...and he wasn’t even pissed at me.

  And why did the word piss keep floating through my head?

  Cam’s whore—sorry, I hadn’t been able to concentrate on her name when Cam had said it because at the time, her boobs had been flopping everywhere, distracting me—squeaked out her fear and slapped at his arm, trying to break free. “What the hell? You can’t talk to me like that. Get your hands off me.”

  When she whacked him again and tried to pull away, he let go of her so fast, she lost her balance and fell, landing hard on her ass.

  It would’ve been funny if I weren’t so shocked that he looked so mad, and I had no idea why he even cared.

  Ten and Asher seemed similarly struck.

  “Whoa. Dude.” Ten lifted his hands as if disclaiming any part of the confrontation.

  “Uh...” Asher glanced between the new guy and the woman. But the woman seemed basically okay as she sputtered and scrambled to her feet.

  “Get out,” the new guy said in a voice that made a damn decent Terminator impersonation. It definitely sent a shiver up my spine and had Cam’s woman racing for the door without a backward glance.