A Song for Silas

by Lori Wick

  “God led you to build this house,” Silas told himself. “And you’re standing here wallowing in your own pity. Maybe you won’t have a wife and kids, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be used of God. Maybe He will ask you to fill these rooms with orphans.” Silas smiled at the thought and went back to work.

  As it was, the house was not done when Mac started to bring in his crops. Luke had known all along what Silas’ plans were for the fall, and so it came as no surprise to Luke when Silas told him he’d be writing a letter and leaving for Neillsville in a week.

  34

  Neillsville, Wisconsin

  “I am not in love with Silas Cameron.” Amy said the words to herself, but they didn’t stop the furious pounding that started in her heart the moment she spotted him. Amy stood quietly and watched as he disembarked and crossed the platform toward her. He was so handsome. And then he was standing before her, smiling down in his sweet, gentle way, his height and the width of his shoulders blocking the sun.

  “Hi.” Suddenly shy, Amy’s voice was hesitant.

  “Hi yourself.” Silas’ eyes twinkled, and Amy knew that everything would be fine. She was the first one to reach and they hugged. It seemed to set the mood for the relationship they had both hoped to resume.

  The ride out to the farm was filled with warm laughter and friendship. Silas was thrilled to be told that Grant was on his feet and strong but also looking forward to Silas’ arrival. Amy said he was not a moment too soon; Grant had been in the fields for over a week.

  Amy listened in quiet surprise to Silas’ enthusiastic description of his new house. It sounded wonderful. She caught herself just before asking him if he was building a house because he’d found a girl this summer.

  In fact, the summer for Amy had not been an easy one. Silas had not been far from her thoughts throughout his absence, and Amy honestly didn’t understand why. For days she had thought about the way he had kissed her good-bye, and how she had allowed him to. Most of the time she had told herself it was because she felt guilt over not returning his love, and then pushed the thought aside.

  But for Amy something was missing. She had never known discontentment before, never longed for things she did not have. But something was definitely missing. As the summer aged, her frustration grew and she didn’t understand why. She prayed long and hard over it, but specific answers eluded her.

  Amy still believed her father needed her on the farm, and that he just didn’t realize it. He had admitted how selfish it would be if he expected her to give up her own life to take care of him, but Amy didn’t look at it that way.

  She was positive that she was not building her life around her father. The fact was he did need her. Amy found herself thinking this so often that she wondered just who she was trying to convince, herself or God.

  “Your Aunt April and Uncle Chad send their love,” Silas’ voice broke into her thoughts. “I talked with them soon after I got home and told them how you were doing. And then right before I left they had me to dinner on Sunday. Your aunt sent you a present. It’s in my bag.”

  “She wrote and said she had an early birthday present for me.”

  “If I recall, your birthday is in November, same day as my brother Paul’s.”

  “Yes it is. Aunt April wrote about the gift. She said it was fragile and hoped to send it with you. Intending it as a wedding gift for me, she explained it had been in the family for years. She also said she believes I will be married someday and still wants me to have it.” Amy’s voice trailed off at the end, unable to believe she had actually admitted this, especially to Silas. She looked over to see Silas watching her, his expression unreadable.

  Suddenly Amy felt indignant. “I don’t know why everyone thinks I have to be married. Many people live long, fulfilled lives and never take a spouse.”

  Surprised at her outburst, Silas was speechless. Amy remained angry, and the rest of the ride home was made in silence.

  Silas stopped the wagon in front of the porch and jumped down to assist Amy, but she sat quietly on the seat. He stood looking up at her. Finally, without turning to him, her voice now subdued, she spoke.

  “Silas, don’t you ever sin?”

  “Of course I sin.” But Amy only turned and looked at him, clearly not believing his simple words.

  “Just because I don’t often lose my temper doesn’t mean I never sin. Sins of the heart, Amy—the ones no one sees—can be the most serious of all. The sin of pride has brought me to my knees more times than I care to admit.

  “I’m not perfect, Amy. Don’t for a second think I am. I have my weaknesses.” Something in Silas’ voice on this last statement caused Amy to look at him in confusion, and Silas went on almost reluctantly. “Take Thomas Blane, for instance. I’m not sure what I would do if I ever met the man: shake his hand and thank him for stepping out of your life, or knock him to the ground for hurting you.”

  Amy’s eyes widened in surprise at this violent talk coming from her Silas. Her Silas? What was she thinking?

  “Silas!” The shout came from Grant who was moving toward them as fast as his still-healing leg would carry him. It effectively put an end to the conversation between the two young people.

  Whatever was about to be said would have to wait. Silas reached quickly and lifted Amy to the ground before moving forward to meet Grant.

  Amy breathed an unconscious sigh of relief. Once again she was spared the ordeal of dealing with her true feelings.

  35

  Amy stood in her bedroom holding the unopened package from her aunt. Silas had given it to her when he’d come down for supper, and even her father had looked at her strangely when she didn’t immediately open it. There was no way to explain to Silas or her father, as there was no explaining even to herself about the almost desperate feeling within her to be alone to open this gift.

  Amy’s hands shook slightly as she peeled off the brown paper and unwrapped the gift. The package contained a beautiful glass berry dish. It was about eight inches in diameter and had an ornate A engraved on the side.

  The note inside read: “I so want you to have this dish, Amy. It is a gift from my heart. The dish was given to me by my mother whose name was Agatha. She had received the gift from her mother, my grandmother, whose name was Adella. My name being April, the dish was passed to me and not to either of my sisters. With no daughter of my own, I feel it a privilege to pass this ‘A’ dish along to you, Amy. I hope someday I’ll see it in your home on your own dining table. Love, Aunt April.”

  Amy took no note of the tears streaming down her face. To whom will you pass the dish, Amy? The question rolled around in her head as the tears continued down her cheeks and no answer came.

  For the first time Amy was fearful of praying, fearful of facing God and what His will might be. Amy remained in her bedroom, alone and totally caught up in her pain.

  “Do you think Amy’s okay?” Grant and Silas were sitting on the front porch, and it bothered Silas that Amy hadn’t joined them.

  “I suppose she needed some time alone,” Grant answered quietly.

  “It’s because I’m back.” Silas’ voice held regret.

  “I imagine that does have something to do with it, Silas, but I think there’s more to it. I’m afraid she didn’t have an easy summer.”

  “Well, that’s not surprising. She was pretty upset about your accident.”

  “You’re right, she was very upset about that. But I think it’s something else. My guess is, she’s fighting God about something.” Grant paused then and turned so he could look directly at Silas. “And I think that something is you.”

  Silas shifted uncomfortably in his seat, afraid of where this conversation was leading. He looked out across the yard, hoping Grant would take the hint and change the subject, but Grant wasn’t through with him.

  “Silas, I did break my leg, but there is nothing whatsoever the matter with my eyes. You’re in love with my daughter. And when she stops looking at you like a big bro
ther, she’ll realize she loves you, too.”

  Silas stared at Grant in disbelief, and Grant went on. “Of course, you can’t blame Amy for seeing you in that light. After all, you treat her like a sister. Maybe I’m wrong—maybe she is really nothing more than a sister to you.”

  “You’re not wrong.” Silas’ voice was nearly inaudible.

  “Well, then do something about it. In my day when a man fell in love with a woman, he courted her.”

  Silas could only gape at the man, hardly able to believe what he was hearing.

  “Silas,” Grant’s voice was gentle now, “did you think I’d forgotten what it was like to be in love? I know it’s not easy for you when you’re living right here under the same roof. I suspect Amy knows of your feelings for her, but it’s not at all convincing when you treat her with the same sisterly affection you always have.”

  Silas sat in silence for a moment before admitting in a humble voice, “I’ve never courted a woman before. I’m not sure I’d know where to begin.”

  But Grant only smiled at him. “Silas, I have every confidence you’ll come up with something.”

  Amy never did join the men on the porch that evening and Silas, knowing in the morning he’d be headed out to the fields, went to bed early. He had no trouble falling asleep, but as he waited for slumber to claim him, each second was spent thinking about all Grant had said.

  36

  The door slammed as Silas exited the kitchen. Amy stood near the table trying to decide if she had imagined what had just happened or if it had been real.

  Her father and Silas had been outside working and Amy had washed the kitchen curtains. Stretching on the tip of her toes, she was rehanging them when she heard steps behind her and then Silas’ hands covered her own. She let her own hands drop and he easily adjusted the rod, but she was unable to move with Silas directly at her back.

  She thought nothing of this until Silas finished the job and made no move to step away. With his hands still high on the wall and his chest brushing her back, he bent his head slightly to the side and waited for Amy to look up at him.

  When she did, he spoke as if there was nothing at all unusual about their stance. “Did you need help with anything else?”

  “No.” Amy’s voice was higher-pitched than usual.

  Silas moved then, bringing his face down until his nose nearly touched her temple. Amy stood frozen.

  “Your hair smells nice.” This said, Silas straightened. “Well, I best get back to work.” Amy continued to stare at him as he sent her a warm smile and walked from the room.

  Now she stood in bewilderment. Silas’ attitude toward her the last few days had been different somehow, and Amy was thoroughly confused.

  And her father—he had her completely baffled. If she didn’t know better, she would swear he was matchmaking. But she just couldn’t believe it of him.

  It seemed that every time she turned around he was leaving her and Silas alone together. And twice he had requested certain dishes for supper, telling her they were Silas’ favorites.

  “Well,” Amy said to the empty room, “I’ve got work to do. Men are just strange creatures and you have to learn to live with them.”

  Amy’s decision to just “live with them” was fine when Silas was not around. But the truth was he had changed toward her, and she had no idea what to do about it.

  For most of the day he was in the fields with her father, but those times when they were together, his actions could no longer be considered brotherly.

  When he helped her in and out of the wagon, she noticed he held her just a moment longer than necessary. And when she did fix any of his favorite meals for supper, he didn’t just thank her but kissed her right on the cheek—and in front of her father, too!

  The real surprise came over three weeks after Silas arrived and right after he returned from a trip into town. Amy was dusting in the living room, wearing her oldest gown and her hair covered with a raggedy, faded scarf. She knew she had never looked worse.

  “Amy, can you come outside a minute?”

  “Oh Silas, you’re back. Did you get everything from town?”

  “I got everything on the list. Could you please come outside a moment? There’s some—”

  “Oh Silas, do we have company? I look terrible—this dress is filthy.”

  Silas could see he was going to get nowhere asking her. He walked toward her, took the dirty rag from her hand, and led her outside.

  Amy followed mutely and listened while he spoke. “There was something in town I thought you might like. It’s here in the back of the wagon. You don’t have to keep it. I can take it back if you don’t want it.”

  Silas led her to the back of the wagon and waited for her to look in. Seated upon a burlap sack was a tiny ball of black fur. Amy stared at the puppy, her mouth opening in a silent “oh.” The sight of people brought the puppy to its legs, her miniature tail moving furiously, causing her entire body to vibrate.

  “She looked like she needed someone to love her, and I thought you would be just the person.”

  “Oh Silas,” Amy breathed as she gathered the wiggling little body into her arms. “She’s darling.”

  The puppy must have agreed with Silas that Amy was the person to love her for she settled immediately into her arms and lay contentedly while Amy stroked her soft ears and head.

  To Silas’ surprise, Amy’s face was wreathed in a smile but her eyes were shining with tears. Silas’ heart overflowed with love for her and he took a step toward her, wanting with all of his heart to kiss her and declare himself.

  Amy panicked when she saw his intent. “What shall we name her?” she nearly shouted at him and took a step backward. Silas looked at her for a moment as though he had no idea who she was talking about.

  “The puppy, Silas, what shall we name the puppy?” Silas jerked as though stung, realizing what he had nearly done. His face flooded with color and, moving to unload the supplies to try and hide his embarrassment, he thought, “What a fool you are, Silas. Her liking the puppy doesn’t change the way she feels about you.”

  “I’m glad you like the dog, Amy. I better get these things unloaded.” Amy stood mute, not knowing what to say as he loaded a sack onto his shoulder. Silas evidently didn’t feel words were necessary. As soon as his arms were full, he walked away without a word.

  “Another job? Are you sure?”

  “That’s what the note said.”

  “But we haven’t heard from him all summer.”

  “I know, and we haven’t had any money either.”

  “Are we doing it?”

  “Yea, we’ll do it. Maybe this time we’ll see who he is.”

  “Yea, maybe. When do we go?”

  “Tomorrow night.”

  37

  Laughing, Amy watched with delight as Cocoa ran in small circles in front of her. Amy had just filled the dog’s dish, but Cocoa wanted attention more than food, and Amy could not coax her into the stall she’d blocked off in the barn.

  Amy decided to go into the stall and, as usual, Cocoa followed her. Amy felt almost guilty at tricking the dog, but as soon as Amy rushed out and pulled the plank back into place, the puppy headed to her dish.

  Leaning lazily against a post, Amy thought back on the day before when Silas had brought the little dog home. That Silas had been about to kiss her had been more than evident and, the truth of the matter was, he had no right to such intimacies. But that didn’t change the fact that she had panicked and responded badly, embarrassing them both.

  Amy then remembered the stilted feelings between them just before Silas had gone home. Somehow knowing he would be returning in the fall had given Amy a sense of security. She didn’t feel in a rush to right things between them, but now…

  Being busy with the puppy the evening before had made conversation difficult, along with the fact that Silas was exhausted from the long day he’d put in.

  But even considering Silas’ physical state, Amy could not
go to bed with things the way they were. Both men headed off to bed early, and Amy had found herself alone in the living room. With determination she marched halfway up the stairs and called to Silas through his closed door.

  “Silas, can I talk to you a minute?”

  The door opened after a moment and Amy headed down the stairs to wait. Silas approached almost warily, his face shuttered. Amy thought instantly of how many times she had hurt him—never intentionally, but hurt him nevertheless.

  “I know you’re tired, but I wanted to thank you for the puppy. She’s adorable, and I already love her dearly. It was very thoughtful of you.”

  “You’re more than welcome, Amy, and please let me apologize for doing things at times that make you uncomfortable.”

  Amy had not expected this and made no reply. She shifted uneasily under the intense stare Silas directed at her, but his eyes held her own. His hand lifted then and the backs of his fingers stroked ever-so-gently down her cheek. “Good night, sweetheart.” His voice as gentle as his touch, he turned and went upstairs.

  Now Amy stood gazing at Cocoa, thrilled to have the puppy, but totally unsure of how to deal with Silas and his feelings.

  “Hello.”

  Amy jumped with surprise and turned as a strange male voice called to her from the doorway of the barn. She had to walk nearly the length of the barn to reach him, her look curious but friendly.

  “Hello,” the stranger said again as she approached. “I hope I’m on the right farm. My name is Paul Cameron; I’m looking for my brother Silas.”

  The first thing Amy noticed about the man was his height. The second was his voice. It was deep and perfectly modulated. The first comparison that came to her head was “smooth as honey.”