by Kate, Jiffy
She smirks, shaking her head as she rolls her eyes.
There’s a brief standoff, but she eventually retreats and turns to walk back to her car. Before she climbs in, she pauses. “Don’t be a cliché, Casey. It’s never a good look.”
I watch her drive away and try not to let her assumptions play into my fears, but it’s impossible.
Chapter 11
Ross
I’m just getting out of the shower when my phone rings. Toweling off, I walk into the main room and retrieve it from the nightstand. When I see Casey’s name on the display, I quickly swipe my finger across the screen to keep it from going to voicemail.
“Hello?” I answer, unable to control the smile on my face at just the sight of her name.
“Hey.” I can tell she’s tired from her tone alone, but there’s something else there too and it makes my smile fall.
“You okay?”
There’s a pause before she answers, “Yeah, I’m fine.”
I want to call her out on the bullshit lie she just told, but I don’t. This isn’t my first rodeo and while I may never fully understand women, I do know that when they say they’re fine, they’re usually the opposite.
“I just wanted to call and let you know Felicia stopped by today.”
“What? Why?” I ask, trying to keep the annoyance out of my tone. Felicia hasn’t darkened the doorstep of the house we shared since the day she walked away. Why would she show up now?
Casey sighs. “I don’t know. She acted like she was just going to waltz right in, but I didn’t let her. I hope that’s okay. It just felt wrong for her to be here when you’re not.”
Her tone is hesitant and I realize she thought I might be mad about it. I’m not mad at Casey for not letting her in, I’m mad at Felicia for thinking she can still waltz in like it’s her house.
“You did the right thing,” I assure her.
“You changed the locks, right?” Casey asks. “I mean, it’s none of my business, but I got the feeling had I not been here today, she would’ve walked right in and helped herself to whatever she was after. She was not happy I was here.”
“Did she say something to you?”
I’m met with another pause and then she finally replies, “No.”
“Would you tell me if she did?” I ask, not believing her because I know Felicia and she can range anywhere from petty to downright rude when things don’t go her way. Seeing another woman at the house we once shared would be enough to quickly push her into bitch mode.
“Don’t worry about me,” Casey says, her tone carrying something that doesn’t settle well with me, but I can’t put my finger on it. “I can take care of myself.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
Another long pause.
“Yeah, just tired.”
It’s then I remember the emails we exchanged earlier and that she never let me know how her appointment went today. “What did the doctor say? Are you going to live?” I ask, trying to lighten the mood and get her mind off Felicia. And also hoping she was right and there’s nothing to worry about. I hate the thought of Casey being sick.
“Uh, yeah, fine… I’m, uh, good…” She sounds distracted and just as I’m getting ready to ask for more details, she continues. “Hey, I have another call coming in. Can we talk later?”
“Sure, yeah, we’ll talk later.”
When the line goes dead, I pull the phone away from my ear and look at the screen. I’d give anything to see her right now. If we were face-to-face, I’d be able to truly see if she’s as fine as she claims to be.
There was something off in her tone and I’d love to be able to put my concerns to rest, but that’ll have to wait until I’m back in New Orleans next week. It’s possible Felicia just worked her magic, but my gut tells me it’s more than that.
Who was calling?
It’s not like me to overthink things like this. I haven’t felt jealous of another person in a long damn time. Shit, I didn’t even feel jealous when I ran into Felicia with another man. At the time, I just felt numb, like I was living someone else’s life. But even now, looking back on it, I feel nothing.
But the thought of another man calling Casey or taking her out… spending time with her… that makes me jealous.
Tossing my towel on the bed, I grab some jeans and a t-shirt. There’s no way I can stay in this hotel room tonight. I need a beer. Pressing Bo’s name on my phone, I put it on speaker and wait for him to pick up as I finish dressing.
“Dude, are you psychic?” Bo asks with a chuckle. “Mack and I were just getting ready to call you. We’re headed to Shorties. You in?”
“That’s why I was calling.”
“Great. Meet you downstairs.”
Twenty minutes later, we’re sitting at our usual table at Shortie’s. Instead of beer, I opted for a glass of Jack. My mind is too cluttered with thoughts of Casey and phone calls and my ex-wife showing up unannounced for beer.
So, Jack it is.
“Should we be worried?” Mack asks, his eyes trained on my nearly-empty glass. “The last time I saw you drink anything but beer was the week after…”
Draining the last drop, I raise my glass to signal our waitress. “Felicia left,” I finish for him. “You can say her name. I’m not a fragile flower. And it’s been almost eight months since the divorce.”
Bo clears his throat. “Anything you want to talk about?”
The waitress shows up with my refill and I give her a nod of thanks.
“I’d like to circle back around to my original question,” Mack says. “Should we be worried?”
Shaking my head, I pick up my glass and give a half-hearted chuckle. “You two are worse than old women.”
A hand comes down on my shoulder and I look up to see Bo staring at me. “We just worry about you. Nobody wants to see you back in the dark place you were in last season.”
“I’m not going back there,” I assure him. “This isn’t a setback, it’s just…” Part of me thinks it’d be easier to just tell them the truth, but I’d never do that without talking to Casey first. The other part of me likes that no one else knows. Living a life that’s often broadcast for the world, I like having something that’s just mine. “It’s nothing. Just a little tired… and we’re coming to the end of Spring Training, which means we’re getting ready to start the season and I have a lot to prove. I know y’all have heard me preach about balance.”
Taking a healthy drink, I set my glass back on the table. “This is me finding a little balance.”
“To a new season and kicking some ass,” Mack says, holding his beer in the air.
Bo and I tap our glasses with his and chime in, “To a new season!”
I may never be back to the pre-divorce Ross, but I’ve come to accept that, and possibly even appreciate it. Felicia and I had been together for so long we’d grown stagnant. And sometimes, I wonder if that leaked over into my professional life too. There is definitely something different about my gameplay.
The new Ross has a clearer view of what he wants and he’s not afraid to go out and get it.
A lot of people fear heartbreak after divorce, but not me. I’ve been there, done that, and survived the aftermath. At this point, there’s nothing left to lose.
Chapter 12
Casey
With only three days until Ross returns from Spring Training, I’m taking advantage of the solitude and camping out at his house, avoiding everything and everyone.
As far as Charlotte knows, I’m busy here getting everything ready for when he returns.
It’s been a little over a week since I got the news from Doc Walters that I’m pregnant. Later that night, I drove to a pharmacy on the other side of town and bought one of every pregnancy test they had on their shelves. There was still a part of me that hadn’t accepted the news.
I needed to see proof.
And every test was positive.
I’ve spent every day since vacillating between overthink
ing everything and blankly staring into space. Thankfully, the remodel is finished and I was able to pull myself together for the breakfast I’d promised Phil and his crew. As for the coffee date with him and his wife this past Saturday, I took a rain check.
I also took a raincheck on dinner with Charlotte.
I know I can’t hide away forever, but I’m not ready to share this news yet. My ultrasound is scheduled for two weeks from today. Once I see it with my own eyes, hear a heartbeat, and have a due date, maybe it’ll be easier.
Oh, God. Just thinking about it makes my stomach queasy and it’s not the morning sickness… or rather the all-day sickness. The past few days have been rough.
What will I do when Ross gets home?
How will I face him?
How will I hide this from Charlotte?
I’ve tried putting myself in Ross’s shoes, playing out every scenario over and over in my mind and none of them end well. In one, he’s so angry he can’t even look at me. In another, he thinks I’m trying to trap him. And in another, the most humiliating, he thinks I’m lying.
Somehow, I feel solely responsible even though I logically know it took both of us to make this baby. He never mentioned using a condom or even asked if I was on birth control. But if he had, I would’ve told him I was good… covered, protected. I haven’t been in a sexually active relationship in over a year. And even though I don’t know for certain what Ross’s sexual history looks like, I trust him so, I probably wouldn’t have thought twice about having sex without a condom.
Visions of that night play back in my mind and my entire body feels flushed. It was the single, most passionate night of my life. I’ve never felt that way, never been so caught up in my emotions that reality is a fleeting thought. Honestly, until six weeks ago, I thought what Ross and I did was something that only existed in romance novels and movies.
Letting out a wry laugh, I smooth back my hair as I stare out into Ross’s pristine backyard with the newly remodeled guest house. It’s a little piece of paradise with the pool and garden. I’d love to live here forever, hide away here forever, but I can’t.
He’ll be home in three days.
I’ll be back home in three days.
As I take a deep, cleansing breath and let it out slowly, I give myself a mental pep talk.
I can do this.
I have to do this.
Someone else is depending on me now and I can’t let him or her down.
I might not have asked for this, but neither did this baby. I’m going to put my fears aside and put his or her needs above my own. There’s no other choice. And when the time is right, I’ll tell Ross.
The good news is that if everything goes according to plan and according to the books I’ve been devouring this past week, I shouldn’t go into labor until after the playoffs.
Maybe I’ll move to Alaska or something.
Just until after the baby is born.
Wincing at the thought of how cold it is there, I immediately scratch that idea.
What about Mexico?
But then there’s that True Crimes story about the girl who went there on vacation and her family never heard from her again.
As much as I’d like to fly under the radar for the next seven months, I know I’ll need my family.
I’ll need Ross.
Taking another deep breath, I try to calm my heart. I have time. I shouldn’t start showing for at least a couple of months. By then, I’ll have my own game plan.
Walking into Ross’s bedroom, I pause and take inventory and everything is as it should be.
The bed is made with fresh sheets.
The nightstand is tidy.
I took my water glass and crackers back to the kitchen.
My iPad is stowed away in my bag.
The few clothes I’d been leaving here are packed away.
My carbon footprint has been erased and for some reason, that doesn’t sit well. I want to be here. More than that—scarier than that—I want to be a part of his life. And not just in a professional or friend capacity. And not because I’m pregnant with his baby.
Even if I wasn’t, I’d still want Ross.
Originally, I’d planned on being here when he gets back from Spring Training, but now… I just can’t. Not yet.
Alice came yesterday for a clean sweep through the house and to make sure everything is perfect for Ross’s return and his parents’ arrival. There’s a casserole in the oven and all Ross will have to do when he gets home is warm it up and pull the salad and wine from the refrigerator.
I even left some fresh flowers on the dining room table.
His flight is scheduled to land in an hour, so it’s time for me to go.
Thankfully, Bo is on the same flight as Ross, which means Charlotte will be preoccupied for the evening and I’ll be able to hide away in my room.
I’m dreading facing her. I have no clue how I’m going to get around our normal routine without lying to her. What happens when she asks me to do our weekly movie and wine night?
I never lie to my sister.
The fact I’ve omitted the truth for the past week or so is enough to make me feel awful.
And although I feel my time of truth coming, I’d like just one more night of keeping this secret to myself.
The hardest part will be knowing that Ross is only a few minutes’ drive away, instead of a plane ride. His parents coming for the opener buys me a few more days and, for that, I’m grateful.
Chapter 13
Ross
I don’t know what I was expecting but it wasn’t this.
Bo and I just landed in New Orleans and while he gets to run into the arms of Charlotte, I’m left standing here like a chump watching them.
Realistically, I knew Casey wouldn’t be greeting me with the kisses I’ve missed so much while in Florida, but I thought she’d at least be here at the airport. It’s a known fact she’s working for me right now, so couldn’t she play it off as though she’s driving her boss home? She could’ve made up some bullshit story about needing to go over business with me, and I would’ve gladly played along. Instead, she’s a no-show.
“Hey, man, you need us to drive you home?” Bo calls out to me.
I do need a ride but as I see my two friends, hand in hand, ready to make up for lost time, I refuse to be that guy. The third wheel, who’s always cockblocking, or worse yet, being felt sorry for or pitied.
Fuck that.
“Nah, I’m good.” I wave them off, hoping my smile doesn’t look as bitter as it feels. “Y’all enjoy your evening and I’ll talk to you soon.”
As soon as they’re out the sliding glass doors leading to the parking garage, I grab my bag and walk outside, waving down a cab.
Thankfully, my driver isn’t talkative on the drive to my house, so I pull my baseball cap farther down on my head and sink into my seat. I’m happy to not be behind the wheel because I can appreciate the view of the city as we drive downtown and then into the Garden District.
It’s good to be back.
I may not have been born or raised here, but New Orleans has become home to me.
“Have a good night,” the driver calls out as I climb out of the car in front of my house.
After closing the door, I wave at him in response and watch him leave before turning and looking at my house.
It seems to be just as I left it on the outside, but I know the inside has been permanently altered, even if only to me. Being with Casey that one night changed me somehow. It relaxed me and reminded me of how good it feels to let go. It made me a better pitcher and teammate and showed me I’m still a man with a lot of passion inside, and I know before I even step through the door, she’s left a mark on that house just as she did me.
The sting is even greater when I walk inside and it’s empty.
As disappointed as I was when I realized Casey wasn’t at the airport with Charlotte, a small piece of me still hoped she’d be here. But, as I look around the entryway and
living room, I see there’s nothing. No trace of her. I doubt a detective could find a single fingerprint. It’s as though she wanted to wipe everything about her and our night together from history.
I hate to break it to her, but all the bleach in the world will never make me forget how she felt in my hands and tasted on my tongue.
What I can’t figure out, though, is why the sudden change for her.
Our conversations and emails were great while I was gone. I mean, we never made it to the sexting phase, unfortunately, but I thought we were growing closer and would pick up where we left off once I got home. Casey’s been off for the last couple of weeks and I’m going to figure out why. She can’t get rid of me that easily. If she wants to go back to only being friends, that’s one thing, but I won’t let her ghost me out of her life completely. Not without an explanation first.
Walking into the kitchen, I’m surprised and extremely relieved to see my initial observation was wrong. Casey has left me a note, and while it’s not exactly what I wanted, it’s something at least.
I pick up the piece of paper and hold it to my nose, smelling the sweet scent she left behind, before reading her words.
Welcome home, Ross!
Sorry I’m not here to greet you, but I thought it’d be best for me to let you get reacclimated to your home without any distractions.
Dinner is in the oven and just needs to be warmed up. There’s a bottle of wine chilling in the fridge, along with a salad. Enjoy and rest up for the game tomorrow! Your parents will be here tomorrow around noon, don’t forget!
Good luck at the game! I’ll be there cheering you and the team on. I know it’ll be a busy and important day for you and I want you to enjoy your time with your family, so we can chat later about our working relationship going forward.
All my best,
Casey
Disappointment flows through my body and settles deep in my stomach, removing any traces of the hunger I was beginning to feel. Casey’s words are all business and I don’t like it one bit. I crumple the note and drop it on the counter, not wanting to be rid of it completely, before taking the food out of the oven and placing it in the refrigerator. I bypass the wine and close the door, opting for a bottle of Jack instead. Once I have it, I grab my bag and head straight for my bedroom.