by Sarah Bale
The room goes silent. I mean, it’s so quiet that you could hear a mouse run across the floor.
I look at Saint and Razor. “And I don’t know if Saint or Razor is the father.”
24
Olivia
Oh god, please don’t barf right now.
I chant this over and over as they react to the bomb I just dropped on them.
Razor jumps to his feet, pulling me in for a hug.
“Liv. This is fucking wonderful news.”
“How can you say that when you don’t know who the father is?” I run my hands over my face. “Why do I fuck up everything?”
“Do you remember when you told me you didn’t want kids?”
I nod.
He smiles. “I went to the doctor after that.”
My heart is pounding.
“Why?”
“Because I didn’t want you to do anything that you didn’t want to do. It’s your body. I just have the privilege of being inside of you every now and again. So, I went and got a vasectomy. Bash was the one who gave me the idea since he’d had one. I was in and out in under an hour.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
And how did I not notice?
“I didn’t want to make a big deal about it. I was going to tell you, but then the rally happened. Haven’t had much time to talk about it since then.” He grins. “I’m fucking thrilled for you and Saint.”
I turn to Saint, felling dizzy. Oh shit. He’s looking kind of stunned, too.
“Saint?”
When he doesn’t answer, King kicks his boot. “Come on, fucker. Our girl is waiting for you to say something.”
He blinks as if he’s coming out of a daze. “I’m going to be a dad?”
I nod, my eyes filling with tears. “It would appear so.”
“Fuck, I—I didn’t think I’d ever get the chance to be a dad again.”
He stands, hauling me into his arms. I’ve never felt so fucking safe.
And then he lets out the biggest sob I’ve ever heard in my life.
When I look up, I see a man who’s in pain.
“Saint?”
He pulls away. “I need to get some air.”
He gets the hell out of the room and Bash and Razor follow, leaving me stunned.
“King, was it me?”
“No, babe.” He sighs. “You’re not the only one with a past that’s hard to look back on.”
I freeze.
Saint said he never thought he’d get the chance to be a dad. Again.
“His wife was pregnant?”
“Not many people knew. She wasn’t very far along when she passed.”
“Oh my god. King!”
“Liv give him a chance to process. I swear to god this is something he wants. I wouldn’t have let you walk into this blindly if I didn’t believe it in my gut.”
I moan. “What if he doesn’t?”
“I told you, babe, this baby is going to be loved. He or she might have one dad or four, but it will be loved.”
I’m the one sobbing now. He hugs me close.
“It’s going to work out, Liv. I promise.”
But what if it doesn’t?
Saint
As soon as I step outside, I know I should turn my ass around and go back to see if Liv is okay.
But I can’t.
Because right now all I see is Mary’s sweet face.
I’m all but running to the wooded area behind the clubhouse. My fist makes contact with the first tree that I see. Fuck!
“You better get this out of your system real fucking quick or I’m going to beat your ass.”
“Fuck off, Razor.”
“Dude. Our girl is pregnant. And you just ran off on her. How do you think that makes her feel?”
I look up to the night sky, willing my pain to go away so I can speak.
“I had to get out of there.”
Bash steps from the shadows. “Why?”
I’m surprised to see him out here, knowing how much pain he’s been in since the accident, but answer, “I—I just need a second to gather my fucking thoughts.”
Bash snorts. “Liv just told us her darkest secrets and, on top of that, had to tell us that she’s pregnant and you’re the one who needs a second?”
I’m trying real hard not to punch him right now.
Razor says, “I have to agree with him, Saint. We should be in there, telling her it’s going to be okay.”
“We don’t know that it will!” I snap back. “I can’t go in there because I know firsthand that we have no control over when it’s someone’s time to fucking die.”
Both look stunned, but I can’t take the words back.
“Her father is out there, waiting to strike and you want me to go back in there and lie to her? Fuck both of you.”
And if it’s not her father that hurts her it’s a million other things that I can’t protect her from. I’ve fucking failed one woman that I’ve loved. Hell, I’ve technically already failed Liv, too. So how in the fuck am I supposed to go back to her?
Razor says, “You’re right – her father is out there. But we’re here. All of us. Hawk is on his way. Our brothers are here. I’m certain more will come if we put out the call. Saint, it’s time to shit or get off the pot. We’re stronger together. So, let’s do what we do best and find this motherfucker.”
“And fucking make him pay,” Bash adds.
“You both act like it’s going to be easy. What in the hell do you think I’ve been trying to do while you’ve been gone? The man is a fucking phantom. No one even knows his real name, and that’s coming from Agent Hill.”
Razor says, “We know you’ve been trying to find him. But what I’m saying is we’re stronger together. Shit, man. That’s why Bash came back. Even in his fucked up state of mind he knows it, too.”
Bash glares. “Thanks.”
“Just calling it like it is. I think this is the most you’ve said to me in weeks without trying to punch me or hurt yourself.”
“I’m not proud of the way I’ve acted. I’m not going to apologize for it, either. What I am going to do is fucking help find Olivia’s piece of shit father and fucking murder him. But not before I torture him. He’s going to see why they call me Bash and what it means to give an eye for an eye.”
I know I should talk him down, but he’s right. If we get our hands on Liv’s father, he’s going to pay tenfold before he dies.
“So, we’re in agreement that this is going to be done our way?”
That means going back on the promise I made with Agent Hill about starting over. If we do this, there’s no going back.
Razor says, “Fuck yeah.”
Bash nods.
“Okay. I’ll make some calls.”
I start to walk away when Razor slaps his hand on my shoulder.
“The calls can wait. You’re going to be a dad, Saint. Go to Liv and let her know how fucking happy you are. Even if you have to fake it.”
I swallow. “I need time.”
“Fuck you, Saint.”
“It’s not like that. I… Mary was pregnant when she died.”
Both men still, and Bash curses under his breath.
“Why didn’t you tell us?”
“You know how Mary was. She wanted it to be our little secret before it became club business.”
And then she was gone and there wasn’t a fucking thing I could do about it. I lost three things that day – my wife, my unborn child, and my fucking heart.
Razor asks, “Have you told Liv about her?”
“A little, when I took her to my house.”
“Dude, she just told us her secrets. I think you can do the same for her.”
I know he’s right, but I can’t do it. Not while there’s still a threat out there, waiting to get her. If I open up to her now, I’ll be weak. Goddamn it. I can’t afford to be weak right now.
Straightening my shoulders, I say, “I’ll tell her, but not now.” When Razor s
tarts to say something, I cut him off. “I’m the Prez, Razor. And, as your Prez, I’m saying this is more important. Gather the others. We’ve got some calls to make.”
I deserve the looks I’m getting from both of them. Hell, I’m pretty pissed at myself, too, but I have to keep going. Otherwise Liv and our baby will end up dead.
Two hours later, the calls have been made. I sit back at my desk as King walks in.
“Well?”
“Our brothers are coming in as we speak. We need to call Church. Let our boys know what’s happening.”
“Any of the other clubs going to help?”
“The Inferno Bastards have already agreed. Still waiting to hear back from the others.”
“Good.”
“How’s Liv?”
“She’s resting. How are you?”
“I’m…dealing.”
“I gathered as much. Are you going to go to her?”
“King-”
“Motherfucking hell. Are you serious right now?” He lets out a bitter laugh. “Guess Bash wasn’t kidding when he said you’d lost your balls.”
“Fuck you.”
“No, fuck you. She’s scared, you asshole. She knows better than anyone what will happen if her father gets her, but she still found the courage to tell us everything.”
I stand. “I don’t need this.”
“No, you need your ass handed to you.”
“Get the others, King. Church starts in an hour.”
I shove past him as I leave, knowing he’s right. I’m a fucking coward.
25
Olivia
The bed dips around three in the morning. I haven’t been able to sleep since Saint ran off, so I roll over to find Bash next to me.
“Hey.”
“I hope it’s okay that I’m in here.”
“Of course.”
I move closer, letting him wrap his arms around me.
“We had Church tonight.”
“I wondered when I heard all the bikes.”
“Saint’s gathering the brothers. We’re getting ready for war.”
“Against my father?”
He nods.
“Good.” I pause. “Saint’s not going to come to me, is he?”
“No.”
My eyes sting, but I refuse to cry.
“I love you, Liv.”
“I love you, too, Bash.”
“No. I don’t want you to love Bash. I want you to love Sebastian.”
“Aren’t they the same person?”
“I used to think so.” He shakes his head. “Bash is fucked up, Liv. He’s a bad person. Sebastian is good and the type of man you deserve.”
I run my fingers through his hair. “Bash, I love you. All of you. The good and the bad. I’ll call you Sebastian if you want, but know that I do love Bash, too.”
His eyes water. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Sure you do. Remember, we’re cut from the same cloth and have to stick together.”
His lips brush against mine as his eyes flutter shut. I vow right then and there to do everything in my power to make sure he knows how much I love him every day.
Saint
I close the door softly as Liv whispers that she loves Bash. I’m exhausted, but sleep won’t come to me tonight.
Liv is pregnant.
I’m going to be a father.
But all I see right now is Mary’s face.
Fuck.
Pulling my phone from my pocket, I shoot Razor a text.
Me: You up?
Razor: Yeah.
Me: Where are you?
Razor: Drinking with our brothers in the bar.
Me: I’m on my way.
Razor is sitting at a table surrounded by our brothers. There are empty bottles everywhere, and laugher and smoke fills the air. I realize it’s been a long time since I enjoyed a drink with the boys. They cheer as I pull up a seat next to Razor.
Someone pushes a shot toward me, and I take it, letting the alcohol burn away my sorrows.
“To the Devil’s Regents!” someone calls out.
We all lift our glasses and drink.
“To our fallen brothers.”
Another shot.
“To the women we love, who are far better than we’ll ever be,” Razor calls out, looking me straight in the eyes.
Fucker.
But I take a drink.
Our brothers are ready for a fight. They know better than anyone what it takes to protect the club and those connected to it, like our women.
Someone taps my shoulder. “When’s your old lady going to get branded?”
“Soon,” I answer, though I haven’t even thought about it since Liv first came to the club.
It makes sense, though. Once she has our brand, no one will fuck with her unless they have a death wish. Plus, the idea of seeing her with my mark turns me on.
Razor clears his throat. “She’ll get branded when this is over, if she wants. We still haven’t proven that we can protect her.”
My jaw clenches, but he’s right.
He gets my attention. “A word?”
I follow him outside.
“Saint, what in the hell are y-”
“You told me you had it. That you pulled it from the fire. Where is it?”
His confusion is clear, but he answers, “Come on.”
He takes me to one of the storage sheds that sits behind the compound. Unlocking it, he steps aside so I can enter. It’s there, in the middle of the floor. The wood is burned from the fire, but he was right – it can be salvaged. I run my hand over one of the handles.
I swear I can feel Mary there with me as I look the chair over.
“I built this for her. For Mary,” I say. “For her to hold our baby in.”
She looked like a fucking queen when she sat in the chair, rocking back and forth.
“She said it was too much. It wasn’t nearly enough.”
Even though we had no idea what we were going to have, she was going to plan the nursery decorations around it. If it was a boy, she wanted me to carve little wooden animals. If it was a girl, she wanted me to build a dollhouse. And I would have done it, too.
“Razor, if something happens to me, I need you to make sure that Liv and this baby are taken care of.”
“Saint, nothing is going to happen to you,” King says from the doorway.
Razor agrees, “We’re all going to get through this.”
But my gut says otherwise.
“I want to fix it. For Liv.”
“Now?”
“Now.”
Because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.
Razor and King help me move the chair to the shop, where we have all the tools we need. We get to work, and I try to shove away the bad feeling that’s settled deep in my chest. It’s going to be alright. It has to be.
26
The little bitch screams as I walk away from her. Poor entitled rich girl. She had no idea that monsters like me existed. Guess my Livi didn’t tell her about me, either. Oh, don’t worry—I’m going to punish Livi for that. I mean, without me, she wouldn’t be where is now, riding high next to the President of the Devil’s Regents.
My right-hand man comes to my side, handing me a rag to wipe the blood away. I’ll give the bitch this much—she still fights me, after everything I’ve done to her, but everyone has their breaking points.
“Can I have a turn?”
If I didn’t know any better, I’d say the dumb fuck likes the girl.
“Did you find Ramone?”
His face flushes. “He was picked up by the cops after we ran the prick off the road.”
A minor inconvenience. I’ll just kill him when he gets out. In fact, there are about a dozen of men here who will be dead before this is over. If not by my hand then by their own ignorance.
“Go to the girl.”
He grins and trots to the room. He doesn’t even realize I’m following, syringe in hand. I shove it into his neck as he rea
ches for his belt.
I don’t put up with my men falling for the bitches. They’re so dumb that they don’t know they’re being tricked. One plea here. A sad look there. Before you know it, the bitches are asking for help to escape and the dumb shits actually consider it. And my business doesn’t allow for loose ends.
He screams as he falls to the ground. I walk away, knowing he’ll be dead in minutes. If the bitch is wise, she’ll take this as a warning.
I call out to my men, “We move tomorrow. Make sure it goes off without a hitch.”
I’m tired of waiting to see my little girl. Imagine my surprise to find out that not only was she alive, she was close to where she grew up. And she was working with the FBI and the fucking Devil’s Regents. I snort. Fate has one sense of humor, but I’ll get the last laugh.
Like I said, no loose ends. No matter what.
27
Olivia
I wake up feeling…off. It’s not because I still haven’t seen Saint. It’s not because today is the funeral for Sissy and Claws. It’s not even because of the baby.
Bash rolls over. “What’s wrong?”
“I…I’m not sure. I just have a bad feeling, you know?”
He nods. “Yeah.”
“I’m just being paranoid, right?”
“I say always trust your gut.”
Well, shit.
“I’m not sure I should go to the funeral, then. I know that’s going to make me look bad to everyone, but-”
“No buts, Liv. You have a bad feeling. You’re not going. End of story. And don’t you dare apologize for it.”
I smile. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” He stands. “I’ll let the others know you’re not going.”
“Thank you.”
I get up after he’s gone, needing to move. I’m just being crazy, I tell myself. It’s nothing. Right?