Yeah, that was impressively done. Who would be so monstrous as to demand to see a picture of a grieving widow’s deceased husband? I murmured some sympathies and then turned to William to play with him. But the silence between Amelia and Darcy seemed strange, and it was impossible not to hear it.
What were they were both thinking? Was it possible that this was Darcy’s child? Was that why he was so upset when she ran away to marry another? Did he know she carried his child? And why did she marry someone else if she was pregnant with Darcy’s son? Would Darcy have a child out of wedlock, especially with a woman of his class? It did not line up with anything I knew of him, but I had the evidence before my eyes. The child’s features were painfully familiar and given his height, I suspected he was older than his mother claimed. This was not the son of a deceased Frenchman. His father was both alive and much closer than Amelia wanted us to realise.
However, this was not this little boy’s fault. He was innocent in all this, and he was irresistibly charming. Though he was quiet with Darcy, he smiled and laughed with me and joined all the silly little games I devised for us. If he was Darcy’s son, he had not inherited his father’s stiffness and reserve. He was all charm and smiles.
Amelia and Darcy did not speak to one another for the rest of our visit. Once we had stayed as long as possible, I rose and brushed my skirts down. William jumped up with me.
“I am afraid we must leave, my love,” I said. Darcy rose at once as if he had come out of a daze.
“Oh, yes, of course. Forgive us, Amelia. It appears we have overstayed our welcome. Your son is a splendid little fellow.”
“Thank you, Fitzwilliam. I hope you are proud to be his namesake.”
I stared at her in shock, startled by her brazenness. Surely she would not have an illegitimate child with her neighbour and then name the child after him after passing the child as another man’s and refer to it so boldly? Darcy also seemed struck by the same idea as he stared at her again.
“We shall see. Thank you for having us.”
She followed us to the door. Her whole manner seems nervous and on edge.
“And, when do you leave for Derbyshire? I am sure Mrs Darcy is all eagerness to see Pemberley. I should love to see it again.”
Darcy did not respond to the hint.
“We shall leave before the week is out.”
“Oh,” she said. “Well, I hope I shall see you again before you leave.”
Darcy regarded her gravely, but he did not agree or disagree. He merely inclined his head and then opened the door to gesture for me to walk through.
23
The carriage man bowed to us, but with a quick word to him, Darcy requested that he drive on ahead to Grosvenor Square and that we should walk behind. It was a bright and frosty December day, and though it was cold, it was not unpleasant. I had my furs, and my muff and I welcomed the chance to walk. The only thing that would have made it ideal was if I walked alone and did not have to deal with the silence of the perplexing man beside me.
“I had thought you might like a walk through the park,” said Darcy. “I am sure it has been a long time since you have walked in nature, and though the park does not answer, it may offer you some relief.”
I agreed it would be welcome, and giving the appearance that we were a happily married couple, we walked through the park as Darcy, and I nodded and exchanged greetings with the wealthy of London society.
Frequently, we were stopped so people could congratulate us on our marriage, and so they can stare at me in curiosity and get their fill of questions. How had the powerful Mr Darcy of Pemberley found himself married to a country miss with little to her name? All of London wished to know the answer to this question so they could decide whether it was romantic or foolish of Darcy to throw himself away like as he had done.
For all Darcy was still troubled, he played the part of the devoted husband to perfection. He kept me close to him and looked down at me as if he had eyes for none but me. He held my hand as he introduced me to London’s high society though I noticed no other husband did so with their wives. I was not the only woman who noticed it. Quite a few of the ladies looked pointedly at our joined hands and then at their husbands. Whether their husbands noticed, I could not say.
“You know many people,” I remarked as we walked away from a group of sisters who tittered after us. “I am surprised.”
“Why should you be surprised?” Darcy looked down at me. “Do you suppose me a hermit?”
I smiled. “Come, sir. You spoke to no one in Meryton if you could avoid it. But I suppose it is a different society here. Perhaps they are more to your liking.”
Darcy declined to respond so I took that as a yes. Farmers and merchants were clearly not good enough to be worthy of the notice of Mr Darcy of Pemberley.
“I am surprised Mr Bingley has not been to see us since we married,” I noted when I saw he was not about to respond. “I expected him to be one of the first to visit.”
“I am sure he has much to occupy him.” Darcy’s tone was so flat I suspected he had also noticed Bingley’s absence.
“Have you asked him to call to the house? I should like to see him.”
“Bingley knows where I live and that I am home. If he wishes to visit, he can do so without me needing to ask him explicitly.”
I hesitated and decided to ask the question that had been on my mind since the day after the ball.
“I wonder he left Hertfordshire so suddenly? I thought he planned to remain there all winter.”
“Bingley is content to be wherever he is. It is an admirable trait but it can make him unreliable. He meant it when he said he would stay in Hertfordshire but when he visited London and found himself just as content there, it did not take much for him to decide to remain.”
I made a face. “A man like that would be rather trying. One could never depend on him to do what he said he would. I am sure he leaves many people disappointed.”
Darcy hesitated. “Are you thinking of someone in particular?”
“I confess, I am. I will not name her, but I worry her disappointment has been worsened by another tragedy. She has a sweet, gentle heart yet she does not form attachments easily and as a consequence, she does not recover from them easily. I fear she will be hurt by this for some time.” I shrugged. “But perhaps it is better for her.”
Darcy stared down at me.
“And are you so sure the lady really felt as you say? Was her heart really touched?”
“Deeply. It pains me to see it. I regret being away from her when she needs me. She, at least, knows what it is to love.”
Darcy continued walking but he looked displeased. Perhaps he knew Bingley had no regard for Jane but could not think how to say it. Yet I had thought there was no mistaking Bingley’s attachment. Anyone might see it. I did not think I would ever understand men.
Darcy was silent for the remainder of our walk. I did not know exactly what was upsetting him but I was not about to form the habit of chasing after him and pleading with him to tell me what was on his mind. He was a grown man. If he wished me to know, it was his job to tell me.
And so, when we returned to the house, I again retired early, not wishing to spend a night sitting across from a silent husband. Darcy looked displeased.
“Do you have a headache, or do you find my company so tiring already?” he asked.
I stared at him with trepidation. “I am sorry?” Had he hoped I would finally invite him to my bed? If he thought so, he was mistaken.
Darcy shook his head. He waved his hand at me as if to tell me to do what I pleased. I was not in my room many minutes before I heard the door open and he disappeared into the night to do whatever it was gentlemen did when they were angry and offended. I was not sure if I really wanted to know what that was. I only hoped wherever his disappointment took him, it was not to Conduit Street.
24
Word has spread around London about our marriage. I had hoped for more time before
receiving invitations to people’s homes, but the first card came two days after our visit to Amelia’s. Darcy showed it to me when he joined me for breakfast. It had been strained between us since he had left the house, no doubt to drink all night, and apart from a few polite words to one another, we had spoken as little as possible. I had expected another silent breakfast, so I was surprised when my husband addressed me.
“I think you have not seen this,” he said, waving the card towards me. I glanced at the stiff paper and shrugged.
“Is it for me? I wonder you do not see that I received it instead of opening it yourself.”
Darcy closed his eyes briefly as he if was taking some trouble to master himself.
“I opened it because it is addressed to both of us. Mr and Mrs Darcy.”
His tone was heavy with sarcasm, but I could not blame him for it. Blushing slightly, I nodded.
“And what does it say?”
“My aunt and uncle wish to meet you. They have invited us to a ball at their home.”
I stared down at my plate and did not know how to respond. I do not feel ready to meet Darcy’s family yet. Surely, they would look at us and know right away that all was not well between us. I do not relish the thought of being the gossip of London, within a few days of our marriage. Still, it was not as though I could decline. Sooner or later, I would have to meet Darcy’s relatives. And it had better be sooner or the gossips - by which I meant, Miss Bingley - would gleefully report that my husband’s family had rejected me.
“Very well,” I said. I raised my teacup to my lips to hide my apprehension. “I look forward to meeting them. Who are your aunt and uncle?”
“My mother’s brother and his wife. When I wrote to inform them of our marriage, they mentioned a ball they were giving in their home as an opportunity to meet you. I think you would like them. There are pleasant people.”
“Ah, yes. Your uncle, the Earl of Matlock.” I could not resist smiling as I recalled what I had heard of him.
Darcy raised his eyebrows. “Ah, you have heard my uncle? Well, I did not know why I am surprised. A small town like Meryton must be full of gossip.”
I sighed. “I did not hear it through the gossip of the neighbourhood. It was from my cousin, Mr Collins. He boasted of you and Lady Catherine De Bourgh’s relationship. That her brother is an earl came up once. Or twice.” I smiled at my husband. “Or many, many times.”
Darcy returned my smile. I was surprised at the rush of relief that ran through me. The tension of the previous few days have been worrying, and if anything at all could relieve it, I would take it with both hands.
“Ah, yes. I should have known. Your cousin was very, very impressed with my uncle’s station.”
“My cousin is very, very impressed by many things. Most of all, himself.”
Darcy glanced down at the card in front of him and played it between his fingers. I could tell he was thinking something, and I waited to hear what he would say.
“May I ask… I hope I am not indelicate… but I wondered how you feel, now you have rejected your cousin. Is there a part of you that wishes you had married him instead?”
I was so astonished by the question I did not know where direct my eyes. How could I answer?
“I have no regrets that I am not Mrs Collins,” I said, carefully. Darcy looked at me, and there was a certain vulnerability in his eyes I had never seen there before. Did he wish me to tell him I was glad I married him instead? No, he was too honest for that. He could not believe the tension of the last few days would make me rejoice in this marriage. So I did not respond. Instead, I glanced down at my plate and changed the subject.
“And what kind of people are your aunt and uncle? Do you have cousins?”
Darcy cleared his throat, and there was a brief stab of disappointment in his eyes, but he seemed to recover quickly.
“Yes, I have three cousins. My oldest cousin John, the second son Richard who is my particular friend, and I think you would like very much. And then, my younger cousin Maria. She is close to Georgiana’s age.”
“Oh, yes, Georgiana. I wondered when I should meet her.”
Darcy hesitated before taking a sip of his coffee. “I had hoped to bring her home to meet you by now. But…”
I understood what he meant at once. He could not bring Georgiana into this house, not when he and I were not on speaking terms with one another. I thought with a flash of shame of my part in allowing the silence to linger for so long. We were both adults and married to one another. We would need to find some way to live in harmony even if we could never quite like with another.
“Well, I’m sure if you were to bring her home now, I would be pleased to meet her.” I raised my eyes to meet his. He regarded me gravely, and though he nodded and his expression was as stern as always, I thought there was a pleased glint in his eye.
“I am anxious for you to know one another. I hope you will be friends.”
“I am sure we will be,” I said, with little conviction. Wickham had told me many stories about Miss Georgiana Darcy, not least of which she was as proud as her brother and very reserved. I was not sure how well I should like such a girl, but she was my sister now. I would have to try at least to be friends with her as best I could. We could be cordial, if not close. It was not as if I liked all my younger sisters.
“When shall you ask her to join us?”
“I might ask her to come today if it is agreeable to you? I can send her a note after breakfast.”
So soon as that? I shrugged as if it were of little matter to me. “If you like.”
“And in the meantime, I shall send a response to my aunt and uncle. I am afraid the ball is not in our honour, as my aunt has planned this for some time. It is to welcome my cousin Richard home from the war. But I know they will wish to honour you when they have the chance.”
I smiled, but in truth, I was somewhat nervous about meeting Darcy’s family. While I was sure I could hold my own with any of them, it was not pleasant to think I had relatives who might think less of me, and who might make matters unpleasant. If Darcy and I loved one another, I would have such resources at my disposal as to make me willing to endure any opinion of his family, no matter how bad. But not even having my husband on my side would make the matter so much worse. Nonetheless, there was no point in being missish.
“And when does the ball take place?”
“Tomorrow evening.”
I put my cup down and stared at Darcy aghast. “As soon with that? That does not leave me much time. You must have known they were planning on having a ball sooner. Why did you not tell me all this?”
Darcy looked a little surprised by my distress.
“I confess, I did not think of it. I have much on my mind over the past few weeks as I think you know, and my aunt’s ball went out of my head. If I had recalled it, I would have told you about it at once. What is the matter?”
I shook my head at his obliviousness. “Sir, I have nothing to wear that would suit. And how shall I have time to have it made before tomorrow evening? All I have are my finest clothes which will not suit an earl’s house. You should have told me sooner. And you should have made it your business to remember.”
Darcy raised an eyebrow but did not look offended by my stream of information.
“Ah, is that all?”
“Is that all, you say? I am a bride. Though this ball is not in my honour, people will look to me to see how I am dressed. I will make a fool of myself in my country fashions.”
“Yes, I am aware of that. Fortunately, it is a problem that we can easily remedy. I can take you to Bond Street today, and you can choose what you wish to wear. We will take it to Georgiana’s mantua maker. She can make a gown up in a short space of time, and I will pay her generously to make your gown a priority.” He paused. “I also have some jewellery of my mother’s that I have meant to give you and now is good as time as any. I am sure you should find something there that will suit you. There, does that answer
your concerns?”
I sighed as relief rushed through me.
“Yes. Thank you. I’m sorry for being so concerned but is easy for you. People will not stare at you the way they will notice me.”
To my surprise, Darcy reached across and covered my hands with his, though there were no servants present to witness it.
“If people stare at you, Elizabeth, it will be because you are showing up every other lady at the ball.”
I laughed a little to hide my embarrassment. “Flattery, sir? I do not think you were capable of such a thing.”
“I am capable of many things, things you do not know about yet. But it is not flattery. I am completely sincere. I cannot imagine there will be any lady there who can be compared with you.”
25
I felt a flutter of pleasure at his words, but I could not quite bring myself to believe them. He was merely looking for a way to ease the tension between us. But I could not deny I appreciated it.
“As to how others will look at us…” I looked up at my husband and saw his eyes fixed on me with intensity. “They will stare… They will expect to see a happy couple who are in love with one another. How shall… I mean… Shall we convince them?”
Darcy still kept his hand on mine, and I was aware of how warm and comforting it felt. His hand caressed mine, though I was sure he did it without realising. I had no desire to pull my hands away. I need comfort after the distress of the previous days.
“As I told you on our first evening here, we shall do all we can to convince others we were normal, happily married couple. You can act, can you not? We have performed before the servants and our visitors.”
I laughed. “My sisters and I sometimes put on plays at home to amuse our parents. Does that shock you?”
Darcy smiled. “I am shocked. Shocked, grieved, and scandalised. I did not know I had married an actress.”
“Oh, yes. You should have known of this before you married me. That is the problem with rushing into an engagement as we have done.” I glanced at him from under my lashes. “But I suppose we were so desirous of one another we could not resist.”
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