Chasing The Bodyguard: An Irish Mob Action Adventure Road Trip Romance

by Grace Risata

  “Is this one of those rhetorical questions?” I asked in amusement. Certainly he was overreacting just a little bit. “Are we supposed to answer you or give you suggestions? Because I have a few actually.”

  Chrissie let out a little gasp behind me. I think that either means she doesn’t approve of the way I talk to her brother, or she has no recommendations on how Sam can fix his life.

  “Do I look like I’m in the mood right now, Leandra?” he asked, stone faced.

  “If you’d like me to coddle you, that’s not going to happen. No one is dead, the sun is shining, and today is the first day of the rest of your life. If you want help, ask for it. Otherwise, take a deep breath and own your shit.”

  That’s actually advice that my father told us more times than I can count when we were growing up. Most problems had solutions. You just had to stop and think about it. Panicking and second-guessing yourself got you nowhere.

  He raised an eyebrow, shook his head, and stormed off toward the barn.

  “Was I too harsh?” I asked Chrissie, turning around and requesting her opinion. On one hand, it hurt that he obviously considered our bedtime activities one of his regrets from yesterday. On the other hand, Sam probably got enough flack from his parents and didn’t need me adding to his stress.

  “Maybe,” she said. “Yeah, probably.”

  “You could have spoken up too, you know.”

  “I can’t give him any advice. I’m in the same boat as Sam. Either do what our parents want or suffer the consequences.”

  That’s horrible. My dad might take part in slightly illegal business practices, but at least he gave his children every opportunity in the world and supported us no matter what. How my heart broke for Sam and Chrissie.

  “Sweetheart, I’m going to need your full attention,” I demanded, taking both her hands and staring directly at the girl. “This is serious, okay?”

  Her eyes widened and she nodded, captivated by this sudden turn of events.

  “I am a very strong woman and have the means to take care of myself. If at any time this life becomes too much for you and despair takes over, I want you to know that you have options. I am only a phone call away. You know that, right? All you have to do is dial my number, and I promise to God that I will come and get you. Do you hear me?”

  “Yes. You’ll come and get me,” she repeated firmly.

  “If you feel like there’s no way out and you’re drowning, stuck in Kansas with no future and no hope, under your parent’s thumb with no freedom to make choices about your own life, you call me. I will hop on the first plane out of New York, come straight to this house, and pack up your shit. You’ll come home with me and we’ll make sure you have a bright future. Is that perfectly clear?”

  “That’s very nice of you to offer. You don’t have to do that,” she mumbled shyly.

  “It’s not an offer, honey. It’s a promise. I know you’ve only met me a few days ago and probably think I’m fucking crazy, but I take care of the important people in my life. You’re one of those.”

  Under normal circumstances, I would have told her she’s part of the family and offered my protection, but she wouldn’t understand what that meant and I was in no position to fully explain it.

  Chrissie threw her arms around me in a warm embrace and nearly squeezed the life out of me.

  “You’re the sister I always wanted, Lee. I couldn’t have picked a better wife for my brother if I made her myself. You know, like Frankenstein.”

  “If you two are done fawning all over each other,” Sam said, rudely interrupting our bonding moment, “then maybe we can get the hell out of here.”

  “Where are you guys going?” Chrissie asked, no doubt feeling bad about being left behind.

  “Where are we going?” Sam repeated, implying that she was joining us. “This is a day of leisure. There’s no bitching, no moaning, no living in the past. We’re going to the lake.”

  He held up a small tackle box and fishing pole as if to prove that was really the destination.

  Chrissie let out a joyous whoop of excitement and screamed, “Just give me five minutes to grab a towel and my bathing suit. I’ll be ready in no time at all!”

  She took off for the house, leaving Sam and I alone.

  “I don’t want you going back inside, Leandra,” he demanded firmly. “I didn’t leave them on good terms and I won’t have them attack you out of anger towards me.”

  “Your mom already had a go at me yesterday and I came out unscathed. You know me, Sam. I can handle myself. Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “No. I’m not. But you can make things easier on me if you just let today play out and not bring up anything else that happened last night.”

  I knew exactly what he was getting at. It was too raw, too soon, with too much else going on in his life. There was a time to fight and a time to back down. Thankfully, I knew which was which.

  “I only have one question,” I responded, much to his dismay.

  “Fair enough.”

  “If I’m not allowed to go in the house, what am I going to use for a bathing suit?”

  I currently wore itty bitty jean shorts and a white t-shirt.

  “Those are actually smaller than some swim suit bottoms, so I think you’ll be fine,” he insisted, cracking the barest hint of a smile. I’m sure he was relieved I didn’t ask a more personal question.

  “Did you eat breakfast? I had a banana. For some reason I’ve had a desire to put long, thick tasty snacks in my mouth.”

  He closed his eyes, sighed, and said, “You just told me you had one question. That’s actually question two. Shut the fuck up and go get in the car.”

  I turned, blew him a kiss, and ran away so he could stare at my ass. You’d think the guy would appreciate having someone in his life that could turn his mood from sour to sweet. I’m amazing!

  Chrissie soon burst out of the house and jogged to her SUV. Once we were piled inside with her bag full of junk, Sam’s fishing stuff, and my complete and utter lack of any supplies, it was time to go.

  “Tell me about this lake,” I prompted Chrissie, attempting to give her some attention. I didn’t ever want her to feel like a third wheel on our adventures.

  “The lake is actually Piper’s Pond. It’s a small place where people go to fish, lay out and tan, and have bonfires on summer nights. Depending on what day and time you go, it will either be totally crowded or you’ll have it all to yourself. Sam took me there when we were younger and I caught my first fish under his watchful eye.”

  “Aw, I bet you made him throw it back, huh?”

  “No, he showed me how to clean it and we ate catfish for lunch.”

  Heartless!

  We drove the rest of the way with Chrissie talking nonstop about all the times that Sam took her to the lake. One story even involved their brother. Both siblings had a smile on their face as they remembered the incident. Oddly enough, no mention was made of their parents when recalling any happy memories from the past.

  “Would you like to hear one of my fond childhood experiences?” I asked, having the perfect story in mind that would send them both into hysterics.

  Chrissie shouted encouragement from the backseat, while Sam instantly shook his head. Did he honestly think I would tell her about mob drama? Pfft.

  “Okay. Two votes to one! The ladies win,” I confirmed. “My story is from the time when I was about twelve years old and my brother Ian was only six. My dad had this great idea to take us to a carnival. There was a tilt-a-whirl, carousel, and that really tall thing with the cars that go up high and then come back down.”

  “The Ferris wheel?” Sam offered.

  “Yeah, that one! Anyway, I teased Ian ruthlessly and warned him that he was too little to go on anything fun. I wanted all of our ride tickets for myself and had no intention of sharing them. My plan was to take turns riding everything with my mom and dad while he just watched.”

  “You’re so mean!” Chrissie shrieked,
hanging on my every word. “Did you get in trouble?”

  “No. Just listen to the story,” I demanded, getting to the good part. “Ian was very brave and insisted he wanted to go on the Ferris wheel with me and my dad. The cars weren’t big enough to fit two adults and two kids, so my mom had to stay behind and watch us. Any guesses as to what happened?”

  “Ian cried the whole time and ruined everything?” Chrissie suggested.

  I turned to Sam, but he stayed silent. I nudged him in the arm and make a face so he would know that answering was mandatory.

  “You got pissed, opened the door, and shoved Ian outside? He landed in a heap and broke his leg?” Sam offered with a smile, as though happily picturing my brother injured.

  “No, jackass! Ian loved being up so high, I had an excellent time looking down at the whole place, and my dad…well…he didn’t do so good. As it turns out, the man is deathly afraid of heights but refused to admit any weakness to his children. Once we got to the very top of the ride, my dad barfed all over my brother and Ian screamed bloody murder the whole way down. I’ve never heard such anguished cries of horror in my entire life. It still haunts me to this day.”

  Sam and Chrissie both laughed loudly while imagining the crazy scene. It was pretty epic at the time. I don’t know what was more fun, teasing my dad about throwing up or making Ian cry every time I mentioned the incident.

  We finally arrived at the lake to find it somewhat empty. There were about four vehicles in the gravel parking lot, so we had our pick of the choice spots. Chrissie grabbed her bag, I carried the sub sandwiches we’d stopped and ordered on the way here, and Sam hauled his fishing gear.

  Choosing a nice secluded area with no people nearby, Chrissie spread out a blanket and we finally got a chance to relax.

  “This is nice,” I admitted, stripping off my tank top to sun myself in only a blue bra and my shorts. “Let’s try to go a whole afternoon with no drama.”

  “What kind of drama?” she asked in confusion, sitting on the blanket in her t-shirt and shorts.

  “Like Betty Jo showing up and asking for a ride somewhere, Todd jumping out of the lake and trying to punch Sam, or a huge eagle swooping down and taking a shit on my lunch. You know, the usual kind of crap that seems to happen on a daily basis around this place.”

  “The odds are more likely of an eagle swooping down and trying to grab one of the fish I catch, rather than shitting on you,” Sam explained with a chuckle. He stood a few feet away from our blanket and cast his pole into the lake.

  Who cares? I had everyone laughing, the sun shined on my face, and all was temporarily right with the world.

  Except for Chrissie.

  “Are we going swimming later?” I asked.

  “I don’t know. Do you want to?”

  “What I want is for you to take off your t-shirt and shorts, and let the world see your pretty bathing suit. Quit being so fucking shy.”

  “I don’t look like you do. I would never be on display in just my bra.”

  Propping myself on my elbows and gazing down at my tits, I really had no idea why she was fussing.

  “This is a dark bra and looks like it could double as a bikini top. I’m not exposing nipples to the general public. Take off your shirt and let me see what we’re working with.”

  She grunted in unhappiness, but took off her t-shirt and shorts anyway. The girl looked absolutely normal in a classy one piece black and white polka dot bathing suit. Did she still have some baby fat? Yes. Was it anything to be ashamed of? Hell no.

  “Beautiful,” I said firmly. “Now slather on some SPF so you don’t burn, lay back, and soak up the sun.”

  Chrissie did as she was told, but protested the entire time.

  “I don’t look like you,” she repeated.

  “I understand that. People are like snowflakes. No two are alike. Unless they’re twins. That would be fucking weird. The world couldn’t handle two of me.”

  “You can say that again!” Sam commented loudly, butting in to our conversation.

  “Can I ask…” Chrissie began hesitantly, “Do you just have good genes?”

  “Fuck no,” I blurted. “Do you know how much time and money this costs to maintain? Expensive hair products, skin products, face products, make-up, hair removal treatments, tanning sessions, exercise, pilates, yoga, plastic surgery---”

  “What? You’ve had plastic surgery?”

  “I’m thirty-four. It’s all downhill after twenty-five. Enjoy your youth while it lasts.”

  “What did you have done?” she whispered conspiratorially. “Am I allowed to ask that? If it’s rude, you don’t have to answer.”

  “I’ve told you a thousand times that you can ask me whatever you want. I had Botox in my lips and forehead. I’ve also had a nose job.”

  “Really?” Sam asked, dumbfounded. “I didn’t know that. You look so natural.”

  “You’re her husband,” Chrissie chastised. “If anyone knows this stuff, it should be you.”

  “I only had the Botox one time because my friend Angie begged me to go along with her. It wears off after awhile. My face looked strange and I hated it. Been there, done that, not going back.”

  “Good. You’re beautiful exactly how you are,” my bodyguard insisted, completely oblivious to the lines he keeps crossing. I loved every second of it.

  “I have another question,” Chrissie admitted.

  “Of course you do. I have one for you first. What’s your favorite movie?”

  There was one really important thing I wanted to ask her, but I needed to find the right time to do it so nothing would appear suspicious on my part.

  “The Notebook.”

  “I’ve never watched it,” I confessed. “Sometimes those romantic films are too cheesy for my taste. I like storylines that could be real.”

  “Like what?”

  “Batman.”

  “What? How is ‘Batman’ anything close to real?”

  “It could happen! It’s your turn. What was your question?”

  “I forgot. If you could go to any concert, what would you pick?”

  “Metallica,” I answered with a smile.

  “What?”

  “I like angry music to get me in a fighting mood. I listen to it while I box at the gym. If you could have any car, what would you choose?”

  “I don’t have any special dream car. I like my SUV. If it had some minor repairs, it would be perfectly fine. What about you?”

  “Midnight blue Porsche 911 GT2.”

  “I’m not sure what that is, but it sounds fancy.”

  I wasn’t about to inform her that it cost almost three hundred thousand dollars and it was currently sitting in my parking garage.

  “Sam, what’s your fantasy ride?” I asked, already knowing his answer.

  “Any car that’s already paid for, has my name on the title, and is not sitting at the bottom of Pelham Bay.”

  Not quite the reply I had in mind, but still amusing none the less.

  “I don’t understand what that means,” Chrissie remarked. “But I do remember my other question. Lee, what convinced you that Sam was ‘the one?’ How did you know he was your soul mate?”

  Fuck. I was in a very awkward position right now. Not wanting to cause me any embarrassment, or possibly afraid of how I might answer, Sam piped up.

  “That’s very personal and she doesn’t have to answer, Chrissie. Maybe it’s too private. Ask her something else and then this game is over.”

  “No,” I insisted. “She has the right to understand why I thought you would make an excellent husband. Let’s see…Sam is courageous, protective, honest, loyal, and responsible.”

  “Those are very general descriptive terms,” Chrissie sighed as though disappointed with my answer.

  “I didn’t know this was a test. You want me to go into more detail? Fine! I know Sam would rush blindly into a dangerous situation if he thought I was in any danger, and he would protect me with his life if the
circumstances called for it. I know Sam would be honest with me if I was acting in a way he didn’t approve of, and he would admit to any indiscretions and not hide them. For example if a pregnant blonde whore tried to put the moves on him, he would tell me and not leave anything unsaid between us. That also demonstrates his loyalty. When we’re together, I have no question in my mind that he puts me first and would never betray me. The way he uprooted his entire life to pay his parent’s debt shows how much responsibility he has.”

  Neither one of them said a word, so I kept going.

  “Never in my life has a man held my attention in the same way as your brother, Chrissie. The more I’m with him, the more I want to be with him. He’s my right hand, and I’d be utterly lost without him by my side. I won’t even discuss the many ways I find him attractive, because you guys are family and that would be creepy. Let’s just say he’s exactly my type.”

  “Too much information!” she proclaimed. “Thanks for stopping there, Lee! What about you, Sam? How did you know she was the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?”

  Yeah, Sam. We’re all waiting with bated breath for that. Why did you make me your fake wife?

  “When you know, you just know,” he replied with a shrug, as though commenting on whether he preferred chicken or beef for supper.

  Jackass.

  “You’re a dick,” I said.

  Our little question game was interrupted when a massive camper pulled into the parking lot and proceeded to drive around a tiny dirt road to a little cove of trees.

  “He can’t park there!” I stated, somehow taking on the role of Piper Pond Policeman. “He’ll mess up nature with his giant motorhome!”

  “No, they allow overnight camping here,” Chrissie explained. “We did it once for my birthday. Sam set up a huge tent when I was little and we stayed up late telling ghost stories. He makes the best s’mores in the world!”