a problem.
your solution was a
submissive woman
with legs crossed
and a quiet mouth.
then you all
met me.
being born a rebellion
changed the way they
looked at me. my holy
ghost was not on fire.
while the service
commenced, i sat back
and watched them drink
their grape juice and eat
their crackers. somehow,
the cleansing never took
place. for they slept with
one another’s spouses
after their holy communion.
what a time to be alive during all this sin.
my life was held like
christ on the cross.
they nailed my soul
and left me bleeding.
the extinction of my
very being. the robbers
of happiness. they
enjoyed every inch
of my crucifixion.
the three witches of the east.
they were the uninvited tropical
storms every time they walked
in through the doors.
masters of manipulation
to the weak while many
of us stood watching.
the stealer
the hunter
the needer
greed ate them alive.
nothing was ever enough.
stealing your partner.
hunting down anyone who
threatened their power.
needing to control
people to their will.
here they were,
sisters afterall.
evil running through
their dna.
and one by one
by one, everything
started diminishing.
one by one by one.
the stealer’s partner
divorced her.
the hunter’s power
was no more.
the needer’s spell of
control no longer worked.
what goes around,
comes around
and around and
around and around
and around.
danger danger
the storms are coming,
lock your windows
and all your doors.
hide your spouse
and feed strength
into your bones.
danger danger
the sisters are coming.
the lioness received
notice that the hunter
was looking for prey
while she gave the
hunter refuge in
her den.
the hunter thought
about all the ways to
entrap the lions
that laid their heads
to rest.
till one day the hunter
fell asleep while watching
the lions and the lions
left her there. for the
lioness made a trap
of her own home.
and on a beautiful
sunday morning
while the sun rose
and the birds chirped,
the hunter found
herself caged.
you sang in altars.
instead of singing
praises to your king,
you sang a cursed
spelled song to lure
everyone into your
lusting greed of
money fed hunger.
- the seven deadly sins have nothing on you
t.w. : rape
we were playing a game,
running after one another
in the long hallway that
led straight into my room.
all of a sudden you bump
into me and i’m on my bed.
you’re on top covering my
mouth with one hand.
stealing my innocence
the
monster
got
me
i looked at aladdin and
jasmine painted on the
wall, wishing for the genie
to save me from all this
r i p p i n g .
the
wish
never
came
true
you;
the only trace of
f a m i l y
in this whole city
if blood is thicker
than water, then
why am i bleeding
so easily into
the river?
you live this happy life with
your happy wife in your white
picket fenced home and
sometimes i ask myself: does your
daughter know that her daddy is
a monster who crawls in-between
the legs of little girls? and still scares
the shit out of them even as they
grow old in age? is your son better
than the man you are? i hope rapist
doesn’t flow through those genes.
while you walk this solid
straight path of life
i am still in search of
the remains of a
s h a t t e r e d
little girl who’s still
silently screaming
why me?
why me?
why me?
you
told me to not say
anything. when they ask
do
you have family
here. i say i do
not
have cousins in
new york, they all
exist
in puerto rico.
i cannot fathom dating a man
with your same name. i cannot
for one goddamn second think
of your rapist laced body in
the version of another man.
- freezing at the sound of your name
you’re scared.
i’ve seen you twice in
my adult life and i’ve
never seen the face
of a coward so clear.
it’s why you ran
to another state.
once you heard
of my reckoning,
you couldn’t deal
with it anymore.
times up
times up
times up
t.w. : intimate partner abuse and violence
he found her
h i d d e n
on a website
where love finds
one another.
he found her
and they spoke
for hours till
the sun rose.
he never let
her go and
she thought
this must be
what love is.
love is the obsessive
screaming where are you
calling every five minutes,
no breathing space in
this hallowed room
and showing up
unannounced filled
with gloom.
love is the punching
of walls and missing
to then punch you.
love is the meet my
best friend who’s
like my sister and i
call her sis when you’re
around but i also fuck
her when you’re not.
love is him getting
on his knees begging
her to not leave
when she printed
all the messages
of the girls in between.
i scream at you
because i love you
and you get me
really m
ad when
you don’t give me
what i want.
if you don’t get
back with me i will
post all your nudes
around your block
for the world to see.
i love you,
come back to me.
this was never love. this was never love. this was never love. this was never love. this was never love. this was never love. this was never love. this was never love. this was never love. this was never love. this was never love. this was never love. this was never love. this was never love. this was never love.
this was never love.
sixteen, sitting next to
the guy who physically
abused me. i balled these
eyes out, being overwhelmed
with a sadness that i didn’t
understand myself.
did i do anything wrong?
no.
- hiding his abuse within the walls of my depression
1. you held my wrist instead of holding my hand
2. you held it firm when we crossed the street
3. i told you to stop
4. you laughed
5. you said you wanted everyone to know i was yours
- on how to treat a teenage girl as property
i woke up one morning in 2018 with a notification that said “_______ wants to send you a message.”/ this is where the freezing commences / this is where my limbs go numb / this is where my heart stops and the longest breath i’ve held still remains to that day / this is where my paranoia plays tricks on me / my abuser is coming to abuse me again / this is where you / the thief of peace / comes to leave me undone and tries once again to break me / this is also where my almost thirty year old self tells you to fuck off / the guilt haunts you like the very ghost that you are / this is where i win / i win / i win
t.w. : mentions of nudity and death
she was told that
photos were found
of her on a website.
this is where men
get revenge
for the women
who have left them
and trusted them
with their bodies.
she
was
only
a
teenage
girl
with a plastered face,
young breasts, and
hairs that didn’t grow
into full womanhood
for all the men to see.
men wrote that they
recognized her from
specific places.
men wrote what they
would do to her body.
men wrote
men wrote
men wrote
men wrote
five years later
she was being
h u n t e d .
a man found her and said
i can do the favor of taking
your photos down if you
do something in return.
what? she asked.
more nudes
more nudes
more nudes
this is the story of a girl
who grew into her
p a r a n o i a and has
yet to become awakened
from this paranoid dream
- i hope no one recognizes me
you told me that
you understood my
feelings and emotions
since this was done
to you too.
i
never
once
expressed
how
i
felt
- the definition of gaslighting
when you die and
close your eyes
think of me and
all the women
you did this too.
- if hell is real, then there’s a home for you
she slid into her bed
without consent
like a snake sliding
into places that was
never given a yes
the girl woke suddenly
kicking and screaming
asked the snake girl
what was she doing
you
are
not
welcomed
here
the snake with her
sharp tongue said
you
will
always
be
mine
to
keep
the girl held the snake
by her throat and said
for
every
time
you
try
to
slide
into
my
space
i
will
fight
and so they fought
till it was all over
they fought till
hearts broke and
words could never
be taken back
they fought and
the snake never
came back and
left the girl alone
some friendships are more intoxicating
than romantic relationships will ever be
- the type of break-ups i can’t get over
you were a turbulence that i
couldn’t deal with anymore.
we tried rebuilding ourselves
into this thing called friendship
and every single time, boundaries
were crossed. you kept trying to fly
in and out. your flight never
landed this last time and although
i was unaware, i wasn’t waiting
for you at the arrival terminal.
they warned me about you
in whispers and small talk.
i heard them, i heard every
single breath of a word
and i never ever listened.
they spoke in pointed
fingers and looks of disgust.
their hushed silence should’ve
made me walk a different path.
i ran to you
and
gave
you
a
chance
your tongue not only held venom,
it held the most beautiful way to
tell believable lies.
you twisted and formed your
own stories. you circled and
danced around your own
imagination with the creativity
of lies. you controlled every
single person in your life and
not once did you care to ask if
we were all okay with the
disaster of your rage.
t.w. : aggression
this is the tale of two friends
who started off endearing,
respectful, and caring.
a
friendship
of
a
few
years
till one day they both decided
to take things to another
level and everything that
was once before, vanished.
the boy blamed everyone
for his fire flamed tongue.
he placed himself on top
of a mountain while he
hid women beneath him.
the girl learned to watch
out for the boys with hate
filled tongues towards their
mothers and the same boys
who did not respect consent.
she gave her friend a chance
to prove to her how he was
different from the other
fire flamed men.
except
there
was
nothing
> different
he felt that she owed her
body to him. as if she was
supposed to understand
that he has needs and she,
a woman, is supposed to
fulfill that need with the
curves of her river.
and so the day came,
the day when he became
the aggressor because
she refused to open the
doors that led to her river.
the fire flamed boy spewed
fireballs through his fiery lips
and spoke atrociously of the
girl who kept the doors locked.
the secret in all of this:
she was born with fire.
the blazed up fire you can’t
ever put out. the fire that
keeps igniting and haunts.
SHUT UP
LET ME TALK
I SAID BE QUIET
you kept screaming
my name with your
fire flamed tongue
while i screamed
a n o t h e r ’ s
- fire with fire
you commit arson and
blame every other man
for it as if you didn’t leave
your gasoline filled fingerprints
all over our homes
- our bodies are not your property
light up the match for
your unburned cigarette
with your bourbon
stained lips and sing
your national anthem
- in women we prey, amen
lady of the night
born of light
they go to her and ask for bendiciones
blessings
from
the
most
high
the first three letters of her name is leo.
did your mother know she had birthed
a lioness? and this is how her daughters
and their daughters were born with
roars that would not be silenced.
lady of the night was quiet for
too long, tending to her husband
that didn’t love her like the
delicate flower she was.
she walked her garden filled
with dama de noche flowers.
watched them bloom one by
one by one while night fell,
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