West Texas Dead: A Kailey and Shinto Mystery

by Frances Hight

  “Since I was ten.” The statement said volumes.

  “Damn.”

  “Yeah.” She laughed and sucked the rest of the beer down, slammed the bottle on the table, and said, “We run Midland.” She stood when Miguel blew in.

  “I see you made it on time today.” He smiled and then kissed Yolanda. He looked over at me. “You ready for this gig?” He sported a bandana wrapped around his head, a ponytail, and a wife beater shirt. The tat of Jesus on his left bicep bulged as he grabbed Yolanda around the waist, claiming his property.

  “Gotta tell you, Miguel,” I said. “I’ve never done this kind of thing before.”

  “Not to worry. Today, we pop your cherry. Nacho will take the lead. Do what he says, and you’ll be fine.”

  “When?”

  “Now.”

  “Damn.”

  I heard a car with loud music squeal to a stop in the driveway. Nacho, Dog, and Chigger slammed into the house together, all talking at once. The party clicked into high gear and I got amped. This might be fun. Me with a posse. Backing me up. Hell yeah.

  We dressed and looked almost presentable with hair tucked in our hairnets and ball caps. We piled into a black SUV and headed off to find booty at the country club.

  ***

  Miguel’s plan ticked by like a well-tuned Ferrari. Amazing.

  We sauntered along like country club pricks. Picked our houses. Checked doors and windows for easy access. Most were unlocked. Basically kept on schedule, fleecing the rich folks. We were in and out of each house in less than five minutes, each of us buzzing on adrenaline. Miguel was a genius and we were thieving machines.

  We returned to the house lugging golf bags with no room for clubs, carrying heavy trash bags full of jewelry, phones, purses, and lots of cash. Couple dudes slung TVs under their arms.

  It blew me away to see how stupid people were. To have so much and leave it lying around for assholes like us.

  A few of the guys howled, jumping for high fives and running their mouths.

  “Man, what a trip! What all’d we get? Let’s see.” Dog stuck his nose in the nearest bag.

  Nacho dragged over one of the trash bags and emptied it on the kitchen table.

  Chigger cracked his knuckles. “Did you see the old guy drive up in his golf cart and ask how long we needed on the hole? Said his foursome wanted to play through.”

  “What did you say?”

  “Told him we needed about ten minutes.” Chigger snorted. “The old dude said ‘Great he appreciated our kind gesture.’”

  I heard the toilet flush.

  “When was that?” Miguel slouched his way into the kitchen zipping his fly and frowning more than usual.

  “At the last house,” Chigger said as he dug through the loot.

  Miguel stroked his chin. “He talk to you both?”

  “Just me. Told him we were hunting for our balls, and he left.” Chigger held up a woman’s gold Rolex and slipped it on. It slid down, way too big for his skinny wrist.

  Miguel grabbed his hand and wrenched the watch off. “Fucking pendejo.”

  “What did I do?” Chigger rubbed his arm.

  “I told you not to talk to anyone. That guy is going to remember you when he hears about the robberies. You’re out of here. Gone. Today. Disappear back to Mexico, Chigger. Before I forget how patient and reasonable I am.”

  “What was I supposed to do?” Chigger whined.

  “What I told you to do. Get out of my sight. Now. Or you’ll never make Mexico.”

  Chapter Twenty

  Kailey and Shinto

  Captain Samosa stood at the podium. “Now that our fine officers Kailey Carmichael and Shinto Elliot have busted the infamous massage duo, we can all be assured the good citizens of Midland Texas are free to have good, healthy, and sex-free massages.”

  I tried to look bummed about it. “Sorry, gentlemen, and I use the term loosely. Show’s over.”

  Every male officer in the meeting groaned.

  John Deltoro piped up, “Damn, why’d you do that, Shinto? Don’t ya love us anymore? At least feel sorry for us poor sons of bitches that need a little relief, since you won’t give it to us.”

  She punched him and laughed.

  “We have another pressing problem that we haven’t faced in our town before. Some of the houses adjacent to the Midland Country Club golf course have been robbed. Whoever did it came highly organized and slipped in and out before we got called to the first burglary. We haven’t been successful in finding any fingerprints, hair, or descriptions. We’ll alert the media and see if anyone on the golf course saw anything odd or out of place, someone that didn’t look like a golfer. Keep your eyes open and be alert to any information from any of your informants.”

  “How much did they get away with?” one officer asked.

  “Over two million dollars’ worth of jewelry. Another million in coins and other valuables. We’re still putting together descriptions of missing property.” The Captain glanced down at some papers. “Next on the agenda, the county fair is coming to town. We will need volunteers to keep crowd control when the bands play on Friday and Saturday nights.”

  He sighed. “In the next few months our calendar will be full. The DAR is going to hold a Fourth of July parade, and we need volunteers. Lastly the Woman’s Club is holding its annual fashion show at the Claydesta Atrium. They’ve asked for volunteers, two men and two women from the police force to be in the show. This year the show is dedicated to our fine men and women of the Midland Police Department. The sign-up sheets will be posted. Your work schedules are on the board and have been emailed to you. Any questions?”

  “No, sir,” we all said in unison and stood.

  A short brunette, her uniform painted on, came in the squad room, buttons straining to contain her impressive boobs. She wore a big smile and held her finger to her lips as she came up behind Shinto. She grabbed her in a bear hug and lifted the much taller Shinto off the floor.

  Shinto grunted, frowned, and turned. Her face lit up, and she planted a big wet kiss on the woman’s lips. “Terri, I’m so glad you’re back. Are you okay?”

  “Better than I deserve to be, baby.”

  Shinto turned to me. I must have looked stunned, because she chuckled, and so did Terri. “This is Kailey, Terri. I’ve known her since we could walk. Kailey, this is Terri Poindexter. She is a dear friend and works undercover most of the time. She has been deep undercover for about a year and just wrapped up a case, and I see is back in uniform.” She slapped her on the back. “So to speak. How are the kids?”

  “They ask about you.”

  “Sorry I couldn’t get over more. How is Gary?”

  “He’s Gary. What can I say? He’s the best.”

  “We all worried when we heard about his heart problems. I understand his valve replacement went well.”

  “Yep, he’s better with that pig valve in him. He oinks when we make love but hey, who doesn’t like a little piggly wiggle once in a while? Speaking of pig, let’s all grab some barbeque for lunch. We can meet over at Big Bubba’s on Wadley. I’d love to catch up. Kailey, please join us. Though, we might bore the pants off you. What the hell, if you are a friend of Shinto’s, you’re already bored. This woman doesn’t have a life outside of this police force. We are lucky for it, but she needs to get laid. I’ve kind of made that my mission.”

  “Shut your damn mouth, bitch.” Shinto actually blushed.

  Who is this woman who makes Shinto blush? I need to know her. “Hell yes, I’ll be there,” I said. “Add me to your mission. I’ve shared my love life with her. Fair is fair.”

  ***

  “About Shinto’s love life,” I said.

  “Come on, guys. Big Bubba’s menu is a lot more interesting than my love life.” Shinto flapped the menu and held it in front of her face.

  “No, it’s not.” Terri and I chorused in unison.

  I was getting to like this girl. As promised, we’d met after shift at Big Bu
bba’s barbecue. Famous for brisket, ribs and Gut Buster fries only a masochist would order. Two beers down, we’d yet to order.

  “Shinto helped me out of a jam a few months ago. Some loan shark was hassling my Gary and I couldn’t break my cover to set him straight.”

  “Shinto to the rescue,” I said.

  “She broke the asshole’s nose and one or two more bones. End of loan shark.” Terri peeled the label from her Lone Star. “I like to think I returned the favor a few weeks later.”

  “Terri, that’s old news. No use making it young again.” Shinto slapped the menu on the table. “Let’s order.”

  “I’m kind of a newshound myself,” I said. “What did you do?”

  “Terri….” Shinto said.

  The two women exchanged looks and Shinto won out.

  “I might have introduced her to someone who needed her um, in a different way than I did. One thing led to another,” she glanced at Shinto, “…and that’s all I’m going to say about that.”

  “Oh, hell no. You cannot leave me hanging like that.”

  “Oh, but she can,” Shinto said. “I’m having the ribs. Who’s with me?”

  “I’ll worm it out of you later my friend,” I said.

  “Worm away, Kailey.” Shinto drained her beer and burped. “You have my permission. You know what happens to worms on fishing trips.”

  “That’s not even remotely clever.”

  “I thought it was,” Shinto said. “Terri?”

  “Clever. Definitely clever.”

  “Terri did tell me one thing I didn’t know for sure before tonight.”

  Shinto narrowed her eyes. “Enlighten me, oh wormy one.”

  “Now I know you at least have a love life.” I drained my beer and let out a bigger belch than Shinto’s. “I’ll get the rest later. Worms are patient.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Junior

  “What are we going to do with all this?” I asked Miguel as I pawed through the loot. I could use a new flat screen TV. I dug out a honey with a remote. Nice. I put it back and picked up a brand new Playstation. Now we’re talking. Toys. I’ve never had my own toys. About damn time.

  “Why do you need to know?”

  “Curious is all.”

  “We have contacts in Dallas. Don’t want anything showing up here that could tie us to the robberies.”

  “Makes sense.”

  “Damn straight,” he said as he typed on a spreadsheet in his computer. He held up a diamond ring and squinted at it through a jeweler’s loupe squished in his right eye. Each piece we snatched he examined and cataloged. This was some serious shit, and Miguel didn’t miss a trick.

  “How does this work? When do we get our cut? Can we take some of it home?”

  “You get it when I get this settled and I get paid,” he snarled up at me. “Now get out of here so I can work.”

  I raised my hands in submission. “No problemo.”

  “Junior.” Miguel hefted a gold chain in his hand as if weighing it. “I know you’re kinda short. You did good today. Come back later tonight. We’ll divvy up the cash and some of the stuff we want to keep.”

  Now we’re talking. “I appreciate that. Serious. I’ll be here, thanks.”

  Time to bolt. No A/C in this house and my pits dripped like faucets. My shitty little window unit back at my apartment called to me.

  The prospect of a quick payday energized me. I said my good-byes and left, whistling some lame-ass tune heading for home.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Kailey

  My partner, Mike, had the phone glued to his ear, so I ambled over to the bulletin board. An envelope pinned to it held a boatload of free tickets to the Midland RockHounds Minor League Baseball game. I hadn’t been to a game since high school. I grabbed five and headed to the squad car, slid into the passenger seat, and waited.

  The door flew open, and Mike leaned in and scowled at me. “You think I’m your lousy chauffeur?”

  “I think you’re an excellent chauffeur.”

  “You drive,” he said.

  Wahoo.

  I hopped out and ran over to the driver’s side, probably with a huge shit-eating grin on my face.

  ***

  Just before end of shift, I pulled to a curb, and slipped the envelope of tickets from my uniform pocket. “Would you like to go to a baseball game with me?” A bus squealed to a stop behind us. The air brakes needed work. I heard the whoosh of the doors open and watched an army of people disembark.

  Mike looked over at me and raised his eyebrows. “I think the Mrs. wouldn’t be too happy about me dating another woman.”

  “No, no, I meant your whole family. I’m kind of alone these days, and my mom is always on my ass about getting out and doing things. When I was a kid my family loved the RockHounds. Saw these tickets stuck to the bulletin board. I checked and they’re for tomorrow night when we’re off.”

  “I think that would be nice, Kailey. Thank you for thinking of us. Are you ready for a wild couple of kids?” His smile looked surprised and grateful at the same time.

  “I’d love that more than you know.”

  ***

  We juggled our hot dogs, peanuts, and beer as the color guard marched out to stand behind the pitcher’s mound, and the whole stadium fell silent. A soldier limped out to the middle of the field and said, “Please join me in the Pledge of Allegiance and our favorite song.”

  We all stood, and every person, including the kids, placed their hands over their heart and said the Pledge of Allegiance, then kept their hands over their hearts and belted out God bless the USA. They knew every word by heart and stomped on the metal bleachers in time with the song. It took my breath away. People who say patriotism in America is dead have never been to a Midland, Texas baseball game.

  By the seventh inning stretch Midland had Frisco seven runs to zip.

  I stood and asked, “Anyone need anything?” I needed a bathroom break.

  Lexie, Mike’s youngest daughter, a cute preteen, asked, “Can I go with you, Kailey?”

  “Sure, honey. Anyone else?”

  “I’ll take another beer, if the line isn’t too long.” Mike held out a ten.

  “You got it. We’ll be right back.”

  Lexie and I stood in the beer line. A boy came up and said, “Lexie, um, hi.”

  “Hi, Oscar.” Lexie blushed.

  He cracked his knuckles and asked, “Are you going to be at the dance next Friday night?”

  She squirmed. “Don’t know. You?”

  “Want to go together?”

  “Me?” Lexie’s blush got deeper.

  “Sure. I’ll text you, and I’ll have my dad bring me by, and we can go on a date.”

  “Oh, okay. I’ll have to ask my parents, but, yes, I’d like that.”

  I looked over at the hotdog queue and felt my heart pound and my mouth go dry. He stood with his back to me, adding mustard and relish to a fistful of dogs. No mistaking that tight ass and well-defined frame. He’d cut his hair since Dallas and might’ve lightened it a little. He turned around to hand his haul to a young boy of about twelve—and I saw it wasn’t Derek.

  What the hell, Kailey girl? You miss Derek so much you’re seeing him everywhere?

  I smiled to myself. He’d no doubt get a kick out of that. I might have to call that boy up soon and banish some demons.

  In all that time our line never moved and I lost my appetite for ballpark fodder.

  “Lexie, honey,” I said, “I think we picked the wrong line. Let’s head back to our seats before the game starts.”

  Lexie didn’t seem to care one bit. She skipped ahead of me, no doubt to ask her parents about the dance.

  We scored one more run and the game ended eight to zero.

  Dry heat seared the starry night as the stadium crowd swelled around us, funneling toward the exits. I hugged Mike and his family in the parking lot and said good-bye. When I hugged Lexie I whispered in her ear, “Have fun at the dance.
”

  She blushed and nodded.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Junior

  “I’m here, Papi. You call, I come.” I stomped on the lone ant crawling across the dirty white cracked tile in the entry. Miguel sat on the puke green couch years past its prime, eyes glued to the fifty-five-inch TV. He raised his hand. I shut up and glanced at it. The well-endowed blonde anchor’s red dress hugged her every curve. Her stylish black-rimmed glasses didn’t hide her smoking hot tamale brown eyes. I could use some of what she was selling. She frowned as if reading my thoughts and shuffled papers on her desk as a photograph of the golf course appeared behind her. I flopped down next to Miguel.

  “Disturbing news to report this evening.” The camera cut to a panorama of the golf course. Her voice hardened. “A series of brazen robberies has been reported. It all happened yesterday around three in the afternoon to houses facing the Midland Golf Course. What can you tell us, Ken?”

  The face of an older gentleman with his pot belly barely contained in a tan suit stood in front of a luxurious Hudson River brick house. Sleepy pecan tree branches dipped low over a perfect green lawn. “Luckily no one got hurt, Karen.” Several kids with skateboards shot past him on the sidewalk waving at the camera. “If anyone saw anything or anyone suspicious, please contact Midland Police Department at the number on your screen. The thieves got away with approximately four million dollars in property and cash. It’s sad that our community can’t feel safe anymore. Be sure to lock your doors and windows, folks.”

  The camera faded, and our buxom beauty returned. She smiled into the camera and cooed, “And after the break we will hear about the weather and sports from our two favorite guys.”

  “Four million? I wish.” Miguel switched off the set, scratched his balls, and stood. “Junior? Man, I been meaning to talk to you. I thought you did good Tuesday. Nacho confirmed it. He’s happy with you.” He crooked a finger. “Follow me. I want to talk to you about something.”