A Secret to Forgive

by Tricia Saxby

“It also makes it difficult to make reservations,” Karen shot back.

  “A minor detail,” Leo said with a smile.

  Karen glared daggers at him. “She’s going to fire me if I don’t report in.”

  “For the love of Pete…”

  She turned to face him, her arms stiff at her side. “Is this some kind of joke to you? All you have to do is flex your muscles and Natasha will melt into your arms and all will be forgiven. Can’t you see how important this job is to me and how she’ll blame me for all your lies?”

  “I’ll explain everything.”

  “Yeah, like all the other times. You’re only about saving yourself.”

  That observation cut right to his heart, and Leo had to take a deep breath to steady his racing pulse.

  “I did not order this storm.” As usual, his defense mechanism cut in.

  “Did you check the weather before we left?” Karen shot back.

  Dammit! He really hadn’t thought this through.

  Leo turned to face Walter. “Do you have any idea when this storm will let up?”

  “According to the news broadcast in the kitchen, not until morning.”

  Behind him, Karen groaned, and his guilt dug a deeper hole in the pit of his stomach.

  “Do you have any rooms available for the night?”

  Walter flipped through a worn ledger behind the desk. “We are booked up. Only three rooms—”

  “Of course,” Leo cut him off. There was no way his Porsche would make it through all that snow. “Is there a nearby motel?”

  “Not for many miles. Driving would be dangerous.” Walter frowned.

  “The living room, then.”

  Karen squeaked. “What?”

  “I will pay you for the living room, but I want complete privacy from the other guests.”

  “Not possible—” Walter started.

  “Then your bedroom. I will pay you ten thousand dollars for the night.”

  “I…um…”

  Leo could see the moment the dollar amounts registered.

  “Let me tidy up for you. Come, have some tea.” Walter dashed out of the room. “Ma, make some tea. Hurry!”

  “That was quite impressive,” Karen admitted. She hovered near the small fireplace in the corner. The fire looked about to go out.

  Leo grabbed two pieces of wood from the basket and placed them on the fire. It sprang to life, and Karen sighed with relief.

  “Thanks.”

  “No problem.”

  Silence stretched between them but for the clanging of dishes in the next room.

  “Are we really going to do this?” Her gaze never left the flames as they danced in the grate.

  “Well, we either share a room in this cozy B&B or we sleep in the car.”

  “But you’re kicking an elderly couple out of their bedroom. Where will they sleep?”

  “I’m sure they have an emergency pull-out couch somewhere.”

  “If that’s the case, we should take it.”

  “The deal is already made. Besides, I like my privacy.”

  Karen’s cheeks flushed a deep red. She stole a glance at him and grinned.

  “You’re seriously considering the car, aren’t you?”

  “For you.” She stifled a laugh at his look of shock. The sound gave him a spark of hope that her anger had ebbed a bit. “Come on. Our tea is going to get cold and I want to hear about the vision you have for this place.” The look of worry in her eyes didn’t match the forced happiness of her voice.

  He realized then that he’d rather have her screeching mad than see that sad and disappointed look. He wasn’t looking forward to tomorrow, but tonight he could make sure they forgot all about it.

  »»•««

  A fire burned pleasantly in the grate as they sipped their tea. Leo had pulled two armchairs close to the fire with an end table between them. So cozy and surreal. It made such a domesticated scene, sitting there with the man her heart couldn’t let go of with a storm in full force outside.

  Her stomach growled, but Karen didn’t know if it was from hunger or nerves. She knew without a doubt that she’d be out of a job when they returned to the city, and the thought made her nauseous. What on earth would she do? What would she tell Anna?

  Yet, even with all the mounting stress, her thoughts kept drifting to later, when they would be sharing a bedroom…and maybe a bed. No, she would make sure that didn’t happen. The heartache she could do without.

  But she admired him nonetheless over the rim of her teacup. His long blond hair was disheveled from the number of times he’d run his hands through it. He’d taken off his jacket and sweater and wore a light gray short-sleeve T-shirt that clung to him like a second skin. She itched to trace her fingers along his six-pack and the biceps that were like mini mountains.

  “You look a bit flushed. If you want, I can move the chairs farther away from the fire.”

  Karen’s gaze darted from his well-toned arms to his eyes that, if they could, appeared to be silently laughing at her.

  “I’m fine,” she muttered, and she took another sip of tea.

  “Yes, you are.”

  “Leo!”

  He smiled and reclined in his chair like a man with no worries in the world. “Well, I’m not blind. That sweater dress you have on is leaving little to the imagination.”

  “This outfit is work conservative,” she defended as she put down her cup and tried to stretch the dress to her knees.

  “Oh, don’t do that.” His voice took on a sultry tone, and Karen was sure her knees turned as red as her cheeks.

  She had to change the subject before she turned into a big pile of goo and slid to the floor. “Quit it,” she whispered then more firmly, “Quit stalling.”

  “What do you mean?” Leo took another sip of his tea, his gaze still focused on her legs.

  “I want to know what’s going on with you, with this place.”

  “Nothing is going on with me.” He stood, grabbed a piece of wood, and placed it on the fire. Instead of sitting back down, he paced in the small space between them. He reminded Karen of a caged lion.

  “Why this sudden change of heart about your parents’ business?”

  Leo ran a hand through his hair and down the side of his neck, where he massaged a knot. “I’m helping them out of a bind. Mom and Dad are in France and my brother is in California, but they were interested in a property in New York. As I am in said location, it made sense to call me in.”

  The words coming out of his mouth sounded true, yet Karen noticed an internal struggle she’d never associated with Leo before. Had he really agreed to help his parents out? Or was he settling a personal score? Perhaps he meant to steal this from under his parents’ well-meaning noses?

  Karen concentrated on the bitterness of her tea so she didn’t have to ponder that question.

  Walter’s large frame filled the doorway. “We’ve arranged a private dinner for you in the formal dining room,” he announced. “Please follow me.”

  “Thank you, Walter.”

  “I don’t remember seeing a formal dining room,” Leo observed as they followed Walter down the hallway.

  “He wasn’t overly excited to show you the place,” Karen reminded Leo. “He could’ve easily skipped it during the tour.”

  “Right.”

  Walter led them down a long, winding hallway. At the end of the hall, double doors stood open to reveal a six-person table in front of a roaring fire. Textured wallpaper covered the walls, and heavy burgundy velvet drapes hung from ceiling-high windows. Beneath their feet, the cream-colored carpet was worn and dirty from years of use.

  Karen stood next to the table and admired the old blue and white chinaware. The wine goblets were already full of a full-bodied red, and a basket of buns and creamy butter sat in the middle of the table.

  “What’s for dinner, Walter?” Leo asked.

  Walter cleared his throat. “Ma’s famous garden salad and ravioli.”

  �
��Sounds wonderful,” Karen said. “We can’t wait.”

  Walter nodded and left.

  “A toast then?” Leo picked up a wine glass, sniffed, swirled, and held it up to the light.

  Karen followed suit and then raised her glass to him. “To a gentle storm and safe travels.”

  They clinked their glasses, but before they sipped, Leo added, “To a warm fire, a warm bed, and a long night.”

  Karen’s cheeks burned under his sultry stare, and she sipped long and hard. The wine burned down her throat, settling comfortably in her belly. The lingering taste on her tongue was quite delightful.

  “This is very good wine.”

  Leo nodded. “It is, isn’t it?”

  He pulled out a chair for Karen and she sat. The other place setting was at the opposite end, but Leo gathered up each piece and set the space beside Karen, making it very intimate.

  “If the wine they are turning out is this good in all the barrels, it might be worth it to go in at top dollar.”

  “Definitely.”

  “My parents will be thrilled.”

  “Probably.”

  “The wine could even be altered a bit to really be a hit and get this place on the map.”

  “Won’t your parents want to have their own wine at the B&B?”

  “Yes, they’d have bottles shipped here, but these vines will be different from the others—stronger, more durable and resilient in this type of weather. A different wine. A rebel…”

  Karen visualized the gears turning in Leo’s head. He genuinely seemed excited about this project for his parents. It appeared that after Fashion Week was over he’d have a new pet project to keep him busy and perhaps keep him in New York longer. That thought sent a quick ripple of excitement through her, but then it died off. As of tomorrow, she might not have a job, and, knowing Natasha, she’d make sure Karen couldn’t get a job anywhere else in town. She’d be better off to book her flight back home as soon as she could. She could always play it safe and take an internship in Vancouver, closer to home and Anna.

  “You could, but you won’t get the recognition you need.”

  Karen looked up from the pattern on the plate she’d been admiring. “Talking out loud again?”

  “Yes.” Leo took her hands, and sensation zipped along her spine, making her shiver.

  “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I get it. Being safe is, well, safe. Something I’m an expert at. I’ve been doing it for far too long. It’s time for a change.”

  Karen let her gaze drift across his face. “Is that why you took the Fashion Week job?”

  “One of the reasons. I was antsy, and photography to me is like designing for you. It just is.”

  Karen understood that.

  “Coming to New York wasn’t for the models and the parties?”

  Leo released one of her hands to take a sip of wine. “I’d be lying if I said no. At the time of the call, I’d been bored, restless, and desperate to seek out some fun. The gig took second place.”

  “And when did the gig take precedence?”

  “The moment I saw you again.”

  Karen swallowed the lump in her throat. “Really?”

  “I was a shadow of myself, going through the motions ever since college. You brought me back to life.”

  Karen’s breath hitched. This was not the Leo St. Clare she remembered. He never would have admitted to such intimate emotions. But acknowledging them would only get her hopes up, and that was something she had no interest in.

  Yet her stubborn head had to have an answer to the one question that had haunted her since college, even though her heart screamed it didn’t matter anymore.

  She took a deep breath to steady her racing heart and looked down at her hands that lay entwined on her lap. She could do this. Looking up at Leo, she blurted, “So what happened in college that had you so shaken up? That had you turn our budding relationship into a one-night stand so that we wouldn’t speak again until five years later?”

  Leo’s eyes narrowed to slits and his mouth creased into a deep frown. He rose so quickly his chair caught on the carpet and toppled over.

  In her attempt to catch the chair, she knocked her wine glass over, the red liquid instantly staining the white tablecloth. “Dammit!”

  “The salad is ready,” Walter said as he walked in with two small plates and placed them between the cutlery.

  Karen saw his look of surprise at the stain and immediately started apologizing. “Walter, I am so sorry. I can take it and start soaking it for you.”

  “No, no. Ma will know what to do. I will leave for now.”

  Once Karen and Leo were alone again, the awkwardness between them was heightened.

  “Let’s eat,” Leo suggested.

  “Fine.”

  Karen sat and pulled her chair closer to the table as Leo picked up his chair. He poured more wine into her glass and topped his off.

  The strained silence between them was almost unbearable save for the crackling fire. She’d put her fear aside to get answers that had haunted her for so long, and what had she gotten for it? The silent treatment. She’d rather be yelling and screaming at him. Or kissing him.

  Where had that thought come from? She chanced a quick glance at Leo to see if she’d said it aloud, but he was busy tossing his salad in between bites. Karen exhaled a sigh of relief and started pushing her salad around the plate, her appetite gone.

  “Don’t like it?” Leo asked.

  “Oh, I’m sure it’s fine.” Karen forced herself to take a bite, and raised her eyebrows in surprise. “This is really good.”

  “So far it’s two for two.” Leo took a big sip of his wine then got up and stood by the fire.

  “Perhaps you could get her recipes.”

  “Already ahead of you.” Leo turned and grinned at her before raising his glass in salute.

  Karen hated to wreck the easy mood that appeared to be returning, but they needed to talk. She needed to know before her circumstances sent her away from him.

  “We need to talk about this.”

  “We don’t.”

  “Leo, come on. You ending our friendship and disappearing after what I’d thought was a wonderful night of lovemaking has been the cause of a good chunk of my issues right now.”

  “Don’t blame me for your insecurities.”

  “Oh, not all of them. But what is a girl to think about her sexuality, about herself as a woman and her attraction, when something like that happens?”

  Leo stared into the fire, a frown so fierce on his face that Karen thought he might start to scream.

  “Growing up wasn’t easy for me,” she continued. “My lanky athletic body and boy-short hair put me in the path of every bully in school. I wasn’t pretty or popular no matter that I excelled in sports.”

  “Karen…”

  “When I finally got a bit of confidence, due to a sexy guy at college who actually liked me for me, it made all the heartache worth it.” She turned away from him and the warmness of the fire. “But you turned out to be the worst one of all, didn’t you?” She could feel tears forming in the corners of her eyes and swiped them away briskly. “I don’t know what I did to make you run…and I don’t care anymore. It’s time for me to move on, get my confidence back, and quit living in the past.” Waiting for you.

  His hands were suddenly on her shoulders, turning her to face him. “You were waiting for me?”

  Karen closed her eyes. She had to stop verbalizing her thoughts. “No.”

  “But you just said—”

  “Well, I say a lot of things I don’t mean.”

  Leo tilted her chin upward. “Liar.”

  Karen sighed in frustration, but then her lips quivered when he placed his only inches away…reminding her of another kiss. Another man.

  “I was waiting for you, but no longer. I’ve found another.”

  Leo kissed her lips ever so lightly then smiled. “Oh really?”

  Karen tried to steady he
r shaky legs. “Um…yes.”

  “And who is this someone? Have you known him long?”

  Leo wrapped his arms around her, and she found it very disconcerting. What is he playing at now?

  “We haven’t known each other long, but that doesn’t matter,” she rushed at the look of surprise on his handsome features.

  “Oh kaaay.”

  “He was the guy I went out with on Valentine’s Day.”

  “Yesterday? You’re moving on with a guy you went out with yesterday?”

  Karen broke free from his embrace and took a big sip of wine, being careful not to knock it over again. “You make it sound so cheap.”

  “I guess I expected better of you.”

  Karen spun around, hands clenched at her sides. “How dare you!”

  “The main course is ready.” Walter’s voice drifted in from the hallway.

  “Great,” Karen mumbled under her breath. “Walter probably heard everything.”

  “I’ll be sure to leave a huge tip.”

  “Because money cures wagging tongues.”

  “Not always, but Walter is a good guy.”

  Karen smiled when Walter walked in with two trays. “Smells divine, Walter.”

  “Ma went all out.”

  “Our warmest regards to the chef, “Leo said as they sat at the table.

  They tucked into the lobster ravioli, and Karen moaned with delight. “This is the best meal I’ve ever had.”

  Walter’s cheeks turned a bright red. “Ma will be very pleased to hear that.” He refilled their wine glasses and took his leave, but not before advising them that dessert would be chocolate cherry cheesecake with a dessert wine.

  “If Bea is retiring, you must keep in touch, or I’ll figure out a way to bring her home with me. Her food is to die for.” Karen sighed before scooping another bite of ravioli into her mouth.

  Leo laughed. “I will do my best.”

  They talked more about Leo’s vision for the B&B, and Karen couldn’t help the excitement that built in her chest. He sounded genuinely happy and had some amazing ideas. But as they sat around the fire eating the last few bites of cheesecake, she knew she had to establish boundaries for them and move forward as friends.

  “I’m going to go out with Paul again.”

  Leo pulled his gaze away from the fire. “Paul?” He dragged out the syllable.