A Secret to Forgive

by Tricia Saxby

  Whatever was in Kim’s tea had her mesmerized. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “You need to answer some very important questions.”

  “Like what?” Kim whined.

  “Can you raise a baby in your current circumstances?”

  “I’m sharing an apartment with three other models, so what do you think?”

  Karen refused to take Kim’s tone personally. “What will you do about child care?”

  “My career will be over once a baby bump starts to show.”

  “What about family? New York isn’t home, is it?”

  “I ran away from home to chase this dream. They won’t take me back, let alone a baby.”

  She really did have quite a conundrum. “Then you have some serious soul searching to do. You either go home and raise this baby with your family’s help or you have the baby and give it up for adoption. Mind you, you won’t have the same body after going through a pregnancy and delivery.”

  Kim’s eyes widened in alarm.

  “Or you terminate the pregnancy and keep on with your glamorous career.”

  Kim gulped back the rest of her tea and made to stand, but Karen grabbed her hand. “I’m not trying to scare you, Kim. I’m trying to help.”

  “I’m more stressed out than I was before,” Kim screeched, and people at the nearby tables stopped their conversations to stare.

  “It’s time to be an adult, Kim. You need to make a decision and stick with it. No one said it was going to be one iota of easy.”

  Kim flopped back into her chair. “This sucks.”

  Karen let out a small chuckle. “Yes, it does.”

  “I ruined everything.”

  “It may seem like that right now.”

  Kim looked up into Karen’s face, desperation in her eyes. “What would you do?”

  “Well, I’m not a model, so I don’t rely on my looks to succeed.”

  “Oh yeah…”

  “Look, Kim. You’re young and have your whole life ahead of you. You need to figure out if you want to raise a child right now or if you want to expand your career.”

  The two of them sat quietly for a long while until Kim broke the silence. “There are rumors going around that you quit.”

  Karen nodded with a smile. “I did, and it was one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever done. I’ve ruined my chances of getting a similar job in this city, and I’ve let down my partner back home. I have nothing left here.”

  Kim leaned forward on her elbows, her chin resting in her hands. “Wow. What will you do now?”

  “Go back to Vancouver. Take some down time and then get back in the game.”

  “Sounds like we have more in common than I thought.”

  Karen finished her latte with a grimace. “Yeah.”

  “Thanks for talking to me, Ms. Allen, and giving me a few things to think about.”

  “I hope I helped a bit.”

  “You did.” Kim stood and slipped her coat back on. “Wish me luck.”

  For both of us. Karen had a sudden thought. “Do you want to go out with a bang?”

  “Of course.” Kim nodded, her curiosity piqued.

  “Come by my place tomorrow morning.” Karen scribbled down her address on a napkin. “We can say farewell to Ms. Vale together.”

  »»•««

  Big fluffy snowflakes fell in a lazy pattern, decorating the park like a scene from a fairy tale. Karen took her time walking down the path, smiling at people walking by with their dogs or humming along to the music playing in their ear buds. Finding a deserted bench, she sat and realized this was the first time since arriving in New York that she wasn’t running an errand. Suddenly, the city didn’t seem like a depressed and angry monster that never slept. Yes, the downtown core buzzed with never-ending energy, but when away from all that, a person could find some normalcy.

  And time to think…about a certain man she’d banned from her life. Anna had asked her if she could live with the what-if of never seeing him again, never finding out the real reason behind his behavior. Thanks to Natasha’s indiscretion, she was sure it had something to do with his sister, but what damage her death had done she couldn’t know. Karen had been adamant before ending the phone call that she could live without knowing. Hadn’t she gone this long already?

  Their time at the B&B seemed like a dream now. She’d seen a side of him that had brought such joy and promise. When they’d reconnected sexually, she’d felt so alive, so young, and very happy. But that had ended as fast as it had begun.

  What was the point of trying to get into his head again when she knew so well where that road led? It had been the same five years ago as it was today, and she didn’t think her heart could take much more.

  Her cell phone buzzed in her jacket pocket, startling her from her reflections. Karen pulled it out and frowned at the screen. A message from Paul. He wanted to meet. According to Mike, Paul had been worried about her, so she wasn’t surprised to get the message. She wanted to be happy that Paul was still interested in her, but her heart had no room for a new relationship right now.

  But she did need to get into the closing gala, and Paul had revealed on their Valentine’s date that he had tickets—his cousin was one of the makeup artists. Now that he’d reached out, she knew she had her way in. She stomped down the growing guilt of having to use him and dialed his number.

  “Hi, Paul.”

  “Hey! How are you? I’ve been worried sick.”

  “I had an out-of-town photo shoot and got stuck out there due to the storm with no cell service.”

  “Yeah, Mike told me.”

  Karen heard the doubt in Paul’s voice and frowned. A good five-second silence passed before Karen said, “Paul? You still there?”

  “Mike told me you thought I kissed you in the restaurant the other night…”

  OMG! Heat filled her cheeks as she focused on a dog chasing a ball in the field across from her. The plan she’d had was going up in smoke. “Yes.”

  “Do you know who it was?”

  “No.” The lie rolled smoothly off her tongue.

  “Really?” He did not sound convinced.

  “I thought I had to keep the blindfold on until I was in the washroom…”

  “And?”

  “And I thought it was you!” Karen’s voiced hitched in anger at his sarcastic tone.

  A few seconds of tense silence passed. “Did you want it to be me?” Paul asked, his voice barely a whisper.

  At the time, yes. “Maybe.”

  “Where does this leave us then?”

  “Friends, I hope.”

  “That’s as good a place as any, I suppose.” Paul sighed.

  Karen smiled. “Well then, friend. Do you need a date to the closing gala?”

  “As a matter of fact, I do.”

  The guilt that had filled her dissipated a bit. Her plan was going to work after all.

  »»•««

  The next morning dawned bright but much too soon. Working on last-minute alterations had kept Karen up until three in the morning. She’d collapsed onto her bed fully clothed, with just enough energy to grab the edge of the blanket and pull it over herself before falling into a deep slumber.

  Unsure what had woken her, since she hadn’t set an alarm clock, Karen sat up and stretched. It took a bit longer for her brain to wake up, which was understandable since there was no morning coffee in her hand.

  “I must remedy this,” she mumbled, and she rolled out of bed. Catching a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror, she gasped. Yesterday’s clothes were wrinkly and hung on her frame. Her hair stood up in all directions and her eye makeup was smeared on her cheeks.

  “First I must remedy this.” Karen took a detour to the shower and then slipped on her yoga pants and an old school sweater before heading down to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. One day she was going to buy Mike a programmable coffeemaker so all they would have to do is pour and go.

  Oh, right. There wouldn’t b
e “one day” after she moved back to Vancouver. All the memories and emotions that had consumed her over the last two days filled her heart to aching. Try as she might to keep herself so busy she’d run herself to exhaustion, the hurt still returned at the most inconvenient times.

  Karen inhaled deeply as the coffee aroma filled the kitchen. She poured a liberal amount into her favorite cat mug and let the built-up tears fall down her cheeks. How was it possible a person could hurt this much without dying from heartache?

  A loud wail escaped her and turned into a sob. Her hands shook so hard, she had to put the mug back on the counter. She slid down the cupboards and sat on the floor, knees to her chest, head on her knees and let all the pain rush out in her tears.

  Maybe Anna had been right. She should go to Leo and demand his explanation for breaking her heart. But what if she didn’t like his response? What if he didn’t have one, other than his nonchalant shrug and cocky grin?

  Tomorrow none of this would even matter to him. He was going to return to his estate in Tuscany, and this past week would only be a memory, their time together an extra notch on his bedpost. She’d return to Vancouver and lay low until another opportunity presented itself.

  “Ugh, that sounds dreadful.”

  Karen lifted her head to find Mike standing in front of her.

  “Hey. I suppose my breakdown woke you up.”

  “You could say that.” He grabbed a mug from the cupboard and poured himself some coffee.

  “Sorry,” she mumbled, and she wiped the tears from her face.

  “You’re not wasting tears on that evil witch boss of yours, I hope.”

  Karen stood and took hold of her mug. “Definitely not. Quitting that job was the best thing I’ve ever done.”

  “Agreed.”

  She took a sip of her lukewarm coffee then smiled. “I’m glad I woke you up.”

  Mike’s eyebrows practically disappeared into his hairline. “Oh really?”

  “Sleeping in is overrated.”

  “Only crazy people think that way.”

  “Whatever you say, Mr. Lawyer Man.”

  “You know what you plan to do now?”

  Karen knew he was referring to going back home to Vancouver. “What choice do I have? It’ll be nearly impossible to get a job here with the kind of influence Natasha has in this town.”

  “You shouldn’t underestimate your talent.”

  “That’s sweet, Mike, but—”

  “I saw your dress.”

  Karen’s eyes widened with her surprise. “You were in my room?”

  “Well, when I heard you crying, I rushed out to find you. Your bedroom was the first placed I checked.”

  “Oh.”

  “To be honest, I have no idea why you’re fetching coffee and trying to learn the ropes when you obviously know more than most of the people at Vale Designs.”

  Karen’s eyes swelled with more tears. Apparently her heart still had room for a tiny bit of pride.

  “Thank you,” she whispered.

  The doorbell rang.

  “You expecting someone?” Mike asked, heading out of the kitchen.

  Karen followed Mike to the front door. Kim wasn’t due to come over for another two hours yet. “Who is it?”

  Mike turned around, carrying a huge parcel.

  “It’s for you. From someone named Leo.”

  Chapter Ten

  Karen took the box from Mike and headed to the living room, where she placed it on the coffee table.

  “Who’s Leo?” Mike asked joining her.

  “An old friend.”

  What was Leo about, sending her a gift? She lifted the top and gasped. Inside lay the most stunning gown she’d ever seen. Karen lifted it out of the box and held it in front of her.

  Mike gave a low whistle of approval. “He’s some old friend.”

  Karen ignored Mike and held the gown to her body. The silver satin bodice was strapless and form-fitting to the waist. The silvery fabric continued down the back and sides over black gossamer that peek-a-booed at the front and was tied together in front of the left hip with a black-gemmed flower brooch.

  She handed the dress to Mike and turned her attention back to the box. Inside she found a pair of silver heels, a jewelry box, and an envelope. Karen’s heart was racing so fast she thought she might faint. Sitting on the couch, she placed the jewelry box on her lap and opened it slowly. Nestled inside lay three tear-shaped amethyst diamonds, so dark they appeared black, hanging on a delicate silver chain. Karen’s mind went numb as she stroked the stones.

  “Holy crap!” Mike chimed in.

  “I don’t understand,” Karen said, shaking her head.

  “Open the envelope.”

  “Okay.” Her hands shook as she peeled back the top of the envelope and pulled out the letter.

  An invitation to the closing gala and award show. On the bottom in Leo’s scrawl were the words, Please come. I’ll be looking for you.

  Karen tossed the invitation back into the box, closed the jewelry box, and placed it inside as well. Standing, she held out her hands for the dress.

  “What are you doing?” Mike asked, hugging the dress closer to his body.

  “Is this his idea of an apology? He can’t buy me back with gorgeous and outrageously expensive presents.”

  “He can’t?”

  “No, he can’t.” Karen wanted to be mad, but with Mike standing there hugging the ball gown like a lost lover, she couldn’t work up the energy.

  “Sometimes this is how men apologize, since opening our big mouths even more can be disastrous.”

  “Sometimes women need to hear the words and see the struggle since that means more to us than any fancy gift.”

  “You’re one-of-a-kind, Karen. No woman I’ve ever gone out with thinks like that.”

  “You’ve been dating the wrong women.”

  The doorbell rang again, and Karen ran to answer it this time. She flung the door open, but no one was there. Another box with a single red rose lay on the welcome mat. She scooped it up and returned to the living room.

  “Another gift?” Mike asked. He hung the dress over the back of the couch.

  “Do you have a vase?”

  “You’re asking a bachelor if he has a vase?”

  “What was I thinking?” Karen said with a smile. “What about a tall glass?”

  “Tall glass I can do.” Mike disappeared into the kitchen, and Karen sat on the couch and placed the new package on her lap.

  Afraid she’d find another small fortune worth of jewels, she opened the box and found a framed photo of a young girl, maybe ten years old. A sense of knowing fluttered in her stomach, and her heart filled with something a bit different from heartache. Karen lifted the photograph out and took a closer look. The girl had the biggest smile on her face. She was jumping on a trampoline, mid-jump, with her long blond hair floating in a huge halo above her head.

  “Who’s that?” Mike asked, returning with a glass for the rose.

  “I think it might be Leo’s sister.” Karen handed the picture to Mike and checked inside the box, where she found another envelope. Her hands shook as she peeled back the opening to reveal another note in Leo’s handwriting. She read out loud to Mike. “‘This is my sister, Emily. It’s time for me to talk about her and the tragic loss of such a beautiful spirit. Please text a yes or no to Robert at the number below if you will be joining me at the gala. If yes, he will pick you up at nine thirty.’”

  “Let me see if I’ve got this right,” Mike said. “Leo is an old friend who just spoiled you rotten with a Cinderella gown and jewels, and he wants to open up about his past. What kind of spell did you place over the poor guy?”

  “Hell if I know.” Karen sighed as she leaned back against the couch.

  “So then, will it be yes or no?”

  Karen stood in one graceful movement. “I don’t know.”

  “For the love of Pete! The man is trying to make things better.”


  “I know, but—”

  “But what?” Mike asked, and he threw his hands up in frustration.

  “I’m already going with Paul.”

  “What?” Mike’s hands hit his thighs with a thud.

  “I extinguished any hope of going when I quit my job. I also told Leo I never wanted to see him again. I didn’t have a lot of options.”

  “I guess not.”

  “We ended up talking about my mysterious kiss.”

  “Which I bet was actually Leo.”

  “How did you—? Ugh, it doesn’t matter.” Karen shook her head and shrugged. “Yes, it was Leo, but I didn’t figure it out until the next day.”

  “You did appear quite distraught after the kiss happened.”

  “What should I do?” Karen buried her face in her hands.

  “Paul’s a good guy and a good friend of mine. He doesn’t deserve to be used.”

  Karen dropped her hands and turned to face Mike. “I’m not using him, not anymore. We’re going as friends.”

  “And he knows this?”

  “Of course he does.”

  “But does he believe it?”

  “I hope so.” Karen averted her eyes at Mike’s stern glare.

  “You need to tell him the truth. You are going with Leo.”

  She nodded and busied herself putting the rose in the glass of water, the scent filling her nose. Part of her wanted to say no to Leo, show up with Paul, and say, “It’s too late for any explanations now, buster,” but could she really be that vindictive when he appeared to finally be reaching out to her? Did she want to hurt either of them just to get herself into the gala?

  No, she didn’t. Yet, could she sacrifice her heart one more time? Karen closed her eyes and sighed. Did she really have a choice?

  “I’ll call Paul.”

  “Thank you,” Mike said.

  Karen slipped her cell phone out of her secret yoga-pant pocket and entered Robert’s number into her phone. She texted “yes” and then dialed Paul’s number.

  “Let me know when Kim gets here,” Karen said to Mike as the phone rang in her ear. “Oh, and wish me luck.” Karen headed upstairs to her room for some much-needed privacy.

  »»•««

  “You were right. This place is amazing.”