by Jacie Floyd
His friend leaned forward and grabbed a handful of peanuts. “Like what?”
“When I came out of rehab, I fixated on exercising about fourteen hours a day to help me stay away from drugs and alcohol.”
“I’ve seen people who are addicted to exercise, but you’re not one of them. You were using exercise as an antidote to your addiction, not a substitute for one of them.”
“I used to think that that, too, but now I’ve moved on to something new, and it has all the earmarks of providing the same kind of pleasure-slash-pain-slash-withdrawal as any other addiction I’ve had. More like the emotional and mental highs I got from investing than the physical dependency I had with drugs and alcohol.”
“What’s the stimulus?”
He lowered his voice and leaned forward to whisper, “Jillian.”
“Jillian?” Zach asked in a normal voice. “How does she rate as an addiction?”
“I think about her all the time. I want to be with her all the time. I crave her company. But instead of being happy when I’m with her, I’m physically and emotionally on edge. I know she’s bad for me, but I want her anyway.”
Zach burst out laughing, sobered, and laughed some more.
Liam was on the verge of getting a complex. “What’s so funny?”
“Damn, man. That’s not addiction, that’s love. Which is a pretty good description now that I think about it. All those pheromones and endorphins disrupting the hippocampus, creating havoc. Every person in this bar has suffered from it at one time or another.”
Liam’s body went very still, and his brain calmed. “Love? You think I’m in love with Jillian? Been there, done that, and this is nothing like the first time. This is way stronger and more intense.”
“You have a bigger, stronger body now. Your feelings are going to be bigger and stronger, too.”
His stunned mind went over and over the possibility. “But I don’t want to be in love.”
“Yeah, it hits a lot of guys that way. But fighting it will make you more miserable than you already are.”
If Zach’s diagnosis was correct, and Liam was beginning to think it was, he was well and truly screwed. There was no way he could have Jillian as a permanent fixture in his life. “How do I get over her?”
“Why do you have to? I’ve seen the two of you together. Maybe she wants you, too.”
He perked up for a second, considering the possibility, but then reality burst his optimistic bubble. “She doesn’t.”
“Then I’d recommend the tried and true method that helped you overcome drugs and alcohol. The physical exertion of more exercise might help.”
“Damn,” Liam said, stepping off the barstool.
“Where you going?”
“Back to the gym. Want to come?”
Chapter Twenty-three
The Christmas memories in the attics haunted Jillian’s dreams. It was good that she was returning to New York. Maybe she’d get a full night’s sleep there.
Between returning to Sunnyside, her father’s death, his miserable financial status, the semi-renewal of her relationship with Liam, and their subsequent split, she’d be happy to get back to the everyday stress of traffic, pollution, crowds, and crime in the city. It was easier to deal with that than all this emotional angst.
She was packed and ready to go, but she’d set the alarm clock to an early hour.
Opening the blinds in her bedroom, the gray light of dawn didn’t offer much light or visibility, but she didn’t expect to see anything new out there anyway. After her shower, she decided to eat breakfast at the airport, shut off the water, lowered the thermostat, and checked the locks.
Maybe she’d stop in and see Liam on the way out of town. She didn’t like the way they’d left things, and the fitness center was right on the way. She grabbed her bag and headed out of the house onto a back deck and steps that were coated in ice.
That didn’t bode well for today’s flight, but it was early still. And they might not even be having the same weather at the airport. She’d take her dad’s SUV, not her sports car which skidded across the ice like a hockey puck. Assuming the highway had been salted, she headed out.
Instead of improving, the weather got worse as she drove to Springfield. Stopping anywhere, even to see Liam, was out of the question. Her hands gripped the steering wheel and her shoulders grew tense. The least little adjustment and her wheels skidded in an unintended direction. Freezing rain turned to snow. And more snow. She’d never seen snow come down this fast. She searched the radio for news of the weather. After two hours on the road, she was only half way there.
Needing to check her phone and the flight status, she pulled into a gas station for a cup of coffee and a break from the drive. The gas station clerk confirmed that the state police was on the verge of closing the highway. There was a message on her phone about the cancellation of her flight. Stamping her feet against the cold, she didn’t have any good choices. It was like the weather was conspiring to keep her from leaving.
She’d be better off returning home than forging onward. As much as she wanted to escape Christmas in Sunnyside, maybe it was time to admit that was where she belonged. It was definitely a sign.
She refilled her tank, bought a snow shovel, some waterproof thermal gloves, and went back the way she came. The only blessing she could think of was that there was very little traffic. After another two hours, as she neared Sunnyside, her wheels hit an icy patch and slid off the side of the road. Ruing the probable destruction of her favorite boots, she put on the new gloves, wrapped her scarf over her head, and got out of the car to dig. Before long, a patrol car pulled up behind her. Jimbo and one of his deputies to the rescue.
“Thank heavens you’re here,” she said, giving him a hug.
“What the hell are you doing out in the worst storm in a decade?” he fussed. “I guess city girls don’t bother to listen to the weather reports.”
“I didn’t listen to them in time to do any good today, obviously.” She explained her situation. “I’m trying to get back home now. Sorry to be a pain.”
“You sure you want to go home? Once you get there, you’ll be stuck for a while. Tina would be happy to have you at our house, but I took her and the baby to her mom and dad’s. I didn’t want her to be there alone while I’m out working.”
Tempted to go to Liam, Jillian feared he wouldn’t be that happy to see her. And she couldn’t be sure where he’d be this morning. The farmhouse, the strip club, or the fitness center? She’d be better off at home. They got her back on the road and made sure she got back to her house safely. She waved to them gratefully.
Jimbo rolled down his window and stuck his head out. “Stay here till this storm’s over, and the roads are plowed.”
“Yes, sir, Mr. Sheriff,” she said, throwing him a mock salute. “Thanks, again! Be careful out there.”
Well, this was a miserable turn of events. When she was a child, she’d loved being snowed in with her parents. They’d made it fun. She and her mom would make soup and bake cookies. Her dad would build a big fire. They’d play board games, or work on a big jigsaw puzzle until the weather improved. Warm happy times despite the bitter cold outside.
This isolation wouldn’t suit her at all. She went for a long soak in a hot tub, wishing Liam was with her, hoping he was somewhere safe, and fighting off the pull of the memories in the attic.
Dressed in warm sweats and heavy socks, she fixed a grilled cheese sandwich and a quick tomato soup, the way her mom used to make it. A text to Liam went unanswered. She made a batch of cookies and a loaf of bread, and then, as if it were the most natural action in the world and like she’d been planning it all along, she went to the attic and brought down the Christmas decorations.
Getting the tree down the stairs and to the family room was an ordeal with missteps that ended up with a banged elbow, a bump on the head, and an unexpected slide downward on her tailbone. But when dusk was falling, and she had all the boxes stacked at the b
ottom of the stairs, the electricity went out. The day was wearing her down, no doubt about it. Now, what?
After fishing her phone out of her pocket, she used the flashlight feature to get to the kitchen and the store of emergency flashlights. She made her way to the family room to light lanterns and build a fire. As she laid a foundation like her dad had taught her, she heard a snowmobile motor outside. She went to the backdoor with a flashlight. The beam landed right on Liam, snow-covered, goggled, and freezing.
She ripped the door open, threw herself into his arms, and toppled them down the steps and into the piles of snow. She promptly burst into tears.
“Hey, hey,” he said, holding her close. “I’m here. What’s the matter?”
“Nothing.” She wiped her eyes with frigid fingers. “Everything.”
“Come on.” Staggering to his feet, he dragged her with him up the stairs and into the house.
She pulled his goggles off and helped him out of his snowsuit. She wanted to keep on going, but figured his body needed to warm up before she stripped him naked. “What are you doing here?”
“I’ve been out helping people all day, but when I checked in with Jimbo about an hour ago, he told me you were here alone.”
“I’m not alone now. How long can you stay?”
“As long as you’ll let me.”
“What?” Her mouth dropped open in shock.
“I’m sorry. Was that too abrupt?” He wrapped her in his arms and led her to the family room. “We have a lot to talk about and a lot to figure out, but I’ve finally figured out I love you. Always have, always will.” He stopped to kiss her, and she encouraged the contact. “I’m no prize, but you’re not the cause of my problems, you’re the solution. I’m still struggling to get my life back together. No one, including me, will ever believe I’m worthy of you, but I promise I’ll keep working on that.”
His words warmed her heart, but she still had doubts. “You’re not serious.”
“Dead serious, babe. I’m not trying to box you into a corner, but I hope you’ll give me a chance.”
“You’re the one who’s taking a chance. Since I’ve been back in Sunnyside, I’ve seen how the town views me as a big spoiled brat. Dad gave me everything I ever wanted and never held me accountable for anything. Now, I’m trying to take responsibility for the town, but wow, I may not be financially solvent for years. If you take me on, you have to know you’d be taking on Sunnyside, too.”
“I’m not going anywhere if you aren’t. What about your restaurant?”
“That’s still hanging out there. I may not know what’s going on with that for months, maybe even years. I’m not promising I’ll never go anywhere, but I’ll always come back here. To you. To Sunnyside. To my life and my heart.”
“That’s good enough for me.”
Their kiss became a promise they both intended to keep, but she felt like the moment deserved more. A bigger commitment. Something special. Something she’d never forget. Her gaze landed on the big box by the fireplace, and she knew. “And you’re just in time to grant one of my lifelong wishes.”
He trailed kisses down her neck. “Whatever it is, I’m in.”
“We’ve never done this before.”
“Better yet.”
She stepped back and clasped both of his hands. “I want to make love in front of the Christmas tree.”
“No problem.” He smiled and nodded, appreciating what the moment meant to her. Then he looked around the room. “Where is it?”
“We’re going to have to put it up first.”
Epilogue
Carols filled the air as the choirs from all four Sunnyside churches joined voice in the Christmas Eve celebration. It could be the biting cold causing Jillian to shiver, or it could be beauty of the moment. Or it could be that this was their first public outing as a couple.
Liam brought her a cup of cocoa. She eagerly wrapped her hands around it. As she smiled up at him, he leaned in for a kiss.
The people around them didn’t actually gasp, but several of them stared or pointed, and others grumbled. Too bad. They’d just have to get used to her and Liam being together. She had big plans for this little town, and Liam was a big part of them.
Happy This Year
A Good Riders Christmas Novella: An Excerpt
“Come on, boys. We don’t want to be late.” Shivering against the cold, Lisa Warner paused outside the events center where the Gold Star Christmas party was being held, waiting for her two sons to catch up. “Grab the door, please, Tyler. I’m about to lose my grip on this stuff.”
“I’ll do it, Mom.” Seth, her younger son, needed both hands to pull the heavy door open. “I can’t wait to show Mitch the cookies we made.”
“He won’t care,” Tyler said, dragging behind. “Do you think your hero cares about your dumb cookies?”
“He loves cookies!” Seth punched his older brother’s arm and lost his grip on the door.
The door slammed into Lisa’s shoulder. The tin filled with the Santa-faced sugar cookies she and Seth had made the night before flew out of her hands like a cannonball.
A dozen or so party-goers milled about the lobby, chatting and mingling. One long and lanky man in camo sat in a chair off to the side, leaning back in a deceptively relaxed pose. Barely blinking, he grabbed the container out of the air and hauled it to safety. The others in the lobby broke out in cheers and laughter.
“Here, let me help you, ma’am.” Being called “ma’am” brought her up short. She wasn’t that old. And neither was he. But his erect posture and the hard body under his fatigues proclaimed him military from head to toe. Her late husband had used the polite term of address with unfamiliar females from the age of one to one hundred. This soldier relieved her of her gift-wrapped boxes and bags while the boys squabbled.
“Seth! Look what you did. Are you all right, Mom?”
“It wasn’t my fault.” Her youngest turned pleading eyes up at her. “Was it, Mom?”
“You two, behave.” She put a protective hand on each of their shoulders. “We’ll talk about this later. For now, we need to thank this nice man for having lightning-fast reflexes and saving the day.” She turned to the GI Joe who’d rescued her baked goods and looked up. And up. And further up still, in order to meet his eyes. Which were distant and cool, but quiet and restful at the same time. She had the urge to continue to stare up at him and absorb some of his quiet strength, but he looked away. “That was an impressive catch!” Lisa exclaimed with a self-conscious laugh. “Thank you!”
“No problem.” The man’s voice came out soft and rusty, but somehow intimate. “Where do you want these, ma’am?”
“Goodness, I don’t know.” She cast her gaze into the banquet room beyond, hoping to glimpse a familiar face. “I guess I’m looking for Mitch Grayson or Nikki Smith. Do you know them?”
“Yes, ma’am.” He turned to head down a hallway. “Follow me.”
“Come on, Seth, Tyler. Let’s find Mitch.”
“Okay.” Seth bounded off to catch up with their guide.
Tyler hung back. “Do I have to go, too?”
“Yes.” Lisa took him by the elbow to steer him along, but he shrugged away from her touch. What had happened to the well-adjusted twelve-year-old from a few months ago? Then, he’d been responsible, eager to help, and cooperative. She knew pre-teen boys could be moody and withdrawn, but she sure hoped he’d move right on through this stage. The holidays were hard enough for her small family without Tyler acting out of character. She hoped she hadn’t waited too long to get him the help he needed.
Up ahead Seth let his mouth run on without pausing for breath or answers. “Were you a soldier? My dad was a soldier. But he died. Were you in Afghanistan? Did you get shot? Do you have kids? Are you a fireman? Mitch is a fireman. I want to be a fireman when I grow up. Oh, look, there’s Mitch! Hey, Mitch!” Seth jumped right up and into his hero’s arms.
Mitch caught him in a big bear hug. “Hey, buddy! Go
od to see you.”
“I made cookies! And Tyler almost made Mom drop them!”
“No, I didn’t.”
Mitch tugged on the brim of Seth’s Bengals cap. “Cookies taste delicious whether they’re broken or not.”
“Where’s Nikki?”
“She’s delivering a baby. She’ll be here soon.” He put the boy down and turned to Lisa. “Thanks for coming tonight.”
She pressed her hand to the butterflies in her stomach. He’d been trying to get her to attend a Gold Star event ever since he’d reentered Nikki’s life in the fall. Lisa had thought she and the boys were doing fine on their own, but Mitch saw through their smiling faces to the pain beneath the surface. Especially Tyler’s. It had been three years since Craig’s death and none of them had dealt with it as well as they should.
In those three years, she had devoted herself to her sons, her mother, and her job, but sometimes lately, she’d been lonely and missed the intimacy of having a partner. Maybe it was time to put a tentative toe in the dating pool. Nikki said there were a couple of nice single guys in the Good Riders. Mostly, she came to the Gold Star Christmas Party for the sake of the boys. But also, it was a good idea to meet some prospects on neutral territory before she agreed to anything. The man leading them to Mitch looked like a possibility, but the thought of trusting her heart to another soldier made her a little queasy.
Tonight was more or less a trial run in the social department. She wasn’t exactly looking for a relationship, but it might be nice to talk to an actual living, breathing, available man. One who understood what she and the boys had faced. The tall unshaven man with the rugged features and longish hair might fill the bill. A definite example of the strong, silent type.
“Something you need, Martin?” Mitch said to the man burdened with her packages.
“He caught my cookies.” She winced, wishing she could erase that inane statement. The soldier’s face remained arranged in solemn lines. “That didn’t come out, right, did it? I mean, he was helping us find you. We didn’t know where to put all of our stuff.”