“You’ve ruined this place for me,” he said plaintively in a velvety voice born of desire and fatigue. “It seems empty without you now. I hope you spend the night with me here sometime soon.”
“So do I,” she said, the words just slipped out. She had created the tension of his wanting her by not sleeping with him. It hadn’t been intentional, but the result was that he only wanted her more now, if that was even possible.
“You make me feel very young, Maddie. I feel like a schoolboy. It sounds a bit mad, but I love you. I’m just sorry we didn’t meet sooner. We’ve wasted so much time until now, not knowing each other. I want to make up for lost time and not miss a minute now.”
“I hope we will,” she said gently.
“I hope so too,” he said earnestly. “Sleep well. I’ll pick you up in the morning. Do you sleep late?”
“Never.”
“Wonderful. I’m an early riser. Don’t be afraid to wake me.”
They both went to bed then and thought of each other, and she fell asleep before he did. He lay in bed for a long time, remembering every moment of the day he had spent with her and wanting more.
She took him at his word and called him at eight the next morning. He had been up and dressed for two hours by then, hoping she would call soon. She had forced herself to wait until eight to do so. He came to get her ten minutes after she’d called him, and drove her back to his place, where he had coffee and warm biscuits and jam waiting for her, and freshly squeezed orange juice, which was delicious.
“I love the fruit in California,” he said as he drank his juice. There was a lot about America he liked, and he said he had no desire to live in England again. He loved the freedom and opportunities life in the States provided, even as a writer. She took more photographs of him over breakfast on the terrace, and got a wonderful one of him laughing when she said something he thought was funny. The fog bank behind him provided a moody backdrop for her shots of him. After breakfast, he drove her to a beach path that was more accessible to her than his own, down the steep cliff where he lived. They walked for a while along the beach, although she was slowed down by her cast. They only passed the occasional local resident walking a dog, and most of the time had the beach to themselves.
“God, I love being with you,” he said as he hugged her, while they stood looking out to sea together. They had agreed that she had to leave the next day, he was dreading it and she was worried about it too. She realized how far they had come and that despite all her safeguards and caution, she would miss him.
“When will I see you again?” he asked her over lunch, and reiterated the offer to meet her in Hong Kong.
“I’m not sure where I’m going after Shanghai. I have three options at the moment, and I don’t know if I’ll have a break or only enough time to get to the next shoot.”
“Is that your only hesitation?” he asked, looking straight at her, and she nodded. She wanted to see him again too.
“Right now, the options are Paris, London, and Madrid, and a very, very slim chance I’ll have to go to New Delhi.”
“That would be fun too. I’m game for wherever you want me. I can do my work on the road. I’m not particular about where I do my writing,” he said, unlike her daughter, who had to do it at home with no one in the house. “I bring my computer and I can work on the plane.” He was even more flexible than she was.
“I’ll know more when I get back to New York.” At least all the options were civilized this time, she wasn’t shooting in Somalia or Pakistan, although that could change if a disaster happened somewhere in the world and she decided to go there. She called her own shots these days, except for her important clients’ complicated schedules, which was the case in Shanghai.
The day sped past them faster than either of them wanted. They cooked dinner together rather than going out. They had to get up early. She was on a nine o’clock flight, had to check in by eight, and had to leave Big Sur at four-thirty in the morning to be sure they made it in time. Since she had returned her rented car in San Francisco before they left, she had offered to hire a car and driver to pick her up, but he wanted to drive her himself.
“I want to see how you behave at that hour of the morning,” he teased her.
“I’ll probably snore all the way there.”
“I wouldn’t mind a bit, just to have a few more hours with you,” he said gallantly. “They used to wake us up at five o’clock at my boarding school. I haven’t been able to sleep past six ever since. It’s a great bore really. I’m always creeping around trying to be quiet while everyone else is asleep.”
He took her back to her B and B at ten-thirty so they could both get some sleep, but not until after they kissed longingly on the couch in his living room, and not going any further was exquisite torture for him, and agony for her too. She hated to leave him, but they had respected their agreement, and managed not to wind up in bed.
“I’m not sure if it’s a sign of extraordinary restraint and a sense of honor, or old age in my case,” he said as he drove her back and she laughed.
“Honor, I’m sure,” she said, smiling at him.
“Thank you for your faith in me,” he said as he kissed her passionately again before he left her. “I hope you don’t intend to maintain your virginity for too long. I’ll have to start taking cold showers several times a day.” She kissed him tenderly and then she left him. She finished packing, put out her traveling clothes for the next day, closed her eyes, and it felt as though the alarm went off as soon as she did.
She showered quickly, brushed her hair and teeth, put on makeup, dressed, and was downstairs with her bag when William drove up promptly at four-thirty.
“I wish we were traveling together,” he said as he handed her a warm scone and a thermos of tea.
“So do I,” she admitted after she thanked him. He was supremely organized and attentive to her. She had never been so spoiled in her life. She was usually the one who attended to details. If they ever actually got together it would be a contest as to which of them could take the best care of the other.
They were quiet for a while as they drove north. They took the highway this time, instead of the coast road, and it was a foggy morning. It lifted slowly as the sun came up.
“Dammit,” he said as he saw the fog lifting. “I was hoping your flight might be delayed.” He smiled at her.
“I’m dreading what I’m going to be facing in my office when I walk in. I’ve never taken a three-week break from work in my entire life. I’m going to have a mountain of stuff waiting for me to tackle before I leave for Shanghai.”
“You’ll get through it,” he said confidently. He had a strong suspicion of what she was capable of, military precision and maximum efficiency. But she wasn’t obnoxious about it. She just got things done.
They talked a lot during the last half hour of the trip to the airport, as though trying to store up memories. She promised to call him when she landed. With the time difference, she wouldn’t get home until seven-thirty that night, which was four-thirty for him on the West Coast.
“I hope I get to see your firehouse one day. It sounds delightful, treacherous staircase and all.” She had told him all about Deanna’s objections to it, which he thought ridiculous. There were plenty of elderly people, which she wasn’t, living in old houses in England that had far worse hazards.
They pulled into the airport departures lane at five minutes to eight. She checked her luggage at the curb while William went to park the car, and was back ten minutes later, as she waited for him with her boarding card in her hand. She was all set.
“They’re boarding in twenty minutes,” she told him as they walked into the terminal. She was in no rush to go through security because she’d have to leave him then. He couldn’t go with her to the gate, since he wasn’t traveling himself.
There was a sudden
feeling of desperation for both of them as everything speeded up, their words became more inane and staccato, and finally he just pulled her into his arms and held her, and was startled to realize she was shaking. He looked at her in surprise and kissed her.
“My God, woman, I love you,” he said intensely. “What will I do without you now?”
“Meet me in Hong Kong,” she said, sounding breathless, “or wherever I go after Shanghai.” He smiled as she said it.
“That’s my brave girl,” he whispered and kissed her lightly on the lips as they called her flight. It was time. There was no putting it off any longer. She had to leave him. “Take care of yourself,” he said gently. “Don’t work too hard,” but they both knew she would, and thoroughly enjoy it.
“You too. I’ll let you know what the plans are,” she promised, kissed him one more time, and thanked him.
“For what? Loving you? How could I not?” It was all moving so quickly. It was dizzying.
She lined up for security and passed through the metal detector as he waved at her and then touched his heart, and she touched hers in return. She put her shoe back on her good foot, grabbed her carry-on bag, and waved a last time, and then she disappeared into the sea of travelers and he stood there, staring at strangers and missing her. She texted him a minute later and he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and took it out. “Soon. I promise. I love you,” was all she said. He texted her back, and then left the airport, torn between overwhelming joy to have met her and sorrow knowing that he would have to live without her now until they met again. It was only the beginning, but felt like the end.
Chapter 14
As she had promised him she would, Maddie called William when she landed at JFK. Texting wasn’t enough. She wanted to hear his voice. He answered the moment he heard the phone. He’d been waiting for her call. She was in the cab on her way into the city. It was three-thirty in California, and he was sitting on his deck, thinking about her as he had been all day. What had happened to them seemed so magical as to be almost impossible to believe. What were the odds of finding the love of his life at fifty-nine?
“How was the flight?” he asked her with a tender tone.
“Long. It always seems that way going east. I thought about you the whole way.”
“Good thoughts, I hope.”
“Very good thoughts,” she reassured him. She was beginning to believe what was happening to them, although there was an unreality to it now that she was back in New York, as though she had dreamed it. It felt like a miracle to her too. “I can’t wait to see you again.”
“I’m supposed to be finishing a book about Winston Churchill, and all I can think of is you, Maddie. And you’re so much prettier than he is.” She laughed. “I’ll call you at home when you’ve had time to settle in.”
“I’ll be up late, you can call anytime. And I slept on the plane.”
He promised to call her and smiled when they ended the call. She was real. She existed. And he was the luckiest man in the world. For a few hours, while she was on the flight, he felt as though he had imagined her and she was a mirage, a wish he’d had all his life and never believed would come true. And now it had.
She was quiet, thinking about him on the drive from the airport. The city was all lit up, the Empire State Building standing tall to greet her. She wanted to salute it. She had left three weeks before, feeling broken and old. But she had returned feeling whole and strong, and renewed, and just young enough to enjoy it, but not young enough to be foolish. She was in precisely the right space, which proved that you never knew what life had in store. At the darkest moments, the sun could pierce through the clouds.
The driver helped her with her bags when she got to her house and she smiled as she looked up at the firehouse. No matter what Deanna thought of it, it was home, and where she belonged.
She felt like her old self when she walked in. She put her purse down and walked across her studio to her office. There were neat stacks of papers to go through on her desk, thoroughly organized by Penny, according to priority, and then she saw a vase with two dozen long-stemmed red roses that were the tallest she’d ever seen. The card read simply, “I love you, William.” She had known they were from him the moment she saw them, and she wondered what Penny must have thought. She hadn’t told her about William yet. She needed time to digest it herself and figure out if it was real, or just an interlude on her freedom trip. But it seemed very real now, and so were the roses.
She walked upstairs to her bedroom and remembered the nights she had spent there in pain with her ankle, her deep hurt over Deanna’s words, her sudden doubts about the future and about herself. It was all washed away and it felt good to be back. She knew the box of old letters was back in her closet, on the top shelf, but there was a new chapter now. The old letters and the men who wrote them were history, even Andy, who was gone, and had been when she left New York even though she didn’t know it. Her trip to see him had been pointless, except to confirm that she’d been right to end it, and to lead her to William, which was how life worked. Each part of the journey led to another. Each door opened to reveal another one. And then finally the view you had been seeking, and hoped was there but were never sure, appeared. She was sure now about getting there. And she loved the feel of her home, and knowing it was hers. She knew it was going to take some adjusting to get used to sharing it with someone, if that was how things turned out.
She worked at her desk until midnight to see what was there and determine what she could take care of quickly. Other things would take longer, but it had all waited for her. And no one had died because she’d been away for three weeks. That was a good lesson for her too. Everything that seemed so dire in the course of every day usually wasn’t and could wait.
She went back upstairs then to unpack. She set the photograph of Andy on a table in her small sitting room. She smiled as she looked at him, and felt a twinge of sadness again, for what they had shared, what they’d never had, and what a fine man he was. It made her think of Bert in Mendocino again, and how glad she was that Milagra had him in her life and had shared that with Maddie on her trip. So many good things had happened in the three weeks she’d been away, her time with Ben and his family. Meeting William. The bond she had renewed with her younger daughter. She still had Deanna to contend with but she felt strong enough to deal with her now too. In the end, the men she had gone to see were unimportant. It was everything else that mattered. They had turned out to be brief chapters in the story. The rest was her life, and she hoped William could be part of it now, the real part, not just another chapter. The main event. It was nice to discover that at any age you could have hope, and new faces entered the story to give fresh meaning to life.
William called her right after she got into her nightgown, and she thanked him for the roses. He was very generous with her.
“When are you getting your cast off, by the way?” he asked her, pleased that she loved the roses.
“Day after tomorrow. Tomorrow I have to work. And I’ll have to see my daughter one of these days.”
“Is she likely to just show up?” Maddie had mentioned that she did that just to annoy her.
“Probably. That’s what she usually does. I can handle it.” He was sorry for her that one of her children was so difficult and unkind and spoiled things for her. The other two seemed to be headed in the right direction, but were far away, and so was he. He hated not being able to protect her, although she had been fending for herself for a long time and seemed to be good at it.
“I wish I could take you dancing to celebrate your cast coming off.”
“I’m just excited not to have to shower wearing a garbage bag on my left leg anymore, and to be able to wear two shoes again.” The experience had been humbling, but it had led her to good places in the end, since it had started her odyssey across the country, which led her to him. A true blessing in
disguise.
They talked for almost an hour, and he felt guilty for keeping her up and told her she should go to bed. She had to be up early the next morning to work with Penny and find out the status of all her bookings.
William was smiling when he hung up. She was on home turf and sounded good. And she still loved him. It was good news.
Maddie closed her eyes, thinking of him, and the next thing she knew it was morning and the alarm was going off. She showered and dressed in a T-shirt and the baggy jeans she’d worn for over a month, for her cast. She was at her desk with a mug of tea when Penny walked in, gave a scream of glee to see her at her desk, threw her arms around her, and gave her a hug.
“Welcome home, stranger.” They chattered for a few minutes, Penny disappeared and came back with a mug of coffee for herself, ready to work, and then gazed at Maddie seriously. “You owe me an explanation,” she said as Maddie looked puzzled.
“For what?”
“Who are the roses from?” Penny knew everything about her life, and there was no one she could think of who would send her roses like that. She had been dying to read the card, but hadn’t.
“Ah…yes…the roses…” She was grinning like a Cheshire cat.
“That is not an explanation. Who is he?” They were obviously from a man, and she and Maddie were close enough for Penny to ask and want to know. Maddie wasn’t sure what to say yet, or how much she wanted to tell. She liked the idea of keeping it quiet for the moment.
“He’s a writer. I met him in Big Sur.”
“And?”
“A good guy. He’s English.”
“You’re holding out on me.”
“I took some pictures. I’ll show you.”
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