I Hate You, Move In: An Enemies to Lovers Accidental Roommate Romance

by Jamie Knight

  “Oh, good,” said Mom. She waved me over to the dresser. “And just so you know, I put the most revealing clothes in the bottom drawer. I know you, you’ll wear whatever is closer to the top.”

  My mother’s idea of revealing clothes was anything short of a burqa. If it were up to her, I’m sure I’d be on my way to a nunnery right now. I watched her place a Bible in the top drawer of my dresser.

  “What’s that? I already have a Bible,” I reminded her. “And it’s the one you gave me.”

  “This is the back-up Bible,” she said. “In case you lose that one or need to loan one to a friend. People read the Bible in college, you know.”

  I made a face. I didn’t think that was an accurate assessment, but I didn’t want to waste the time or brain power to dispute it. My mother was going to believe whatever she wanted to believe. I was just happy that in a few short hours she’d be believing it at a safe distance from me and my new social possibilities.

  Dad finished reassembling my bed. It looked exactly the same as it had when I walked into the dorm room several minutes ago.

  “Try it now,” he instructed, mildly proud of himself.

  I sat on the bed.

  “Better?” he asked.

  “I don’t know,” I confessed. “It feels the same.”

  “It’s better,” he assured me. “Way better than before. Maybe I should talk to the maintenance guy before I leave. Tell him what I did.” Dad always wanted to tell everyone what to do.

  “No, it’s great,” I insisted. “Please, you don’t have to do that, Dad. I’m sure they can fix the beds just fine.”

  “Like they fixed this one?” he scoffed. “No-no, I’m going to find someone.”

  I buried my head into my hands. At this rate, they were never going to leave. Worst case scenario, he’d actually follow the maintenance guys around, fixing every bed on campus. Best case scenario, the maintenance man would humor his request and that would be enough to satisfy dad. I was really hoping it was the latter and not the former.

  “Do you have the name of your roommate?” asked Mom.

  “No, Mom,” I informed her, again. “I don’t have a roommate, remember. I have a single. Everyone at Kensington State gets a single. That’s why the room is so small.”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Seems pretty big,” she said, looking around. “But, not as comfortable as your room back home.” She got a little teary-eyed and started crying.

  “Oh, Mom, don’t cry,” I said, getting up to give her a hug. “You’re going to make me cry.”

  “I can’t help it,” she said. “It’s just such a big time in your life. You’re off to college and growing up.”

  She sniffled and looked me dead in the face, stopping me in my tracks a few paces from her. She sobbed, “If you don’t do well, I’ll be so embarrassed.”

  “Uh, thanks Mom,” I said to her self-absorbed statement. “I’m sure you meant something encouraging when you said that.”

  Chapter Three

  Seth

  In a few weeks, I was in the full swing of college.

  I was working hard in my classes and staying on top of the ample amounts of homework. There was so much reading you have to do. Holy shit. Thank God for the Internet. I can’t imagine what it was like in the past when you had to run back and forth to the library all the time.

  I had made a few friends. Dave and Kendall had been in my orientation session and shared Ethics and History classes with me. Often, we’d eat together in the dorm’s cafeteria. We always sat at the same table, the one in the back by one of the cafeteria’s long rectangular windows. It gave us a view of the long open tree-lined field outside. People were always lying out on blankets, playing Frisbee golf or doing yoga out there. I instantly loved this part of college. My dad was always working, I’d never really seen people pursue past times other than barbecue or working.

  At dinner time, I was sitting at the usual table, by myself waiting for them. My books were spread out, so I could save our seats.

  “Seth, what’s up?” greeted Dave, giving me a fist bump. He slid into the plastic chair across from mine. “You crushing this Macroeconomics class or what?”

  I closed my book and looked up at him. Dave was a pretty alright guy. He had just started growing out his brown hair, now that he was out of his parents’ place. He had honest, clever brown eyes. He was shorter than me and had a closet full of funny t-shirts and cargo shorts.

  “I don’t know man, these business models are confusing,” I confessed.

  Kendall plopped down in the seat next to me. He was a skinny guy with a mop of curly blond hair. His tray was overloaded with food.

  “Kendall, are you starving to death?” asked Dave, eyeing the overloaded tray.

  “No,” said Kendall. “I’m making the maximum use of my meal plan. I like to stay up late. Sometimes I get hungry. The cafeteria closes way too early.”

  The cafeteria closed at nine. There were a few places to get food in the small town that surrounded Kensington State College but, like myself, Kendall was very low on money and had yet to find a part-time job. With so many students around, jobs went quickly.

  Kendall pulled a few Ziploc bags out of his backpack. He started stuffing the sandwiches he made into them, sealing them up and putting them into his backpack. At one point, he started scooping coleslaw into a bag.

  “Seriously?” I said. “You’re taking coleslaw back to your room? That doesn’t seem like a good idea. Won’t it go bad?”

  “Nah,” dismissed Kendall. “I bought a mini-fridge.”

  “They cost like $80,” laughed Dave. “Where did you come up with the money for that?”

  “My grandmother gave it to me,” Kendall admitted sheepishly. He pulled out a thermos and started pouring out the glasses of milk he had brought to the table and filled it up. He had some left over for lunch, but not much.

  “He’s fascinating, isn’t he?” noted Dave, with a snarky grin. “The male Kendall gathers food and stores it away for the winter. The male Kendall knows there could be tough times ahead and he needs to fill his cheeks with nutrients.”

  “Nice David Attenborough impression. This is totally Blue Planet ‘College Edition’,” I quipped, sitting back in my seat and crossing my arms in front of my chest. “Kendall is truth-telling, though. I get hungry at night too.”

  I looked down at my own tray, deciding to take some of it with me. Wrapping up a grilled cheese sandwich in a napkin, I prepared to put it in my backpack. Kendall tossed me a Ziploc.

  “Here you go,” he said. “You owe me seventeen cents.”

  “You mean I can’t put this bag on lay-away?” I joked. “I don’t know where I’m going to get that kind of money.”

  “You laugh, but shit adds up,” said Kendall. “We have to save money now, so we have it in the future.”

  “According to my economics professor, at the rate the dollar’s depreciating, the purchasing power will be next to nothing comparatively over the next twenty years. And that’s assuming we don’t spiral down into a depression,” said Dave.

  Kendall and I turned to stare at him. Sometimes Dave could be incredibly intelligent, but most of the time he was a goofball.

  “Really?” I asked. “I have to take that Austrian Economics class next semester.”

  “Oh, it’s tight, dude,” said Dave. “The professor is so fucking fire and brimstone about the economy. Way less boring than Macro.”

  “Nice,” I said, running a hand over the side of my head. Short black hairs tickled my palm. I had shaved the sides of my hair short when I started college.

  I was still a little self-conscious, honestly, about making such a change to my appearance. When my dad saw it, he asked me if I was trying to reinvent myself or something. Was I trying to look like I didn’t come from the shitty apartments by the lake? I told him and myself that stuff didn’t matter to me. That I was here to learn, so I could have a better life. I just thought the new cut would be a nice change. He cam
e around quickly, even said he liked it. But a part of me now mused over his questions every time my hand ran across the new texture of the haircut.

  I had to face facts. Being a business major was pretty boring. It all boiled down to marketing and being able to read your customer base. Still, it was something I could use when I got out of school. I could build up a nest egg and buy a house. Or at least a condo.

  All my hard work studying would pay off one day. My father had struggled all his life. I wanted to do better, maybe start my own business, anything to keep from living paycheck to paycheck.

  “Well, I’m going to head back to my room to study,” I said, after we’d all eaten and caught up on the day’s sights. I had started feeling a little depressed.

  “That chick next door still partying all day and night?” asked Dave with one brown eyebrow raised.

  “Yeah,” I reported, rolling my eyes. I stood and started packing my books back into my bag. “Religious chicks. You know how they get when they’re finally away from Mom and Dad.”

  “Whoa, wait, is she hot?” asked Kendall, sliding forward in his chair. “I haven’t seen her yet.”

  “Eh, she’s kind of a weirdo, man,” I said with a grimace. I had known Tina for most of my life. She was a bratty kid and a lazy adult. “I wouldn’t set you guys up with her. I mean, sure, she’s pretty attractive, I guess.”

  “Well this is college,” said Dave, slapping his hand on the table. “If she’s attractive, then bang her.”

  I dropped my hands on the table, horrified with the thought. I liked to date around as much as the next guy, but the thought of being with Tina… Crazy Tina? Never. All she was… was an annoyance. Besides, there were other complications.

  “I’m living down the hall from her. What the fuck do I do if I have to break up with her?” I asked.

  “Dude, that’s a problem for Older Seth,” assured Dave. “Let Current Seth get some.”

  I rolled my eyes, grabbed my backpack, and headed back to my room.

  Chapter Four

  Seth

  My dorm room was pretty nice, not as big as my room back home, but I enjoyed being away from my father and step-mother and on my own.

  The furniture was sparse. I had a twin bed, an old wooden desk, which was banged up and dented, and a single wooden chair. Each piece was heavy wood and very sturdy but so worn they definitely looked like they’d housed 50 years of students before me. I could just picture the 1970s guys in their bell-bottoms in here. Other students had brought in their own computer chairs and glass desks and huge computer monitors, but my family didn’t have that kind of money. So, I made do with what was provided.

  I put posters up on the walls and bought myself a set of blue bedsheets. I picked up house plants, two ferns I named Action and Jackson, to make the room feel calm and soothing. I kept my desk clear and tidy, its lamp and chair the only permanent fixtures. I tried to make it a perfect place to study and learn. For those first weeks, living in a single was kind of lonely, but there was no way around it. All the dorm rooms at Kensington State were singles.

  I opened my World History 101 book and started studying for an exam I had in the morning. After only a few minutes, the deep pulse of dance music drifted to my ears. I tried to ignore it, really focusing on my book by reading it out loud. The music got louder. I sighed and scooted my chair towards the opposite end of my room. The music got louder still. I moved over to sit on my bed, trying to escape the noise, but it didn’t work.

  As always, Tina had a party rocking in her dorm down the hall. I don’t know who parties at 6:00 p. m. on a Wednesday, but not only did Tina manage to find those people, she always hosted the party in her dorm room.

  They must have the music blasting out the windows. I mean, it was cranked. I closed my window, hoping that would help. Unfortunately, the dorms weren’t sound proof like a bunker and Tina was one of those jerks who like to blast music and aim her speakers out the window. It didn’t surprise me. Tina had always been a selfish little asshole.

  After a few minutes of trying to study with my ribcage vibrating from the noise, I put on some noise-canceling headphones that my grandparents had given as a graduation present. I tried to continue. I have no idea how anyone in the hall could stand this, but it seemed like I was the only one who complained. The last time I had to confront Tina about this, it did not go so well. We ended up in a screaming match out in the hall and the R.A. had to bust it up.

  That was the problem with confronting Tina, she didn’t want to hear it. She would just repeatedly say, “Sorry but I don’t have to listen to you.” And she was right. She didn’t. The R.A. gave some namby-pamby answer about us being “both wrong” because her party wasn’t during quiet hours but she was violating noise level “understandings.” And so we went back to our respective rooms, unresolved.

  Now, suddenly, the music got even louder, and there was yelling. I swear I could hear the conversations through my headphones. Some noise-canceling headphones they were.

  Was I the only one with classes? What the fuck were the majors in there? A Bachelor degree in Doing Shots, followed by a Master’s degree in Fucking Off?

  Still, I tried to endure. There was no sense getting mad. The fucking R.A. wouldn’t do shit.

  Finally, there was a crash. This was a big fucking crash that echoed through the hall. It sounded like someone took a chair and smashed it against a wall. It was too much. I couldn’t study like this and I had an exam in the morning. I shouldn’t have to put up with this. I’m paying the school for room and board, so I can study. Can’t she party somewhere else, the selfish brat?

  I threw off my headphones, got up and went into the hallway. The music could be heard throughout the hall. I marched down to Tina’s room. I banged on the door, but I swear, the music was so loud I could barely hear my own knock. It was a small room just like mine and I was pounding on the door, but no one could hear me. Fuck. They must be half deaf in there.

  I tried the doorknob and I just opened the door. It was unlocked. Fuck it, I’ll just say it swung open. There’s no way the entire campus can’t be hearing this. Then the door opened, and I had to cover my ears.

  Tina’s dorm room had been trashed. And it looked like someone had fallen over from goofing around on a chair. The desk chair and the bedside table were broken. From what I could tell, they were jumping off the bed onto a pile of pillows on the floor. There were bottles and cups of soda and alcohol everywhere.

  There were five guys and five girls total, all crammed in this tiny room having a party. It was nuts. I couldn’t see who was playing the music, so I just flicked the lights off and on. They all turned to look at me.

  “Hey. Hey!” I screamed.

  “Who’s the hottie?” gestured one of the girls in the pile of pillows on the floor. She looked like a groupie in those old pictures of rock bands in the 1960s with her cut-off shorts, flowing shirt and long loose blond hair. One of her legs trailed over and had her foot hooked around the thigh of some guy who was leaning over to kiss some other scantily-clad girl on his opposite arm. I guess they were having a history lesson in the free love movement or something.

  “Emma, I question your definition of ‘hottie’,” said Tina. She was dancing on her bed with two other girls and one guy. Her skirt was so short, I could almost see the bottom of her rounded butt cheeks. I tried not to focus on that.

  “That’s Seth from down the hall, Emma,” she continued. “He is, sadly, annoying, and he is, sadly, not hot. Thanks for coming, Seth! Please leave and close the door, Seth!”

  Emma leaned back on her elbows and regarded me through her glassy eyes. “Don’t leave yet, Seth,” she purred. She had a hungry look that tried to demand my attention. But I was on a mission and so I refused to meet her heavy gaze. Even if she was into me, who knows what diseases such a party girl would collect. There was nothing I wanted to check out from her library.

  I politely ignored Emma and gestured for Tina to come outside into the hall.


  She shouted something unintelligible at me.

  “What?” I said, pointing to my ears. “It’s too loud. Will you just come out here to talk to me, please?”

  Tina made an exasperated face and jumped off her bed. She stepped over the pieces of table and chair. Her foot slipped on a random, crumpled pillow case and she stumbled forward, out the door and into the hall. I caught her before she fell on her ass and propped her up against the hallway wall by her slim shoulders. Emma and her pillow crew burst out in giggles. Mercifully, the door shut so I could actually talk in a more measured voice.

  “What the fuck, Tina? I’m trying to study,” I snapped, looking down into her blue eyes.

  “Get off me!” she snapped haughtily, slapping away my hands. Then, her manner eased as she slurred, “And come on, Seth. It’s college. Lighten up.”

  I released my hold on her shoulders. She wobbled and started to sink down the wall. Her blonde hair sticking to the plaster behind her.

  “It’s Wednesday evening, you maniac,” I countered. I had to reach out and steady her again. “Shit, the sororities don’t even start parties until Thursday. People are still ass-deep in class.”

  “This isn’t a classroom,” she sneered, not holding my gaze. Her right arm gestured in a wide circle.

  “No, it’s a dorm where I live and try to study,” I said, circling my left arm to mimic her gesture. “Which I can’t do because you’re blasting music so loud the windows are vibrating.”

  “So?”

  “So I can’t concentrate, okay?” I rolled my eyes. I was starting to suspect I was developing extra face muscles just from eye-rolling, thanks to Tina’s frequent disruptions and bullshit.

  “Tina, I have an exam tomorrow. At least turn down the music.”

  “Turn down your studying,” she laughed, pushing a hand against my chest trying to get me to back up. “Or go to the library.”