One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  The old woman continued her discourse to Backbarah thus: “You have only one thing more to do, and that is but a small one. You must know that my mistress has a custom, when she has drunk a little, as you see she has done to-day, to let no one that she loves come near her, except they be stripped to their shirt; and when they have done so, she takes a little advantage of them and begins running before them through the gallery, and from chamber to chamber, till they catch her. This is one more of her humours: what advantage soever she takes of you, considering your nimbleness, you will soon overtake her; strip yourself then to your shirt, undress yourself without ceremony.”

  My silly brother had done too much to hesitate at anything now. He undressed himself; and in the mean time the young lady was stripped to her shift and drawers, that she might run the more nimbly. When they were ready, the young lady took the advantage of twenty paces, and then began to run with surprising swiftness: my brother followed as fast as he could, the slaves in the mean time laughing heartily and clapping their hands. The young lady, instead of losing ground, gained upon my brother: she made him run two or three times round the gallery, and then entering a long dark passage, made her escape. Backbarah, who still followed, having lost sight of her in the passage, was obliged to slacken his pace, because of the darkness of the place: at last perceiving a light, he ran towards it, and went out at a door, which was immediately shut after him. You may imagine how he was surprised to find himself in a street inhabited by curriers, and they were no less surprised to see him in his shirt, his eyes painted red, and without beard or moustaches: they began to clap their hands and shout at him, and some of them ran after him and lashed his back with leather straps. They then took him and set him upon an ass which they met by chance, and carried him through the town exposed to the laughter of the people.

  To complete his misfortune, as he went by the judge’s house, he would needs know the cause of the tumult. The curriers told him, that they saw him come in that condition from the gate of the apartments of the grand vizier’s women, which opened into their street; upon which the judge ordered unfortunate Backbarah to have a hundred blows with a cane on the soles of his feet, and sent him out of the town with orders never to return.

  “Thus, commander of the faithful,” said I to the caliph, “I have given an account of the adventure of my second brother, who did not know that our greatest ladies divert themselves sometimes by putting such tricks upon young people, who are so foolish as to be caught in the snare.”

  The barber, without breaking off, told the story of his third brother in the following manner.

  The Story of the Barber’s Third Brother.

  Commander of the faithful, my third brother, whose name was Backbac, was blind, and his evil destiny reduced him to beg from door to door. He had been so long accustomed to walk through the streets alone, that he wanted none to lead him: he had a custom to knock at people’s doors, and not to answer till they opened to him. One day he knocked thus, and the master of the house, who was alone, cried, “Who is there?” My brother made no answer, and knocked a second time: the master of the house asked again and again, “Who is there?” but to no purpose, no one answered; upon which he came down, opened the door, and asked my brother what he wanted? “Give me something for Heaven’s sake,” said Backbac. “You seem to be blind,” replied the master of the house. “Yes, to my sorrow,” answered my brother. “Give me your hand,” resumed the master of the house. My brother did so, thinking he was going to give him alms; but he only took him by the hand to lead him up to his chamber. Backbac thought he had been carrying him to dine with him, as many other people had done. When they reached the chamber, the man let go his hand, and sitting down, asked him again what he wanted? “I have already told you,” said Backbac, “that I want something for God’s sake.” “Good blind man,” replied the master of the house, “all that I can do for you is to wish that God may restore you your sight.” “You might have told me that at the door,” replied my brother, “and not have given me the trouble to come up stairs.” “And why, fool,” said the man of the house, “do not you answer at first, when people ask you who is there? Why do you give any body the trouble to come and open the door when they speak to you?” “What will you do with me then?” asked my brother. “I tell you again,” said the man of the house, “I have nothing to give you.” “Help me down the stairs then, as you brought me up.” “The stairs are before you,” said the man of the house, “and you may go down by yourself if you will.” My brother attempted to descend, but missing a step about the middle of the stairs, fell to the bottom and hurt his head and his back: he got up again with much difficulty, and went out cursing the master of the house who laughed at his fall.

  As my brother went out of the house, two blind men, his companions, were going by, knew him by his voice, and asked him what was the matter? He told them what had happened; and afterwards said, “I have eaten nothing to-day; I conjure you to go along with me to my house, that I may take some of the money that we three have in common to buy me something for supper.” The two blind men agreed, and they went home with him.

  You must know that the master of the house where my brother was so ill used was a robber, and of a cunning and malicious disposition. He overheard from his window what Backbac had said to his companions, and came down and followed them to my brother’s house. The blind men being seated, Backbac said to them, “Brothers, we must shut the door, and take care there be no stranger with us.” At this the robber was much perplexed, but perceiving a rope hanging down from a beam, he caught hold of it, and hung by it, while the blind men shut the door, and felt about the room with their sticks. When they had done, and had sat down again in their places, the robber left his rope, and seated himself softly by my brother, who thinking himself alone with his blind comrades, said to them, “Brothers, since you have trusted me with the money, which we have been a long time gathering, I will show you that I am not unworthy of the confidence you repose in me. The last time we reckoned, you know we had ten thousand dirhems, and that we put them into ten bags; I will shew you that I have not touched one of them:” having so said, he put his hand among some old clothes, and taking out the bags one after another, gave them to his comrades, saying, “There they are; you may judge by their weight that they are whole, or you may tell them if you please.” His comrades answered there was no need, they did not mistrust him; so he opened one of the bags, and took out ten dirhems, and each of the other blind men did the like.

  My brother put the bags into their place again: after which, one of the blind men said to him, “There is no need to lay out anything for supper, for I have collected as much victuals from good people as will serve us all.” At the same time he took out of his bag bread and cheese, and some fruit, and putting all upon the table, they began to eat, The robber, who sat at my brother’s right hand, picked out the best, and eat with them; but whatever care he took to make no noise, Backbac heard his chaps going, and cried out immediately, “We are undone, there is a stranger among us:” having so said, he stretched out his hand, and caught hold of the robber by the arm, cried out “Thieves!” fell upon him, and struck him. The other blind men fell upon him in like manner; the robber defended himself as well as he could, and being young and vigorous, besides having the advantage of his eyes, gave furious blows, sometimes to one, sometimes to another, and cried out “Thieves!” louder than they did. The neighbours came running at the noise, broke open the door, and had much ado to separate the combatants; but having at last succeeded, they asked the cause of their quarrel. My brother, who still had hold of the robber, cried out, “Gentlemen, this man I have hold of is a thief, and stole in with us on purpose to rob us of the little money we have.” The thief, who shut his eyes as soon as the neighbours came, feigned himself blind, and exclaimed, “Gentlemen, he is a liar. I swear to you by heaven, and by the life of the caliph, that I am their companion, and they refuse to give me my just share. They have all three fallen upon me, an
d I demand justice.” The neighbours would not interfere in their quarrel, but carried them all before the judge.

  When they came before the magistrate, the robber, without staying to be examined, cried out, still feigning himself blind, “Sir, since you are deputed to administer justice by the caliph, whom God prosper, I declare to you that we are equally criminal, my three comrades and I; but we have all engaged, upon oath, to confess nothing except we be bastinadoed; so that if you would know our crime, you need only order us to be bastinadoed, and begin with me.” My brother would have spoken, but was not allowed to do so: and the robber was put under the bastinado.

  The robber being under the bastinado, had the courage to bear twenty or thirty blows; when, pretended to be overcome with pain, he first opened one eve, and then the other, and crying out for mercy, begged the judge would put a stop to the blows. The judge perceiving that he looked upon him with his eyes open, was much surprised, and said to him, “Rogue, what is the meaning of this miracle?” “Sir,” replied the robber, “I will discover to you an important secret, if you will pardon me, and give me, as a pledge that you will keep your word, the seal-ring which you have on your finger.” The judge consented, gave him his ring, and promised him pardon. “Under this promise,” continued the robber, “I must confess to you sir, that I and my three comrades do all of us see very well. We feigned ourselves to be blind, that we might freely enter people’s houses, and women’s apartments, where we abuse their weakness. I must farther confess to you, that by this trick we have gained together ten thousand dirhems. This day I demanded of my partners two thousand five hundred that belonged to my share, but they refused because I told them I would leave them; and they were afraid I should accuse them. Upon my pressing still to have my share, they fell upon me; for which I appeal to those people who brought us before you. I expect from your justice, sir, that you will make them deliver me the two thousand five hundred dirhems which is my due; and if you have a mind that my comrades should confess the truth, you must order them three times as many blows as I have had, and you will find they will open their eyes as well as I have done.”

  My brother and the other two blind men would have cleared themselves of this horrid charge, but the judge would not hear them: “Villains,” said he, “do you feign yourselves blind then, and, under that pretext of moving their compassion, cheat people, and commit such crimes?” “He is an impostor,” cried my brother, “and we take God to witness that none of us can see.”

  All that my brother could say was in vain, his comrades and he received each of them two hundred blows. The judge expected them to open their eyes, and ascribed to their obstinacy what really they could not do. All the while the robber said to the blind men, “Poor fools that you are, open your eyes, and do not suffer yourselves to be beaten to death.” Then addressing himself to the judge, said, “I perceive, sir, that they will be maliciously obstinate to the last, and will never open their eyes. They wish certainly to avoid the shame of reading their own condemnation in the face of every one that looks upon them; it were better, if you think fit, to pardon them, and to send some person along with me for the ten thousand dirhems they have hidden.”

  The judge consented to give the robber two thousand five hundred dirhems, and kept the rest himself; and as for my brother and his two companions, he thought he shewed them pity by sentencing them only to be banished. As soon as I heard what had befallen my brother, I went to him; he told me his misfortune, and I brought him back secretly to the town. I could easily have justified him to the judge, and have had the robber punished as he deserved, but durst not make the attempt, for fear of bringing myself into danger of assassination. Thus I finished the sad adventure of my honest blind brother. The caliph laughed at it, as much as at those he had heard before, and ordered again that something should be given me; but without staying for it, I began the story of my fourth brother.

  The Story of the Barber’s Fourth Brother.

  Alcouz was the name of the fourth brother who lost one of his eyes, upon an occasion that I shall have the honour to relate to your majesty. He was a butcher by profession, and had a particular way of teaching rams to fight, by which he gained the acquaintance and friendship of the chief lords of the country, who loved that sport, and for that end kept rams at their houses. He had besides a very good trade, and had his shop always full of the best meat, because he spared no cost for the prime of every sort. One day when he was in his shop, an old man with a long white beard came and bought six pounds of meat of him, gave him money for it, and went his way. My brother thought the money so pure and well coined, that he put it apart by itself: the same old man came every day for five months together, bought a like quantity of meat, and paid for it in the same kind of money, which my brother continued to lay apart.

  At the end of five months, Alcouz having a mind to buy a lot of sheep, and to pay for them in this money, opened his chest; but instead of finding his money, was extremely surprised to see nothing in the place where he had laid it, but a parcel of leaves clipped round. He beat his head, and cried out aloud, which presently brought the neighbours about him, who were as much surprised as he, when he told them the story. “O!” cried my brother, weeping, “that this treacherous old fellow would come now with his hypocritical looks!” He had scarcely spoken, when he saw him at a distance; he ran to him, and laid hands on him; “Moosulmauns,” cried he, as loud as he could, “help! hear what a cheat this wicked fellow has put upon me,” and at the same time told a great crowd of people, who came about him, what he had formerly told his neighbours. When he had done, the old man said to him very gravely and calmly, “You had better let me go, and by that means make amends for the affront you have put upon me before so many people, for fear I should put a greater affront upon you, which I should be sorry to do.” “How,” said my brother, “what have you to say against me? I am an honest man in my business, and fear not you, nor any body.” “You would have me speak out then,” resumed the old man in the same tone; and turning to the crowd, said to them, “Know, good people, that this fellow, instead of selling mutton as he ought to do, sells human flesh.” “You are a cheat,” said my brother. “No, no,” continued the old man; “good people, this very minute while I am speaking to him, there is a man with his throat cut hung up in the shop like a sheep; do any of you go thither, and see if what I say be not true.”

  Just before my brother had opened his chest he had killed a sheep, dressed it, and exposed it in the shop, according to custom: he protested that what the old man said was false; but notwithstanding all his protestations, the credulous mob, prejudiced against a man accused of such a heinous crime, would go to see whether the charge were true. They obliged my brother to quit the old man, laid hold of him, and ran like madmen into his shop, where they saw, to all appearance, a man hung up with his throat cut, as the old man had told them; for he was a magician, and deceived the eyes of all people, as he did my brother, when he made him take leaves instead of money. At this sight, one of those who held Alcouz gave him a violent blow with his fist, and said to him, “Thou wicked villain, dost thou make us eat man’s flesh instead of mutton?” And at the same time the old man gave him another blow, which beat out one of his eyes. Every body that could get near him struck him; and not content with that, they carried him before a judge, with the pretended carcase of the man, to be evidence against him. “Sir,” said the old magician to the judge, “we have brought you a man, who is so barbarous as to murder people, and to sell their flesh instead of mutton. The public expects that you will punish him in an exemplary manner.” The judge heard my brother with patience, but would believe nothing of the story of the money changed into leaves, called my brother a cheat, told him he would believe his own eyes, and ordered him to receive five hundred blows. He afterwards made him tell him where his money was, took it all from him, and banished him for ever, after having made him ride three days through the city upon a camel, exposed to the insults of the people.

  I w
as not at Bagdad when this tragical adventure befell my fourth brother. He retired into a remote place, where he lay concealed till he was cured of the blows with which his back was terribly mangled. When he was able to walk, he went by night to a certain town where nobody knew him; and there he took a lodging, from whence he seldom moved; but being weary of this confined life, he went to walk in one of the suburbs, where suddenly he heard a noise of horsemen coming behind him. He was then by chance near the gate of a house, and fearing, after what had befallen him, that these horsemen were pursuing him, he opened the gate in order to hide himself, and after he had shut it, entered a court, where immediately two servants came and collared him, saying, “Heaven be praised, that you have come of your own accord to surrender yourself; you have alarmed us so much these three last nights, that we could not sleep; nor would you have spared our lives, if we had not prevented your design.” You may well imagine my brother was much surprised. “Good people,” said he, “I know not what you mean; you certainly take me for somebody else.” “No, no,” replied they, “we know that you and your comrades are robbers: you were not contented to rob our master of all that he had, and to reduce him to beggary, but you conspired to take his life. Let us see if you have not a knife about you, which you had in your hand when you pursued us last night.” Having said thus, they searched him, and found he had a knife. “Ho! ho!” cried they, laying hold of him, “and dare you say that you are not a robber?” “Why,” said my brother, “cannot a man carry a knife about him without being a robber? If you will hearken to my story, instead of having so bad an opinion of me, you will be touched with compassion at my misfortunes.” But far from attending to him, they fell upon him, trod upon him, took away his clothes, and tore his shirt. Then seeing the scars on his back, “O dog,” said they, redoubling their blows, “would you have us believe you are an honest man, when your back shews us the contrary?” “Alas!” said my brother, “my crimes must be very great, since, after having been abused already so unjustly, I am thus treated a second time without being more culpable!”