One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  O wine-bibber, art not ashamed and afraid To drink of a thing

  that thy Maker forbade?

  Come, put the cup from thee and mell with it not, For wine and

  its drinker God still doth upbraid.

  And quoth another:

  I drank the sweet sin till my wit went astray: ’Tis ill drinking of that which doth reason away.

  As for the useful qualities that are therein, it disperses gravel from the kidneys and strengthens the bowels, banishes care, moves to generosity and preserves health and digestion. It assains the body, expels disease from the joints, purifies the frame of corrupt humours, engenders cheerfulness and gladdens and keeps up the natural heat. It contracts the bladder, strengthens the liver and removes obstructions, reddens the face, clears away cobwebs from the brain and defers gray hairs. In short, had not God (to whom belong might and majesty) forbidden it, there were not on the face of the earth aught fit to stand in its place. As for drawing lots, it is a game of hazard.’ (Q.) ‘What wine is the best?’ (A.) ‘That which is pressed from white grapes and ferments fourscore days or more: it resembleth not water and indeed there is nothing on the surface of the earth like unto it.’ (Q.) ‘What of cupping?’ (A.) ‘It is for him who is [over] full of blood and has no defect therein. Whoso will be cupped, let it be at the wane of the moon, on a day without cloud or wind or rain and the seventeenth of the month. If it fall on a Tuesday, it will be the more efficacious, and nothing is more salutary for the brain and eyes and for clearing the memory than cupping.’ (Q.) ‘What is the best time for cupping?’ (A.) ‘One should be cupped fasting, for this fortifies the wit and the memory. It is reported of the Prophet that, when any one complained to him of a pain in the head or legs, he would bid him be cupped and not eat salt [meat] fasting, for it engendered scurvy, neither eat sour milk immediately after [cupping].’ (Q.) ‘When is cupping to be avoided?’ (A.) ‘On Wednesdays and Saturdays, and let him who is cupped on these days blame none but himself. Moreover, one should not be cupped in very hot nor in very cold weather; and the best season for cupping is Spring.’ (Q.) ‘Tell me of copulation.’

  At this Taweddud hung her head, for shame and confusion before the Khalif; then said, ‘By Allah, O Commander of the Faithful, it is not that I am at fault, but that I am ashamed, though, indeed, the answer is on the tip of my tongue.’ ‘Speak, O damsel,’ said the Khalif; whereupon quoth she, ‘Copulation hath in it many and exceeding virtues and praiseworthy qualities, amongst which are, that it lightens a body full of black bile and calms the heat of love and engenders affection and dilates the heart and dispels sadness; and the excess of it is more harmful in summer and autumn than in spring and winter.’ (Q.) ‘What are its good effects?’ (A.) ‘It doth away trouble and disquiet, calms love and chagrin and is good for ulcers in a cold and dry humour; but excess of it weakens the sight and engenders pains in the legs and head and back: and beware, beware of having to do with old women, for they are deadly. Quoth the Imam Ali, (whose face God honour), “Four things kill and ruin the body: bathing on a full stomach, eating salt meat, copulation on a plethora [of blood] and lying with an ailing woman; for she will weaken thy strength and infect thy body with sickness; and an old woman is deadly poison.” And quoth one of them, “Beware of taking an old woman to wife, though she be richer in goods than Caroun.”’ (Q.) ‘What is the best copulation?’ (A.) ‘If the woman be young, well-shaped, fair of face, swelling-breasted and of honourable extraction, she will add to thee strength and health of body; and let her be even as saith the poet, describing her:

  Even by thy looks, I trow, she knows what thou desir’st, By

  instinct, without sign or setting forth of sense;

  And when thou dost behold her all-surpassing grace, Her charms

  enable thee with gardens to dispense.’

  (Q.) ‘At what time is copulation good?’ (A.) ‘If by day, after the morning-meal, and if by night, after food digested.’ (Q.) ‘What are the most excellent fruits?’ (A.) ‘The pomegranate and the citron.’ (Q.) ‘Which is the most excellent of vegetables?’ (A.) ‘The endive.’ (Q.) ‘Which of sweet-scented flowers?’ (A.) ‘The rose and the violet.’ (Q.) ‘How is sperma hominis secreted?’ (A.) ‘There is in man a vein that feeds all the other veins. Water [or blood] is collected from the three hundred and threescore veins and enters, in the form of red blood, the left testicle, where it is decocted, by the heat of man’s temperament, into a thick, white liquid, whose odour is as that of the palm-spathe.’ (Q.) ‘What bird [or flying thing] is it that emits seed and menstruates?’ (A.) ‘The bat, that is, the rere-mouse.’ (Q.) ‘What is that which, when it is shut out [from the air], lives, and when it smells the air, dies?’ (A.) ‘The fish.’ (Q.) ‘What serpent lays eggs?’ (A.) ‘The dragon.’

  With this the physician was silent, being weary with much questioning, and Taweddud said to the Khalif, ‘O Commander of the Faithful, he hath questioned me till he is weary, and now I will ask him one question, which if he answer not, I will take his clothes as lawful prize.’ ‘Ask on,’ quoth the Khalif. So she said to the physician, ‘What is that which resembles the earth in [plane] roundness, whose resting-place and spine are hidden, little of value and estimation, narrow-chested, its throat shackled, though it be no thief nor runaway slave, thrust through and through, though not in fight, and wounded, though not in battle; time eats its vigour and water wastes it away; now it is beaten without a fault and now made to serve without stint; united after separation, submissive, but not to him who caresses it, pregnant without a child in its belly, drooping, yet not leaning on its side, becoming dirty yet purifying itself, cleaving to [its mate], yet changing, copulating without a yard, wrestling without arms, resting and taking its ease, bitten, yet not crying out, [now] more complaisant than a boon-companion and [anon] more troublesome than summer-heat, leaving its wife by night and clipping her by day and having its abode in the corners of the mansions of the noble?’ The physician was silent and his colour changed and he bowed his head awhile in perplexity and made no reply; whereupon she said to him, ‘O physician, speak or put off thy clothes.’ At this, he rose and said, ‘O Commander of the Faithful, bear witness against me that this damsel is more learned than I in medicine and what else and that I cannot cope with her.’ And he put off his clothes and fled forth. Quoth the Khalif to Taweddud, ‘Expound to us thy riddle,’ and she replied, ‘O Commander of the Faithful, it is the button and the button loop.’

  Then said she, ‘Let him of you who is an astronomer come forward.’ So the astronomer came forward and sat down before her. When she saw him, she laughed and said, ‘Art thou the astronomer, the mathematician, the scribe?’ ‘Yes,’ answered he. ‘Ask of what thou wilt,’ quoth she; ‘success rests with God.’ So he said, ‘Tell me of the sun and its rising and setting?’ And she replied, ‘The sun rises in the Eastern hemisphere and sets in the Western, and each hemisphere comprises ninescore degrees. Quoth God the Most High, “Verily, I swear by the Lord of the places of the sunrise and of the sunsetting.” And again, “He it is who appointed the sun for a splendour and the moon for a light and ordained to her mansions, that ye might know the number of the years and the reckoning.” The moon is Sultan of the night and the sun Sultan of the day, and they vie with one another in their courses and follow each other in uninterrupted succession. Quoth God the Most High, “It befits not that the sun overtake the moon nor that the night prevent the day, but each glides in [its own] sphere.”’ (Q.) ‘When the day cometh, what becomes of the night, and what of the day, when the night cometh?’ (A.) ‘He maketh the night to enter into the day and the day into the night.’ (Q.) ‘Enumerate to me the mansions of the moon.’ (A.) ‘They are eight-and-twenty in number, to wit, Sheretan, Butain, Thureya, Deberan, Hecaäh, Henaäh, Dhiraa, Nethreh, Terf, Jebheh, Zubreh, Serfeh, Awwaa, Simak and Ghefr, Zubaniya, Iklil, Kelb, Shauleh, Naaïm, Beldeh, Saad edh Dhabih, Saad el Bulaa, Saad el Akhbiyeh, Saad es Suwoud, Fergh the Former and Fergh the Latter and Rishaa. They are disposed
in the order of the letters of the alphabet, according to their numerical power, and there are in them secret virtues which none knoweth save God (glorified and exalted be He) and those who are firmly stablished in science. They are divided among the twelve signs of the Zodiac, in the ratio of two mansions and a third of a mansion to each sign. Thus Sheretan, Butain and one-third of Thureya belong to Aries, the other two- thirds of Thureya, Deberan and two thirds of Hecaäh to Taurus, the other third of Hecaäh, Henaäh and Dhiraa to Gemini, Nethreh, Terf, and a third of Jebheh to Cancer, the other two-thirds of Jebheh, Zubreh and two-thirds of Serfeh to Leo, the other third of Serfeh, Awwaa and Simak to Virgo, Ghefr, Zubaniya and one-third of Iklil to Libra, the other two-thirds of Iklil, Kelb and two- thirds of Shauleh to Scorpio, the other third of Shauleh, Naaïm and Beldeh to Sagittarius, Saad edh Dhabih, Saad el Bulaa and one-third of Saad es Suwoud to Capricorn, the other two-thirds of Saad es Suwoud, Saad el Akbiyeh and two-thirds of Fergh the Former to Aquarius, the other third of Fergh the Former, Fergh the Latter and Rishaa to Pisces.’ (Q.) ‘Tell me of the planets and their natures, also of their sojourn in the signs of the Zodiac, their aspects, favourable and sinister, their houses, ascendants and descendants.’ (A.) ‘The sitting is narrow [for so comprehensive a matter], but they are seven in number, to wit, the sun, the moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter and Saturn. The sun is hot and dry, sinister in conjunction, favourable in opposition, and abides thirty days in each sign. The moon is cold and moist, favourable of aspect, and abides two days in each sign and a third of another day. Mercury is of a mixed nature, favourable [in conjunction] with the favourable and sinister [in conjunction] with the sinister [asterisms], and abides in each sign seventeen and a half days. Venus is temperate, favourable and abides in each sign five-and-twenty days. Mars is sinister and abides in each sign ten months. Jupiter is favourable and abides in each sign a year. Saturn is cold and dry and sinister and abides in each sign thirty months. The house of the sun is Leo, its ascendant is Aries and its descendant Aquarius. The moon’s house is Cancer, its ascendant Taurus, its descendant Scorpio and its sinister aspect Capricorn. Saturn’s house is Capricorn and Aquarius, its ascendant Libra, its descendant Aries and its sinister aspects Cancer and Leo. Jupiter’s house is Pisces and Sagittarius, its ascendant Cancer, its descendant Capricorn and its sinister aspects Gemini and Leo. Venus’s house is Taurus, its ascendant Pisces, its descendant Libra and its sinister aspects Aries and Scorpio. Mercury’s house is Gemini and Virgo, its ascendant Virgo, its descendant Pisces and its sinister aspect Taurus. Mars’s house is Aries and Scorpio, its ascendant Capricorn, its descendant Cancer and its sinister aspect Libra.’

  When the astronomer saw her acuteness and skill and heard her fair answers, he bethought him for a device to confound her before the Commander of the Faithful and said to her, ‘O damsel, will rain fall this month?’ At this she bowed her head and pondered so long, that the Khalif thought her at a loss for an answer and the astronomer said to her, ‘Why dost thou not speak?’ Quoth she, ‘I will not speak except the Commander of the Faithful give me leave.’ The Khalif laughed and said, ‘How so?’ Said she, ‘I would have thee give me a sword, that I may strike off his head, for he is an infidel.’ At this the Khalif and those about him laughed, and she said, ‘O astronomer, there are five things that none knoweth save God the Most High;’ and she repeated the following verse: ‘Verily, with God is the knowledge of the hour; He sendeth down the rain and knoweth what is in the wombs. None knoweth what the morrow shall bring forth for him nor in what land he shall die. Verily, God is the All-wise, the All-knowing.’

  Quoth the astronomer, ‘Thou hast said well, and by Allah, I thought but to try thee.’ ‘Know,’ rejoined she, ‘that the almanack-makers have certain signs and tokens, referring to the planets, relative to the coming in of the year, and in which are tribulations for the folk.’ (Q.) ‘What are they?’ (A.) ‘Each day hath a planet that rules it. So, if the first day of the year fall on a Sunday, that day is the sun’s and this portends (though God alone is All-knowing) oppression of kings and sultans and governors and much miasma and lack of rain and that the folk will be in great disorder and the grain-crop will be good, except lentils, which will perish, and the vines will rot and flax will be dear and wheat cheap from the beginning of Toubeh to the end of Beremhat. Moreover, in this year there will be much fighting among kings, and there shall be great plenty of good in this year.’ (Q.) ‘What if the first day fall on Monday?’ (A.) ‘That day belongs to the moon and portends righteousness in administrators and deputies and that it will be a year of much rain and grain-crops will be good, but linseed will decay and wheat will be cheap in the month Keyehk; also that plagues will be rife and that half the sheep and goats will die, that grapes will be plentiful and honey scarce and cotton cheap.’ (Q.) ‘What if it fall on Tuesday?’ (A.) ‘That is Mars’s day and portends death of great men and much destruction and outpouring of blood and dearness of grain, lack of rain and scarcity of fish, which will anon be in excess and anon fail [altogether]. In this year, lentils and honey will be cheap and linseed dear and only barley will thrive, to the exception of all other grain: great will be the fighting among kings and death will be in the blood and there will be much mortality among asses.’ (Q.) ‘What if it fall on Wednesday?’ (A.) ‘That is Mercury’s day and portends great anarchy among the folk and much enmity and rotting of some of the green crops and moderate rains; also that there will be great mortality among cattle and infants and much fighting by sea, that wheat will be dear from Burmoudeh to Misra and other grains cheap: thunder and lightning will abound and honey will be dear, palm-trees will thrive and bear apace and flax and cotton will be plentiful, but radishes and onions will be dear.’ (Q.) ‘What if it fall on Thursday?’ (A.) ‘That is Jupiter’s day and portends equity in viziers and righteousness in Cadis and fakirs and the ministers of religion and that good will be plentiful: rain and fruits and trees and grain and fish will abound and flax, cotton, honey and grapes be cheap.’ (Q.) ‘What if it fall on Friday?’ (A.) ‘That day belongs to Venus and portends oppression in the chiefs of the Jinn and talk of forgery and calumny; there will be much dew, the autumn crops will be good in the land and there will be cheapness in one town and not in another: lewdness will be rife by land and sea, linseed will be dear, also wheat, in Hatour, but cheap in Amshir: honey will be dear and grapes and melons will rot.’ (Q.) ‘What if it fall on Saturday?’ (A.) ‘That is Saturn’s day and portends the preferment of slaves and Greeks and those in whom there is no good, neither in their neighbourhood; there will be great drought and scarcity; clouds will abound and death will be rife among mankind and woe to the people of Egypt and Syria from the oppression of the Sultan and failure of blessing upon the green crops and rotting of grain.’

  With this, the astronomer hung his head, [being at an end of his questions], and she said to him, ‘O astronomer, I will ask thee one question, which if thou answer not, I will take thy clothes.’ ‘Ask on,’ replied he. Quoth she, ‘Where is Saturn’s dwelling place?’ And he answered, ‘In the seventh heaven.’ (Q.) ‘And that of Jupiter?’ (A.) ‘In the sixth heaven.’ (Q.) ‘And that of Mars?’ (A.) ‘In the fifth heaven.’ (Q.) ‘And that of the sun?’ (A.) ‘In the fourth heaven.’ (Q.) ‘And that of Venus?’ (A.) ‘In the third heaven.’ (Q.) ‘And that of Mercury?’ (A.) ‘In the second heaven.’ (Q.) ‘And that of the moon?’ (A.) ‘In the first heaven.’ Quoth she, ‘Well answered; but I have one more question to ask thee. Into how many parts are the stars divided?’ But he was silent and answered nothing; and she said to him, ‘Put off thy clothes.’ So he put them off and she took them; after which the Khalif said to her, ‘Tell us the answer to thy question.’ ‘O Commander of the Faithful,’ answered she, ‘the stars are divided into three parts, one whereof is hung in the sky of the earth, as it were lamps, to give light to the earth, another suspended in the air, to give light to the seas and that which is therein, and the third is used to transfix the demons withal, when they draw
near by stealth to [listen to the talk of the angels in] heaven. Quoth God the Most High, “Verily, we have decked the sky of the earth with lamps and have appointed them for projectiles against the demons.”’ Quoth the astronomer, ‘I have one more question to ask, which if she answer, I will avow myself beaten.’ ‘Say on,’ answered she. Then said he, ‘What four incompatible things are based upon other four incompatibles?’ ‘The four elements,’ replied she; ‘for of heat God created fire, which is by nature hot and dry; of dryness, earth, which is cold and dry; of cold, water, which is cold and moist; of moisture, air, which is hot and moist. Moreover, He created twelve signs of the Zodiac, Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius and Pisces and appointed them of four [several] humours, three, Aries, Leo and Sagittarius, fiery, Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn, earthy, Gemini, Libra and Aquarius, airy, and Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces, watery.’ With this, the astronomer rose, and saying, ‘Bear witness against me that she is more learned than I,’ went away beaten.