One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  When the young merchant heard this, he said in himself, ‘I asked God for a bride, and He hath given me three things, coin and caze and clothing.’ Then he said to the old woman, ‘O my mother, that which thou proposest to me is well; but this long while my mother saith to me, “ I wish to marry thee,” and I reply, “ I will not marry, except on the sight of mine own eyes.”’ ‘Rise and follow me,’ answered Delileh, ‘and I will show her to thee, naked.’ So he rose and shut his shop and took a purse of a thousand diners, saying in himself, ‘Belike we may need to buy somewhat or pay the fees for drawing up the [marriage] contract.’ The old woman bade him walk behind rhe young lady, so as to keep her in sight, and said to herself, ‘Where shall I carry the young merchant and the lady, that I may strip them?’

  Then she walked on and Khatoun after her, followed by the young merchant, till she came to a dyery, kept by a master-dyer, by name Hajj Mohammed, a man of ill repute, cutting male and female, like the colocasia seller’s knife, and loving to eat both figs and pomegranates.’ He heard the tinkle of the ankle-rings and raising his head, saw the lady and the young man. Presently the old woman came up to him and said, ‘Art thou not Hajj Mohammed?’ ‘Yes,’ answered he. ‘What dost thou want?’ Quoth she, ‘Folk of repute have directed me to thee. Look at yonder handsome girl, who is my daughter, and that comely beardless youth, who is my son. I brought them both up and spent much money on them. Now I have an old ruinous house, which I have shored up with wood, and the builder says to me, “Go and live in some other place, till this be repaired, lest perchance it fall upon thee.” So I went forth to seek me a lodging, and people of worth directed me to thee, and I wish to lodge my son and daughter with thee.’Quoth the dyer in himself, ‘Verily, here is fresh butter upon muffins come to me.’ But he said to the old woman, ‘True is it I have a house and saloon and upper chamber; but I cannot spare any part thereof, for I want it all for guests and for the indigo-growers [who come to me from time to time].’ ‘O my son,’ answered she, ‘it will but be for a month or two at the most, till our house be repaired, and we are strangers. Let the guest-chamber be shared between us and thee, and if thou desire that thy guests be ours, we will welcome them and eat and sleep with them.’ So he gave her the keys, one big and one small and one crooked, and said to her, ‘The big key is that of the house, the crooked one that of the saloon and the little one that of the upper chamber.’

  Delileh took the keys and fared on, followed by the lady and the young merchant, till she came to the street in which was the house. She opened the door and entered, followed by the lady, to whom said she, ‘O my daughter, this,’ pointing to the saloon, ‘is the lodging of the Sheikh Aboulhemlat; but go thou into the upper chamber and loose thy veil and wait till I come to thee.’ So she went up and sat down. Presently up came the young merchant, whom Delileh carried into the saloon, saying, ‘Sit down, whilst I fetch my daughter and show her to thee.’ So he sat down and the old woman went up to Khatoun, who said to her, ‘I wish to visit the Sheikh, before the folk come.’ ‘O my daughter,’ said the old woman, ‘we fear for thee.’ ‘Why so?’ asked Khatoun. ‘Because,’ answered Delileh, ‘here is a son of mine, a natural who knows not summer from winter, but goes ever naked. He is the Sheikh’s deputy, and if he saw a girl like thee come to visit him, he would snatch her earrings and wound her ears and tear her silken clothes . So do thou doff thy jewellery and clothes and I will keep them for thee, till thou hast made thy visit.’ So she did off her [upper] clothes and jewels and gave them to the old woman, who said, ‘I will lay them for thee on the Sheikh’s curtain, that a blessing may betide thee.’

  Then she went out, leaving the lady in her shift and trousers, and hid the clothes and jewels in a place on the stairs; after which she betook herself to the young merchant, whom she found awaiting the girl, and he said, ‘Where is thy daughter, that I may see her?’ But she smote upon her breast and he said, ‘What ails thee?’ ‘Would there were no such thing as ill and envious neighbours!’ answered she. ‘My neighbours saw thee enter the house with me and asked me of thee; and I said, “This is a bridegroom I have found for my daughter.” They envied me on shine account and said to my daughter, “Is thy mother tired of maintaining thee, that she marries thee to a leper?” So I swore to her that she should see thee naked.’ Quoth he, ‘I take refuge with God from the envious!’ and bearing his fore-arm, showed her that it was like silver. ‘Have no fear,’ said she; ‘thou shalt see her naked, even as she shall see thee.’ And he said, ‘Let her come and see me.’ Then he put off his sable pelisse and girdle and dagger and the rest of his clothes, except his shirt and trousers, and laid the purse of a thousand dinars with them. Quoth Delileh, ‘Give them to me, that I may take care of them.’ So she took them and fetching the girl’s clothes and jewellery, went out with the whole and locked the door upon them.

  She deposited her purchase with a druggist of her acquaintance and returned to the dyer, whom she found sitting, awaiting her. Quoth he, ‘God willing, the house pleaseth thee?’ ‘There is a blessing in it,’ answered she,’and I go now to fetch porters to carry our goods and bedding thither. But my children would have me bring them meat-patties; so do thou take this dinar and buy the patties and go and eat the morning meal with them.’ ‘Who shall guard the dyery meanwhile and the people’s goods that are therein?’ asked the dyer. ‘Thy boy,’ answered the old woman. ‘So be it,’ rejoined he and taking a covered dish, went out to do her bidding. As soon as he was gone, she fetched the clothes and jewels she had left with the druggist and going back to the dyery, said to the boy, ‘Run after thy master, and I will not stir hence till you both return.’ ‘I hear and obey,’ answered he and went away.

  Presently, there came up an ass-driver, a scavenger, who had been out of work for a week, and she called to him, saying, ‘Hither, O ass-driver!’ So he came to her and she said, ‘Knowest thou my son the dyer?’ ‘Yes,’ answered he; ‘I know him.’ And she said, ‘The poor fellow is insolvent and loaded with debts, and as often as he is put in prison, I set him free. Now they are about to declare him bankrupt and I am going to return the goods to their owners; so do thou lend me thine ass for that purpose and take this dinar to his hire. When I am gone, take the handsaw and empty out the vats and jars and break them, that, if there come an officer from the Cadi’s court, he may find nothing in the dyery.’ Quoth he, ‘I owe the Hajj a kindness and will do somewhat for the love of God.’

  So she laid the things on the ass and made for her own house; and [God] the Protector protected her, so that she arrived there in safety and went in to her daughter Zeyneb, who said to her, ‘O my mother, my heart has been with thee! What hast thou done by way of roguery?’ ‘I have played off four tricks on four people,’ answered Delileh; the wife of the Chief Usher, a young merchant, a dyer and an ass-driver, and have brought thee all their spoil on the latter’s ass.’ ‘O my mother,’ said Zeyneb, ‘thou wilt nevermore be able to go about the town, for fear of the Chief Usher, whose wife’s clothes and jewellery thou hast taken, and the merchant whom thou hast stripped, and the dyer whose customer’s goods thou hast stolen and the owner of the ass.’ ‘Pshaw, my daughter!’ rejoined the old woman, ‘I reck not of them, save the ass-driver, who knows me.’

  Meanwhile, the dyer bought the meat-patties and set out for the house, followed by his servant, bearing the food on his head. On his way thither, he passed his shop, where he found the ass-man breaking the vats and jars and saw that there was neither stuff nor liquor left in them and that the shop was in ruins. So he said to him, ‘Hold thy hand, O ass-driver!’ Whereupon the latter desisted and said, ‘Praised be God for thy safety, O Hajj! Indeed, my heart was with thee.’ ‘Why so?’ asked the dyer. ‘Thou art become bankrupt and they have filed a docket of thine insolvency.’ ‘Who told thee this?’ asked the dyer. ‘Thy mother told me,’ answered the other, ‘and bade me break the jars and empty the vats, that the apparitors might find nothing in the shop, if they should come.’ ‘God confound thee!’ c
ried the dyer. ‘My mother died long ago.’ And he beat his breast, saying, ‘Alas for the loss of my goods and those of the folk!’ The ass-man also wept and said, ‘Alas, for the loss of my ass!’ And he said to the dyer, ‘Give me back my ass, that thy mother stole from me.’ The dyer laid hold of him by the throat and fell to pummelling him, saying, ‘Bring me the old woman;’ whilst the other pummelled him back, saying, ‘Give me back my ass.’ So they beat and cursed each other, till the folk collected round them and one of them said, ‘What is the matter, O Hajj Mohammed?’ Quoth the ass-driver, ‘I will tell thee the case,’ and related to them his story, saying, ‘I thought I was doing the dyer a good turn; but, when he saw me, he said, “ My mother is dead,” and beat his breast. And now I require my ass of him, for that it is he who hath put this trick on me, that he might make me lose my beast.’

  Then said the folk to the dyer, ‘O Hajj Mohammed, cost thou know this old woman, that thou didst trust her with the dyery and what was therein?’ And he answered, saying, ‘I know her not; but she took lodgings with me to-day, she and her son and daughter.’ Quoth one, ‘In my judgment, the dyer is bound to indemnify the ass-driver.’ ‘Why so?’ asked another. ‘Because, replied the first, ‘he trusted not the old woman nor gave her his ass, but because he saw that the dyer had entrusted her with the dyery and its contents.’ And a third said, ‘O Hajj, since thou hast lodged her with thee, it behoves thee to get the man back his ass.’ Then they made for the house, and the tale will come round to them again.

  Meanwhile, the young merchant abode awaiting the old woman’s coming with her daughter, but she came not; whilst the lady in like manner sat expecting her return with leave from her son, the possessed, the Sheikh’s deputy, to go in to him. When she was weary of waiting, she rose to visit the Sheikh by herself and went down into the saloon, where she found the young merchant, who said to her, ‘Come: where is thy mother, who brought me hither to marry thee?’ ‘My mother is dead,’ answered she; ‘art thou the old woman’s son the ecstatic, the deputy of the Sheikh Aboulhemlat?’ Quoth he, ‘The swindling old beldam is no mother of mine; she hath cheated me and taken my clothes and a thousand dinars.’ ‘And me also hath she swindled,’ said Khatoun; ‘for she brought me to see the Sheikh Aboulhemlat and stripped me.’ Quoth he, ‘I look to thee for my clothes and my thousand dinars.’ ‘And I,’ answered she, ‘look to thee to make good my clothes and jewellery.’

  At this moment in came the dyer and seeing them both stripped of their clothes, said to them, ‘Tell me where your mother is.’ So they told him their several cases and he exclaimed, ‘Alas, for the loss of my goods and those of the folk!’ And the ass-driver said, ‘Alas for my ass! Give me my ass, O dyer!’ Then said the dyer, ‘This old woman is a sharper. Come forth, that I may lock the door.’ Quoth the young merchant, ‘It were a disgrace to thee that we should enter thy house, clothed, and leave it, naked.’ So the dyer clad him and the damsel and sent her back to her house. Then he shut the dyery and said to the young merchant, ‘Come, let us go and search for the old woman and hand her over to the chief of the police.’ So they and the ass-man repaired to the house of the master of police and made their complaint to him. Quoth he, ‘How many old women are there not in the town! Go and seek for her and lay hands on her and bring her to me, and I will torture her for you and make her confess.’ So they went out and sought for her all round the town; and so we will leave them for the present.

  Presently, Delileh said to her daughter, ‘I have a mind to play off another trick.’ ‘O my mother,’ answered Zeyneb, ‘I fear for thee;’ but the old woman said, ‘I am like bean-husks, proof against fire and water.’ So she rose and donning a handmaid’s habit, of such as serve people of condition, went out to look for some one to swindle. Presently she came to a by-street, spread with carpets and lighted with hanging lamps, and heard a noise of singing-women and beating of tambourines. Here she saw a slave-girl, bearing on her shoulder a boy, clad in trousers embroidered with silver and velvet jacket, with a pearl-embroidered cap on his head and a collar of gold set with jewels about his neck. Now the house belonged to the Provost of the Merchants of Baghdad, and the boy was his son. Moreover, he had a virgin daughter, to boot, who was promised in marriage, and it was her betrothal they were celebrating that day. There was with her mother a company of ladies and singing-women, and whenever she went up or down, the boy clung to her. So she called the slave-girl and said to her, ‘Take thy young master and play with him, till the company break up.’

  Said Delileh to the maid, ‘What festivities are these in your mistress’s house?’ ‘She celebrates her daughter’s betrothal to-day,’ answered the girl, ‘and she hath singing-women with her.’ Quoth the old woman to herself, ‘O Delileh, the thing to do is to spirit away the boy from the maid.’ And she cried out, saying, ‘O disgrace! O ill luck!’ Then, pulling out a brass token, resembling a dinar, she said to the maid, who was a simpleton, ‘Take this diner and go in to thy mistress and say to her, “ Umm el Khair rejoices with thee and is beholden to thee for thy favours, and she and her daughters will visit thee on the day of the assembly and handsel the tiring-women.”’ ‘O my mother,’ said the girl, ‘my young master here catches hold of his mother, whenever he sees her.’ ‘Give him to me,’ answered the old woman, ‘whilst thou goest in and comest back.’

  So she gave her the child and taking the token, went in; whereupon Delileh made off with the boy to a by-lane, where she stripped him of his clothes and jewels, saying to herself, ‘O Delileh, it would indeed be a fine trick, even as thou hast cheated the maid and taken the boy from her, so now to pawn him for a thousand dinars’ worth.’ So she repaired to the jewel-bazaar, where she saw a Jew goldsmith seated, with a tray full of jewellery before him, and said to herself, ‘It would be a rare trick to get a thousand dinars’ worth of jewellery from this Jew and leave the boy in pledge with him for it.’ Presently the Jew looked at them and seeing the boy, knew him for the son of the Provost of the Merchants.

  Now he was a man of great wealth, but would envy his neighbour, if he sold and he himself did not; so, when he saw Delileh, he said to her, ‘What seekest thou, O my mistress?’ ‘Art thou Master Azariah the Jew?’ asked she, having first enquired his name; and he answered, ‘Yes.’ Quoth she, ‘This boy’s sister, the Provost’s daughter of the Merchants, is a promised bride, and to-day they celebrate her betrothal; and she hath need of jewellery. So give me two pairs of gold ankle-rings and a pair of gold bracelets and a girdle and pearl ear-drops and a poignard and seal-ring.’ Accordingly, he brought out to her what she sought and she took of him a thousand dinars’ worth of jewellery, saying, ‘I will take these on approval; and what pleases them, they will keep and I will bring thee the price and leave the boy with thee till then.’ ‘Be it as thou wilt,’ answered he. So she took the jewellery and made off to her own house, where her daughter asked her how she had sped. She told her all she had done and Zeyneb said, ‘Thou wilt never be able to walk abroad again in the town.’

  Meanwhile, the maid went in to her mistress and said to her, ‘O my lady, Umm el Khair salutes thee and rejoices with thee, and will come, she and her daughters, on the day of the assembly and give the customary presents.’ Quoth her mistress, ‘Where is thy young master?’ ‘I left him with her,’ answered the maid, ‘lest he should cling to thee, and she gave me this, as largesse for the singing-women.’ So the lady said to the chief of the singers, ‘Take thy money ;’ and she took it and found it a brass token; whereupon quoth the lady to the maid, ‘O baggage, go down and look to thy young master.’ Accordingly, she went down and finding neither boy nor old woman, shrieked aloud and fell on her face, and their joy was changed into mourning.

  When the Provost came in, his wife told him what had befallen and he went out in quest of the child, whilst the other merchants also went forth and sought, each his own road. Presently, the Provost espied the boy seated, naked, in the Jew’s shop and said to the latter, ‘This is my son.’ ‘It is well,’ answered
the Jew. So he took him up, without asking for his clothes, of the excess of his joy at finding him; but the Jew laid hold of him, saying, ‘God succour the Khalif against thee!’ Quoth the Provost,’What ails thee, O Jew?’ And he answered, saying, ‘The old woman took of me a thousand dinars’ worth of jewellery for thy daughter, and left the boy in pledge for the price; and I had not trusted her, but that I knew the child for thy son.’ ‘My daughter needs no jewellery,’ said the Provost; ‘give me the boy’s clothes.’

  The Jew cried out, saying, ‘Come to my aid, O Muslims!’ but at that moment up came the dyer and the ass-man and the young merchant, who were going about, seeking the old woman, and enquired the cause of their quarrel. So they told them the case and they said, ‘This old woman is a cheat, who has cheated us before you.’ Then they told them how she had dealt with them, and the Provost said, ‘Since I have found my son, be his clothes his ransom! If I come upon the old woman, I will require them of her.’ And he carried the child home to his mother, who rejoiced in his safety. Then said the Jew to the three others, ‘Whither go ye?’ And they answered, saying, ‘We go to look for her.’ Quoth the Jew, ‘Take me with you. Is there any one of you knows her?’ ‘I know her,’ answered the ass-driver; and the Jew said, ‘If we go all together, we shall never catch her; for she will flee from us. Let us each take a different road, and be our rendezvous at the shop of Hajj Mesaoud, the Moorish barber.’ They agreed to this and set off, each in a different direction.