One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  At this Aboukir made a show of concern and said, ‘What manner of talk is this? Was it thou whom I beat?’ ‘Yes,’ answered Abousir, ‘it was I.’ Whereupon Aboukir swore to him a thousand oaths that he knew him not and said, ‘There was a fellow like unto thee, who used to come every day and steal the people’s stuff, and I took thee for him.’ And he went on to feign repentance, beating hand upon hand and saying, ‘There is no power and no virtue save in God the Most High, the Supreme! Indeed, I have sinned against thee; but would that thou hadst made thyself known to me and said, “I am such an one!” Indeed the fault is with thee, for that thou madest not thyself known unto me, more by token that I was distraught for much business.’ ‘God pardon thee, o my comrade!’ replied Abousir. ‘This was fore-ordained, and reparation is with God. Enter and put off thy clothes and bathe at thine ease.’ ‘I conjure thee by Allah, O my brother,’ said the dyer, ‘forgive me!’ And Abousir said, ‘God acquit thee of blame and forgive thee! Indeed this thing was decreed to me from all eternity.’

  Then said Aboukir, ‘Whence gottest thou this lordship?’ ‘He who prospered thee prospered me,’ answered Abousir. ‘For I went up to the king and set forth to him the fashion of the bath, and he bade me build one.’ And the dyer said, ‘Even as thou art an acquaintance of the king, so also am I; and God willing, I will make him love and barr tender thee more than ever, for my sake; for he knows not that thou art my comrade; but I will tell him of this and commend thee to him.’ ‘There needs no commendation,’ answered Abousir; ‘for He who inclinetb [men’s hearts unto love] is [ever]-present; and indeed the king and all his court love me [already] and have given me this and that.’ And he told him the whole story and said to him, ‘Put off thy clothes behind the chest and enter the bath, and I will go in with thee and shampoo thee.’ So he put off his clothes and Abousir, entering the bath with him, soaped him and shampooed him and busied himself with his service till he came forth, when he brought him the morning meal and sherbets, whilst all the folk marvelled at the honour he did him.

  Then Aboukir would have given him somewhat; but he swore that he would take nothing from him and said to him, ‘Shame upon thee! Thou art my comrade, and there is no difference between us.’ ‘By Allah, O my comrade,’ said Aboukir, ‘this is a fine bath of thine, but there lacks one thing to thy fashion therein.’ ‘And what is that?’ asked Abousir. ‘It is the depilatory, to wit, the paste compounded of orpiment and quicklime,’ answered the dyer, ‘that removes the hair with ease. Do thou prepare it and next time the king comes, present it to him, teaching him how he shall cause the hair fall off by means thereof, and he will love thee with an exceeding love and honour thee.’ Quoth Abousir, ‘Thou sayst sooth, and if it be the will of God the Most High, I will do this.’

  Then Aboukir mounted his mule and riding to the palace, went in to the king and said to him, ‘O king of the age, I have a warning to give thee.’ ‘And what is thy warning?’ asked the king. Quoth Aboukir, ‘I hear that thou hast built a bath.’ ‘Yes; answered the king; ‘there came to me a stranger and I founded the bath for him, even as I founded the dyery for thee; and indeed it is a magnificent bath and an ornament to my city.’ And he went on to set forth to him the virtues of the bath. ‘Hast thou entered therein?’ asked the dyer. And the king answered, ‘Yes.’ ‘Praised be God,’ exclaimed Aboukir, ‘who hath preserved thee from the mischief of yonder villain and enemy of the faith, to wit, the bath-keeper!’ ‘And what of him?’ asked the king. ‘Know, O king of the age,’ replied Aboukir, ‘that, if thou enter the bath again, after this day, thou wilt surely perish.’ ‘How so?’ inquired the king; and the dyer answered, ‘This bath-keeper is thine enemy and the enemy of the faith, and he induced thee not to set up this bath but because he designed to poison thee therein. He hath made for thee somewhat which, when thou enterest the bath, he will present to thee, saying, “This is an unguent, which if one apply to his privy parts, it will remove the hair with ease.”

  Now it is no unguent, but a deadly drug and a violent poison; for the Sultan of the Christians hath promised this filthy fellow to release to him his wife and children, if he will kill thee; for they are captives in the hands of the Sultan in question. I myself was captive with him in their land, but I opened a dyery and dyed for them various colours, so that they inclined the king’s heart unto me and he bade me ask a boon of him. I sought of him freedom and he set me free, whereupon I made my way hither, and seeing yonder man in the bath, asked him how he had effected his escape and that of his wife and children. Quoth he, “We ceased not to be in captivity, I and my wife and children, till one day the King of the Christians held a court, at which I was present, amongst a number of other people. Presently, I heard them discourse of the kings and name them, one after another, till they came to the name of the king of this city, whereupon the King of the Christians cried out, ‘Alas!’ and said, ‘None irketh me in the world, but the king of such a city! Whosoever will contrive me his slaughter, I will give him all he asks.’ So I went up to him and said, ‘If I contrive thee his slaughter, wilt thou set me free, me and my wife and children?’ ‘Yes,’ answered the king, ‘and I will give thee [to boot] whatsoever thou shalt desire.

  So we agreed upon this and he sent rue in a galleon to this city, where I presented myself to the king and he built me this bath. So now I have nought to do but to slay him and return to the King of the Christians, that I may redeem my wife and children and ask a boon of him.” Quoth I, “And how wilt thou go about to kill him?” “By the simplest of all devices,” answered he; “for I have compounded him somewhat wherein is poison, so, when he comes to the bath, I shall say to him, ‘Take this unguent and anoint thy privy parts therewith, for it will cause the hair to drop off.’ So he will take it and anoint himself therewith, and the poison will work in him a day and a night, till it reaches his heart and destroys him; and meanwhile I shall have made off and none will know that it was I slew him.” When I heard this,’ added Aboukir, ‘I feared for thee, being beholden to thee for thy goodness, wherefore I have told thee thereof.’

  When the king heard the dyer’s story, he was exceeding wroth and said to him, ‘Keep this secret.’ Then he betook himself to the bath, that he might dispel doubt with assurance; and when he entered, Abousir put off his clothes and betaking himself [as of wont] to the service of the king, proceeded to shampoo him; after which he said to him, ‘O king of the age, I have made an unguent for removing the hair from the privy parts.’ ‘Bring it to me,’ said the king. So the barber brought it to him and the king, finding it nauseous of smell, was assured that it was poison; wherefore he was incensed and called out to his guards, saying, ‘Seize him!’ So they seized him and the king donned his clothes and returned to his palace, boiling with rage, whilst none knew the cause of his anger; for, of the excess of his wrath, he had acquainted no one therewith and none dared ask him. Then he repaired to the audience-chamber and causing Abousir to be brought before him, with his hands bound behind his back, sent for his sea-captain and said to him, ‘Take this villain and tie him in a sack with two quintals of quicklime. Then lay him in a boat and row out with him in front of my palace, where thou wilt see me sitting at the lattice. Do thou say to me, “Shall I cast him in?” and if I answer, “Cast,” throw him into the sea, so the lime may be slaked on him, to the intent that he shall die drowned and burnt.’

  ‘I hear and obey,’ answered the captain and taking Abousir, carried him to an island, that lay over against the king’s palace, where he said to him, ‘Harkye, I once visited thy bath and thou entreatedst me with honour and accomplishedst all my wants and I had great pleasure of thee: moreover, thou sworest that thou wouldst take no pay of me, and I love thee with a great love. So tell me how the case stands between thee and the king and what abomination thou hast done with him that he is wroth with thee and hath commanded me that thou shouldst die this horrid death.’ ‘By Allah, O my brother,’ answered Abousir, ‘I have done nothing, nor do I know of any crime I have committed
against him that merits this!’ ‘Verily,’ rejoined the captain, ‘thou wast in high favour with the king, such as none ever enjoyed before thee, and all who are prosperous are envied. Belike some one envied thee thy good fortune and missaid of thee to the king, by reason whereof he is become thus enraged against thee: but be of good cheer; no harm shall befall thee: for, even as thou entreatedst me generously, without knowledge of me, so now I will deliver thee. But, if I release thee, thou must abide with me in this island till some galleon set sail from the city to thy native land, when I will send thee thither therein.’

  Abousir kissed his hand and thanked him for this; after which the captain fetched the lime and laid it in a sack, together with a great stone, the bigness of a man, saying, ‘I put my trust in God.’ Then he gave the barber a net, saying, ‘Cast this net into the sea, so haply thou mayst take somewhat of fish. For I am bounden to furnish the king’s kitchen with fish every day; but to-day I have been distracted from fishing by this calamity that hath befallen thee, and I fear lest the cook’s servants come to me in quest of fish and find none. So, if thou take aught, they will find it and thou wilt veil my face, whilst I go and play off my device in front of the palace and feign to cast thee into the sea.’ ‘Go,’ answered Abousir; ‘and God be thy helper. I will fish the while.’

  So the captain laid the sack in the boat and rowed till he came under the palace, where he saw the king seated at the lattice and said to him, ‘O king of the age, shall I Cast him in?’ ‘Cast,’ answered the king and signed to him with his hand, whereupon something flashed and fell into the sea. Now this that had fallen into the sea was the king’s seal-ring, which was enchanted on such wise that, when the king was wroth with any one and was minded to slay him, he had but to sign to him with his right hand, whereon was the ring, and there issued lightning therefrom, which smote the offender, and thereupon his head fell from his shoulders. It was this ring that gave him authority over the troops, nor did he overcome the mighty save by means thereof; so, when it dropped from his finger, he concealed the matter and kept silence, for that he dared not say, ‘My ring is fallen into the sea,’ for fear of the troops, lest they should rise against him and slay him.

  Meanwhile, Abousir cast the net into the sea and drew it up full of fish. Then he cast it again and it came up full of fish; nor did he cease to cast it and pull it up full, till there was a great heap of fish before him. So he said to himself, ‘By Allah, I have not eaten fish this long while!’ And chose himself a large fat fish, saying, ‘When the captain comes back, I will bid him fry it for me, so I may make the morning meal of it.’ Then he cut its throat with a knife he had with him; but the knife stuck in its gills and there he saw the king’s seal-ring; for the fish had swallowed it and destiny had driven it to the island, where it had fallen into the net. So he took the ring and put it on his little finger, not knowing its properties. Presently, up came two of the cook’s underlings in quest of fish and seeing Abousir, said to him, ‘O man, whither is the captain gone?’ ‘I know not,’ answered he and signed to them with his right hand; when, behold, their heads dropped from their shoulders.

  At this Abousir was amazed and said, ‘I wonder who slew them!’ And their case was grievous to him and he was still musing upon it, when the captain returned and seeing the two men lying dead and the ring on Abousir’s finger, said to him, ‘O my brother, move not thy hand whereon is the ring; else thou wilt slay me.’ Abousir wondered at this speech and the captain coming up to him, said, ‘Who slew these two men?’ ‘By Allah, O my brother,’ answered the barber, ‘I know not!’ ‘Thou sayst sooth,’ rejoined the captain; ‘but tell me whence hadst thou that ring?’ Quoth Abousir, ‘I found it in this fish’s gills.’ ‘ True,’ said the captain, ‘for I saw it fall flashing from the king’s palace and disappear in the sea, what time he signed toward [the sack in which he deemed] thee [to be], saying, “Cast him in.” So I cast the sack into the water, and it was then that the ring slipped from his finger and fell into the sea, where the fish swallowed it, and God drove it to thee, so that thou tookest it, for this ring was thy lot; but knowest thou its property?’ ‘I knew not that it had any properties,’ answered Abousir, and the captain said, ‘Know, then, that the king’s troops obey him not save for fear of this ring, for it is enchanted, and when he was wroth with any one and had a mind to put him to death, he would sign at him therewith and his head would drop from his shoulders; for there issued a lightning from the ring and its ray smote the object of his wrath, who died forthright.’

  At this, Abousir rejoiced with an exceeding joy and said to the captain, ‘Carry me back to the city.’ ‘That will I,’ answered he, ‘now that I no longer fear for thee from the king; for, wert thou to sign at him with thy hand, purposing to kill him, his head would fall down before thee; and if thou be minded to slay him and all his troops, thou mayst do so without hindrance.’ So saying, he embarked with him in the boat and rowed him back to the city, where Abousir landed and going up to the palace, entered the council-chamber, where he found the king seated in the midst of his officers, sore concerned by reason of the ring and daring not tell any of its loss.

  When he saw Abousir, he said to him, ‘Did we not cast thee into the sea? How hast thou made shift to come forth therefrom?’ ‘O king of the age,’ answered Abousir, ‘whenas thou badst throw me into the sea, thy captain carried me to an island and questioned me of the cause of thy wrath against me, saying, “What hast thou done with the king, that he should decree thy death?” “By Allah,” answered I, “I know not that I have offended against him in aught!” Quoth he, “Thou wast in high favour with the king, and most like some one envied thee and slandered thee to him, so that he is become incensed against thee. But, when I visited thee in thy bath, thou entreatedst me hospitably, and I will requite thee thy hospitality by setting thee free and sending thee back to thine own country.” Then he laid a great stone in the sack and cast it into the sea in my stead; but, when thou signedst to him to throw me in, thy seal-ring dropped from thy finger into the sea, and a fish swallowed it.

  Now I was on the island, fishing, and this fish came up [in the net] with others; whereupon I took it, thinking to broil it; but, when I opened its maw, I found the ring therein; so I took it and put it on my finger. Presently, up came two of the servants of the kitchen, in quest of fish, and I signed to them with my hand, knowing not the property of the ring, and their heads fell off. Then the captain came back and seeing the ring on my finger, acquainted me with its enchantment; and behold, I have brought it back to thee, for that thou dealtest bounteously by me and entreatedst me with the utmost generosity, nor is that which thou hast done me of kindness lost upon me. Here is thy ring; take it; and if I have done with thee aught deserving of death, tell me my crime and slay me and thou shalt be quit of my blood.’ So saying, he pulled the ring from his finger and gave it to the king, who put it on and his life returned to him.

  Then he rose to his feet and embracing Abousir, said to him, ‘O man, thou art indeed of the flower of the noble! Bear me not malice, but forgive me the wrong I have done thee. Had any but thou come by this ring, he had never restored it to me.’ ‘O king of the age,’ answered Abousir, ‘if thou wouldst have me forgive thee, tell me what was my offence that drew down thine anger upon me, so that thou commandedst to put me to death.’ ‘By Allah,’ rejoined the king, ‘it is clear to me that thou art altogether guiltless of offence, since thou hast done this good deed; only the dyer denounced thee to me;’ and he told him all that Aboukir had said. ‘By Allah, O king of the age,’ replied Abousir, ‘I know not the King of the Christians and have never journeyed to their country, nor did it ever enter my thought to kill thee; but this dyer was my comrade and neighbour in the city of Alexandria, and life was straitened upon us there; wherefore we departed thence, to seek our fortunes, by reason of the straitness of our livelihood there, after we had recited the first chapter of the Koran together [in token of our agreement] that he who got work should feed him who lacked th
ereof; and there befell me with him such and such things.’

  Then he went on to relate to the king all that had befallen him with the dyer; how he had robbed him and left him alone and sick in the khan and how the porter had fed him of his own monies till God recovered him of his sickness, when he went forth and walked about the city with his shaving gear, as of his wont, till he espied a dyery, about which the folk were crowding; so he looked at the door and seeing Aboukir seated on a bench there, went in to salute him, whereupon he accused him of being a thief and beat him grievously; brief, he told him his whole story, from first to last, and added, ‘O king of the age, it was he who counselled me to make the depilatory and present it to thee, saying, “The bath is perfect in all things but that it lacketh this;” and know, O king, that this unguent is harmless and we use it in our country, where it is one of the requisites of the bath; but I had forgotten it: so, when he visited the bath, I entreated him with honour and he reminded me thereof. But do thou send after the porter of such a khan and the workmen of the dyery and question them all of that which I have told thee.’