One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  When It was the Thirty-third Night,

  She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that the Barber’s fifth brother proceeded: - “Then I bend down my head and continue acting after this fashion till her parading and displaying are completed. Thereupon I order one of my eunuchs to bring me a bag of five hundred dinars which I give as largesse to the tire women present and bid them one and all lead me to the bride chamber. When they leave me alone with her I neither look at her nor speak to her, but lie667 by her side with my face to the wall showing my contempt, that each and every may again remark how high and haughty I am. Presently her mother comes in to me, and kissing668 my head and hand, says to me, ‘O my lord, look upon thine handmaid who longs for thy favour; so heal her broken spirit!’ I give her no answer; and when she sees this she rises and busses my feet many times and says, ‘O my lord, in very sooth my daughter is a beautiful maid, who hath never known man; and if thou show her this backwardness and aversion, her heart will break; so do thou incline to her and speak to her and soothe her mind and spirit.’ Then she rises and fetches a cup of wine; and says to her daughter, ‘Take it and hand it to thy lord.’ But as e approaches me I leave her standing between my hands and sit, propping my elbow on a round cushion purfled with gold thread, leaning lazily back, and without looking at her in the majesty of my spirit, so that she may deem me indeed a Sultan and a mighty man. Then she says to me, ‘O my lord, Allah upon thee, do not refuse to take the cup from the hand of thine hand maid, for verily I am thy bondswoman.’ But I do not speak to her and she presses me, saying, ‘There is no help but that thou drink it;’ and she puts it to my lips. Then I shake my fist in her face and kick her with my foot thus.” So he let out with his toe an knocked over the tray of glass ware which fell to the ground and, falling from the bench, all that was on it was broken to bits. ‘O foulest of pimps,669 this comes from the pride of my spirit’” cried my brother; and then, O Commander of the Faithful, he buffeted his face and rent his garments and kept on weeping and beating himself. The folk who were flocking to their Friday prayers saw him; and some of them looked at him and pitied him, whilst others paid no heed to him, and in this way my bother lost both capital and profit. He remained weeping a long while, and at last up came a beautiful lady, the scent of musk exhaling from her, who was going to Friday prayers riding a mule with a gold saddle and followed by several eunuchs. When she saw the broken glass and my brother weeping, her kind heart was moved to pity for him, and she asked what ailed him and was told that he had a tray full of glass ware by the sale of which he hoped to gain his living, but it was broken, and (said they), “there befell him what thou seest.” Thereupon she called up one of her eunuchs and said to him, Give what thou hast with thee to this poor fellow!”. And he gave my brother a purse in which he found five hundred dinars; and when it touched his hand he was well nigh dying for excess of joy and he offered up blessings for her. Then he returned to his abode a substantial man; and, as he sat considering, some one rapped at the door. So he rose and opened and saw an old woman whom he had never seen. “O my son,” said she, “know that prayer tide is near and I have not yet made my Wuzu-ablution;670 so kindly allow me the use of thy lodging for the purpose.” My brother answered, “To hear is to comply;” and going in bade her follow him. So she entered and he brought her an ewer wherewith to wash, and sat down like to fly with joy because of the dinars which he had tied up in his belt for a purse. When the old woman had made an end of her ablution, she came up to where he sat, and prayed a two bow prayer; after which she blessed my brother with a godly benediction, and he while thanking her put his hand to the dinars and gave her two, saying to himself “These are my voluntaries.”671 When she saw the gold she cried, “Praise be to Allah! why dost thou look on one who loveth thee as if she were a beggar? Take back thy money: I have no need of it; or, if thou want it not, return it to her who gave it thee when thy glass ware was broken. Moreover, if thou wish to be united with her, I can manage the matter, for she is my mistress.” “O my mother,” asked my brother, “by what manner of means can I get at her?”; and she answered, “O my son! she hath an inclination for thee, but she is the wife of a wealthy man; so take the whole of thy money with thee and follow me, that I may guide thee to thy desire: and when thou art in her company spare neither persuasion nor fair words, but bring them all to bear upon her; so shalt thou enjoy her beauty and wealth to thy heart’s content.” My brother took all his gold and rose and followed the old woman, hardly believing in his luck. She ceased not faring on, and my brother following her, till they came to a tall gate at which she knocked and a Roumi slave-girl672 came out and opened to them. Then the old woman led my brother into a great sitting room spread with wondrous fine carpets and hung with curtains, where he sat down with his gold before him, and his turband on his knee.673 He had scarcely taken seat before there came to him a young lady (never eye saw fairer) clad in garments of the most sumptuous; whereupon my brother rose to his feet, and she smiled in his face and welcomed him, signing to him to be seated. Then she bade shut the door and, when it was shut, she turned to my brother, and taking his hand conducted him to a private chamber furnished with various kinds of brocades and gold cloths. Here he sat down and she sat by his side and toyed with him awhile; after which she rose and saying, “Stir not from thy seat till I come back to thee;” disappeared. Meanwhile as he was on this wise, lo! there came in to him a black slave big of body and bulk and holding a drawn sword in hand, who said to him, “Woe to thee! Who brought thee hither and what dost thou want here?” My brother could not return him a reply, being tongue tied for terror; so the blackamoor seized him and stripped him of his clothes and bashed him with the flat of his sword blade till he fell to the ground, swooning from excess of belabouring. The ill omened nigger fancied that there was an end of him and my brother heard him cry, “Where is the salt wench?”674 Where upon in came a handmaid holding in hand a large tray of salt, and the slave kept rubbing it into my brother’s wounds;675 but he did not stir fearing lest the slave might find out that he was not dead and kill him outright. Then the salt girl went away, and the slave cried Where is the souterrain676 guardianess?” Hereupon in came the old woman and dragged my brother by his feet to a souterrain and threw him down upon a heap of dead bodies. In this place he lay two full days, but Allah made the salt the means of preserving his life by staunching the blood and staying its flow Presently, feeling himself able to move, Al-Nashshar rose and opened the trap door in fear and trembling and crept out into the open; and Allah protected him, so that he went on in the darkness and hid himself in the vestibule till dawn, when he saw the accursed beldam sally forth in quest of other quarry. He followed in her wake without her knowing it, and made for his own lodging where he dressed his wounds and medicined himself till he was whole. Meanwhile he used to watch the old woman, tracking her at all times and seasons, and saw her accost one man after another and carry them to the house. However he uttered not a word; but, as soon as he waxed hale and hearty, he took a piece of stuff and made it into a bag which he filled with broken glass and bound about his middle. He also disguised himself as a Persian that none might know him, and hid a sword under his clothes of foreign cut. Then he went out and presently, falling in with the old woman, said to her, speaking Arabic with a Persian accent, “Venerable lady,677 I am a stranger arrived but this day here where I know no one. Hast thou a pair of scales wherein I may weigh eleven hundred dinars? I will give thee somewhat of them for thy pains.” “I have a son, a money changer, who keepeth all kinds of scales,” she answered, “so come with me to him before he goeth out and he will weigh thy gold.” My brother answered “Lead the way!” She led him to the house and the young lady herself came out and opened it, whereupon the old woman smiled in her face and said, “I bring thee fat meat today.”678 Then the damsel took my brother by the hand, and led him to the same chamber as before; where she sat with him awhile then rose and went forth saying, “Stir not from thy seat till I come back to
thee.” Presently in came the accursed slave with the drawn sword and cried to my brother, “Up and be damned to thee.” So he rose, and as the slave walked on before him he drew the sword from under his clothes and smote him with it, making head fly from body. Then he dragged the corpse by the feet to the souterrain and called out, “Where is the salt wench?” Up came the girl carrying the tray of salt and, seeing my brother sword in hand, turned to fly; but he followed her and struck off her head. Then he called out, “Where is the souterrain guardianess? , and in came the old woman to whom he said, “Dost know me again, ill omened hag?” “No my lord,” she replied, and he said, “I am the owner of the five hundred gold pieces, whose house thou enteredst to make the ablution and to pray, and whom thou didst snare hither and betray.” “Fear Allah and spare me,” cried she; but he regarded her not and struck her with the sword till he had cut her in four. Then he went to look for the young lady; and when she saw him her reason fled and she cried out piteously “Aman!679 Mercy!” So he spared her and asked, “What made thee consort with this blackamoor?”, and she answered, “I was slave to a certain merchant, and the old woman used to visit me till I took a liking to her. One day she said to me, ‘We have a marriage festival at our house the like of which was never seen and I wish thee to enjoy the sight.’ ‘To hear is to obey,’ answered I, and rising arrayed myself in my finest raiment and ornaments, and took with me a purse containing an hundred gold pieces. Then she brought me hither and hardly had I entered the house when the black seized on me, and I have remained in this case three whole years through the perfidy of the accursed beldam.” Then my brother asked her, “Is there anything of his in the house?”; whereto she answered, “Great store of wealth, and if thou art able to carry it away, do so and Allah give thee good of it” My brother went with her and she opened to him sundry chests wherein were money bags, at which he was astounded; then she said to him, “Go now and leave me here, and fetch men to remove the money.”, He went out and hired ten men, but when he returned he found the door wide open, the damsel gone and nothing left but some small matter of coin and the household stuffs.680 By this he knew that the girl had overreached him; so he opened the store rooms and seized what was in them, together with the rest of the money, leaving nothing in the house. He passed the night rejoicing, but when morning dawned he found at the door some twenty troopers who laid hands on him saying, “The Governor wants thee!” My brother implored them hard to let him return to his house; and even offered them a large sum of money; but they refused and, binding him fast with cords, carried him off. On the way they met a friend of my brother who clung to his skirt and implored his protection, begging him to stand by him and help to deliver him out of their hands. The man stopped, and asked them what was the matter, and they answered, “The Governor hath ordered us to bring this fellow before him and, look ye, we are doing so.” My brother’s friend urged them to release him, and offered them five hundred dinars to let him go, saying, “When ye return to the Governor tell him that you were unable to find him.” But they would not listen to his words and took my brother, dragging him along on his face, and set him before the Governor who asked him, “Whence gottest thou these stuffs and monies?”; and he answered, “I pray for mercy!” So the Governor gave him the kerchief of mercy;681 and he told him all that had befallen him from first to last with the old woman and the flight of the damsel; ending with, “Whatso I have taken, take of it what thou wilt, so thou leave me sufficient to support life.”682 But the Governor took the whole of the stuffs and all the money for himself; and, fearing lest the affair come to the Sultan’s ears, he summoned my brother and said, “Depart from this city, else I will hang thee.” “Hearing and obedience” quoth my brother and set out for another town. On the way thieves fell foul of him and stripped and beat him and docked his ears; but I heard tidings of his misfortunes and went out after him taking him clothes; and brought him secretly into the city where I assigned to him an allowance for meat and drink. And presently the Caliph gave ear to

  Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents

  The Barber’s Tale of his Sixth Brother.

  My sixth brother, O Commander of the Faithful, Shakashik,683 or Many clamours, the shorn of both lips, was once rich and became poor, so one day he went out to beg somewhat to keep life in him. As he was on the road he suddenly caught sight of a large and handsome mansion, with a detached building wide and lofty at the entrance, where sat sundry eunuchs bidding and forbidding.684 My brother enquired of one of those idling there and he replied “The palace belongs to a scion of the Barmaki house;” so he stepped up to the door keepers and asked an alms of them “Enter,” said they, “by the great gate and thou shalt get what thou seekest from the Wazir our master.” Accordingly he went in and, passing through the outer entrance, walked on a while and presently came to a mansion of the utmost beauty and elegance, paved with marble, hung with curtains and having in the midst of it a flower garden whose like he had never seen.685 My brother stood awhile as one bewildered not knowing whither to turn his steps; then, seeing the farther end of the sitting chamber tenanted, he walked up to it and there found a man of handsome presence and comely beard. When this personage saw my brother he stood up to him and welcomed him and asked him of his case; whereto he replied that he was in want and needed charity. Hearing these words the grandee showed great concern and, putting his hand to his fine robe, rent it exclaiming, “What! am I in a City, and thou here an hungered? I have not patience to bear such disgrace!” Then he promised him all manner of good cheer and said, “There is no help but that thou stay with me and eat of my salt.”686 “O my lord,” answered my brother, “I can wait no longer; for I am indeed dying of hunger.” So he cried, “Ho boy! bring basin and ewer;” and, turning to my brother, said, “O my guest come forward and wash thy hands.” My brother rose to do so but he saw neither ewer nor basin; yet his host kept washing his hands with invisible soap in imperceptible water and cried, “Bring the table!” But my brother again saw nothing. Then said the host, “Honour me by eating of this meat and be not ashamed.” And he kept moving his hand to and fro as if he ate and saying to my brother, “I wonder to see thee eating thus sparely: do not stint thyself for I am sure thou art famished.” So my brother began to make as though he were eating whilst his host kept saying to him, “Fall to, and note especially the excellence of this bread and its whiteness!” But still my brother saw nothing. Then said he to himself, “This man is fond of poking fun at people;” and replied, “O my lord, in all my days I never knew aught more winsome than its whiteness or sweeter than its savour.” The Barmecide said, “This bread was baked by a hand maid of mine whom I bought for five hundred dinars.” Then he called out, “Ho boy, bring in the meat pudding687 for our first dish, and let there be plenty of fat in it;” and, turning to my brother said, “O my guest, Allah upon thee, hast ever seen anything better than this meat pudding? Now by my life, eat and be not abashed.” Presently he cried out again, “Ho boy, serve up the marinated stew688 with the fatted sand grouse in it;” and he said to my brother, “Up and eat, O my guest, for truly thou art hungry and needest food.” So my brother began wagging his jaws and made as if champing and chewing,689 whilst the host continued calling for one dish after another and yet produced nothing save orders to eat. Presently he cried out, “Ho boy, bring us the chickens stuffed with pistachio nuts;” and said to my brother, “By thy life, O my guest, I have fattened these chickens upon pistachios; eat, for thou hast never eaten their like.” “O my lord,” replied my brother, “they are indeed first rate.” Then the host began motioning with his hand as though he were giving my brother a mouthful; and ceased not to enumerate and expatiate upon the various dishes to the hungry man whose hunger waxt still more violent, so that his soul lusted after a bit of bread, even a barley scone.690 Quoth the Barmecide, “Didst thou ever taste anything more delicious than the seasoning of these dishes?”; and quoth my brother, “Never, O my lord!” “Eat heartily and
be not ashamed,” said the host, and the guest, “I have eaten my fill of meat;” So the entertainer cried, “Take away and bring in the sweets;” and turning to my brother said, “Eat of this almond conserve for it is prime and of these honey fritters; take this one, by my life, the syrup runs out of it.” “May I never be bereaved of thee, O my lord,” replied the hungry one and began to ask him about the abundance of musk in the fritters. “Such is my custom,” he answered: “they put me a dinar weight of musk in every honey fritter and half that quantity of ambergris.” All this time my brother kept wagging head and jaws till the master cried, “Enough of this. Bring us the dessert!” Then said he to him,’ “Eat of these almonds and walnuts and raisins; and of this and that (naming divers kinds of dried fruits), and be not abashed.” But my brother replied, “O my lord, indeed I am full: I can eat no more.” “O my guest,” repeated the host, “if thou have a mind to these good things eat: Allah! Allah!691 do not remain hungry;” but my brother rejoined, “O my lord, he who hath eaten of all these dishes how can he be hungry?” Then he considered and said to himself, “I will do that shall make him repent of these pranks.” Presently the entertainer called out “Bring me the wine;” and, moving his hands in the air, as though they had set it before them, he gave my brother a cup and said, “Take this cup and, if it please thee, let me know.” “O my lord,” he replied, “it is notable good as to nose but I am wont to drink wine some twenty years old.” “Knock then at this door,”692 quoth the host “for thou canst not drink of aught better.” “By thy kindness,” said my brother, motioning with his hand as though he were drinking. “Health and joy to thee,” exclaimed the house master and feigned to fill a cup and drink it off; then he handed another to my brother who quaffed it and made as if he were drunken. Presently he took the host unawares; and, raising his arm till the white of his armpit appeared, dealt him such a cuff on the nape of his neck that the palace echoed to it. Then he came down upon him with a second cuff and the entertainer cried aloud “What is this, O thou scum of the earth?” “O my lord,” replied my brother, “thou hast shown much kindness to thy slave, and admitted him into thine abode and given him to eat of thy victual; then thou madest him drink of thine old wine till he became drunken and boisterous; but thou art too noble not to bear with his ignorance and pardon his offence.” When the Barmaki heard my brother’s words he laughed his loudest and said, “Long have I been wont to make mock of men and play the madcap among my intimates, but never yet have I come across a single one who had the patience and the wit to enter into all my humours save thyself: so I forgive thee, and thou shalt be my boon companion in very sooth and never leave me.” Then he ordered the servants to lay the table in earnest and they set on all the dishes of which he had spoken in sport; and he and my brother ate till they were satisfied; after which they removed to the drinking chamber, where they found damsels like moons who sang all manner songs and played on all manner instruments. There they remained drinking till their wine got the better of them and the host treated my brother like a familiar friend, so that he became as it were his brother, and bestowed on him a robe of honour and loved him with exceeding love. Next morning the two fell again to feasting and carousing, and ceased not to lead this life for a term of twenty years; at the end of which the Barmecide died and the Sultan took possession of all his wealth and squeezed my brother of his savings, till he was left a pauper without a penny to handle. So he quitted the city and fled forth following his face;693 but, when he was half way between two towns, the wild Arabs fell on him and bound him and carried him to their camp, where his captor proceeded to torture him, saying, “Buy thy life of me with thy money, else I will slay thee!” My brother began to weep and replied, “By Allah, I have nothing, neither gold nor silver; but I am thy prisoner; so do with me what thou wilt.” Then the Badawi drew a knife, broad bladed and so sharp grinded that if plunged into a camel’s throat it would sever it clean across from one jugular to the other,694 and cut off my brother’s lips and waxed more instant in requiring money. Now this Badawi had a fair wife who in her husband’s absence used to make advances to my brother and offer him her favours, but he held off from her. One day she began to tempt him as usual and he played with her and made her sit on his lap, when behold, in came the Badawi who, seeing this, cried out, “Woe to thee, O accursed villain, wouldest thou debauch my wife for me?” Then he took out a knife and cut off my brother’s yard, after which he bound him on the back of a camel and, carrying him to a mountain, left him there. He was at last found by some who recognised him and gave him meat and drink and acquainted me with his condition; whereupon I went forth to him and brought him back to Baghdad where I made him an allowance sufficient to live on. This, then, O Commander of the Faithful, is the history of my six brothers, and I feared to go away without relating it all to thee and leave thee in the error of judging me to be like them. And now thou knowest that I have six brothers upon my hands and, being more upright than they, I support the whole family. When the Caliph heard my story and all I told him concerning my brothers, he laughed and said, “Thou sayest sooth, O Silent Man! thou art indeed spare of speech nor is there aught of forwardness in thee; but now go forth out of this city and settle in some other.” And he banished me under edict. I left Baghdad and travelled in foreign parts till I heard of his death and the accession of another to the Caliphate. Then I returned to Baghdad where I found all my brothers dead and chanced upon this young man, to whom I rendered the kindliest service, for without me he had surely been killed. Indeed he slanders me and accuses me of a fault which is not in my nature; and what he reports concerning impudence and meddling and forwardness is idle and false; for verily on his account I left Baghdad and travelled about full many a country till I came to this city and met him here in your company. And was not this, O worthy assemblage, of the generosity of my nature?