One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  ‘All sons of woman, albe long preserved, * Are borne upon the

  bulging bier some day.84

  How then shall ‘joy man joy or taste delight, * Upon whose cheeks

  shall rest the dust and clay?’”

  When the Caliph had made an end of condoling with him, he charged him not to absent himself from the Divan and returned to his palace. And Ala Al-Din, after a last sorrowful night, mounted early in the morning and, riding to the court, kissed the ground before the Commander of the Faithful who made a movement if rising from the throne85 to greet and welcome him; and bade him take his appointed place in the Divan, saying, “O Ala al-Din, thou art my guest to-night.” So presently he carried him into his serraglio and calling a slave-girl named Kъt al-Kulъb, said to her, “Ala al-Din had a wife called Zubaydah, who used to sing to him and solace him of cark and care; but she is gone to the mercy of Almighty Allah, and now I would have thee play him an air upon the lute,” — And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased saying her permitted say.

  When it was the Two Hundred and Sixty-first Night,

  She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that the Caliph said to the damsel Kut al-Kulub, “I would have thee play him upon the lute an air, of fashion sweet and rare, that he may be solaced of his cark and care.” So she rose and made sweet music; and the Caliph said to Ala al-Din, “What sayst thou of this damsel’s voice?” He replied, “Verily, O Commander of the Faithful, Zubaydah’s voice was the finer; but she is skilled in touching the lute cunningly and her playing would make a rock dance with glee.” The Caliph asked, “Doth she please thee?’’ and he answered, “She doth, O Commander of the Faithful;” whereupon the King said, “By the life of my head and the tombs of my forefathers, she is a gift from me to thee, she and her waiting- women!” Ala al-Din fancied that the Caliph was jesting with him; but, on the morrow, the King went in to Kut al-Kulub and said to her, “I have given thee to Ala Al-Din, whereat she rejoiced, for she had seen and loved him. Then the Caliph returned from his serraglio palace to the Divan; and, calling porters, said to them, “Set all the goods of Kut al-Kulub and her waiting-women in a litter, and carry them to Ala al-Din’s home.” So they conducted her to the house and showed her into the pavilion, whilst the Caliph sat in the hall of audience till the dose of day, when the Divan broke up and he retired to his harem. Such was his case; but as regards Kut al-Kulub, when she had taken up her lodging in Ala al-Din’s mansion, she and her women, forty in all, besides the eunuchry, she called two of these caponised slaves and said to them, “Sit ye on stools, one on the right and another on the left hand of the door; and, when Ala al-Din cometh home, both of you kiss his hands and say to him, “Our mistress Kut al-Kulub requesteth thy presence in the pavilion, for the Caliph hath given her to thee, her and her women.” They answered, “We hear and obey;” and did as she bade them. So, when Ala al-Din returned, he found two of the Caliph’s eunuchs sitting at the door and was amazed at the matter and said to himself, “Surely, this is not my own house; or else what can have happened?” Now when the eunuchs saw him, they rose to him and, kissing his hands, said to him, “We are of the Caliph’s household and slaves to Kut al-Kulub, who saluteth thee, giving thee to know that the Caliph hath bestowed her on thee, her and her women, and requesteth thy presence.” Quoth Ala al-Din, “Say ye to her, ‘Thou art welcome; but so long as thou shalt abide with me, I will not enter the pavilion wherein thou art, for what was the master’s should not become the man’s;’ and furthermore ask her, ‘What was the sum of thy day’s expenditure in the Caliph’s palace?’” So they went in and did his errand to her, and she answered, “An hundred dinars a day;” whereupon quoth he to himself, “There was no need for the Caliph to give me Kut al-Kulub, that I should be put to such expense for her; but there is no help for it.” So she abode with him awhile and he assigned her daily an hundred dinars for her maintenance; till, one day, he absented himself from the Divan and the Caliph said to Ja’afar, “O Watir, I gave not Kut al-Kulub unto Ala al-Din but that she might console him for his wife; why, then, doth he still hold aloof from us?” Answered Ja’afar, “O Commander of the Faithful, he spake sooth who said, ‘Whoso findeth his fere, forgetteth his friends.’” Rejoined the Caliph, “Haply he hath not absented himself without excuse, but we will pay him a visit.” Now some days before this, Ala al-Din had said to Ja’afar, “I complained to the Caliph of my grief and mourning for the loss of my wife Zubaydah and he gave me Kut al-Kulub;” and the Minister replied, “Except he loved thee, he had not given her to thee. Say hast thou gone in unto her, O Ala al-Din?” He rejoined, “No, by Allah! I know not her length from her breadth.” He asked “And why?” and he answered, “O Wazir, what befitteth the lord befitteth not the liege.” Then the Caliph and Ja’afar disguised themselves and went privily to visit Ala al-Din; but he knew them and rising to them kissed the hands of the Caliph, who looked at him and saw signs of sorrow in his face. So he said to him, “O Al-Din, whence cometh this sorrow wherein I see thee? Hast thou not gone in unto Kut al-Kulub?” He replied, “O Commander of the Faithful, what befitteth the lord befitteth not the thrall. No, as yet I have not gone in to visit her nor do I know her length from her breadth; so pray quit me of her.” Quoth the Caliph, “I would fain see her and question her of her case;” and quoth Ala al-Din, “I hear and I obey, O Commander of the Faithful.” So the Caliph went in, — And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased to say her permitted say.

  When it was the Two Hundred and Sixty-second Night,

  She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that the Caliph went in to Kut al-Kulub, who rose to him on sighting him and kissed the ground between his hands; when he said to her, “Hath Ala al-Din gone in unto thee?” and she answered, “No, O Commander of the Faithful, I sent to bid him come, but he would not.” So the Caliph bade carry her back to the Harim and saying to Ala Al-Din, “Do not absent thyself from us,” returned to his palace. Accordingly, next morning, Ala Al-Din, mounted and rode to the Divan, where he took his seat as Chief of the Sixty. Presently the Caliph ordered his treasurer to give the Wazir Ja’afar ten thousand dinars and said when his order was obeyed, “I charge thee to go down to the bazar where handmaidens are sold and buy Ala Al-Din, a slave-girl with this sum.” So in obedience to the King, Ja’afar took Ala al-Din and went down with him to the bazar. Now as chance would have it, that very day, the Emir Khбlid, whom the Caliph had made Governor of Baghdad, went down to the market to buy a slave-girl for his son and the cause of his going was that his wife, Khбtъn by name, had borne him a son called Habzalam Bazбzah,86 and the same was foul of favour and had reached the age of twenty, without learning to mount horse; albeit his father was brave and bold, a doughty rider ready to plunge into the Sea of Darkness.87 And it happened that on a certain night he had a dream which caused nocturnal-pollution whereof he told his mother, who rejoiced and said to his father, “I want to find him a wife, as he is now ripe for wedlock.” Quoth Khбlid, “The fellow is so foul of favour and withal-so rank of odour, so sordid and beastly that no woman would take him as a gift.” And she answered, “We will buy him a slave-girl.” So it befell, for the accomplishing of what Allah Almighty had decreed, that on the same day, Ja’afar and Ala al-Din, the Governor Khбlid and his son went down to the market and behold, they saw in the hands of a broker a beautiful girl, lovely faced and of perfect shape, and the Wazir said to him, “O broker, ask her owner if he will take a thousand dinars for her.” And as the broker passed by the Governor with the slave, Hahzalam Bazazah cast at her one glance of the eyes which entailed for himself one thousand sighs; and he fell in love with her and passion got hold of him and he said, “O my father, buy me yonder slave-girl.” So the Emir called the broker, who brought the girl to him, and asked her her name. She replied, “My name is Jessamine;” and he said to Hahzalam Bazazah, “O my son, as she please thee, do thou bid higher for her.” Then he asked the broker, “What hath been bidden for her?” and he replied, “A thousa
nd dinars.” Said the Governor’s son, “She is mine for a thousand pieces of gold and one more;” and the broker passed on to Ala al-Din who bid two thousand dinars for her; and as often as the Emir’s son bid another dinar, Ala al-Din bid a thousand. The ugly youth was vexed at this and said, “O broker! who is it that outbiddeth me for the slave-girl?” Answered the broker, “It is the Wazir Ja’afar who is minded to buy her for Ala al-Din Abu al-Shamat.” And Ala al-Din continued till he brought her price up to ten thousand dinars, and her owner was satisfied to sell her for that sum. Then he took the girl and said to her, “I give thee thy freedom for the love of Almighty Allah;” and forthwith wrote his contract of marriage with her and carried her to his house. Now when the broker returned, after having received his brokerage, the Emir’s son summoned him and said to him, “Where is the girl?” Quoth he, “She was bought for ten thousand dinars by Ala al-Din, who hath set her free and married her.” At this the young man was greatly vexed and cast down and, sighing many a sigh, returned home, sick for love of the damsel; and he threw himself on his bed and refused food, for love and longing were sore upon him. Now when his mother saw him in this plight, she said to him, “Heaven assain thee, O my son! What aileth thee?” And he answered, “Buy me Jessamine, O my mother.” Quoth she, “When the flower-seller passeth I will buy thee a basketful of jessamine.” Quoth he, “It is not the jessamine one smells, but a slave-girl named Jessamine, whom my father would not buy for me.” So she said to her husband, “Why and wherefore didest thou not buy him the girl?” and he replied, “What is fit for the lord is not fit for the liege and I have no power to take her: no less a man bought her than Ala Al-Din, Chief of the Sixty.” Then the youth’s weakness redoubled upon him, till he gave up sleeping and eating, and his mother bound her head with the fillets of mourning. And while in her sadness she sat at home, lamenting over her son, behold, came in to her an old woman, known as the mother of Ahmad Kamбkim88 the arch-thief, a knave who would bore through a middle wall and scale the tallest of the tall and steal the very kohl off the eye-ball.89 From his earliest years he had been given to these malpractices, till they made him Captain of the Watch, when he stole a sum of money; and the Chief of Police, coming upon him in the act, carried him to the Caliph, who bade put him to death on the common execution-ground.90 But he implored protection of the Wazir whose intercession the Caliph never rejected, so he pleaded for him with the Commander of the Faithful who said, “How canst thou intercede for this pest of the human race?” Ja’afar answered, “O Commander of the Faithful, do thou imprison him; whoso built the first jail was a sage, seeing that a jail is the grave of the living and a joy for the foe.” So the Caliph bade lay him in bilboes and write thereon, “Appointed to remain here until death and not to be loosed but on the corpse washer’s bench;” and they cast him fettered into limbo. Now his mother was a frequent visitor to the house of the Emir Khбlid, who was Governor and Chief of Police; and she used to go in to her son in jail and say to him, “Did I not warn thee to turn from thy wicked ways?’’91 And he would always answer her, “Allah decreed this to me; but, O my mother, when thou visitest the Emir’s wife make her intercede for me with her husband.” So when the old woman came into the Lady Khatun, she found her bound with the fillets of mourning and said to her, “Wherefore dost thou mourn?” She replied, “For my son Habzalam Bazazah;” and the old woman exclaimed, “Heaven assain thy son!; what hath befallen him?” So the mother told her the whole story, and she said, “What thou say of him who should achieve such a feat as would save thy son?” Asked the lady, “And what feat wilt thou do?” Quoth the old woman, “I have a son called Ahmad Kamakim, the arch-thief, who lieth chained in jail and on his bilboes is written, ‘Appointed to remain till death’; so do thou don thy richest clothes and trick thee out with thy finest jewels and present thyself to thy husband with an open face and smiling mien; and when he seeketh of thee what men seek of women, put him off and baulk him of his will and say, ‘By Allah, ’tis a strange thing! When a man desireth aught of his wife he dunneth her till she doeth it; but if a wife desire aught of her husband, he will not grant it to her.’ Then he will say, ‘What dost thou want?’; and do thou answer, ‘First swear to grant my request.’ If he swear to thee by his head or by Allah, say to him, ‘Swear to me the oath of divorce’, and do not yield to him, except he do this. And whenas he hath sworn to thee the oath of divorce, say to him, ‘Thou keepest in prison a man called Ahmad Kamakim, and he hath a poor old mother, who hath set upon me and who urgeth me in the matter and who saith, ‘Let thy husband intercede for him with the Caliph, that my son may repent and thou gain heavenly guerdon.’” And the Lady Khatun replied, “I hear and obey.” So when her husband came into her — And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased saying her permitted say.

  When it was the Two Hundred and Sixty-third Night,

  She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that the Governor came in to his wife, who spoke to him as she had been taught and made him swear the divorce-oath before she would yield to his wishes. He lay with her that night and, when morning dawned, after he had made the Ghusl-ablution and prayed the dawn- prayer, he repaired to the prison and said, “O Ahmad Kamakim, O thou arch-thief, dost thou repent of thy works?”; whereto he replied, “I do indeed repent and turn to Allah and say with heart and tongue, ‘I ask pardon of Allah.’” So the Governor took him out of jail and carried him to the Court (he being still in bilboes) and, approaching the Caliph, kissed ground before him. Quoth the King, “O Emir Khбlid, what seekest thou?”; whereupon he brought forward Ahmad Kamakim, shuffling and tripping in his fetters, and the Caliph said to him, “What! art thou yet alive, O Kamakim?” He replied, “O Commander of the Faithful, the miserable are long-lived.” Quoth the Caliph to the Emir, “Why hast thou brought him hither?”; and quoth he, “O Commander of the Faithful, he hath a poor old mother cut off from the world who hath none but this son and she hath had recourse to thy slave, imploring him to intercede with thee to strike off his chains, for he repenteth of his evil courses; and to make him Captain of the Watch as before.” The Caliph asked Ahmad Kamakim, “Doss thou repent of thy sins?” “I do indeed repent me to Allah, O Commander of the Faithful,” answered he; whereupon the Caliph called for the blacksmith and made him strike off his irons on the corpse- washer’s bench.92 Moreover, he restored him to his former office and charged him to walk in the ways of godliness and righteousness. So he kissed the Caliph’s hands and, being invested with the uniform of Captain of the Watch, he went forth, whilst they made proclamation of his appointment. Now for a long time he abode in the exercise of his office, till one day his mother went in to the Governor’s wife, who said to her, “Praised be Allah who hath delivered thy son from prison and restored him to health and safety! But why dost thou not bid him contrive some trick to get the girl Jessamine for my son Hahzalam Bazazah?” “That will I,” answered she and, going out from her, repaired to her son. She found him drunk with wine and said to him, “O my son, no one caused thy release from jail but the wife of the Governor, and she would have thee find some means to slay Ala al-Din Abu al-Shamat and get his slave-girl Jessamine for her son Habzalam Bazazah.” He answered, “That will be the easiest of things; and I must needs set about it this very night.” Now this was the first night of the new month, and it was the custom of the Caliph to spend that night with the Lady Zubaydah, for the setting free of a slave-girl or a Mameluke or something of the sort. Moreover, on such occasions he used to doff his royal-habit, together with his rosary and dagger-sword and royal-signet, and set them all upon a chair in the sitting- saloon: and he had also a golden lanthorn, adorned with three jewels strung on a wire of gold, by which he set great store; and he would commit all these things to the charge of the eunuchry, whilst he went into the Lady Zubaydah’s apartment. So arch-thief Ahmad Kamakin waited till midnight, when Canopus shone bright, and all creatures to sleep were dight whilst the Creator veiled them with the veil of night. Then he took his drawn sword i
n his right and his grappling hook in his left and, repairing to the Caliph’s sitting-saloon planted his scaling ladder and cast his grapnel on to the side of the terrace-roof; then, raising the trap-door, let himself down into the saloon, where he found the eunuchs asleep. He drugged them with hemp-fumes;93 and, taking the Caliph’s dress; dagger, rosary, kerchief, signet-ring and the lanthorn whereupon were the pearls, returned whence he came and betook himself to the house of Ala al-Din, who had that night celebrated his wedding festivities with Jessamine and had gone in unto her and gotten her with child. So arch-thief Ahmad Kamakim climbed over into his saloon and, raising one of the marble slabs from the sunken part of the floor,94 dug a hole under it and laid the stolen things therein, all save the lanthorn, which he kept for himself. Then he plastered down the marble slab as it before was, and returning whence he came, went back to his own house, saying, “I will now tackle my drink and set this lanthorn before me and quaff the cup to its light.”95 Now as soon as it was dawn of day, the Caliph went out into the sitting-chamber; and, seeing the eunuchs drugged with hemp, aroused them. Then he put his hand to the chair and found neither dress nor signet nor rosary nor dagger-sword nor kerchief nor lanthorn; whereat he was exceeding wroth and donning the dress of anger, which was a scarlet suit,96 sat down in the Divan. So the Wazir Ja’afar came forward and kissing the ground before him, said, “Allah avert all evil from the Commander of the Faithful!” Answered the Caliph, “O Wazir, the evil is passing great!” Ja’afar asked, “What has happened?” so he told him what had occurred; and, behold, the Chief of Police appeared with Ahmad Kamakim the robber at his stirrup, when he found the Commander of the Faithful sore enraged. As soon as the Caliph saw him, he said to him, “O Emir Khбlid, how goes Baghdad?” And he answered, “Safe and secure.” Cried he “Thou liest!” “How so, O Prince of True Believers?” asked the Emir. So he told him the case and added, “I charge thee to bring me back all the stolen things.” Replied the Emir, “O Commander of the Faithful, the vinegar worm is of and in the vinegar, and no stranger can get at this place.”97 But the Caliph said, “Except thou bring me these things, I will put thee to death.” Quoth he, “Ere thou slay me, slay Ahmad Kamakim, for none should know the robber and the traitor but the Captain of the Watch.” Then came forward Ahmad Kamakim and said to the Caliph, “Accept my intercession for the Chief of Police, and I will be responsible to thee for the thief and will track his trail till I find him; but give me two Kazis and two Assessors for he who did this thing feareth thee not, nor cloth he fear the Governor nor any other.” Answered the Caliph, “Thou shalt have what thou wantest; but let search be made first in my palace and then in those of the Wazir and the Chief of the Sixty.” Rejoined Ahmad Kamakim, “Thou sayest well, O Commander of the Faith ful; belike the man that did this ill deed be one who hath been reared in the King’s household or in that of one of his officers.” Cried the Caliph, “As my head liveth, whosoever shall have done the deed I will assuredly put him to death, be it mine own son!” Then Ahmad Kamakim received a written warrant to enter and perforce search the houses; — And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased to say her permitted say.