One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  When it was the Two Hundred and Eighty-fourth Night,

  She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that the sweep continued, “When I entered that saloon I saw a person seated on a couch of Indian rattan, with ivory feet and before her a number of damsels. When she saw me she rose to me and called me; so I went up to her and she seated me by her side. Then she bade her slave-girls bring food, and they brought all manner of rich meats, such as I never saw in all my life; I do not even know the names of the dishes, much less their nature. So I ate my fill and when the dishes had been taken away and we had washed our hands, she called for fruits which came without stay or delay and ordered me eat of them; and when we had ended eating she bade one of the waiting-women bring the wine furniture. So they set on flagons of divers kinds of wine and burned perfumes in all the censers, what while a damsel like the moon rose and served us with wine to the sound of the smitten strings; and I drank, and the lady drank, till we were seized with wine and the whole time I doubted not but that all this was an illusion of sleep. Presently, she signed to one of the damsels to spread us a bed in such a place, which being done, she rose and took me by the hand and led me thither, and lay down and I lay with her till the morning, and as often as I pressed her to my breast I smelt the delicious fragrance of musk and other perfumes that exhaled from her and could not think otherwise but that I was in Paradise or in the vain phantasies of a dream. Now when it was day, she asked me where I lodged and I told her, ‘In such a place;’ whereupon she gave me leave to depart, handing to me a kerchief worked with gold and silver and containing somewhat tied in it, and took leave of me, saying, ‘Go to the bath with this.’ I rejoiced and said to myself, ‘If there be but five coppers here, it will buy me this day my morning meal.’ Then I left her, as though I were leaving Paradise, and returned to my poor crib where I opened the kerchief and found in it fifty miskals of gold. So I buried them in the ground and, buying two farthings’ worth of bread and ‘kitchen,’184 seated me at the door and broke my fast; after which I sat pondering my case and continued so doing till the time of afternoon, prayer, when lo! a slave-girl accosted me saying, ‘My mistress calleth for thee.’ I followed her to the house aforesaid and, after asking permission, she carried me into the lady, before whom I kissed the ground, and she commanded me to sit and called for meat and wine as on the previous day; after which I again lay with her all night. On the morrow, she gave me a second kerchief, with other fifty dinars therein, and I took it and going home, buried this also. In such pleasant condition I continued eight days running, going in to her at the hour of afternoon prayer and leaving her at daybreak; but, on the eighth night, as I lay with her, behold, one of her slave-girls came running in and said to me, ‘Arise, go up into yonder closet.’ So I rose and went into the closet, which was over the gate, and presently I heard a great clamour and tramp of horse; and, looking out of the window which gave on the street in front of the house, I saw a young man as he were the rising moon on the night of fulness come riding up attended by a number of servants and soldiers who were about him on foot. He alighted at the door and entering the saloon found the lady seated on the couch; so he kissed the ground between her hands then came up to her and kissed her hands; but she would not speak to him. However, he continued patiently to humble himself, and soothe her and speak her fair, till he made his peace with her, and they lay together that night.” — And Shahrazed perceived the dawn of day and ceased saying her permitted say.

  When it was the Two Hundred and Eighty-fifth Night,

  She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that the scavenger continued, “Now when her husband had made his peace with the young lady, he lay with her that night; and next morning, the soldiers came for him and he mounted and rode away; whereupon she drew near to me and said, ‘Sawst thou yonder man?’ I answered, ‘Yes;’ and she said, ‘He is my husband, and I will tell thee what befell me with him. It came to pass one day that we were sitting, he and I, in the garden within the house, and behold, he rose from my side and was absent a long while, till I grew tired of waiting and said to myself: Most like, he is in the privy. So I arose and went to the water-closet, but not finding him there, went down to the kitchen, where I saw a slave-girl; and when I enquired for him, she showed him to me lying with one of the cookmaids. Hereupon, I swore a great oath that I assuredly would do adultery with the foulest and filthiest man in Baghdad; and the day the eunuch laid hands on thee, I had been four days going round about the city in quest of one who should answer to this description, but found none fouler nor filthier than thy good self. So I took thee and there passed between us that which Allah fore ordained to us; and now I am quit of my oath.’ Then she added, ‘If, however, my husband return yet again to the cookmaid and lie with her, I will restore thee to thy lost place in my favours.’ Now when I heard these words from her lips, what while she pierced my heart with the shafts of her glances, my tears streamed forth, till my eyelids were chafed sore with weeping, and I repeated the saying of the poet,

  ‘Grant me the kiss of that left hand ten times; * And learn it

  hath than right hand higher grade;185

  For ’tis but little since that same left hand * Washed off Sir

  Reverence when ablution made.’

  Then she made them give me other fifty dinars (making in all four hundred gold pieces I had of her) and bade me depart. So I went out from her and came hither, that I might pray Allah (extolled and exalted be He!) to make her husband return to the cookmaid, that haply I might be again admitted to her favours.’ When the Emir of the pilgrims heard the man’s story, he set him free and said to the bystanders, ‘Allah upon you, pray for him, for indeed he is excusable.’” And men also tell the tale of

  Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents

  THE MOCK CALIPH.

  It is related that the Caliph Harun al-Rashid, was one night restless with extreme restlessness, so he summoned his Wazir Ja’afar the Barmecide, and said to him, “My breast is straitened and I have a desire to divert myself to-night by walking about the streets of Baghdad and looking into folks’ affairs; but with this precaution that we disguise ourselves in merchants’ gear, so none shall know us.” He answered, “Hearkening and obedience.” They rose at once and doffing the rich raiment they wore, donned merchants’ habits and sallied forth three in number, the Caliph, Ja’afar and Masrur the sworder. Then they walked from place to place, till they came to the Tigris and saw an old man sitting in a boat; so they went up to him and saluting him, said, “O Shaykh, we desire thee of thy kindness and favour to carry us a- pleasuring down the river, in this thy boat, and take this dinar to thy hire.” — And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased saying her permitted say.

  When it was the Two Hundred and Eighty-sixth Night,

  She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that when they said to the old man, “We desire thee to carry us a-pleasuring in this thy boat and take this dinar;” he answered, “Who may go a- pleasuring on the Tigris? The Caliph Harun al-Rashid every night cometh down Tigris stream in his state-barge186 and with him one crying aloud: ‘Ho, ye people all, great and small, gentle and simple, men and boys, whoso is found in a boat on the Tigris by night, I will strike off his head or hang him to the mast of his craft!’ And ye had well nigh met him; for here cometh his carrack.” But the Caliph and Ja’afar said, “O Shaykh, take these two dinars, and run us under one of yonder arches, that we may hide there till the Caliph’s barge have passed.” The old man replied, “Hand over your gold and rely we on Allah, the Almighty!” So he took the two dinars and embarked them in the boat; and he put off and rowed about with them awhile, when behold, the barge came down the river in mid-stream, with lighted flambeaux and cressets flaming therein. Quoth the old man, “Did not I tell you that the Caliph passed along the river every night?”; and ceased not muttering, “O Protector, remove not the veils of Thy protection!” Then he ran the boat under an arch and threw a piece of black cloth
over the Caliph and his companions, who looked out from under the covering and saw, in the bows of the barge, a man holding in hand a cresset of red gold which he fed with Sumatran lign-aloes and the figure was clad in a robe of red satin, with a narrow turband of Mosul shape round on his head, and over one of his shoulders hung a sleeved cloak187 of cramoisy satin, and on the other was a green silk bag full of the aloes-wood, with which he fed the cresset by way of firewood. And they sighted in the stern another man, clad like the first and bearing a like cresset, and in the barge were two hundred white slaves, standing ranged to the right and left; and in the middle a throne of red gold, whereon sat a handsome young man, like the moon, clad in a dress of black, embroidered with yellow gold. Before him they beheld a man, as he were the Wazir Ja’afar, and at his head stood an eunuch, as he were Masrur, with a drawn sword in his hand; besides a score of cup-companions. Now when the Caliph saw this, he turned and said, “O Ja’afar,” and the Minister replied, “At thy service, O Prince of True Believers.” Then quoth the Caliph, “Belike this is one of my sons, Al Amin or Al-Maamun.” Then he examined the young man who sat on the throne and finding him perfect in beauty and loveliness and stature and symmetric grace, said to Ja’afar, “Verily, this young man abateth nor jot nor tittle of the state of the Caliphate! See, there standeth before him one as he were thyself, O Ja’afar; yonder eunuch who standeth at his head is as he were Masrur and those courtiers as they were my own. By Allah, O Ja’afar, my reason is confounded and I am filled with amazement this matter!” — And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased to say her permitted say.

  When it was the Two Hundred and Eighty-seventh Night,

  She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that when the Caliph saw this spectacle his reason was confounded and he cried, “By Allah, I am filled with amazement at this matter!” and Ja’afar replied, “And I also, by Allah, O Commander of the Faithful.” Then the barge passed on and disappeared from sight whereupon the boatman pushed out again into the stream, saying, “Praised be Allah for safety, since none hath fallen in with us!” Quoth the Caliph, “O old man, doth the Caliph come down the Tigris-river every night?” The boatman answered, “Yes, O my lord; and on such wise hath he done every night this year past.” “O Shaykh,” rejoined Al-Rashid, “we wish thee of thy favour to await us here to-morrow night and we will give thee five golden dinars, for we are stranger folk, lodging in the quarter Al-Khandak, and we have a mind to divert ourselves.” Said the oldster, “With joy and good will!” Then the Caliph and Ja’afar and Masrur left the boatman and returned to the palace; where they doffed their merchants’ habits and, donning their apparel of state, sat down each in his several-stead; and came the Emirs and Wazirs and Chamberlains and Officers, and the Divan assembled and was crowded as of custom. But when day ended and all the folk had dispersed and wended each his own way, the Caliph said to his Wazir, “Rise, O Ja’afar, let us go and amuse ourselves by looking on the second Caliph.” At this, Ja’afar and Masrur laughed, and the three, donning merchants’ habits, went forth by a secret pastern and made their way through the city, in great glee, till they came to the Tigris, where they found the graybeard sitting and awaiting them. They embarked with him in the boat and hardly had they sat down before up came the mock Caliph’s barge; and, when they looked at it attentively, they saw therein two hundred Mamelukes other than those of the previous night, while the link- bearers cried aloud as of wont. Quoth the Caliph, “O Wazir, had I heard tell of this, I had not believed it; but I have seen it with my own sight.” Then said he to the boatman, “Take, O Shaykh’ these ten dinars and row us along abreast of them, for they are in the light and we in the shade, and we can see them and amuse ourselves by looking on them, but they cannot see us.” So the man took the money and pushing off ran abreast of them in the shadow of the barge, — And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased saying her permitted say.

  When it was the Two Hundred and Eighty-eighth Night,

  She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that the Caliph Harun al-Rashid said to the old man, “Take these ten dinars and row us abreast of them;” to which he replied, “I hear and I obey.” And he fared with them and ceased not going in the blackness of the barge, till they came amongst the gardens that lay alongside of them and sighted a large walled enclosure; and presently, the barge cast anchor before a postern door, where they saw servants standing with a she mule saddled and bridled. Here the mock Caliph landed and, mounting the mule, rode away with his courtiers and his cup-companions preceded by the cresset-bearers crying aloud, and followed by his household which busied itself in his service. Then Harun al-Rashid, Ja’afar and Masrur landed also and, making their way through the press of servants, walked on before them. Presently, the cresset-bearers espied them and seeing three persons in merchants’ habits, and strangers to the country, took offense at them; so they pointed them out and brought them before the other Caliph, who looked at them and asked, “How came ye to this place and who brought you at this tide?” They answered, “O our lord, we are foreign merchants and far from our homes, who arrived here this day and were out a- walking to-night, and behold, ye came up and these men laid hands on us and brought us to thy presence; and this is all our story.” Quoth the mock Caliph, “Since ye be stranger folk no harm shall befall you; but had ye been of Baghdad, I had struck off your heads.” Then he turned to his Wazir and said to him, “Take these men with thee; for they are our guests to-night.” “To hear is to obey, O our lord,” answered he; and they companied him till they came to a lofty and splendid palace set upon the firmest base; no Sultan possesseth such a place; rising from the dusty mould and upon the merges of the clouds laying hold. Its door was of Indian teak-wood inlaid with gold that glowed; and through it one passed into a royal-hall in whose midst was a jetting fount girt by a raised estrade. It was provided with carpets and cushions of brocade and small pillows and long settees and hanging curtains; it was furnished with a splendour that dazed the mind and dumbed the tongue, and upon the door were written these two couplets,

  “A Palace whereon be blessings and praise! * Which with all their

  beauty have robed the Days:

  Where marvels and miracle-sights abound, * And to write its

  honours the pen affrays.”

  The false Caliph entered with his company, and sat down on a throne of gold set with jewels and covered with a prayer carpet of yellow silk; whilst the boon-companions took their seats and the sword bearer of high works stood before him. Then the tables were laid and they ate; after which the dishes were removed and they washed their hands and the wine-service was set on with flagons and bowls in due order. The cup went round till it came to the Caliph, Harun al-Rashid, who refused the draught, and the mock Caliph said to Ja’afar, “What mattereth thy friend that he drinketh not?” He replied, “O my lord, indeed ’tis a long while he hath drunk naught of this.” Quoth the sham Caliph, “I have drink other than this, a kind of apple-wine,188 that will suit thy companion.” So he bade them bring the cider which they did forthright; when the false Caliph, coming up to Harun al-Rashid, said to him, “As often as it cometh to thy turn drink thou of this.” Then they continued to drink and make merry and pass the cup till the wine rose to their brains and mastered their wits; — And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased to say her permitted say.

  When it was the Two Hundred and Eighty-ninth Night,

  She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that the false Caliph and his co sitters sat at their cups and gave not over drinking till the wine rose to their brains and mastered their wits; and Harun al-Rashid said to the Minister, “O Ja’afar, by Allah, we have no such vessels as these. Would to Heaven I knew what manner of man this youth is!” But while they were talking privily the young man cast a glance upon them and seeing the Wazir whisper the Caliph said, “’Tis rude to whisper.” He replied, “No rudeness was meant: this my friend did but say to me, ‘Verily I have travelled in most countries and have c
aroused with the greatest of Kings and I have companied with noble captains; yet never saw I a goodlier ordering than this entertainment nor passed a more delightful night; save that the people of Baghdad are wont to say, Wine without music often leaves you sick.’”When the second Caliph heard this, he smiled pleasantly and struck with a rod he had in his hand a round gong;189 and behold, a door opened and out came a eunuch, bearing a chair of ivory, inlaid with gold glittering fiery red and followed by a damsel of passing beauty and loveliness, symmetry and grace. He set down the chair and the damsel seated herself on it, as she were the sun shining sheen in a sky serene. In her hand she had a lute of Hindu make, which she laid in her lap and bent down over it as a mother bendeth over her little one, and sang to it, after a prelude in four-and-twenty modes, amazing all wits. Then she returned to the first mode and to a lively measure chanted these couplets,