One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  When it was the Four Hundred and Fifty-second Night,

  She continued, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that when the damsel said to the doctor, “‘The stomach is the house of disease and diet is the head of healing; for the origin of all sickness is indigestion, that is to say, corruption of the meat in the stomach;’” he rejoined, “Thou hast replied aright! what sayest thou of the Hammam?” “Let not the full man enter it. Quoth the Prophet, ‘The bath is the blessing of the house, for that it cleanseth the body and calleth to mind the Fire.’” Q “What Hammams are best for bathing in?” “Those whose waters are sweet and whose space is ample and which are kept well aired; their atmosphere representing the four seasons — autumn and summer and winter and spring.” Q “What kind of food is the most profitable?” “That which women make and which hath not cost overmuch trouble and which is readily digested. The most excellent of food is brewis404 or bread sopped in broth; according to the saying of the Prophet, ‘Brewis excelleth other food, even as Ayishah excelleth other women.’” Q “What kind of kitchen, or seasoning, is most profitable?” “‘Flesh meat’ (quoth the Prophet) ‘is the most excellent of kitchen; for that it is the delight of this world and the next world.’” Q “What kind of meat is the most profitable?” “Mutton; but jerked meat is to be avoided, for there is no profit in it.” Q “What of fruits?” “Eat them in their prime and quit them when their season is past.” Q “What sayest thou of drinking water?” “Drink it not in large quantities nor swallow it by gulps, or it will give thee head-ache and cause divers kinds of harm; neither drink it immediately after leaving the Hammam nor after carnal copulation or eating (except it be after the lapse of fifteen minutes for a young man and forty for an old man), nor after waking from sleep.” Q “What of drinking fermented liquors?” “Doth not the prohibition suffice thee in the Book of Almighty Allah, where He saith, ‘Verily, wine and lots and images, and the divining arrows are an abomination, of Satan’s work; therefore avoid them, that ye may prosper’?405 And again, ‘They will ask thee concerning wine and lots’: Answer, ‘In both there is great sin and also some things of use unto men: but their sinfulness is greater than their use.’406 Hence quoth the poet,

  ‘O bibber of liquor, art not ashamed * To drink what Allah

  forbade thee drain?

  Put it far from thee and approach it not; * It holds what Allah

  forbade as bane.’

  And quoth another to the same purport,

  ‘I drank the sin till my reason fled: * Ill drink that reason to loss misled!’

  As for the advantages that be therein, it disperseth stone and gravel from the kidneys and strengtheneth the viscera and banisheth care, and moveth to generosity and preserveth health and digestion; it conserveth the body, expelleth disease from the joints, purifieth the frame of corrupt humours, engendereth cheerfulness, gladdeneth the heart of man and keepeth up the natural heat: it contracteth the bladder, enforceth the liver and removeth obstructions, reddeneth the cheeks, cleareth away maggots from the brain and deferreth grey hairs. In short, had not Allah (to whom be honour and glory!) forbidden it,407 there were not on the face of the earth aught fit to stand in its stead. As for gambling by lots, it is a game of hazard such as diceing, not of skill.” Q “What wine is best?” “That which is pressed from white grapes and kept eighty days or more after fermentation: it resembleth not water and indeed there is nothing on the surface of the earth like unto it.” Q “What sayest thou of cupping?” “It is for him who is over full of blood and who hath no defect therein; and whoso would be cupped, let it be during the wane of the moon, on a day without cloud, wind or rain and on the seventeenth of the month. If it fall on a Tuesday, it will be the more efficacious, and nothing is more salutary for the brain and eyes and for clearing the intellect than cupping.” — And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased saying her permitted say.

  When it was the Four Hundred and Fifty-third Night,

  She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that when the damsel enumerated the benefits of cupping, quoth the doctor, “What is the best time for cupping?” “One should be cupped ‘on the spittle,’ that is, in the morning before eating, for this fortifieth the wit and the memory. It is reported of the Prophet that, when anyone complained to him of a pain in the head or legs, he would bid him be cupped and after cupping not eat salt food, fasting, for it engendereth scurvy; neither eat sour things as curded milk408 immediately after cupping.” Q “When is cupping to be avoided?” “On Sabbaths or Saturdays and Wednesdays; and let him who is cupped on these days blame none but himself. Moreover, one should not be cupped in very hot weather nor in very cold weather; and the best season for cupping is springtide.” Quoth the doctor, “Now tell me of carnal copulation.” Hereupon Tawaddud hung her head, for shame and confusion before the Caliph’s majesty; then said, “By Allah, O Commander of the Faithful, it is not that I am at fault, but that I am ashamed; though, indeed, the answer is on the edge of my tongue.” Said the Caliph; “Speak, O damsel,” whereupon said she, “Copulation hath in it many and exceeding virtues and praiseworthy qualities, amongst which are, that it lighteneth a body full of black bile and calmeth the heat of love and induceth affection and dilateth the heart and dispelleth the sadness of solitude; and the excess of it is more harmful in summer and autumn than in spring and winter.” Q “What are its good effects?” “It banisheth trouble and disquiet, calmeth love and wrath and is good for ulcers, especially in a cold and dry humour; on the other hand excess of it weakeneth the sight and engendereth pains in the legs and head and back: and beware, beware of carnal connection with old women, for they are deadly. Quoth the Iman Ali409 (whose face Allah honour!), ‘Four things kill and ruin the body: entering the Hammam on a full stomach; eating salt food; copulation on a plethora of blood and lying with an ailing woman; for she will weaken thy strength and infect thy frame with sickness; and an old woman is deadly poison.’ And quoth one of them, ‘Beware of taking an old woman to wife, though she be richer in hoards than Kαrϊn’”410 Q “What is the best copulation?” “If the woman be tender of years, comely of shape, fair of face, swelling of breast and of noble race, she will add to thee strength and health of body; and let her be even as saith a certain poet describing her,

  ‘Seeing thy looks wots she what thou desir’st, * By inspiration;

  wants nor word nor sign;

  And, when thou dost behold her rarest grace, * The charms of

  every garden canst decline.’

  Q “At what time is copulation good?” “If by night, after food digested and if by day, after the morning meal.” Q “What are the most excellent fruits?” “Pomegranate and citron.” Q “Which is the most excellent of vegetables?” “Endive.411 “ Q “Which of sweet-scented flowers?” “Rose and Violet.” Q “How is the seed of man secreted?” “There is in man a vein which feedeth all the other veins. Now water is collected from the three hundred and sixty veins and, in the form of red blood, entereth the left testicle, where it is decocted, by the heat of temperament inherent in the son of Adam, into a thick, white liquid, whose odour is as that of the palm-spathe.” Q “What flying thing is it that emitteth seed and menstruateth?” “The flitter-mouse,412 that is the bat.” Q “What is that which, when confined and shut out from the air liveth, and when let out to smell the air dieth?” “The fish.” Q “What serpent layeth eggs?” “The Su’ban or dragon.413 “ With this the physician waxed weary with much questioning, and held his peace, when Tawaddud said to the Caliph, “O Commander of the Faithful, he hath questioned me till he is tired out and now I will ask him one question, which if he answer not, I will take his clothes as lawful prize.” — And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased to say her permitted say.

  When it was the Four Hundred and Fifty-fourth Night,

  She continued, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that when the damsel said to the Commander of the Faithful, “Verily he hath questioned me till he is tired out, and now I will ask
him one question, which if he answer not I will take his clothes as lawful prize,” the Caliph cried, “Ask on.” So quoth she to the physician, “What is that thing which resembleth the earth in roundness, whose resting-place and whose spine are hidden from men’s eyes; little of price and estimation; narrow of chest and shackled as to throat though it be nor runaway slave nor pestilent thief; thrust through and through, though not in fray, and wounded, though not in fight: time eateth its vigour and water wasteth it away; now it is beaten without blemish, and then made to serve without stint; united after separation; submissive, but not to him who caresseth it; pregnant without child in belly; drooping, yet not leaning on its side; becoming dirty yet purifying itself; cleaving to its fere, yet changing; copulating without a yard, wrestling without arms: resting and taking its ease; bitten, yet not crying out: now more complaisant than a cup-companion and then more troublesome than summer-heat; leaving its mate by night and embracing her by day and having its abode in the corners of the mansions of the noble?” The physician was silent awhile in perplexity and his colour changed and he bowed his head and made no reply; whereupon she said to him, “Ho, sir doctor, speak or doff thy dress.” At this, he rose and said, “O Commander of the Faithful, bear witness against me that this damsel is more learned than I in medicine and what else, and that I cannot cope with her.” And he put off his clothes and fled forth. Quoth the Caliph to Tawaddud, “Ree us thy riddle,” and she replied, “O Commander of the Faithful, it is the button and the button-loop.414 “ — Then she undertook the astronomers and said, “Let him of you who is an astronomer rise and come forward.” So the astronomer advanced and sat down before her; and, when she saw him, she laughed and said, “Art thou the astronomer, the mathematician, the scribe?” “Yes,” answered he. Quoth she, “Ask of what thou wilt; success resteth with Allah.” So he said, “Tell me of the sun and its rising and setting.” And she replied: “Know that the sun riseth from the shadows in the Eastern hemisphere and setteth in the shadows of the Western, and each hemisphere compriseth one hundred and eighty degrees. Quoth Allah Almighty, ‘I swear by the Lord of the East and of the West.’415 And again, ‘He it is who hath ordained the sun to shine by day, and the moon for a light by night; and hath appointed her station that ye might know the number of years and the computation of time.’416 The moon is Sultan of the night and the sun Sultan of the day, and they vie with each other in their courses and follow without overtaking each other. Quoth Almighty Allah, ‘It is not expedient that the sun overtake the moon in her course; neither doth the night outstrip the day, but each of these luminaries moveth in a peculiar orbit.’”417 Q “When the day cometh, what becometh of the night; and what of the day, when the night cometh?” “He causeth the night to enter in upon the day, and He causeth the day to enter in upon the night.”418 Q “Enumerate to me the mansions of the moon?”419 “They number eight-and-twenty, to wit, Sharatαn, Butayn, Surayα, Dabarαn, Hak’ah, Han’ah, Zirα’a, Nasrah, Tarf, Jabhah, Zubrah, Sarfah, ‘Awwα, Simαk, Ghafar, Zubαnν, Iklνl, Kalb, Shaulah, Na’am, Baldah, Sa’ad al-Zαbih, Sa’ad al-Bul’a, Sa’ad al-Su’ϊd, Sa’ad al-Akhbiyah, Fargh the Former and Fargh the Latter; and Rishαa. They are disposed in the order of the letters of the Abjad-hawwaz or older alphabet,420 according to their numerical power, and in them are secret virtues which none knoweth save Allah (extolled and exalted be He!) and the stablished in science. They are divided among the twelve Signs of the Zodiac, two Mansions and a third of a Mansion to each Sign. Thus Sharatan, Butayn and one-third of Surαyα, belong to Aries, the other two-thirds of Surαyα, Dabaran and two-thirds of Hak’ah to Taurus, the other third of Hak’ah, Han’ah and Zira’a to Gemini; Nasrah, Tarf and a third of Jabhah to Cancer, the other two-thirds of Jabhah, Zubrah and two-thirds of Sarfah to Leo; the other third of Sarfah, ‘Awwα and Simαk to Virgo; Ghafar, Zubαni and one-third of Iklνl to Libra; the other two-thirds of Iklil, Kalb and two-thirds of Shaulah to Scorpio; the other third of Shaulah, Na’αim and Baldah to Sagittarius; Sa’ad al-Zαbih, Sa’ad al-Bul’a and one-third of Sa’ad al-Su’ud to Capricorn, the other two-thirds of Sa’ad al-Su’dd, Sa’ad al-Akhbiyah and two-thirds of Fargh the Former to Aquarius, the other third of Fargh the Former, Fargh the Latter and Rishαa to Pisces.” — And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased saying her permitted say.

  When it was the Four Hundred and Fifty-fifth Night,

  She said, it hath reached me, O auspicious King, that when the damsel enumerated the Mansions and distributed them into their Signs, the astronomer said, “Thou hast replied aright; now tell me of the planets and their natures, also of their sojourn in the Zodiacal Signs, their aspects, auspicious and sinister, their houses, ascendants and descendants. She answered, “The sitting is narrow for so large a matter, but I will say as much as I can. Now the planets number seven; which are, the Sun, the Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn. The Sun, hot-dry, sinister in conjunction, favourable in opposition, abideth thirty days in each Sign. The Moon, cold-moist and favourable of aspect, tarrieth in each Sign two days and a third of another day. Mercury is of a mixed nature, favourable in conjunction with the favourable, and sinister in conjunction with the sinister aspects, and abideth in each sign seventeen days and a half day. Venus, temperate and favourable, abideth in each sign five-and-twenty days. Mars is sinister and woneth in each sign ten months. Jupiter is auspicious and abideth in each sign a year. Saturn, cold-dry and sinister, tarrieth in each sign thirty months. The house of the Sun is Leo, her ascendant is Aries, and her descendant Aquarius. The Moon’s house is Cancer, his ascendant Taurus, his descendant Scorpio and his sinister aspect Capricorn. Saturn’s house is Capricorn-Aquarius, his ascendant Libra, his descendant Aries and his sinister aspects Cancer and Leo. Jupiter’s house is Pisces-Sagittarius, his ascendant Cancer, his descendant Capricorn and his sinister aspects Gemini and Leo. Venus’s house is Taurus, her ascendant Pisces, her descendant Libra, and her sinister aspects Aries and Scorpio. Mercury’s house is Gemini-Virgo, his ascendant Virgo, his descendant Pisces, and his sinister aspect Taurus. Mars’ house is Aries-Scorpio, his ascendant Capricorn, his descendant Cancer and his sinister aspect Libra.” Now when the astronomer saw her acuteness and comprehensive learning and heard her fair answers, he bethought him for a sleight to confound her before the Commander of the Faithful, and said to her, “O damsel, tell me, will rain fall this month?” At this she bowed her head and pondered so long, that the Caliph thought her at a loss for an answer and the astronomer said to her, “Why dost thou not speak?” Quoth she, “I will not speak except the Commander of the Faithful give me leave.” So the Caliph laughed and said, “How so?” Cried she “I would have thee give me a sword, that I may strike off his head, for he is an Infidel, an Agnostic, an Atheist.421 “ At this, loud laughed the Caliph and those about him laughed, and she continued “O astronomer, there are five things that none knoweth save Allah Almighty;” and she repeated the verset; “‘Aye! Allah! — with Him is the knowledge of the hour and He causeth the rain to descend at His own appointed time — and He knoweth what is in the wombs of females — but no soul knoweth what it shall have gotten on the morrow; neither wotteth any soul in what land it shall die: Verily Allah is knowing, informed of all.’”422 Quoth the astronomer, “Thou hast said well, and I, by Allah, thought only to try thee.” Rejoined she, “Know that the almanack-makers have certain signs and tokens, referring to the planets and constellations relative to the coming in of the year; and folk have learned something by experience.” Q “What be that?” “Each day hath a planet that ruleth it: so if the first day in the year fall on First Day (Sunday) that day is the Sun’s and this portendeth (though Allah alone is All-knowing!) oppression of kings and sultans and governors and much miasma and lack of rain; and that people will be in great tumult and the grain-crop will be good, except lentils, which will perish, and the vines will rot and flax will be dear and wheat cheap from the beginning of Tϊbah to the end of Barmahαt.423 And, in this year there will be much fight
ing among kings, and there shall be great plenty of good in this year, but Allah is All-knowing!” Q “What if the first day fall on Second Day (Monday)?” “That day belongeth to the Moon and portendeth righteousness in administrators and officials and that it will be a year of much rain and grain-crops will be good, but linseed will decay and wheat will be cheap in the month Kiyαhk;424 also the plague will rage and the sheep and goats will die, grapes will be plentiful and honey scarce and cotton cheap; and Allah is omniscient!” — And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased to say her permitted say.

  When it was the Four Hundred and Fifty-sixth Night,

  She said, it hath reached me, O auspicious King, that when the damsel ended her notice of Second Day the astronomer said to her “Now tell me what will occur if New Year’s day fall on Third Day (Tuesday).” She replied, “That is Mars’ day and portendeth death of great men and much destruction and deluge of blood and dearness of grain; lack of rain and scarcity of fish, which will anon be in excess and anon fail. Lentils and honey in this year will be cheap and linseed dear and only barley will thrive, to the exception of all other cereals: great will be the fighting among kings and death will be in the blood and there will be much mortality among asses.” Q “What if it fall on Fourth Day?” “That is Mercury’s day and portendeth great tumult among the folk and much enmity and, though rains be moderate, rotting of some of the green crops; also that there will be sore mortality among cattle and young children and much fighting by sea; that wheat will be dear from Barmϊdah to Misra425 and other grains cheap; thunder and lightning will abound and honey will be dear, palm- trees will thrive and bear abundantly and flax and cotton will be plentiful, while radishes and onions will be dear; but Allah is All-knowing!” Q “What if it fall on Fifth Day?” “That is Jupiter’s day and portendeth equity in Wazirs and righteousness in Kazis and Fakirs and the Ministers of religion; and that good will be plentiful: rains and fruit and trees and grain will abound, and flax, cotton, honey, grapes and fish be cheap; and Allah is Omniscient!” Q “What if it fall on Meeting Day or Friday?” “That day appertaineth to Venus and portendeth oppression in the chiefs of the Jinn and talk of forgery and back-biting; there will be much dew; the autumn crops will be good in the land and there will be cheapness in one town and not in another: ungraciousness will be rife by land and sea; linseed will be dear, also wheat, in Hαtϊr, but cheap in Amshνr; honey will be dear and grapes and water-melons will rot; and Allah is Omniscient!” Q “What if it fall on the Sabbath (Saturday)?” “That is Saturn’s day and portendeth the preferment of slaves and Greeks and those in whom there is no good, neither in their neighbourhood; there will be great drought and dearth; clouds will abound and death will be rife among the sons of Adam and woe to the people of Egypt and Syria from the oppression of the Sultan and failure of blessing upon the green crops and rotting of grain; and Allah is All-knowing!”426 Now with this, the astronomer hung his head very low, and she said to him, “O astronomer, I will ask thee one question, which if thou answer not, I will take thy clothes.” “Ask,” replied he. Quoth she, “Where is Saturn’s dwelling-place?”; and he answered, “In the seventh heaven.” Q “And that of Jupiter?” “In the sixth heaven.” Q “And that of Mars?” “In the fifth heaven.” Q “And that of the Sun?” “In the fourth heaven.” Q “And that of Venus?” “In the third heaven.” Q “And that of Mercury?” “In the second heaven.” Q “And that of the Moon?” “In the first heaven.” Quoth she, “Well answered; but I have one more question to ask thee;” and quoth he, “Ask!” Accordingly she said, “Now tell me concerning the stars, into how many parts are they divided.” But he was silent and answered nothing; and she cried to him, “Put off thy clothes.” So he doffed them and she took them; after which the Caliph said to her, “Tell us the answer to thy question.” She replied: “O Commander of the Faithful, the stars are divided into three parts, whereof one-third is hung in the sky of the earth,427 as it were lamps, to give light to the earth, and a part is used to shoot the demons withal, when they draw near by stealth to listen to the talk in heaven. Quoth Allah Almighty, ‘Verily, we have dight the sky of the earth with the adornment of the stars; and have appointed them for projectiles against every rebellious Satan.’428 And the third part is hung in air to illuminate the seas and give light to what is therein.” Quoth the astronomer, “I have one more question to ask, which if she answer, I will avow myself beaten.” “Say on,” answered she. — And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased saying her permitted say.