Hopefully, I’ll never have to come back here again.
It’s still early when I get home so I focus on making a difference.
From now on, I’m not some pathetic girl. I’m independent. I don’t need Nate shoving food down my throat. I don’t need Jesse coming and checking up on me. I don’t need Nate constantly trying to save me. From now on, I’m done with him. Jesse though, he’s different. He’s managed to worm his way back in, and so far, he hasn’t done anything to tear me apart.
With the extra time before I head off to school, I jump online and set myself up an account with the grocery store. I put a whole heap of items in my shopping cart and work out a delivery time for this afternoon.
Next up. I need to work out how to change the code for the damn gate.
That takes me nearly an hour and before I know it, I’m running back out the door with my handbag tucked under my arm, desperate to get my ass to school before the warning bell.
I make it with all of two minutes to spare. I pull into a spot that’s not so far away this time and don’t bother looking around to see if he’s here yet. I don’t want to know.
“Hey,” Brooke laughs as she appears on the other side of my Audi. “You picked a better spot this morning.”
“Yeah, apparently, I don’t suck at driving as much now,” I say, trying my hardest to appear my usual happy self. “What’s going on? How was your night?”
A big grin comes over her face as she walks up to the school with me. “It was so good,” she says. “I was with Maxen for most of the afternoon until my mom demanded I come home.”
I roll my eyes. “Let me guess,” I say with a bit of a snap. “He screwed you up against the wall? Or maybe on the hood of his car?”
Her eyebrows pull down as she looks at me. “What’s up with you?” she questions. “You’re a bitch this morning.”
I let out a sigh. “I know,” I say. “I’m sorry. I’m just having a bad morning.”
“Why?” she asks. “What did the boof head brothers do now?”
“Nothing,” I say with a grunt as I choose not to tell her what had happened between us. “It’s just Nate up to his usual games.”
“Oh,” she says before putting her arm around my shoulder and giving me a tight squeeze. “Chin up. He’s probably done worse.”
If only she knew. “Yeah,” I grumble.
We get to our lockers and Brooke ducks across the hallway to throw her things in hers when Maxen grabs her around the waist and spins her around. He pushes her up against the locker and kisses her while she giggles and gives him everything she’s got.
I roll my eyes at the scene, hating that it reminds me of last night, so instead, I focus all my attention on jamming my things into my locker.
A hard body falls into the locker beside me and I look across to see Jesse grinning at me like an idiot. “What’s up?” he says.
I give him a hard glare, wondering if his grin is there because he was in on Nate’s little game as well. “If you’re here to be a jerk, then I don’t want to hear it,” I warn him.
He holds his hands up feigning innocence. “What did I do?” he questions. “I was just coming to see what’s going on. You weren’t at home this morning.”
I study him a little closer and realize that he doesn’t know, so I leave it that way. “It’s nothing,” I tell him. “I just needed my own space.”
The roles reverse and this time it’s him studying me. He leans in a little closer and glances around at the people in the hallway. “Is this about what happened at dinner last night?” he murmurs.
I press my lips together, unsure how to answer. I feel my eyes stinging with the need to shed a few more tears when the warning bell rings, saving me from another round of embarrassment. “I got to go,” I rush out before slipping out around him and taking off.
“Hey,” he calls after me.
I ignore him and keep my feet moving. I’d rather be in my first class with Josh and Elle than deal with what’s going on with Nate.
I sit in class with Courtney, dodging glances from Josh, while Elle sits with the other cheerleaders, whispering and laughing while ignoring the substitute teacher. Though I don’t miss the way she keeps looking over here, so whatever secret it is that Jesse threatened to expose must have done the trick. For Elle to so quickly back down, means that her secret is enough to destroy her. Though, that doesn’t stop the curiosity coursing through me.
I get on with my school work, trying my hardest to keep my mind off Nate. Mainly the way he touched me and made me feel wanted. I feel that’s something I’ll never find again, not the way it was with him.
By lunch, I collapse down into the cafeteria bench beside Brooke. By now, every one of my friends have had their head bitten off by me at some point today and I hate that I’m being such a cow, but I can’t help it. My heart is hurting and if they want to continue laughing and discussing petty things, then I’m bound to snap.
“You still in a sucky mood?” Brooke questions besides me, making the other girls halt their conversation as they seek out my answer.
I prop my elbow on the table and lean my head into it before looking across at her. “Yep,” I say before pushing my tray of food away, though this time, it’s not my body issues that has me not wanting to eat, it’s the fact that I’m so ashamed of myself that the thought of allowing Nate in like that makes me feel sick to my stomach.
“Noted,” Brooke teases. “Let me know when you’re ready to re-join the world,” she adds before turning back to the girls and getting on with their conversation while giving me a chance to continue sulking in peace.
I don’t feel that familiar stare on me so I take a deep breath and brave looking over there. I let out a sigh of relief when I find he’s not there, but Jesse is, and he’s watching me with calculating eyes, probably still wondering what the hell is up with me.
I give Jess a little smile and turn back to my table, which is when the door of the cafeteria opens. Nate walks in with a girl from my health class tucked under his arm and the sight has me ready to break down.
I was played like a fucking toy.
I watch with anger and hurt as they walk across the cafeteria and over to his usual table with his friends. He sits down and the girl falls into his lap before his eyes flick across to me. His stare cuts into me like a knife and I want nothing more than to go over there and tear him a new asshole.
I flick my eyes away as the sadness seeps out of me, leaving only anger behind. I want to hurt him just like he hurt me and the way the girl seals her lips to his has me pulling out my phone and getting him where it hurts. His best friend. Parker Jones. The one guy in the school who anyone can depend on for a good time. The guy who believes any hole is a goal.
Tora – Hey! What’s going on?
I look across the cafeteria to Parker and watch with a grin as he pulls his phone out of his pocket and scans over the message. His eyes flick up and he looks across at me with a seductive smile.
Parker – Hey, babe. Not much. What are you doing tonight?
My grin widens as his message is telling me that Nate hasn’t said a word about what happened between us. If he had, Parker would have deleted the text and never responded. I hit reply.
Tora – I’m free tonight. Come over?
His eyes flick back up to mine and I can practically hear him from across the room as he says, “Fuck yeah.” Nate looks across at him and watches as he types something on his phone. A second later, my phone chimes.
Parker – Aren’t you staying with Nate and Jess?
The way Parker looks back up at me has Nate’s eyes cutting across to me as he realizes who Parker is texting. I give Parker my man-eating smile from across the room and hash out my reply. I hit send a moment before Nate steals the phone out of Parker’s unexpecting hands.
Tora – Not anymore.
Parker tries to steal the phone back as Nate scrolls through the messages. Anger flashes in his eyes and I grin to myself for a
job well done. That grin only gets bigger when Nate pushes the girl off him and flies to his feet. He throws Parker’s phone across the room and it smashes against the wall before he glares at Parker. “Stay the fuck away from her,” he demands with every eye in the room on him. A moment later, he barges his way through the door of the cafeteria and disappears.
Parker looks back at me with wide eyes and shrugs. “Sorry, babe,” he tells me and though he’s far away, I can still make it out.
I shrug my shoulders back at him and give him an apologetic smile as if to say ‘Oh, well. Maybe next time.’ I flick my gaze across to Jesse who has witnessed the whole thing, only now, the calculating look is gone and is replaced with understanding. And just like that, I realize he knows exactly what went down between us.
He gets up from his seat and tilts his head, indicating for me to follow him. I don’t want to go, especially out the doors that Nate had just gone, but I have a feeling he’ll just come back in and drag me out with him. “I’ll be back,” I tell Brooke who’s completely oblivious to everything that’s just gone on.
She nods and I get up out of my seat before following Jesse out the door.
I find him leaning against the wall and he instantly puts his arm over my shoulder and leads me away. “You fucked him, didn’t you?” he questions.
I let out a sigh and hang my head. “Don’t say it like that,” I tell him.
“Like what?” he defends as he pushes out the doors and leads me down the corridor of the junior’s lockers.
“You make it sound dirty.”
“Wasn’t it?” he questions.
I shake my head as he comes to a stop beside his locker. “I didn’t think it was until this morning,” I admit.
He presses his lips together and nods in understanding as he puts in the combination for his locker. “He left, didn’t he? He hurt you. That’s why you weren’t there this morning.”
I nod my head as he gets his locker open and reaches in to pull out an apple. He hands it over and I reluctantly take it. “I never would have done it if I thought he was just playing me. I mean, I’ve never felt so used before. He just turned me into one of his conquests.”
Jesse closes his locker and leans back into it while giving me a sad smile. “Do you need me to kick his ass?” he asks.
At that, a grin finally crosses my lips. “No,” I laugh. “If anyone is going to kick his ass, it’s going to be me.”
“That’s the spirit,” he says. “Why don’t you come back to my place? We can chill out and watch a movie.”
“Netflix and chill?” I scoff. “You’re not trying to get into my pants too, are you?”
“What? No,” he laughs. “No offense, I think you’re fucking hot, but I’m not into you like that. I just see you as one of the guys who’s a lot nicer to look at. Though, if you’re offering, I’m not going to say no.”
“Gross,” I laugh with a sigh of relief. I don’t know If I could handle that kind of attention from both of them.
“What’s it going to be?” he asks as he reaches into his locker again and pulls out his keys. “Are you coming?”
“Nah,” I say as I lift the apple to my mouth. “I can’t ditch two afternoons in a row, and besides, I’m trying to avoid Nate as much as possible right now. Walking straight into the lion’s den would be stupid,” I explain. “I’ll see you later.”
“Alright,” he says with an eye roll before grabbing his things and closing his locker. He takes off down the hallway and pushes through the door at the other end without so much of a goodbye.
I shake my head to myself as I walk back into the cafeteria eating his stupid apple. Happy that while my heart is hurting and my world seems to be falling apart, I still have a good friend in Jesse, even though it’s his brother who has caused all this pain.
Chapter 16
I get home from school and collapse down into my bed. I close my eyes, taking in the feel of laying in my own bed. A bed that isn’t tainted with Nathaniel Ryder.
I haven’t heard from Brooke all afternoon, but I’m not surprised after I was such a bitch today. I’m going to have to make it up to her, though I’m sure she’s probably out screwing Maxen right about now, so that will have to wait.
I get my homework sorted and get through the things that I missed yesterday while I was busy skipping and having the time of my life with Nate. I get myself something to eat, force it down, and before I know it, I’m right back on my bed with nothing to occupy my mind except for my night with Nate.
Why did it have to be so good? If he was just playing, why couldn’t he have made it boring and disappointing? Instead, all I want to do is go back for more and see what else he can do with that body of his.
I shouldn’t feel like that though. I should be hating on him. I should be cursing his name and finding a little Nate voodoo doll that I can stick pins into. Instead, I’m thinking about how he held my hands as he pushed up into me. How he kissed my neck and made sure I was ok.
Shit. This sucks.
I grab the blanket off my bed and trudge downstairs. I get myself comfortable on the couch and practically cocoon myself in the blanket while I wallow in a pit of my own self-destruction.
I hear the front door open before it’s slammed shut. I don’t need to wait to see who it is. I just know, and all I see is red.
I fly up off the couch and storm through my house. I find Nate on my stairs heading up to my room on his mission to find me. “Hey, asshole,” I call after him. He stops and turns around to find me glaring up at him. “You’ve got a lot of nerve showing up here,” I demand. “And how the hell did you get in? I changed the damn code.”
He flies back down the stairs and is in my face in a matter of seconds, glaring right back at me. “March sixth. 0306. The day Trixie died,” he tells me as I gasp at how easily he recited the day my family’s Labrador passed away. “I fucking know you, Tora. I know you better than you know yourself.”
“You don’t know me,” I argue. “You might know facts, but you don’t know me.”
“Bullshit,” he says. “Why the fuck are you hitting on Parker? Is he here?”
“What’s it to you?” I demand as I push impossibly closer. “Jealous?”
His eyes narrow on me. “You fucking wish.”
I continue to glare at him as I slowly shake my head. “I never should have let last night happen,” I tell him before pushing him back a step. “How could I have been so stupid to fall for that shit? Was it just a game to you? Do you enjoy treating girls like shit and making them feel worthless?” I seethe before stepping into him and pushing him again. “I knew it,” I say as the anger completely overwhelms me. “I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you. I should have saved myself for someone who deserved it.”
“Saved yourself?” he grunts as he catches my hands in his, stopping me from pushing him again. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
I rip my hands back out of his. “Nothing,” I say, realizing my mistake way too late. “Please, just go.”
He ignores me and pushes into the wall, grabbing my hands so I can’t possibly escape. “What are you talking about?” he repeats. “You slept with Carter Williams last year.”
My eyes narrow on his as the anger becomes nearly too much to bear. “No, I didn’t,” I tell him. “We went on one date and he told everyone he fucked me in the cinema parking lot. He was such a pig, I left halfway through dinner. We didn’t even make it to the movies.”
He just stares at me, clearly very lost in thought. “You were a virgin?” he murmurs in shock.
“And he finally gets it,” I cheer with sarcasm as I push him off me again.
“Fuck,” he curses before walking away and from the look in his eyes, I fear for my walls. He looks back at me. “I should never have done it.”
Pain rips through me and I somehow manage to stand before him without shedding a single tear. “Wow, you really know how to make a girl feel special,” I grunt. “Maybe you should have brou
ght a gun and shot me. That would have stung less. So, please, if you’re finished insulting me, then make yourself acquainted with the door and get the hell out.”
With that, I turn and walk straight up the stairs, not bothering to look back at him.
I get into my room, pleased he hasn’t tried to stop me and close the door behind me. I lock it and lean back against it before sliding to the ground. I force myself not to cry. I’ve already done enough of that today, but then, those comments ripped straight through me.
How could he have said that? Is it me that he finds so repulsive or is it the fact I was a virgin? Either way, I’m right back where I was a week ago. Completely riddled with self-doubt and major body image issues. I mean, I don’t get it. Maybe if I dyed my hair blonde and got some blue contact lenses, I’d fit in with all the Malibu barbies around here. Maybe then I’d feel beautiful because right now, I feel anything but.
The door handle wiggling has me jolting out of my inner thoughts. It’s been at least ten minutes. I thought he was gone, probably finding some other poor defenseless girl to screw over. “Tora, open the door,” Nate says quietly from the other side.
I don’t respond, just sit here, wishing for it to end.
I hear his sigh as he realizes I’m taking the stubborn route. “Tora, I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean that I shouldn’t have done it at all, I meant that I shouldn’t have done it like that. I don’t regret sleeping with you, not one fucking bit.”
I sit up a little straighter and keep listening. Only, he goes quiet. “Shit,” he finally says before I hear a bang down the hallway. “Why is it always so hard to talk to you?”
At that, I get up off the floor and flick the lock on the door. I sit on my bed and bring my knees up into my chest before curling my arms around myself. The door slowly opens and Nate walks into my room, keeping his eyes on me.
Broken Hill High: The Broken Hill High Series (Book 1) Page 14