He walks over to the very edge of my room, keeping as far away from me as possible before leaning against the wall and watching me. We’re both silent for a while and the tension in the room is nearly killing me. “I don’t regret it,” he murmurs into the quiet room.
I raise my eyes to him and study him, waiting for whatever explanation he’s going to throw at me. “It’s just… if I knew it was your first time, I would have made it different. I would have made it… special, I guess.”
I let out a breath. “It was special,” I tell him. “I thought it meant something until you walked out and proved, once and for all, that I can’t trust you. You’re an asshole, Nate. Right down to the core. You treat women as objects and leave them feeling used and dirty.”
He walks forward and drops down to his knees before me, putting his eyes level with mine, he reaches out and pulls me close to him. “Don’t say that,” he tells me.
“Which part?” I question. “All of it’s true.”
“That you can’t trust me.”
“I don’t understand you, Nate. You’re so hot and cold. One minute, you’re the guy who has treated me like shit for five years, the next you’re forcing me to live with you and saving me from guys like Josh and Jackson. Then you go right back to being a prick. I mean, did you say all those things last night just to get me in bed?”
His eyes search out mine. “I meant every fucking word, Tora.”
“Then what is it? Do you enjoy hurting me? Do you like seeing me suffer?”
“No, of course not.”
“And that right there is why I can’t trust you,” I tell him. His eyebrows pull down in confusion so I continue on. “Everything you do hurts me, Nate. You do all these things that build me up and have me hoping for something more and then your very next step is to tear me down. How could you not know that walking out last night and being with that girl today wasn’t going to hurt me?”
He watches me for a moment before cringing. “We’re not together, Tora,” he says, cutting the knife in deeper.
“Believe me,” I say. “I know. It’s just… your actions hurt, whether you mean them to or not.”
He studies me for a moment before realization hits. “You like me,” he says and I know he means more than just in the ‘want to get naked with him’ kind of way. I don’t answer him, but I don’t need to, he knows. After all, I’m not the kind of girl to just climb in bed with anyone. “Why?” he questions.
I let out a heavy breath. “Because when it’s just you and me, and you’ve left your bad attitude at the door, like the way it is right now, you make me feel like the only girl in the world.”
He nods his head. “You are the only girl in the world,” he tells me so quietly I have to strain to hear him.
I reach out and run my fingers down the side of his handsome face. “You like me, too,” I challenge.
He presses his lips together and I see I’m right. It all makes sense. The sweet things he says. How he taught me to drive my car yesterday. How he’s patient with me. How he saves me from guys like Josh and Jackson. Nate Ryder likes me and it’s in more than the ‘want to get naked with me’ kind of way.
He pulls me into him and presses his lips to mine. I release my hold around my legs and let them fall down on either side of him so I can get closer. He holds me tight to his body while he kisses me and all too soon, he pulls away. “I don’t deserve you, Tora,” he tells me before pushing away and standing.
I think back to everything he has done over the past five years and look him dead in the eye. “No,” I tell him. “You don’t.”
I watch on with a pain in my chest as he walks out the door and gently closes it behind him, leaving me with more questions than I had started with.
I collapse into my bed as I touch my lips, loving the feel of his lips upon mine and hate that things are this way between us. Why did he have to start being an ass five years ago? If things were the way they used to be when we were kids, we probably would have ended up dating at some point, right? It was inevitable. But now, not so much.
After he’s gone, I make my way downstairs and put together something for dinner. It’s nothing great but after only eating an apple today, I’m actually pretty hungry, and to be honest, Nate telling me the truth and being open with me went a long way in erasing the self-doubt that had crept into my mind during the day. He told me he meant what he said and what’s more, I believe him.
I mean, nobody can possibly lie that convincingly. He told me with his heart on his sleeve and I know that he enjoys messing with me, but this past week with him has been different.
As I get through my dinner, my phone rings on the kitchen counter beside me. I smile down at the caller ID before swallowing my bite and bringing the phone up to my ear. “Hey, Mom.”
“Hi, honey,” she says on a yawn. “How are you?”
“I’ve had better days,” I tell her honestly.
“Oh, darling,” she sighs. “Do you need to talk about it?”
“No,” I say as I let out a breath. “It’s nothing I can’t handle.”
“If you say so,” she says, not believing me one bit, but choosing to let it go which tells me she must be tired.
“Why are you calling so late?” I ask. “What’s the time over there?”
“Nearly two in the morning,” she sighs.
“Is everything ok?” She lets out a heavy breath before sucking in another. “Mom?” I question when she doesn’t respond.
“I’m so sorry, sweetie. It looks like we’ll be away for a little longer than we had expected,” she explains. “Nanna’s doctors are wanting to try some experimental treatments on her, and well, you know your Nanna.”
“Oh,” I sigh as a wave of sadness comes over me, for both my Nanna and my parents. “When do you think you’ll be back?” I question.
“I’m honestly not sure, Tora,” she tells me. “We should know some more details in the next few days.”
I let out another sigh, realizing there’s really nothing I can do about it. Nanna needs my parents more than I do right now and I’m not about to be the reason for my parents coming home. As far as I’m concerned, as long as Nanna needs them, then they are hers. I can suck it up, after all, I have Trish and Cade looking out for me.
“Ok, mom. That’s fine, take all the time you need.”
“Are you sure?” she asks. “You know we’d come home if you needed us.”
“I’ll be ok,” I tell her. “I have Trish and Jesse is being a good friend too. I also figured out how to do home delivery with the groceries.”
“What are you getting groceries delivered for? Aren’t you staying with Trish?”
“Oh, um… yeah. Kind of. It’s more like half/half. I don’t want to overstay my welcome,” I explain.
“Don’t be silly,” she tells me. “I would be much more comfortable if you were there all the time. I’d know you were safe that way. Promise me you’ll stay there?”
I let out a huff. “Fine,” I tell her, knowing if she wasn’t dealing with so much right now, I’d probably fight her on it. “I’ll go back tonight.”
“Thank you,” she says. “Listen, that reminds me. Your father got a notification that the code for the front gate was changed.”
“Oh, yeah,” I tell her. “I changed it. I hope that’s ok, but apparently, everybody knows it’s my birthday.”
“Oh,” she gasps. “Then, yes. Of course, you did the right thing, sweetie,” she says with another yawn. “I better get to bed,” she adds. “We have another big day tomorrow.”
“Ok, mom. Wish Nanna well for me.”
“I will,” she says with a smile in her voice. “Love you, honey. And remember, straight back to Trish’s place.”
“Alright,” I groan. “I promise.”
With that, she ends the call and I find myself huffing and puffing as I finish off my dinner and pack my bags again.
Half an hour later, I’m parking my car beside Nate’s and slipping thr
ough their front door. It’s after nine at night and nobody is downstairs, so I’m assuming everyone is already holed up in their rooms.
I make my way up the stairs and find Jesse in the hallway coming out of his room. Nate’s door is closed and right now, I’m thankful for that. “Well, well, well,” Jesse laughs. “Look who comes crawling back.”
“Shut up,” I laugh as I push through my door and drop my bag in the closet. I walk over and drop down onto my bed as Jesse walks on in with a DVD. He slides it into the player and turns it on before making himself comfortable on the couch. “You good?” I question as I watch him, completely dumbfounded.
“Shut up,” he says. “You’re ruining the movie.”
I shake my head and get comfortable. “You may as well go and get the popcorn.”
He grins and a second later, he flies out the door. I get myself dressed into my pajamas while I wait and turn around to find Nate standing in my doorway watching me.
Without saying a word, he walks up to me, pulls me into his body and presses a kiss to my forehead before walking over to my bed and getting comfortable. I finish getting myself dressed and walk over to him before falling in beside him. His arm wraps around me and he pulls me in tight beside him.
A moment later, Jesse walks back in with three bowls of popcorn. He takes one look at Nate and grins to himself. “I fucking knew it,” he says before handing over the goods.
As usual, Mr. Broody doesn’t say anything, just takes the bowl of popcorn and places it down on the bed beside him before grabbing one and popping it into his mouth.
I scoot down in the bed a little more and rest my head against Nate’s chest as his arm curls around my shoulder and holds me against him. Jesse goes back to his spot on the couch and a moment later, hits play so we can all get lost in the world of ‘Transformers’.
By the end of the movie, Jesse is fast asleep on the couch and I’m just moments from falling asleep as well.
Nate leans down and grabs one of the many pillows discarded on the floor and launches it across to his sleeping brother. “Hey,” he calls out, making me grin. “Get out of here.”
Jesse groans and grabs the pillow before squishing it under his head, making a point of not leaving. At that, my grin grows wider. “Looks like we’re stuck with him,” he tells me.
“We’re?” I ask.
“Yeah, babe,” he says as he reaches across and flicks off the lamp. “I’m not sleeping knowing you’re right across the hallway in a room with my horny brother.”
“Well then,” I say, getting up off the bed and taking his hand. “Looks like we’re sleeping in your room.” He grins and gets up off the bed before following me out the door. I get to his door when I turn around and stop him. “Just sleeping,” I tell him.
“Uh huh,” he murmurs as he leans down and goes for my lips.
“Nate,” I warn.
“Fine,” he groans. “Just sleeping, but be prepared, I’m still going to kiss you.”
I grin up at him. “That’s more than fine with me.”
He slides his arms around me and grabs me under my ass before lifting me up and pushing his way into his room. His lips come crashing down on mine as my legs wrap around him.
A moment later, we go crashing down to his bed with all rules of just sleeping completely forgotten.
Chapter 17
It’s Friday night and I’ve spent every single night this week sleeping in Nate’s arms, though, it’s not like we’re together or anything. We live our normal lives and at night, he slips into my room and wraps me in his warm arms. Apart from that, everything is exactly how it was before, except for the glaring. There’s not so much of that anymore, though, that doesn’t mean his eyes aren’t always on me.
I have no idea what’s going on between us. We’re not together, but we’re not… not together.
He kisses me first thing in the morning and slips out of my room. The three of us sit down at the breakfast bar and eat, that’s when Jesse doesn’t sleep through his alarm, of course. Most days, Nate drives me to school and then we go our separate ways.
He spends his days with the boys and I spend mine with the girls. It’s kind of nice. I don’t have to dodge his rude comments or nasty glares anymore. Though, if I’m being honest, there’s just one tiny little thing that still bugs me and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it, and that’s all the girls.
I haven’t actually seen him physically being with any of them or kissing anyone, but I see the flirting. I see the girls pining for his attention. I see the way they discreetly slide into his side and his arm naturally curls around them. I see the way he winks and gives them the attention they want.
But like he said. We’re not together. Nor do I want to be… Ok, that’s a lie. I do want to be, so freaking bad but my head is telling me it’s wrong. It’s telling me that I’ll get hurt. That on some level this is still a sick joke. It’s telling me to ignore my heart and do the smart thing.
It’s just after nine and I’m all curled up in the den with my Kindle when Nate and Jesse come tearing into the house. “Tora?” Nate calls out.
“In here,” I yell back.
Both Nate and Jesse come striding in with big ass grins on their faces, but the second they see me curled up on the couch, their faces instantly drop. “What the fuck are you doing?” Jesse grunts. “Why aren’t you ready?”
“Huh?” I grunt right back at him. “What are you talking about?”
“We’re going out,” he says, waving his hands around before turning towards Nate. “Fuck man. I’m not waiting around for an hour for her to do all that girly shit.”
“Where are we going?” I question, looking towards Nate.
“I got a race,” he tells me.
Jesse cuts off whatever Nate was about to say. “But you’re not coming unless you can be dressed and ready in three minutes.”
I stand up before Jesse and put my hands on my hips. “Was I supposed to just read your mind and automatically know that I was supposed to be going out?”
“No,” he grunts. “You’re seventeen. You’re supposed to just assume you’re going out and be ready at all times.”
“Are you ready at all times?”
He grins at me as he digs into his pocket and pulls out four condoms. “I’m always ready to go,” he laughs.
“Ugh,” I groan as I walk past him and head for the stairs. “You’re a pig.”
“So you keep telling me,” he calls after me.
I start stripping off my shirt halfway up the stairs and the second I step into my closet, I’m already ready to pull a dress over my head. Within the space of two seconds, I pull out a pair of knee-high boots and pull them on before grabbing a jacket to throw over the top. I whip the elastic out of my hair, give it a little shake and walk back down the stairs thirty seconds later.
I walk into the kitchen to find the boys diving through the fridge. They hear me coming and naturally, Jesse doesn’t even look up. “Get your ass up there and get ready,” he groans into the fridge.
Nate grins at me and I can’t help but laugh. “What do you say we leave without him?”
Jesse’s head whips out of the fridge and he looks at me over the top of the open door. “Fuck me,” he says looking down at his watch. “How’d you get ready so fast?”
“Call it a gift,” I tell him before grabbing my phone from the den. “Alright, douche bags, let’s go.”
They follow me out the door and I walk straight down to Nate’s Camaro. “Aren’t you coming?” I ask Jesse who walks towards his Escalade.
“Nope,” he says with a wink as he pulls out one of the many condoms in his pockets. “Change of plans. I’ve got a date with one of these first.”
I scrunch up my face at him as Nate chuckles to himself before unlocking his car and getting in. I walk around to the other side and climb in beside him before getting comfortable.
Nate peels out of the driveway behind Jesse and pulls off to the right as Jesse goes
to the left. He reaches forward and hits a few buttons before music comes blaring out of the speakers.
I sit back and listen to the song as I get lost inside my head. I’ve been dreading tonight all week. Not that I knew we were going anywhere, but I knew eventually, we’d be at a party together and I have no idea how it’s going to go. I mean, is he going to be hooking up with other girls or is it going to be me? I can’t help but wonder who’s going to be in his bed tonight.
The thought of it not being me kind of kills me, but it’s a reality I have to be prepared for. I’m not his girlfriend. I don’t think that’s a step either one of us ready for, hell, I don’t even know if that’s something that will ever happen. With our past being so rocky, it’s probably something that I won’t be able to move on from.
I can’t help but look across and find myself drooling. He looks so damn good, especially when he drives and works the gear stick like a professional. He looks across at me and smirks when he catches me checking him out. “You about done?” he questions with fire in his eyes.
“Not even close,” I grin.
He pulls down the same dirt road he had come down last week and I find myself sitting up a little straighter. “Is this even legal?” I question. He scoffs and I can’t help but look across at him as a grin rips across his face. “I’ll take that as a ‘no’,” I laugh. “Aren’t you worried about getting caught?”
He shakes his head as he focuses on the dirt road. “Do you think I’m the kind of guy who’s worried about getting caught?”
“You should be,” I tell him. “You’re eighteen. You could get in all kinds of serious trouble. Not to mention, it could screw up your chances of getting into a good college.”
He shrugs his shoulders and I find myself looking away. Clearly, it’s not something he’s going to be easily swayed on. Besides, this is Nate Ryder. He’s going to do whatever the hell he wants to do, no matter how much trouble he could get in. “Jesse said you did a lot of work on your car,” I say.
He nods his head as a proud smile crosses his lips. “Yep,” he says. “There’s still a few more things I want to add though.”
Broken Hill High: The Broken Hill High Series (Book 1) Page 15