Exit Plans for Teenage Freaks

by Nathan Burgoine

  Uh-oh.

  When he faced me, his whole manner transformed. He sort of curled into himself and bit his bottom lip. He wouldn’t look at me and kept his eyes low. Then he started signing with zero mouthing, in pure ASL. He’d code switched on me. Tricky man, but if I was interpreting, I’d need to know what I was doing regardless of whether or not someone was using ASL or Signed English. I shifted mental gears and watched him sign about a really itchy rash that was spreading “down there.”

  This time? I managed to keep my face blank, but it was only just.

  * * *

  Dad had to go for a meeting with a client after lunch, and Mom was doing laundry, so I went back to my room and flipped open my bullet journal. And right there, at the end of the list, was the thing I’d written down yesterday once Alec had left.

  Practice.

  I exhaled and looked at my bedroom door. After Friday’s accidental kitchen rebound, I hadn’t tripped up once going through any doors. Becoming hyper-aware of where all the doors were wasn’t exactly easy, but my mom always said it only took a week to make a good habit. As of tomorrow, I could celebrate my first official week as a teleporting freak.

  I closed my bedroom door, aware of the pull I could feel the moment my hand was on the handle. It was like that every time now. It helped remind me, helped me keep my guard up, but…

  I sighed and let go.

  I wanted to reread The Wars for English. Maybe I could kill two birds with one stone. I grabbed the book, my phone, and my bullet journal and went downstairs.

  “You okay on your own?” I asked my mom. She was sitting on the couch, reading a book. Her feet were up, and a cup of coffee was cooling on the table beside her. Sundays were her quiet days, most of the time.

  “Somehow I’ll manage,” she said. She could be kind of sarcastic on the weekends. I think she stored it up all week because she couldn’t release it on the patients. “You heading out?”

  “I have a hot date with The Wars. Figured I’d reread it before the exam, because I hated it.”

  “That’s not normally why people reread books.”

  “It’s possible I did a lot of skimming and used YouTube.”

  “So, not so much a reread as a read, then?” She picked up her coffee and sipped it, looking over it at me in her distinctly “mom” way. Jennifer Tozer, dental hygienist, was off the clock. Mom Tozer, on the other hand…

  “Guilty,” I said. “So I will be out and reading. Have my phone, have my keys.”

  “Where are you going to be?”

  Crap. I needed her to not pin down one spot, because practice was also on the menu. She put down her coffee and picked up her book again, waiting for me to reply. The cover of her book was black and had red writing along with an outline of a figure in chalk.

  “I’ll try the café first,” I said. Brenda’s Café was at the far end of Main near the library, but everyone just called it “the café.” “If it’s quiet enough there, I’ll stick around.” That gave me an out. And now, to spring a distraction. “Do you ever read an author named Wallace?”

  “Do you mean Dita Wallace?”

  I shrugged. “I’m not sure. I don’t remember her first name. This guy at school? His mom writes mysteries. Apparently, she won a…I want to say Edward? Some kind of award.”

  “An Edgar?” My mom’s eyebrows rose. Together. She, like her progeny, couldn’t isolate eyebrows for lifting. In a weird way, it gave me a warm and snuggly feeling. Check us out. Related after all.

  “Yeah, that.”

  “Honey, I’ve read all of her books. Is this a good friend? Would this friend introduce me to his mother?” She was leaning forward. “Her detective is fantastic. And the books are hot.”

  “I can ask,” I said, holding up a hand because I didn’t want to hear more about how hot the books were. Were mysteries supposed to be hot? Never mind. Doubling down on not wanting to hear more.

  “Child of the year,” she said.

  “Three years running,” I said, and I was free.

  Mom couldn’t see the front door from where she was sitting, so I left her reading and took a second to gather my thoughts while I stood there. The rest of today I’d reread—okay, fine, read—The Wars, but every time my attention wandered I’d pick somewhere new to go read it. And I’d get there the freak way.

  I grabbed the front door and thought about the café.

  Tug.

  Snap.

  Poof.

  To-Do

  X Bring home calculus textbook

  X Exam prep: calculus, biology

  X Exam prep: English (reread?)

  X Exam prep: French (practice exam!)

  X Movie night with Alec this w/e?

  X Make lunch for Tuesday, slacker

  X “What happened?” joke

  X Laundry

  Slap Malik King

  Doors? DOORS! Definitely Doors.

  X Alec at RC on Thursday

  Hungry?

  Calculus: practice derivatives—SERIOUSLY, COLE, YOU ARE NOT GOOD AT THIS

  X Biology: review biochem and metabolic processes

  X Bi/Pan?

  X Check in with Sportsball Star?

  Follow up with Alec re: his date.

  X Practice

  Cole the Teenage Freak

  X Concentrate at doors. All the doors. Every time. You got this!

  Locked doors. One way?

  X Blood sugar? Hungry? Definitely hungry.

  CARRY YOUR PHONE.

  Doors. Again. You don’t got this.

  No door required for exit?

  Pull getting stronger. Bad? Good?

  Fourteen

  The same bearded man from last week was creeping me out as I went to my locker. I tried a casual glance behind me, which was probably super obvious. Sure enough, he was standing just at the entrance to the music room. Watching me.

  I turned back to my locker. My arm hair was rising, and unless I was mistaken, this was the same substitute teacher who’d thought it was a joy to stare at me across the track field. Was I crazy? Was I manufacturing some sort of paranoid delusion?

  Was I having a Colenap Stranger Danger moment?

  I shuddered, a full-body shiver that felt an awful lot like the tug-and-snap I was getting used to every time I walked through a door without teleporting. I panicked and closed my eyes. No. No no no. My heart hammered in my chest, and I held on to my locker with a death grip. I opened my eyes slowly…but I was still in the hallway by my locker.

  I hadn’t teleported. I was right here. Hadn’t gone anywhere.

  It was bad enough with the whole “every door is potentially dangerous” thing. If it turned out anxiety could make me teleport without a door, I was well and truly fucked.

  This was so unfair. Yesterday had been good for my confidence with this whole teleporting thing. I didn’t need another problem. I’d popped all over town. The Wars was so boring, by the time I’d finished it, I’d only had one misfire out of maybe ten teleports. When I aimed for Meeples, I’d ended up in Meeples’s bathroom rather than the front of the store. Part of why I’d wanted to go to Meeples was because I needed the bathroom, though, so as mistakes went, it was a time-saver.

  Also, I’d been starving and desperately wanted a lemon bar. Teleporting definitely burned calories. Way better than exercise, too. That was a plus.

  But random teleporting without doors whenever I freaked out? Not down for that.

  Also not down for creepy teachers who stare.

  I turned to glance again, unable to help myself, but Beardy McBeardface was gone. My relief was palpable.

  I’d slept like crap, full of nightmares about showing up naked in strange places, which was all the more terrifying now it could actually happen, and I’d gotten up before my alarm clock had even started to change from red to orange. I’d made coffee for my parents and had even had time for a bowl of cereal before it was time to get ready. Even better, I’d scored a ride with my mom. Once I’d gotten to scho
ol and realized I was here before anyone I generally talked to, however, it felt less awesome and more boring.

  Now I was glad to be so early. I could potentially calm myself down before people arrived for the day. I knelt down and grabbed my books, and when I stood back up, I couldn’t help but glance at the music room again. The door was closed.

  “I downloaded your movie,” Malik said. He was right beside me.

  I jumped, and he laughed. Guy was a freaking ninja.

  “Sorry,” he said.

  “I didn’t hear you coming.” Captain Obvious.

  He nodded, still grinning at me. I replayed what he’d said, but it didn’t click.

  “My movie?”

  “Beautiful Thing,” Malik said, lowering his voice.

  I stopped, really looking at him. He looked different today. Normally, Malik had this kind of casual “I don’t care, but it totally works on me” look to how he dressed I envied but couldn’t duplicate. Today, though? Was it just me, or had I never before seen him wearing something other than a T-shirt? Even in winter, I generally got to enjoy the way T-shirts fit Malik King.

  Snug, by the way. T-shirts fit Malik snug.

  Today, he was wearing a hoodie, which didn’t feel very Malik to me. Not that I had any business defining what was Malik or not.

  “You good?” I said. That was as close to breaking the guy code as I could get. Y’know. Feelings and stuff. No talking about those. He hadn’t texted me again at all for the rest of the weekend, and I totally hadn’t stopped each and every time I teleported all around town to check my phone just in case he had checked in. Nope. Not at all.

  “Yeah.” He stuffed his hands in the hoodie pocket, like he wanted to put all of himself in there, and he glanced over my shoulder.

  Shit. I knew that look. I tried to bite down some disappointment and reminded myself that Malik had every right to be concerned about being seen talking to me. Hell, no doubt Austin had already lambasted him for catching him talking to me just that one time at lunch.

  Malik saw me notice him look, and he winced. He twisted his hands in the hoodie pocket. Maybe hoodies were Malik’s version of my big grey sweater. If so? Comfort mode wasn’t activating.

  “Did you like it?” I said, to break the moment.

  It was Malik’s turn not to follow. He frowned.

  “The movie.”

  “Oh,” Malik said, then he smiled again. “It was okay. Old. I mean, it was good, though.”

  “I like to imagine Jamie runs a pub of his own now, and Ste is a lifeguard,” I said.

  “You think?” Malik frowned. “I figured after they moved, it would’ve been too hard for them to stay together.”

  I considered that but shook my head. “The nice thing about movies is you get to have happy endings. I mean, sure, they struggle with the long-distance thing, and Jamie is tempted by some of the other guys he gets to meet, but once Ste finishes his courses and Jamie’s done with school, they end up living together.”

  Malik blinked. “You’ve really thought this through.”

  “It’s a game Alec and I play. ‘What happens next?’”

  “Huh,” Malik said. He looked around again. Checking.

  Okay. This was the part where I needed to be a better queer. I could almost hear Nat’s voice reminding me to be accommodating and understanding and to have empathy. Malik came first. The fact he was making me feel like a leper wasn’t his fault. It was our stupid culture and the stupid homophobia, and that didn’t make it suck any less, but the important thing here was being supportive.

  “You don’t have to hang out with me,” I said. “If you’re not feeling comfortable, I mean. I’m totally okay with you texting. Or if you want to talk, we could hang out somewhere else. Meeples, maybe. I don’t see many people you know there, ever.”

  Malik’s face fell, but I couldn’t tell if it was guilt or relief. Or both. “I’m sorry.”

  I shook my head. “Don’t be. I legit mean it. It’s okay. I get it. Guilt by association is not going to make any of this easier on you, no matter what you decide to do. So go hang out with your friends. I’m here if you need me. I’ve always got my phone.” I held it up.

  Malik nodded, and I tried not to be stung by the obvious win of relief over guilt. “Thanks. And yeah, if we could hang out, maybe at Meeples, that would be cool. I like you.”

  I tried heroically not to overreact to that particular statement. I failed. Immediate giant-ass stupid grin on my face.

  “Okay,” I said. “Let me know when you’re free.” I held up my phone again, in case he’d forgotten in the last few seconds that I had one.

  He nodded, then turned to go. Two steps away, though, he pivoted. “Y’know, Alec is a lucky guy.”

  Then he was gone.

  I frowned. Alec was a lucky guy? What did that…?

  Oh.

  I turned around and closed my locker.

  Malik thought I was dating Alec. Why would he think…?

  Well, there was the whole watching movies together thing, and the more I thought about it, I sure did hang out with Alec a lot, didn’t I? And on Thursday, when Alec had offered me a ride home from Meeples, I’d said what I always said.

  “Kisses.”

  Well, hell.

  * * *

  I scored the last available tree and had a bite of my sandwich before I texted Alec.

  At the trees.

  Give me five, he sent a second later. It was more like ten, but he showed up with a paper plate and a stack of three slices of pizza from the cafeteria line, so no doubt he’d been waiting for food.

  He joined me, leaning back against the tree and taking a big bite. He didn’t unstack the slices first. He grunted.

  “Hungry?” I said.

  “Very,” he said, around a mouth full of food.

  “So, you gonna make me ask or you gonna volunteer?”

  He chewed, but he nodded. When he finally swallowed, he said, “It was okay.”

  “Just okay?”

  He nodded. “Remember your date with Louis?”

  I winced. “Uh-oh. Did Ben turn out to be full of himself?”

  Alec shook his head. “No. Not that. But it was more like practice. Ben is nice. We’ll definitely hang out some, and it was so great to talk to him about some things, but…” He took another bite, chewed, swallowed. “We haven’t got much in common, I guess.”

  “Ah,” I said. That was like me and Louis. I mean, beyond working at the Deaf camp and both being of the opinion that there were boys worth making out with, it had turned out we didn’t share much else. Well, apart from sharing the opinion that Louis was really cute, but that turned out to not be the basis of a scintillating conversation.

  Alec shrugged. “It was okay. I mean, we got to vent, which was cool.”

  “By ‘vent’ I’m guessing you mean Grayson?”

  “And all those like him.” Alec nodded.

  I took a breath. “He seems to be working at it a bit. I mean, no excuses, and you know where I stand, but lately?” I shrugged.

  Alec grunted, but it wasn’t a complete disagreement, so I let it go. He had to have noticed, too. He didn’t have to forgive Grayson all the crap he’d said about Alec not being queer enough, but it seemed like Grayson had at least clued in he’d been wrong. Was that progress? It still drove me mental that Alec didn’t come to the club meetings and Grayson did. It was like Alec had decided Grayson was right.

  Maybe Nat had had another talk with Grayson. That might explain his change of attitude. If there was one. I hoped there was one.

  “What about you?” Alec said.

  I didn’t follow. “What about me?”

  Alec looked at me for a few seconds, then said, “Is there loop?”

  I shook my head. “I’ve decided this year I’m totally going to talk to Hot Kanata Guy, if he shows up at the end-of-year thing.” I tried to make it sound convincing, but the truth was it wasn’t particularly something I cared about. Still, it was a decent
goal.

  “I think Grayson might beat you to it.”

  “Maybe that should be my technique. Offer myself up as a Plan B once Grayson is talking to him,” I said. “Give him an out.”

  Alec’s eyes widened. “Dude. That’s borderline genius.”

  “I am not just a pretty face,” I said.

  Alec grinned. His pizza was almost gone. It was like a magic trick. When the final bit of the third crust vanished, he shifted against the tree and closed his eyes. “Wake me up before the bell rings.”

  “Got it,” I said.

  * * *

  After school, I checked my phone and considered my options. I really, really needed to put in more study time. The most diligent thing I could do would be to rejig my study schedule and get down to some quality time with my notes. I needed to remind myself how derivatives worked. We’d spent weeks on it in class. I was pretty sure it would be on the exam.

  It didn’t really belong on my top five list of favorites, but I took a deep breath and grabbed my bag and my books.

  The ping on my phone was so welcome, I was smiling before I even saw who sent the message.

  The screen said Sportsball.

  I thumbed my phone and checked the message, grinning.

  Heading to Meeples?

  On some instinct, I looked up. Malik was there with Jacob and Tyler, and they were obviously doing their goodbyes, what with the endless complicated handshakes no one had ever attempted with me. Which was good. Because I’d probably put someone’s eye out or punch myself. I noticed he had his phone in his free hand.

  He’d also lost the hoodie.

  I smiled at the return of Malik-in-a-T-shirt, and typed a quick response.

  Definitely. I intend to study, and it’s the best place to study, ever. Or at least, it would be. I supposed. Normally, I only went there to play games, but I’m sure Candice wouldn’t mind if I was studying.