Without a Dowry and Other Plays

by Alexander Ostrovsky

  SILAN. Don’t shout, I hear you.

  KUROSLEPOV. Where did you disappear to? Just when this business is starting up…

  SILAN. I didn’t disappear anywhere. I’ve been standing right here, guarding you.

  KUROSLEPOV. Did you hear the clock?

  SILAN. Well, what about it?

  KUROSLEPOV. It’s a sign! Is everybody still alive?

  SILAN. Who?

  KUROSLEPOV. The people of the house and all Orthodox Christians?

  SILAN. Come to your senses! Go wash up!

  KUROSLEPOV. The springs haven’t dried up yet?

  SILAN. No. Why should they?

  KUROSLEPOV. And where’s my wife now?

  SILAN. She went visiting.

  KUROSLEPOV. At a time like this she should be with her husband.

  SILAN. Well, that’s her business!

  KUROSLEPOV. Visiting! She’s found a good time for it! It’s all so terrifying.

  SILAN. What is?

  KUROSLEPOV. Everyone could hear how it struck fifteen.

  SILAN. Whether it did or did not strike fifteen, the fact is that it’s just after eight… exactly the time for you to eat supper and then back again to sleep.

  KUROSLEPOV. You say it’s time for supper?

  SILAN. Yes, we’ve got to do that eatin’. If you get something like that going, you can’t do without it.

  KUROSLEPOV. Does that mean we’re in the evening?

  SILAN. Evening.

  KUROSLEPOV. And everything’s the way it always is? There’s none of all that?

  SILAN. Why should there be?

  KUROSLEPOV. And I almost got frightened! What didn’t I think up sitting here! I imagined that the end of ends was starting. And you know, it might not be far off at that.

  SILAN. Why talk about it?

  KUROSLEPOV. Have they left the church?

  SILAN. Just now.

  KUROSLEPOV (starts to sing a bit of church music). But when… Did you lock the gate?

  SILAN. I locked it.

  KUROSLEPOV. I’m going to check up on you.

  SILAN. Go take a little walk; it’ll do you good…

  KUROSLEPOV. You and your “go take a little walk”! It all comes from your not keeping watch. I’ve got to watch out everywhere. I’m missing two thousand rubles. And that’s no joke! You save that up!

  SILAN. And if you keep on sleeping, they’ll steal everything.

  KUROSLEPOV. I can see how sorry you are for your master’s things! I haven’t finished with you yet… just wait.

  SILAN. All right! I’m shaking with fright! You don’t have anything on me. I do my job, walk about all night long, and there’s the dogs too… I could even take an oath on it. I don’t see how a fly, let alone a thief, could get through. Where did you keep your money?

  KUROSLEPOV. I didn’t get to pack it away in the trunk. It was under my pillow, hidden in a stocking.

  SILAN. So, you can judge for yourself who did it! If you hid it in your stocking, then give your stocking a good questioning!

  KUROSLEPOV. You don’t say! I ought to grab you by the hair the way our women rinse out clothes…

  SILAN. You’re not the man to do it!

  KUROSLEPOV. And there’s never enough wine either; whole bottles disappear.

  SILAN. Then look for the man who’s drinking it. God spared me that pleasure.

  KUROSLEPOV. Who would steal it?

  SILAN. It’s really strange!

  KUROSLEPOV. I’d think…

  SILAN. So would I…

  KUROSLEPOV (in a singing voice). But when… So you say I should eat supper?

  SILAN. It’s the only thing to do.

  KUROSLEPOV. Go order it.

  SILAN. And what about the gate?

  KUROSLEPOV Later. Now you…(He uses a threatening gesture.) Listen here! I don’t give a hoot that you’re some relative of mine. I want everything here, the doors, the locks, everything, to stay put. You guard it like the apple of your eye. I don’t want to be ruined because of you.

  SILAN. All right, that’s enough! You’ve said your piece, so drop it.

  KUROSLEPOV. Where are the assistants?

  SILAN. Who knows?

  KUROSLEPOV. If any of them don’t come back in time, don’t let him in; he can spend the night outside; just let in the lady of the house. And if any outsiders come, even if you know them very well, don’t let them in on any account. I have an unmarried daughter I’ve got to think about too. (He goes off into the house.)

  SILAN (approaches Gavrilo). Come out, it’s all right!

  GAVRILO. Is he gone?

  SILAN. Gone. So now he’ll eat supper and go back to sleep. And why does he sleep so much? It’s because he has all that money! But I have to wear myself out all night long. He made his pile, but it’s me who’s got to guard it for him. Two thousand rubles. He can talk! Because I don’t keep watch, he says. If you only knew how hard it is for me to hear reproaches in my old age! What I’d do if I laid hands on that thief! I’d really let him have it!… I think I could tear him to shreds with my teeth! Just let him show up now, and I’ll go right at him with the broom… (Catching sight of Vasya, who appears on the fence.) Stop, stop! There he is! Wait, let him get down from the fence. (He rushes at him with the broom.) Help!

  VASYA. What are you doing, what are you doing? Don’t shout, you know me!

  SILAN (grabbing him by the collar). So, I know you! Oh you! You really frightened me. But just why did you climb over the fence? Hel…

  VASYA. Don’t shout, please! I came for a little visit, it’s awfully boring at home.

  SILAN. If you have honorable intentions, you can come through the gate.

  VASYA. The gate’s closed, and if I knock, the master might hear.

  SILAN (holds him by the collar). And just where has it been laid down that a man should go over the fence? Hel…

  VASYA. Please, have a heart! After all, you know me. It isn’t the first time, is it?

  SILAN. I know you used to climb over the fence before, but that doesn’t mean you always can. We weren’t looking for anything before, but now two thousand rubles are missing. That’s what comes of spoiling you!

  VASYA. But I didn’t steal them, you know that yourself. So what does it have to do with me!

  SILAN (shakes him by the collar). Nothing to do with you! Nothing to do with you! So, it’s me alone who’s got to answer for everybody else! Nothing to do with you people. All me! I’ll make you sing another tune! Help!

  GAVRILO. Look, you’ve tormented him enough.

  SILAN (to Vasya). Bow down.

  Vasya bows down.

  That’s more like it! (He takes him by the collar.)

  VASYA. But why are you grabbing me by the collar again?

  SILAN. Just to be on the safe side. Tell me, is your father in good health?

  VASYA. He’s just fine, thanks.

  SILAN. You see, I know why you came; only she’s not home, she went visiting.

  VASYA. Let me go!

  SILAN (holding him by the collar). She went visiting, my good friend. You just wait; she’ll come back. She’ll come back, and then you’ll see each other, so there!

  VASYA. Stop making fun of me. Why are you holding me by the collar?

  SILAN. Here’s why; shouldn’t I perhaps take you to the master?

  VASYA. Silanty Ivanych, are you a Christian?

  SILAN (releases him). Oh all right, God be with you. You can stay. Only it has to be on the up and up, for if you try anything, then it’s your hands behind your back and straight to the master with you. Understand?

  VASYA. How couldn’t I understand?

  SILAN. All right, so remember. I’d be held responsible. (He goes off and strikes on the watchman’s metal plate.)

  GAVRILO. How come we haven’t seen you for so long?

  VASYA. I was busy. And what wonderful things I’ve seen, Gavrik, things you wouldn’t expect to see your whole life!

  GAVRILO. Where was this?

  VASY
A. At Khlynov’s.

  GAVRILO. The contractor?

  VASYA. Yes. Only he’s given up contracting now.

  GAVRILO. Does that mean you don’t have any work at all now?

  VASYA. What work! Everything’s pulling me in different directions, so I don’t feel like working. From all that money a man doesn’t want to go out in the world; I’ve been spoiled…

  GAVRILO. But whether you like it or not, you’ll have to go to work when there’s nothing left to eat.

  VASYA. All right, if that’s God’s will, but for now I’m going to have a good time.

  GAVRILO. Tell me, what unusual things did you see at Khlynov’s?

  VASYA. Miracles! He’s living at his summer home now, in his grove. And what doesn’t he have! In the garden he’s put in bowers and fountains. He’s got his own singers, and every holiday the regimental band plays. He got himself all kinds of boats and fitted out the rowers in velvet coats. He sits all the time on the balcony without his jacket but with medals hung all over him, and from morning on he drinks champagne. Around the house there’s a crowd of people, all marveling at him. And when he gives the word to let people into the garden to look at all the wonderful things, then they wet down the paths in the garden with champagne. That’s not life, it’s heaven!

  GAVRILO. But it really wasn’t so long ago he was a peasant himself.

  VASYA. Here’s how his mind works. As soon as he gets some whim in his head he carries it out! He bought a cannon. What more could you want than that! You tell me. Eh? A cannon! What more could a man want on earth? What doesn’t he have now? He has everything.

  GAVRILO. But what’s the cannon for?

  VASYA. What do you mean, what for, are you crazy! With all his money it’s something he has to have. As soon as he drinks a glass, right away they shoot the cannon; he drinks again, they shoot again. That way they know he’s honored above everybody. Other people die never knowing such honor. If I could only live like that for just one day.

  GAVRILO. How can people like us do that! You pray to God you can have a job all your life, a full stomach.

  VASYA. He’s got a gentleman with him too. He brought him from Moscow to look important, and he takes him along everywhere for that importance. That gentleman doesn’t do a thing, and most of the time he doesn’t say anything, just drinks champagne. And he gets a big salary just for his looks, just for having a very unusual mustache. That gentleman really has the life; a man could live like that forever.

  GAVRILO. Oh Vasya, my friend! Who did you pick to be jealous of! Today that gentleman’s given champagne to drink, but maybe tomorrow he’ll be cursed out and sent packing. And he’ll be lucky if he has some money on him, for if he doesn’t he’ll have to foot it all the way to Moscow. But you, even if you have only a copper in your pocket, at least you’re still your own master.

  VASYA. And he has still another adjutant, a man from around here, a man called Alistarkh.

  GAVRILO. I know him.

  VASYA. That one’s just for thinking up things, how to do something different, how to have more fun drinking, just so it’s not always the same old thing. He makes machines for Khlynov, decorates the flags, installs fountains in the garden, glues colored lanterns together. He made Khlynov a swan on the nose of the boat, just like a live one, and in the tower over the stable he put up a clock, one with music. He doesn’t drink and doesn’t take much money; that’s why they don’t respect him much. Khlynov says to him, “You have hands of gold, so go ahead and get yourself some money from me.” “I don’t want it,” says Listarkh, “Because that money of yours is wholly unjust.” “How dare you be rude to me,” says Khlynov, “I’ll send you packing.” But Alistarkh comes right back at him, “Send me packing, I won’t cry over it, I’ve had enough of you fools in my life.” And it’s as if they’re chewing each other out. But Alistarkh isn’t at all afraid of him; he’s rude to him and tells him off straight to his face. And Khlynov even loves him for that. Of course, it has to be said that even if Khlynov has piles of money life is boring for him because he doesn’t know how to spend that money for a good time. “If,” he says, “I didn’t have Listarkh, then I’d simply throw money around by the handful.” So that’s why he needs Listarkh, to do his thinking for him. For if he thinks up something himself, it’s all a mess. Take not long ago, he got the idea of riding a sleigh through a field in the summertime. There’s a village near there, and he got together twelve girls and harnessed them to the sleigh. What fun that was! He gave each girl a gold piece. But then all of a sudden he gets depressed. “I don’t want to get drunk,” he says, “I want to suffer for my sins.” So he calls in the clergy and makes them sit down in the living room in proper order, all around, in the armchairs. He treats them and bows down to all of them. Then he makes them sing while he sits alone in the middle of the room crying his heart out.

  GAVRILO. So how come you were at his place?

  VASYA. Alistarkh invited me. They’ve done over this boat into their own kind of play boat.4 It’s a real boat, and it sails on the pond around the island. And on the island they have snacks and wine all ready, and Alistarkh acts the host, dressed up like a Turk. They played this game three days running, then got tired of it.

  Narkis approaches.

  NARKIS. I think I’ll sit down with you for a bit. It doesn’t matter that you’re not really my set. (He sits down.)

  VASYA (not paying any attention to him). They go like pirates around the island a couple of times, and their leader keeps looking through his telescope. And then all of a sudden he lets out with a awful yell, and right away they land and are about to take plunder when the host bows to them and treats them all.

  NARKIS. Just what kind of pirates were they, and where did they come from? That’s what I’d like to know right now.

  VASYA (not listening to him). And the host speaks Turkish, everything just the way it’s supposed to be.

  NARKIS. There’s also people who don’t care to talk with other people, and for that they can get a good beating.

  VASYA. And they’re all dressed up in velvet, real velvet, Venetian.

  NARKIS (takes out a red silk kerchief, scented, and waves it). Maybe somebody else knows how to dress up too, so that even a merchant would sit up and take notice.

  GAVRILO. You and your perfumes!

  NARKIS (showing a ring). And we can have sappires that maybe even merchants’ children haven’t seen. And about those pirates of yours, that’s all going to come to light, because it’s not permitted to hide them.

  VASYA. Yes, and maybe you’re a pirate yourself, who knows!

  NARKIS. And for that kind of talk people like you can get a quick trial.

  VASYA. When I was in Moscow I saw the play The Bigamous Wife,5 and in it they shoot off a gun right from a boat. Nothing better than that.

  NARKIS. I’ll be going to Moscow, and I’ll take a look. I’ll look into it to see if what you’re saying is right.

  VASYA. And for this one actor they kept clapping and clapping their hands something awful!

  NARKIS. Don’t be in such a hurry to tell lies. I’ll look into it. You might come out wrong.

  VASYA. But our merchant, even though he’s not an actor, does look more like a pirate.

  NARKIS (gets up). I can see you don’t have any smart conversation here, so there’s no point in my listening. Oh, by the way, I suppose I should tell you. I’m going to be a merchant myself one of these days. (He goes off into the wing.)

  GAVRILO. Listen to the song I’ve arranged.

  VASYA. Go ahead.

  GAVRILO (sings with the guitar).

  Neither Papa, neither Mama,

  No one’s home, nobody’s here.

  No one’s home, nobody’s here.

  Through the window climb, my dear!

  SILAN (from afar). Quiet down you, I think the master’s coming…

  Kuroslepov comes out onto the porch.

  GAVRILO (not listening, with great gusto).

  No one’s home
, nobody’s here,

  Through the window climb, my dear!

  Stretched his hand the dear, dear boy,

  Whipped it was by Cossack lash.

  Use the hallway, use the door,

  Use the gate, the gate so new.

  KUROSLEPOV (comes down from the porch). Gavryushka! So you’re the one who’s booming away. What kind of a hubbub do you think you’re making out here!

  GAVRILO (to Vasya). Oh my God! Quick, take the guitar and get into the bushes.

  Vasya takes the guitar and goes into the bushes.

  KUROSLEPOV. Who do you think I’m talking to! Are you deaf or something! Bring that guitar here right now!

  GAVRILO. I don’t have any guitar, Pavlin Pavlinych, may I die on the spot, no guitar, sir, I was just…

  KUROSLEPOV. Just what, just what, you good-for-nothing!

  GAVRILO. I was just doing it with my lips; really, Pavlin Pavlinych, it was with my lips.

  KUROSLEPOV. Come here, come here, that’s an order!

  Vasya runs away with the guitar into the wing.

  GAVRILO. What is this! I’m coming, sir!

  SILAN. What it is is that he’ll give you something of a thrashing, can’t do without that, that’s what he’s the master for.

  Gavrilo moves, step by step. Kuroslepov circles around him and wants to approach him. Gavrilo retreats, then runs onto the porch and into the house, Kuroslepov behind him. Someone knocks at the gate. Silan opens up. Matryona and Parasha enter. Silan, after letting them in, goes out through the gate. Matryona goes toward the porch. Gavrilo, disheveled, runs out and collides with her.

  MATRYONA. Oh you! Right in the ribs! Right under my heart! You’re going to get it from me and good, hold on there! (She grabs him by the arm.)

  Parasha laughs.

  What are you laughing at, what’s so funny?

  PARASHA. I felt like laughing, so I’m laughing.

  MATRYONA. You snake! You’re a snake! (Dragging Gavrilo behind, she advances on Parasha. Gavrilo resists.)

  PARASHA. Better not come close if you know what’s good for you.

  MATRYONA. I’ll lock you up, I’ll lock you up in the store room. And that’s final.

  PARASHA. No, it’s not final. There’s a lot more for you and me to talk about. (She leaves.)