Without a Dowry and Other Plays

by Alexander Ostrovsky

  VASYA. So when can I come see you? We could have a talk, a good talk.

  PARASHA (pushes him away). I thought you meant business. You’re worse than a girl, get lost! It’s clear I have to look out for myself. Never again will I put my hopes in other people. I’ll make a pledge, to do whatever I decide for myself. At least I won’t have anyone to complain about. (She goes off into the house.)

  Gavrilo comes up to Vasya.

  GAVRILO. Did you get to talk with her?

  VASYA (scratching the nape of his neck). I talked with her.

  GAVRILO. How pleasant it must be in weather like this, in the evening, to talk with a girl about love! What does a man feel at such a time? I think that it must be like music playing in his soul. As a bystander I was glad you were talking with Praskovya Pavlinovna. How did it go for you?

  VASYA. It was all right! She’s just a bit angry today.

  GAVRILO. Anyone would get angry from the kind of life she has. Just don’t cause her any grief! Put me in your place and if she said to me, “Dance, Gavrilo,” I’d dance… go to the bottom of the river, I’d go to the bottom. Whatever you want, my dear, whatever you want. Tell me, Vasya, what’s the secret? Why do girls love one fellow while they can’t love another for anything in the world?

  VASYA. The fellow has to look impressive, be handsome.

  GAVRILO. Yes, yes, yes. That’s it, that’s it.

  VASYA. That’s the first thing. And the second thing is he has to know how to talk.

  GAVRILO. What should he talk about, my friend?

  VASYA. Anything at all, just so he’s free and easy.

  GAVRILO. But with me, friend, as soon as I like a girl, right off she becomes dear to me and I start to feel sorry for her. And that’s the end for me, all the free and easy talk is gone. Even if a girl has good parents, for some reason or other I’m still sorry for her. But if she has bad parents, then it stands to reason every second my heart aches for her for fear somebody will do her some wrong. And at night I get to thinking that if I got married how much I’d protect my wife. How I’d love her and do everything in the world for her, not just what she’d like but even more, how I’d try to make things pleasant for her in any way I could. That would make me glad because so many of our women are put down and neglected; there isn’t any man, even the most worthless, who doesn’t consider a woman lower than himself. So I’d manage to make at least one woman happy. And I’d be glad in my heart that at least one woman would be living to her delight without being hurt.

  VASYA. What can anyone make of all this? Why are you thinking up such stuff? What will it lead to? I can’t make head or tail of it.

  GAVRILO. What don’t you understand? I’ve made it all clear to you. But here’s the bitter pill I can’t swallow. Here I feel the way I do, and I’ll end up with some piece of trash, a girl not worth loving, but I’ll love her anyway. While scalawags like you get the good ones.

  VASYA. Look, do you say this nonsense to the girls or not?

  GAVRILO. I started to, my friend, I tried to, only I’m so shy I can’t get any of it out right, all I do is mumble something. And then I get all embarrassed…

  VASYA. And what kind of answer do they give you?

  GAVRILO. What you’d expect, they laugh.

  VASYA. And that’s because that kind of talk is low and common. You’ve got to say something inspired. When do you think Parasha fell in love with me? I’ll tell you. We had a party one night, only I’d gotten a little drunk the day before, and that morning I’d had an argument with my father, so all day long I’d been in a bad mood. I come to the party, and sit there quiet as if I’m mad and upset by something. Then all of a sudden I take up my guitar, and since I’m feeling so bad from arguing with Daddy, I sing this song with a lot of feeling:

  O raven black, why winds your flight,

  Why o’er my head your plumage soars?

  Upon your prey you’ll ne’er alight;

  I’m not your friend, no, I’m not yours!

  Just look beyond that bush so green!

  Keep watch lest something loudly roars;

  My pistol’s loaded, barrel’s clean!

  I’m not your friend, no, I’m not yours!8

  Then I stopped with the guitar and went home. She told me later, “That’s when you shot right through my heart!” And it’s no wonder because I had some heroism in me. But what is it you’re saying? Some kind of gloomy words that aren’t interesting at all. But you wait, one of these days I’ll teach you how to talk with those girls and what sort of mood to be in. What you’re doing now is just a waste of time. Now I’ve got to find my way out of here! It’s no good going past Silan, I’ll go over the fence again. Good-bye. (He goes toward the fence.)

  On the porch appear Kuroslepov, Gradoboev, Matryona, and the maidservant.

  GAVRILO. Where are you going! Come back! The master and mistress came out, they’ll see you, danger! Let’s hide in the bushes till they leave.

  They hide in the bushes.

  KUROSLEPOV. Serapion Mardaryich, let’s you and I have a drink now under the tree. (To the maidservant.) Serve us something under the tree.

  GRADOBOEV. Let’s have a drink under the tree.

  MATRYONA. Why can’t you two stay still in one place!

  KUROSLEPOV (to his wife). Scat, cat, under the bench! (To Gradoboev.) So tell me how it was you fought with all those Turks.

  GRADOBOEV. The way I fought was very simple. And how many forts we took from them!

  MATRYONA. You couldn’t be telling lies, maybe?

  KUROSLEPOV. Scat cat, I just told you!

  MATRYONA. Why do you keep on with that crazy cat business?

  KUROSLEPOV. Don’t let it get to you, Serapion Mardaryich, God have mercy! Just don’t look at her, turn your back on her, let her howl at the wind. So tell me how you took those forts.

  GRADOBOEV. We took them with our hands. Your Turk is very brave, but his spirits don’t stay up long, and he doesn’t understand his military oath, how he’s supposed to keep it. So when he stands sentry duty they straightaway chain him to a cannon or something so he won’t run away. But when they first come out of the fort that’s the time to stay away from them; that’s when they each take a glass of opirum.

  KUROSLEPOV. Opirum? What’s that?

  GRADOBOEV. How can I tell you? It’s a lot like drying oil. He takes that, and right away he has all kinds of courage. Don’t fall in with him then, he’ll rip you apart with his teeth. But we found a way to handle them. As soon as they roll out of their fort in one big pile and they start yelling in that lingo of theirs, that’s when we beat a retreat. We keep on retreating and leading on those Turks more and more till that courage of theirs wears off, so that after we’ve led them a long ways all their brave spirit has flown away. Now our Cossacks come riding in from the sides and chop those Turks up. Here is where you can take that Turk with your bare hands, and on the spot he’ll yell, “Aman!”

  KUROSLEPOV. He doesn’t like all that! But what’s that “aman” business? What’s that for?

  GRADOBOEV. It’s their word for “mercy.”

  MATRYONA. You say “mercy,” but I’ve heard that some don’t show any mercy at all.

  GRADOBOEV. You’ve heard the ring of a bell, but you don’t know where it is.

  KUROSLEPOV. Do me a favor, don’t encourage her bad habits. Don’t listen to her, let her talk to herself. If you give her a bit to latch onto you’ll regret it the rest of your life. All right, so here we are now after that battle with the Turks, and we can have a drink.

  GRADOBOEV. It’s the usual thing!

  They sit down and pour their drinks.

  That’s the kind of police chief I am! I tell you about those Turks, I drink vodka with you, I look at all your ignorance and don’t make anything of it. So then, am I not like a father to you, what do you say?

  KUROSLEPOV. No question about it.

  MATRYONA. Wouldn’t you like some pie? Eat it and enjoy it, Scorpion Mardaryich.

&nbs
p; GRADOBOEV. Oh merciful God, where did you get that Scorpion! You’re the scorpion, I’m Serapion.

  MATRYONA. Why take it out on me? I didn’t christen you! Is it my fault, what they named you? No matter how I twist my tongue it always comes out that same old scorpion.

  GRADOBOEV. Look, dear lady, I think it would be a good thing if you go take a look at what’s going on in the house. It’s a lot better when you see to things yourself.

  MATRYONA. Stop trying to play the devil’s tricks on me! I’m no stupider than you even if I haven’t been in Turkey land. I can see you want to drive me away, so now I’m going to stay.

  KUROSLEPOV. Don’t pay any attention to her! What’s the attraction! I don’t understand it… Talking with a woman is the worst thing you can do. If only I didn’t have this money business! Drink up.

  They drink.

  GRADOBOEV. So what about that money of yours? What are you going to do about it?

  KUROSLEPOV. No use crying over spilt milk.

  GRADOBOEV. Where did you keep the money?

  KUROSLEPOV. I kept it in the closet, it’s so dark in there. Besides me and the wife nobody ever goes there.

  GRADOBOEV. There’s nobody you suspect?

  KUROSLEPOV. Why sin? I don’t suspect anyone.

  GRADOBOEV. Well, we’ve got to have some interrogating.

  MATRYONA. Of course, how could you do without your in terror hating!

  GRADOBOEV. Has to be done.

  MATRYONA. And I’m supposed to let you carry on your disgraces in my home.

  GRADOBOEV. It’s not likely we’ll ask your permission.

  MATRYONA. I know why you need that in terror hating, what it’s all for.

  GRADOBOEV. Of course you know, a smart woman like you. I have to justify myself or people might say there’s been a robbery in the town and the chief of police didn’t do a thing about it.

  MATRYONA. Really! It’s not for that at all but simply because you’re a greedy man.

  GRADOBOEV. You don’t say!

  KUROSLEPOV. Turn your back on her!

  MATRYONA. All you get isn’t enough for you…

  GRADOBOEV. That’s true, it isn’t enough. You know what kind of salary I get, and I have a family too.

  MATRYONA. So I’m right you are a greedy man! You were born a scorpion, and a scorpion you still are.

  GRADOBOEV (tries to frighten her). You and I are going to end up quarreling! I warned you not to call me a scorpion! I have the rank of captain, and I’ve got medals. I’ll either fine you for disrespect or throw you in the clink!

  KUROSLEPOV. Give it to her good!

  MATRYONA. In the clink? Are you in your right mind?

  GRADOBOEV. And besides that I’ll challenge you to a duel.

  MATRYONA. And now you’ve really frightened me! You can only fight with women! It’s no great sin I called you “scorpion.” No matter what you’re called, you still want money.

  KUROSLEPOV. Don’t have anything to do with her! For a long time now I haven’t talked with her about anything, a very long time because I just can’t. All I tell her is: give it here, take it, off you go… nothing more than that.

  MATRYONA (to Gradoboev). You have your in terror hating, but I have my in terror hating too. I’ll lock the gate and let loose the dogs, and then you’ll have an in terror hating. What you really ought to do is catch those pirates, and you go on talking about in terror hating…

  GRADOBOEV. What pirates?

  KUROSLEPOV. Don’t pay any attention to her!

  MATRYONA. About a hundred and fifty men sailed in from the Bryn woods.9

  GRADOBOEV. Along the dry shore… And just where did you see them?

  KUROSLEPOV. Stop talking to her, better be quiet, or she’ll spout such nonsense you’ll only be able to calm her down with the fire hose.

  GRADOBOEV. You’re the one who should stop her.

  KUROSLEPOV. I’ve tried, but that’s even worse! There’s only one thing to do. Give her free rein, let her jabber away whatever she wants, but don’t listen or answer. Then she gets tired and stops.

  They drink.

  MATRYONA. Those pirates are plundering Christian folk, but some people here can take it easy and drink their vodka.

  GRADOBOEV. Where are they plundering? Tell me that! And who’s been plundered?

  MATRYONA. How should I know? I’m no detective. They’re plundering people in the woods.

  GRADOBOEV. Then that’s not my jurisdiction but the district police inspector’s.

  KUROSLEPOV. What can you expect from her? I’m telling you it’s just impossible to talk with her. You can try if you want, but I guarantee that after half an hour you’ll either go out of your mind or start running up the walls. You’ll kill somebody, a stranger, a man completely innocent. I’m talking from experience.

  GRADOBOEV. So I see it’s time to bring you a little gift. It’s something I bought in Bessarabia from a Kirghiz Cossack.

  KUROSLEPOV. Sounds very nice!

  MATRYONA. What new brainstorm is this?

  GRADOBOEV. It was braided in the horde, and the handle is mounted in silver with niello decoration. But I won’t begrudge it for a friend. And how useful it can be!

  MATRYONA. You people are so smart! Your gift is a whip! That whip of yours costs a lot, only there’s nobody to whip, because I’m worth more than both of you put together, let alone your whip. Go ahead, bring your whip! We’ll take it! It might come in handy to use on some lout of a guest.

  GRADOBOEV. Which one of your fences leads onto the open land?

  KUROSLEPOV (pointing). That one.

  GRADOBOEV. We’ll have to measure how far it is from the house.

  KUROSLEPOV. What for?

  GRADOBOEV. To do things in order.

  KUROSLEPOV. In that case, all right.

  GRADOBOEV. Let’s count the steps, you from the house and me from the fence, then we’ll come together. (He goes off toward the fence.)

  KUROSLEPOV. Here we go. (He goes off toward the house.)

  MATRYONA. Step away, you two. You’re lucky it’s dark so nobody will laugh at you.

  GRADOBOEV (comes from the fence). One, two, three…

  KUROSLEPOV (comes from the house). First, second, third… wait a minute; I’m off course, let’s start again.

  Each goes back to his former place, and gradually they approach each other.

  GRADOBOEV (stumbling onto Vasya). Stop! Who’s this? (He grabs Vasya by the collar.) Sidorenko! Zhigunov!

  KUROSLEPOV (stumbling onto Gavrilo, who trips him and runs away.) Oh, he’s killed me! Oh, he’s killed me! Help! Grab him!

  Silan runs in, followed by the two policemen and some laborers.

  MATRYONA. Oh, the pirates! Help! They’re killing people!

  SILAN. Where are they?

  MATRYONA. Over there in the bushes. They’re killing the master! Oh, help!

  GRADOBOEV (to the policemen). Tie him up, twist the cord on him, the robber! So you want to steal, you want to steal, eh? And in my town at that? Oh ho ho!

  The policemen tie up Vasya.

  SILAN (grabbing Kuroslepov). No, you can sing any tune you want, but this time I’ve got you! It’s my hands you’ve fallen into! Why should I suffer just because of you and be under suspicion…

  KUROSLEPOV. Who do you think you’ve got, who? It’s your master, that’s who! Watch what you’re doing.

  SILAN. None of your tricks! You can’t fool me! I’m not getting into trouble because of you.

  GRADOBOEV (to Silan). Drag him over here! Somebody get a light!

  SILAN (to a yardkeeper). Run into the assistants’ room and bring a lantern.

  The laborer leaves.

  KUROSLEPOV. So you’re in cahoots with the robbers! You’re against your master, and a relative at that!

  MATRYONA. Are there many pirates there?

  SILAN. No one’ll get away, they’re all here. Hold them, brothers. Where did I put my rope? (He puts his hand into his boot.)

  MATRYONA. All? A hundr
ed and fifty! Help! They’ll make mince meat of everyone, and then they’ll get to me. (She falls onto the bench.)

  GRADOBOEV. Tie them up! Oh ho ho! And in my town! You couldn’t find another place!

  KUROSLEPOV. Hold on, just let me free my hands, you’ll get a lot of…

  The laborer brings a lantern and puts it on the table.

  GRADOBOEV. Bring them here. We’ll have the questioning right now. Ooh, am I tired! That’s what our work is like! (He tries to sit down on the bench.) Now what! Something soft here! A dead body? (He feels with his hands.) More trouble! What a life! Not a moment’s rest.

  MATRYONA. Oh, now they’ve gotten to me!

  GRADOBOEV. Ah, that woman! You again? (He takes her by the arm.)

  MATRYONA. Whatever you do, don’t kill me and don’t touch my white body!

  GRADOBOEV. All right, a lot anyone would want to do that! Well, I never! Get into the house you, that’s an order! (He stamps his feet.) What right do you have to interfere with the due process of law? (He sits down on the bench.) I’m carrying out my duties, I’ll have you arrested right now.

  Matryona leaves.

  SILAN (drags Kuroslepov with the help of the other yardkeepers). Here we are, Your High… Oh hell! It really is him, it’s the master.

  KUROSLEPOV. Are you people crazy! (He tears himself away and grabs Silan by the collar.) Serapion Mardaryich! Chief of Police! Try him! I beg you, try him right now! (To Silan.) You ought to get every punishment in the book because of what you’ve done to a merchant who’s been exalted by society for his donations and his splendor… Your provider too… and you tied his hands in public, that’s what you did to me! Now all my honors are as good as nothing…

  GRADOBOEV. Don’t worry! Nobody’s going to get away. Sit down.

  SILAN. Who’d have thought it? How do you like that! And you were scolding me for not keeping a good watch! Well, I was doing it, wasn’t I? As much as was in me, and it wore me out. And see how unharmed you are! Besides… it wasn’t really my fault, it was dark.

  GRADOBOEV. All right, you people can straighten that out later. Bring the real thief here.

  The policemen bring Vasya.

  Who are you?

  KUROSLEPOV. Why it’s Vasya!

  GRADOBOEV. So why, my dear friend, have you gone in for stealing?